hi sistas, have u ever being in this kind of spining relationship before? u meet a guy and he sweeps u off with those lines and ur both crazy in love and its good and beautiful. the days turn to months and months to years and u are yet to see that growing sense of responsibity, commitment and devotion instead its like ur still trapped in your first year in college?

am not the nagging type of lady and i really love this guy but its like we've being going in circles for like 2 years now. when we met, we were young ( still are) and it was fun but we have grown and our lives have changed to some extent. i think my major issue with him his his hedonistic lifestyle cos he's a "good time" kinda guy but we never manage to get to the serious issues. i recently discussed my job challenges with one evenin and his response was stunnin " if it doesnt work out, pull out, can we hit the club? ". his over-dependence on his parents fortune is another case entirely.

am not trying to tell him to be someone else than himself and am not pushing for marriage or something @ all cost, i just need to him to stand up and show that he his grown, pls how can i do that without hurting his ego?

I feel you, it's can be quiet annoying.
I suggest you sit him now and have a serious talk with him . . . that he attach seriousness to issues that demands it. When u're dating a guy that makes u feel lyk u're the matured one in the r'ship it feels like crazy. . . sometimes it could be that he doesn't take u serious. Indirectly telling u not to bother him with ur troubles or sort of. Perhaps he doesn't love u like u think .

all da best!

i quite agree with efuah,but really u just have to make him realise u guys are grown up.regards his atitude towards issues,i tell u some guys could be like that,but withing them they are trying to profer solution to it.just take it calm sister,it's well.

I really understand what you mean.his real problem does not lie in him,but in his parents.Yes,because for you,youve already started thinking of how to build a career or how to become a succesful lady while he is not thinking on the same line with you. because whenever he is cash strapped,his parents are always there to help him.But I still believe that everyman has that survival instinct in him that when the money stops coming from a particular source,he thinks of another source.

I am sorry to say that with the present situation and considering the fact that you both are still young,HE MIGHT NOT GET TO BE THAT KIND OF MAN YOU WANT HIM TO BE.but over time,he might be.

.

@poster

Please send him this Grow Up Greeting Flower l guess this will settle everything

I could have asked u what attracted u to him in the first place, but like u said u were younger when u started. This kind of men are types that u pull & drag every now & then b4 they can stand up to do something for themselves . This can affect ur home & future, to them everything is ok, they have no positive drive neither are they ambitious. I had a friend that dated this type of guy, she had to leave him. He was also this clubbing/leaning of parents kind of guy, always telling her things will be okay yet no effort. My friend was overtly too ambitious for that kind of person so she had to leave.

U have to have a good talk with him. Even after that talk u have to keep reminding him the things to be done, but these has to be done carefully in other for him not to think u are the one dictating. Ask him what he's interested in doing first of all (his dream), map out strategies in helping him achieve it. Men like this need to be pushed. But lots better when they are involved in what they love doing best. Be wise girl.

@poster
Simply confront his 'hedonistic' or unserious lifestyle eyeball-to-eyeball.
Simply sit him down and talk, shout, yell etc, all to him and not to Nairalanders

opokonwa:

@poster
Simply confront his 'hedonistic' or unserious lifestyle eyeball-to-eyeball.
Simply sit him down and talk, shout, yell etc, all to him and not to Nairalanders

thanks 4da tip, but am a lady, i dont yell, ok.

@jkpretty- thanks for sharing your friends experience, i thot i was d only one going thru this

thanks guys for your opinions on this. as for talking, yeah i've tried that once in awhile, i manage to divert our fun conversations to dem serious issues once in awhile, he tells me he know's what he's doing, we complement one another and that we have a perfect relationship. his car his a gift frm his uncle and his business is being bank-rolled by his parents. i don't have anything against them anyway but he just does not seem to want to stand alone!

he's has nice qualities though, a good sense of humor, great conversation, always available and excellent hygene (very rare wit men). i've also never had any cause to doubt his faithfulness ( so far ), but when i look ahead, the picture looks incomplete. i really dnt want to loose him.

@topic,

u don't wanna waste ur time with someone like that. . . dump his sorry ass!
If he comes begging, then he loves u, if not. . .move on!

I don't know why you are trying to find a way to change him. It is obvious that if he hasn't changed a bit from a teen to a full adult so the chances of you succeeding in trying to make him change is really slim. Look for someone who's "ready-made" instead of wasting your time and happiness trying to be a mother to some guy and training him the way his parents shoud have. It's just not worth it.

Rebellious:

I don't know why you are trying to find a way to change him. It is obvious that if he hasn't changed a bit from a teen to a full adult so the chances of you succeeding in trying to make him change is really slim. Look for someone who's "ready-made" instead of wasting your time and happiness trying to be a mother to some guy and training him the way his parents shoud have. It's just not worth it.

ur post was strongly worded and i appreciate ur point of view! am not tryin to change him, as people we evolve everyday as life is about growing and learning and i just feel this the stage where i need to see more of that.

Another thread about shagging for 2 years without committment!

Well keep fasting and praying!

He will come around someday--hopefully without an "HIV" package with lots of free coupons--to catch the others.

Sorry, I have never been in that situation and will never be in that situation.  Because the maximum I can give a guy of free shagging without marriage is 6 months and ammo head ourrra that relationship. We can be friends then--Will not even see the color of ma underwear on day 180.5.  No more frebiees, only Agape.  If he wants friendship--fine.  Let him have sex with himself and the past goooooooooooooooood memories!   I am over and out of that relationship especially the sexual part like "ROGER"! We can be penpals! If he decides to come back--to the doctor first for a very extensive check up!

This has nothing to do with love darling--THIS IS BUSINESS!

My business!--If he is not ready--too bad.  Off I go!

@poster
Please if you are not in a committed relationship that should only lead to marriage, ---DO NOT HAVE SEX FOR THE FUN OF IT!

If you guys are not having sex--all the better. You can string yourselves along forever--no health risks there! If you want marriage--state your desires. If you are not on the same page, please leave him to play with his toys in the backyard, while you go to the farm to fetch!

@almondjoy- my, my, my, ur indeed a piece of amazin work. that was an overtly expressive piece there and i like it already. but its really not about sex or hiv, i woud however take ur advice on fastin and prayin. thanks dear.

if ur gal insist in u having sex,and u a a good christian[a worker in church] know it's against God's will,wat should d guy do?

heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy this is not about sex. please don't twist the issue. damn.

d guy is realy deviating,

what are we saying and wht is e saying

free the guy, may be chewing gum cover in eye wey make am no see topic

Usiola:

free the guy, may be chewing gum cover in eye wey make am no see topic

beats me. i tire for the guy o.

Well girl,
You should try and read this text yourself.
Girl, u sound like someone that likes and knows what she wants in life with regards to school, work etc.

He isnt really your type because like u have said, he soent feel he needs t work (Mummy and daddy are doin that for him). And if u happen to get married to him, u will be the only voice of reason in that hose - he will never be a serious person and he will drag u back as well.
He is a big baby and dont think about changing him - his ways are set in stone already.

almondjoy:

Another thread about shagging for 2 years without committment!

Well keep fasting and praying!

Fasting and praying in this matter. Fire dey burn person yansh, you are saying the person should keep fasting and praying . Na wa o.

@ poster,
Abeg waka fast from such a guy. I don't really dig guys and girls who spend too much time in clubs without thinking of a headway in life.

hmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!

I hail thee!!