I dont if the problem is in my head or if its real. I`v bin dating my guy for close to 2 years now. the first 8 months we were always together cos we served in the same place. after service he got a job with oceanic bank and was posted to Ondo State, while I got a job here in Edo state with an NGO. We had no problems initially cos I try to visit hiim at least twice to thrice a month.
One day I visited him and discovered a text message in his phone from a colleague who was professing her love to him as if they had somrthing going. I confronted him and he got on the defensive asking while I shd go through his phone. I was shocked cos We always go through each others phone at all times, we even recieve calls for each other. I got so angry and almost decided to go back that morning instead of the next day. i met another colleague of his who is our friend and she told me that the girls in their office wouldn`t let my guy rest, and that is seems they are succeeding in distracting him.

But the thing is that, anytime I visit, he always ask me to come to his office and stay for a while as he introduces me to all his colleagues and friends as his wife to be, in fact when I go to the office, they just let me in to see him without obstruction.

After the episode of the phone, he said he was sorry for the reaction but that there was nothing between him and the girl. i believed him.
in another episode, he categorrically asked me not to visit him without reason.
And at every other times, I find text msgs from the girl to him but decided not to ask him anything again about the girl as it could amount to my distrusting him.
Some other times, he might just get pissed off with my calling him and pointedly cut me off.
At a time, I almost gave up on him.

During the festive period, we had called some kind of truce cos he explained that he was undergoing some kind of stress at the office that got him on edge, and that he was sorry for all the stress he had caused me. Afterwards, he took me to meet his parents for an informal introduction, and before I got there, everyone was already expecting me, like I was already a member of their family.
but the day we left for their village where I spent close to a week, a girlfriend of one of their colleagues there in Akure called me to tell me to be careful of the girls in my guys office cos she doesnt like what she sees there.

Now the problem is that earlier this week he told me that he is on edge again due to stress and constant work. I tried to talk with him like I`ve always done, but it didnt get me anywhere. he has started cutting off my calls, and when he picks, his voice is sharp. when I suggested visiting him he said he was sorting his life and didnt want visitors till April.

I am fed up of all this attitude and I`ve just told my parents about him(which cost me all the courage I can gather) and they are looking forward to seeing him, though they feel that I shd take my time in choosing my spouse, in fact my dad feels I shd finish my master`s prog first before getting married.

I`m in a mess now. Shd I call him or mail him? should I ignore him and pretend I`m not hurt? Should I consider other proposals and forget him? Should I tell his elder sister who calls me every two days or his mum.
WHAT SHOULD I DO? I love this guy that he is practcally my existence (and he knows it) PLSS advice me.

Oh my my, too long to understand.!!!
And please don't get fustrated ok.

Find another distraction.

Consider other proposals.

Take the courage to take charge of your life before pain teaches you to

No man (or woman) is worth killing oneself for.

And frankly, I think you were beginning to suffocate him with attention and suspicion.

A man has got to be a man, even if he cheats or is undecided.

If he is your man, he will come back and by then the shakara will be yours.

Right now, you need to find yourself other people or find me

There are so many desperat ladies out there that will want to take what belongs to other people.

I really think you need to possess your possession. The big question is how is that possible when you're not often there and the other lady is with him 24/7?

You know what girl, let's talk more about this on YIM.

Hi, pls whats YIM

poster since u claimed to love this guy then i think u need to give him a break. i'm not trying to criticize but it seems as if u are trying to suffocate him for all we know the guy is in a dilema and from ur tone (which by the way i understand why it sounds like that) it looks like u always put him on d defensive, now my advise is to give him a break let him come to terms with wateva is bothering him, if he truly loves u then he will make up his mind quickly and come back to u, in the interim find other things to concern urself with, things like other friends (not neccessarily boyfriends) it will do u both good.
cheers

viviyn:

Hi, please whats YIM

Yahoo Instant Messeger.

simply log on to yahoo messenger and let's talk there

my yim id is on my profile you can start a chat with me now.

U give him some time and remenber to be urself at all times.IF HE IS REALLY YOURS HE CANT BE FOR ANOTHER.He ll always come looking for u.If he is not let him fly and give other responsible men an upportuinity.Not doing that is making another big mistake!!!
No matter what happens you can come over it.
From the way u sound u re responsible and from a good background.You are defineyly not a bad market.
Kpele
I ve been there before!!!!

Please be so prayerful, i know he will definitely come back to you his just been distracted.
Call him up and tell him how you feel.

GIRL I WAS IN UR SHOES BEFORE BT I WAS NOT YET INTROUCED TO MY FAMILY MEMBERS,HE WAS ALWAYS SHOUTING AT ME MAYB because I WAS ALWAYS CALLING WANTING TO FIND OUT WHAT HE WAS DIOING COD HE WAS VERY FAR FROM ME, ATIMES PICKING ME MY CALLS,ND SHOUT AT ME IT WAS REALLY PAINFULL.
 DO U KNOW WHAT I DID because I LOVE HIM I ALLOWED HIM,I LET HIM FLY,I STOPPED CALLING HIM,STOPPED SENDING TXT TO HIM COS ATIMES HE TELLS ME NO ONE IS GOING TO FORCE HIM TO MARRY ME I WAS CONFUSED,I STOOD UP AND STOOD TO MY GROUND OF NT CALLING HIM.
   IT WORKED WITH PRAYERS COS I REALLY DO LUV HIM,WE MET DURING OUR NYSC DAYS,HE RESPECTS ME NOW COS I DNT EVEN GIVE THAT TIME ANYMORE BUT I STILL LOVE.
    SO MY DEAR PRAY AND GET SOME STUFF TO DISTRACT UR ATTENTION.AND PLS DNT LISTEN TO SUDE TALKS IT BREAKS RELATIONSHIP.SO ALLOW HIM FLY IF HE'S THROUGHLY URS HE WOULD GET TO HIS SENSES.

wel,i think u ve got to give your guy d space he soo much desires,afterall,he can't b forced to do what he doesnt want to do, please don't let him continue to make u feel like u re suffocatin him.jus stop d calls and the txts, jus let im fly away,if he is yours,he will come bac.u don't hv to tell is mom or his sister netin inorder for it not to luk like u re reporting him to his people.i know its hard,but u hv to try and forget him for a while, keep yourself busy with other things and other people, guys re not worth d trouble and by d way,he is not and can never b your existence, afterall,u were alive before u met him so u wuld also b alive if u give him space.

never make a man ur existence, NEVER[b][/b][size=8pt][/size]

Its not so good to give your man so much attention that he starts avioding you. Jealousy itself can kill a relationship, find other areas of interest that will take your mind off your many suspicons. Let him do more of the calling, if he decides to be with another woman, its his loss not yours, please remember that no man should see you as a desperado. Believe me, I have been through these and more, even if you loose your man dont loose your self esteem and self worth, but you wont loose him, you just need to give hime some space and you need space for yourself. Take care of yourself, Love yourself please, you are a specila person, dont loose your self cause of any man.

sister,
the mistake we sometimes make is holding too tight to things we love,and with that u will never know if it really belongs to u.too much love scares guys and makes them to be afraid sometimes of real commitment.

what i think u should do is give this guy some breathing space,while u go on ur knees in prayer for God's will to be done.let him know how u are feeling now(confuse)and whatever fears u have let him know.and tell him to make up his mind concerning ur relationship,then give him time to really think about it.a relationship where u are afraid of saying things that is on ur mind is no relationship,its a prison.get ur mind occupied with other things till u hear from him.

believe me,am a guy,if he knows ur worth he would n't let u go.
wish u the best

aisha2:

Its not so good to give your man so much attention that he starts avioding you. Jealousy itself can kill a relationship, find other areas of interest that will take your mind off your many suspicons. Let him do more of the calling, if he decides to be with another woman, its his loss not yours, please remember that no man should see you as a desperado. Believe me, I have been through these and more, even if you loose your man don't loose your self esteem and self worth, but you wont loose him, you just need to give hime some space and you need space for yourself. Take care of yourself, Love yourself please, you are a specila person, don't loose your self cause of any man.

WELL SAID!

aisha2:

Its not so good to give your man so much attention that he starts avioding you. Jealousy itself can kill a relationship, find other areas of interest that will take your mind off your many suspicons. Let him do more of the calling, if he decides to be with another woman, its his loss not yours, please remember that no man should see you as a desperado. Believe me, I have been through these and more, even if you loose your man don't loose your self esteem and self worth, but you wont loose him, you just need to give hime some space and you need space for yourself. Take care of yourself, Love yourself please, you are a specila person, don't loose your self cause of any man.

opokonwa:

Find another distraction.

Consider other proposals.

Take the courage to take charge of your life before pain teaches you to

No man (or woman) is worth killing oneself for.

And frankly, I think you were beginning to suffocate him with attention and suspicion.


If he is your man, he will come back and by then the shakara will be yours.

Right now, you need to find yourself other people or find me

Word with a capital W

Just understand that somebody need him more than you, so she will try as much as she can to show him that she loves him. I think this is just what is happening to your guy. He loves you but some body may be remoting him with anything.

I will advice you to give him some time don't rush he must surely come back to you when the otherside has failled him. Keep on praying for him.

At the same time don't turn down other proposals in case he fade up.

sumon courage don't give up there are other men out there. maybe he is not your bone. I pray that your bone will come to you if he is not the one.

Best Regard.
esilove@gmail.com

@Poster if you are age friendly wait for him BUT if you are old and you know that age is no more you friend then F** him. It's clear it's not going to work because 2 heads will solve a dilemma either you +him or him+his CW

Thank you all for your prompt responses and opinions, They`ve really helped to lift my spirits and make a decision. I`m so grateful, God bless you all, and bless your relatinonships too.

Mee

omo the tori too long, i no read pss the first paragraph,
but one thing i can tell you is that there would alwyas be distractions in and out of the relationship,

you cant tell me you dont have other guys chatting you up and wanting to talk to you, doesnt mean anything unless u found something in his outbox that suggests otherwise,

Ps: its one thing to read his text when it comees in to the fone and its another thing to go diggin into already read text messages, ;

As long as you have not been pronounced ONE by a priest, i believe he stil has a right to some privacy in his personal life, d same way you also have your privacy, How he handles his admirers should be a subject of laughter and jokes for both of you, not an avenue for confrontation and assumptions,

saw ur mail i ll get in touch with u 2mrrw

hi temmie, you can mail me with this id; Expecting your mail, thanks

Hellooooo! you have to be careful before taking any action.The period of courtship is the time to probe and discover the real person beneath the veil before making the final desicion.Try to talk to him but maintain a gracious,gentle & patient attitude instead of accusing him or becoming angry&defencing when he disagrees with you.Be patient&Handle everything with maturity(you can still make him love you more).Many lose out in life as a result of impatience.Never put up a fight with him .I Know the deepest hurts &pains are experience when someone you love&trust betrays that trust.But note that the greatest injustice a person who has been hurt can do to herself is to hold on to the hurt also when they let what others have done to them to determine who they become in life.WHAT MAKE THEM STAND OUT IS THEIR DECISION NOT TO LET ANYTHING HINDER THEIR FUTURE.Take care.

I suggest you give him a break.Dont call him,Only receive his calls.If he is yours ,he would surely come back.But again,I wonder,will you take my advice?

Tell him your concerns and then see what he says.
Girl, dont settle for less - if he is indecisive then you have ur answer.

Pls run through this thread again and read what most guys on this thread are saying

Dont give him too much attention

Just ignore him and wait for him to call, when he calls don't tell him "i see you are having distractions here and there so i , " Never!

Just tell him you have been busy with work, and you intend calling him over the weekend or something.
If he is truly yours, you don't have to sweat over him, he 'll come for you
and pls pls and pls, consider other proposals. if he is getting distracted at this stage, what happens when your marriage turns 10.
Pls consider other proposals

Sister, i believe in somebody who is always honest and stand by he/ her words. This guy is not seriouse at all.must he punish you like that? See, my sister just open up and tell his people especial that his sister that called you everyday let them know what is going on,so that if anything finally happen they should know that you hands are clean.If you truely love him and you have not done anything wrong to him to deserve this, then i know if he will stay away from you becouse of the other girl, he will look for you later, but you will be no where to be found.( THAT GUY IS A WICKET HUMAN BEING) MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND SUCCESS WILL BE YOUR POTION IN JESUS NAME.

I don't understand why ladies seem to loose some of their self esteem when they go into relationship. Look let the guy alone remember he is the one chasing u. You can call him once awhile to see how he is doing so that he knows u still care but don't go calling him n whining on the phone like a lost puppy dog! You can also inform his family wats goin on since he has informed them so that if anytin happens they don't blame u.

Girl u got to be strong. A man who really loves u can't bare to b apart from u too long he will seek u out but u need to create that a air of mystery a little.

Serious matter.but chillax all will be well if you dont go mad today

I'm very sorry for your case but you should expect such things for a man of his calibre even if he is not interested.
2. The kind of job he is doing give room for such
3. You have to RELAX, stop monitoring him.
4. Pray very well and show him more love and care instead of anxiety over his office problem.
Finally i will like to ask you do you really love him whoileheartedly ? not because of his status. if so show him more love and welcome any friend of his. DONT INVOLVE YOURSELF IN ANY EXTRA COURTSHIP AFFAIRS PLS.
You will win.

First and foremost, you made him the reason for your existence. Mistake number one. Don't get me wrong, i believe in love, and ofcourse i believe you love him.
But, listen, give him some air. If he wants to frolic, please just hold yourself a bit, allow him, if he's yours believe me, he will come to his senses and to you.
Don't tell his family members anything. I f you can, continue calling them just on a normal jist, get close to them.
Meanwhile, keep your eyes open wide, you see, nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances.
I WISH YOU THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do not go reporting to his mom or sis except the issue comes from them, d reason he mit feel u can always go reporting at any little thing even when u pple are married,dat solution over rule.

Give him a break,i kwn we girls sometimes allow emtions to rule us,we find it hard to keep heads down in such situations

Best solution if u can take it,dont call,txt nor even write,it will leave him wondering wats up wit u,the magic solution

Some guys can be nasty wit attitude when they kwn u are so much attached to them,the begin to feel too important, girl dettach without looking back,u cant fight for what is not urs,what is urs will definetly fall back when u least expect it.

There must be rumours,words from friends,other girls must always strive to win

Finally remember men must be men and can never stop to be polygamous in nature,but at d end they kwn where  their heart lies. good luck as u take a decision