I used to have a very good friend. I'm saying used to because I can't be friends with him after the story I'm about to tell you.
Well, we have known each other ever since we were teenagers. We were really good friends. There was NEVER anything sexual between the two of us. Absolutely nothing.
I was there for him when his first love cheated on him, he was there for me after my last heartbreak. We sometimes went clubbing together or even shopping, had lunch together, stuff that friends do. And there was absolutely nothing we couldn't talk about with each other.
We didn'T see each other much in the last years because we moved to different cities. He recently took over his dad's company. His family has quite a lot of money.
He texted me recently telling me that I'm more to him that just a friend and always have been.
I told him that I felt flattered but that unfortunately this feeling wasn't mutual.
He said that he was aware of it and that he knows that he never can have me but that he wants to make me happy in any way possible.
I said I would be happy if we just remained friends because I really apprciate this friendship.
He went on saying that he wants to spend on me AND that he doesn't expect ANYTHING in return, no sex, nothing.
I told him that I couldn't do it and that I'd feel like using him. HE couldn't understand and was sort of disappointed.
That was the end of the discussion.

Two days later: I returned home from work and received a package and flowers. The package was filled with clothes. Really nice clothes. I want to return these things because I don't have a good feeling about this whole thing. It's just crazy. And I don't understand it because there are so many girls out there who would be willing to accept it. Smart, intelligent, good-looking girls. I don't consider myself so special. So, why me?

Anyway, I was thinking if I shoud post this story here but I have the need to do so because I want to hear people's opinions.

Why would a guy do this?
And ladies would you accept this offer?

simple he wants to marry you! Can't u see d handwriting on da wall!

Obinnau: simple he wants to marry you! Can't u see d handwriting on da wall!

I can't. I am not good at such things. I have always been the last to notice that someone even likes me.
I am good at other things but not this

carefreewannabe:

I can't. I am not good at such things. I have always been the last to notice that someone even likes me.
I am good at other things but not this

its simple if u are in any relationship u should let him know right away but if not and u are not kinda ready 4 such stuff then u should just tell him plainly dat he cant have u!

carefreewannabe:

I can't. I am not good at such things. I have always been the last to notice that someone even likes me.
I am good at other things but not this

well u got to open ur eyes now b4 sand and soap enters it and be wise about things b4 u ask urself later why u didnt see it coming.U guys are friends, so talk to him, talk with him. Look, I married my best friend. So it can work, u just both have to want it and work towards it.

Obinnau: its simple if u are in any relationship u should let him know right away but if not and u are not kinda ready 4 such stuff then u should just tell him plainly dat he cant have u!

He can't have me and YET he wants to buy me anything he can afford and I desire. I told him HE CAN'T HAVE ME. That's the crazy part of it.

hmm i tire!

Obinnau: hmm i tire!

good night. sleep well. sweet dreams ...

ok remember to tuck me me in when am fast asleep!

Obinnau: ok remember to tuck me me in when am fast asleep!

Why can he not have you?

flanrey: Why can he not have you?

I don't love him. Never have. Only as a friend, not as the man I want to marry or have a relationship with. There's no attraction on my side.

carefreewannabe:

I don't love him. Never have. Only as a friend, not as the man I want to marry or have a relationship with. There's no attraction on my side.

That's cos you've choosen to see him as a friend and nothing more. From what I've read you're both quite close and connect really well with each other and that's what makes a really happy couple. Very few people are lucky to marry their longterm friends... IMO, you really should give him a chance

flanrey:

That's cos you've choosen to see him as a friend and nothing more. From what I've read you're both quite close and connect really well with each other and that's what makes a really happy couple. Very few people are lucky to marry their longterm friends... IMO, you really should give him a chance

Thanks for your advice. It's very kind of you and you sound very reasonable.
But I can't. I would have to force myself. I wish I could but I can't.

rpt

You guys are childhood friends and have everything spelt out

He went on saying that he want's to spend on me AND that he doesn't expect ANYTHING in return, no sex, nothing.
He can't have you coz you don't love him.

In that case,what is wrong with a good friend buying you gifts and stuff? Friendship is about caring and sharing.
Is he doing wrong by treating you nice without expecting anything in return? I think most times we are used to friends who exploit and buy us through gifts, such that when we find a genuine one, we still read ill motive behind their good gestures.
Allow him the privilege to share with you what he wants without reading too much into it.Who knows?

carefreewannabe:

Thanks for your advice. It's very kind of you and you sound very reasonable.
But I can't. I would have to force myself. I wish I could but I can't.

Y?

pendo89: You guys are childhood friends an dyou have evrything spelt out

He went on saying that he want's to spend on me AND that he doesn't expect ANYTHING in return, no sex, nothing.
He can't have you coz you don't love him.

In that case,what is wrong with a good friend buying you gifts and stuff? Friendship is about caring and sharing.
Is he doing wrong by treating you nice without expecting anything in return? I think most times we are used to friends who exploit and buy us through gifts, such that when we find a genuine one, we still read ill motive behind their good gestures.
Allow him the privilege to share with you what he wants without reading too much into it.Who knows?

Dear Pendo,

thanks for your opinion. You're right, there's nothing wrong with freinds who care about you.
Maybe, I don't feel good about it because even though we have known each other for a very long time and even though I have always trusted him, I don't trust him in this case. Life has taught me that people don't do things for nothing. It's somewhat suspicious.

Idowuogbo:
Y?

I don't feel like getting close to him, hugging or kissing him. How can I have a relationship with him if I don't feel it. No atrraction at all. Like you don't feel atttracted to a cousin.

carefreewannabe:

I don't feel like getting close to him, hugging or kissing him. How can I have a relationship with him if I don't feel it. No atrraction at all. Like you don't feel atttracted to a cousin.

Is he less physically attractive?

flanrey:

Is he less physically attractive?

Well, he is not my type but other ladies like him. He doesn't lack chances. And he has had many attractive girlfriends.
So it's in the eye of the beholder.

carefreewannabe:

Well, he is not my type but other ladies like him. He doesn't lack chances. And he has had many attractive girlfriends.
So it's in the eye of the beholder.

Na wa oo! Al dis shakara hen! It go wear out soon...calm down!

Idowuogbo:
Na wa oo! Al dis shakara hen! It go wear out soon...calm down!

I'm very calm

foolish geh, rich bobo wan marry you,u dey form..come back when you are 40.and single and tell us how u lost a good man......rubbish!!!

holusormi: foolish geh, rich bobo wan marry you,u dey form..come back when you are 40.and single and tell us how u lost a good man......rubbish!!!

Who is dis frustrated warlock? She tell u say she desperate?

Never mind!

I am not going to marry someone because of money. Am not a prostitute. And there is no need for me to become one.
I prefer to remain single for life than to marry someone I don't want to sleep next to.

Thanks for your your opinion, though.

carefreewannabe:

Dear Pendo,

thanks for your opinion. You're right, there's nothing wrong with freinds who care about you.
Maybe, I don't feel good about it because even though we have known each other for a very long time and even though I have always trusted him, I don't trust him in this case. Life has taught me that people don't do things for nothing. It's somewhat suspicious.

I know exactly what you are talking about.But here is the mistake.Life teaches us lessons but we must be careful not to let lessons stop us from progressing.
Not everybody does things with suspicious motive even though we may have met such people in life.A good friend esp a guy will go out of his way to treat you nice like a sister.He can be protective,caring and all that without expecting anything in return.
The only reason you should read motive, is if he has changed from what you knew him to be.
Don't push him away,cz it hurts to buy gifts for a friend and have them returned. Let him know that you are free to date other people and it will set your minds free as you receive whatever gift he gives you.
Romance grows like a seed.He may or may not be trying to make it grow so let nature take it's course.
And wait till you get the invite for a date.

Idowuogbo:
Who is dis frustrated warlock? She tell u say she desperate?

Even if I was 40 and not married, I'd still not act deseperate.
There's more to life than money. And marriage is definitely not about money. At least, for me.
I prefer to adopt a baby and be a single mum than feel disgusted by the man who wants to sleep with me.
That's another topic.

Idowuogbo:
Who is dis frustrated warlock? She tell u say she desperate?

auntie idowu,, yansh soon dey scratch u again abi ??,,amugbo obirin!!!

pendo89:

I know exactly what you are talking about.But here is the mistake.Life teaches us lessons but we must be careful not to let lessons stop us from progressing.
Not everybody does things with suspicious motive even though we may have met such people in life.A good friend esp a guy will go out of his way to treat you nice like a sister.He can be protective,caring and all that without expecting anything in return.
The only reason you should read motive, is if he has changed from what you knew him to be.
Don't push him away,cz it hurts to buy gifts for a friend and have them returned. Let him know that you are free to date other people and it will set your minds free as you receive whatever gift he gives you.
Romance grows like a seed.He may or may not be trying to make it grow so let nature take it's course.
And wait till you get the invite for a date.

Thank you very much pendo for taking your precious time to give me advice.
I will give it some solid thinking in a quiet moment.
I am leaving for dinner now. You guys are free to discuss the story. I'd be grateful. Thanks in advance.
"Read you later".

pendo89:

I know exactly what you are talking about.But here is the mistake.Life teaches us lessons but we must be careful not to let lessons stop us from progressing.
Not everybody does things with suspicious motive even though we may have met such people in life.A good friend esp a guy will go out of his way to treat you nice like a sister.He can be protective,caring and all that without expecting anything in return.
The only reason you should read motive, is if he has changed from what you knew him to be.
Don't push him away,cz it hurts to buy gifts for a friend and have them returned. Let him know that you are free to date other people and it will set your minds free as you receive whatever gift he gives you.
Romance grows like a seed.He may or may not be trying to make it grow so let nature take it's course.
And wait till you get the invite for a date.

Oh my pendomania, wia u bin hiding mama? I endorse this post mehn! * grabs carefree by her ears* u hia wetin Aunty pendo talk?

carefreewannabe:

Even if I was 40 and not married, I'd still not act deseperate.
There's more to life than money. And marriage is definitely not about money. At least, for me.
I prefer to adopt a baby and be a single mum than feel disgusted by the man who wants to sleep with me.
That's another topic.

I feel u gal! Enjoy ur dinner.*winks*