You wil agree with me that Communication is somethig very vital because without it, I dont think people can understand each other...no?
Even the deaf and dumb ones have a way of communicating with each other and even with those who are not, through a Language skill learnt especially for them. The blind also can communicate..... Every living thing on earth have a way of communicating with their species and sometimes non-species...thats what I call "Difference in Communication".

This topic of mine is kinda a versatile one but I will lay my basis on the Art of Listening. You probably must have searched through the internet on the topic, read in an article on the newspaper or magzines, watched a show on in it on TV, taught in school, etc but whichever way, you must have heard of such...

I wanna share a few things I have learnt and now I put in practise to be an Effective and Perceptive Listener...and I will also accept any useful contribution for anyother member.
I believe we learn every second and I am one person who try to better who I am in any way.

Now, back to the topic:
Communication is basic to man-man relationship, intimate relationship and any other form of relationship. It sparks caring, giving, sharing and affirming. Unless we understand and utilize properly the principles of listening (and speaking), we cant really know or understand each other.

I will like to believe that we all know that there is a difference between Listening and Hearing.
Where, Hearing refers to the process by which sound waves hit the ear with lighting speed and are transmitted to the brain. It is an UNLEARNED process occurring without conscious effort on our part.
Listening is a SKILL which one learns...process of tuning in or tuning out voices, noises...and a conscious CHOICE made about what will receive our attention.

I am very sorry this is coming in bits. I noticed some nairalanders are allergic to epistles...

Listening involves more than hearing words. It involves discernment, Observing nonverbals, caring, eye contact, watching for underlying motives, asking the right questions, giving appropriate responses and sometimes being silent.
When involved in a converstion, we have to bear in mind that the person we are talking to is sometimes much more interested in him/herself, needs and problems, than in us and our own problems.
I kinda noticed this PLS (Poor Listening Syndrome) whilst listening in on an early morning programme over the radio...An Igbo station, Sapientia FM to be precise. The programme is SApientia Express...some of my Igbo brethrens might know about it.
The question for that day goes thus:
Between the Adults and Children, who needs more meat in their diet?

I was amazed that the first caller gave a different answer and even changed the question. His answer goes thus:
"Erm, in our culture today, people train their children with like 4 or 5 pieces of meat in their meal. So when they are adults, they ggo about having long-throat for meat or cannot eat without meat in their meal."

I was like, ''what is this man talking about?''. So, I left what I was doing then , just to listen to the programme. The subsequent callers gave replies like:
'' Its not good to always give children meat, sometimes alternate with fish.
''My mother never gave me fish so my children will not lack meat''
''Children trained with meat always grow up as spoilt kids sometimes''


I was like ''ewo, wetin dey happen''.......PLS.
They subsequent callers actually gave their answer based on that of the first caller...You know why? because his answer changed the original question to something like this:

''Is it right to bring up your children with lots of meat in their meal or not?''

They actually do not know the question and didnt bother to know before giving their answers. All they wanted was to be heard over the radio...... Very very funny....Naija, which way..

It was untill the presenter corrected the question that we started receiving better answers although some still gave off-answers.
All I am saying is this, Listening Knowkhow is Communicating Know-how. Listening sounds simple, but becoming a Perceptive listener is infinitely more difficult than becoming an eloquent speaker....but as it is, it can be learnt.
There are some mini-skills which can be put into practise in order to attain this major skill...and its placed under a big heading knowns as TOTAL BODY LISTENING

TOTAL BODY LISTENING
The topic literally is already self-explanatory. It can be described as an activity (such as a conversation) in which you utilize every part of your body to show someone you havina conversation with that you are listening.
Like I said earlier, listening involves more than hearing the words being said. A listener must be able to understand the basic idea conveyed and interprete the data. Effectively understanding the concept or idea in order to give it intellectual attention is a basic Listening skill.
The different skills which make up the topic includes:
1. LISTENING WITH YOUR EYES:
How does it feel like to have a conversation/speak with someone who all the while looked over your shoulder and rarely at you? Have you experienced such before?
Without staring,boring holes or making the speaker uncomfortable, try to maintain a level of eye contact and not darting your eyes here and there.
People sometimes feels distrust or suspicion towards such people but eye contact conveys confidence and sometimes builds trust.


2. LISTENING WITH YOUR HEAD:
One of the worst Listening habits is to slouch backward in a chair, chin in palm, as if almost asleep or in a trance...and to make matters worse, your expression will be like, ''na because me no get wetin I dey do na im make dey listen to your yarns''...hey, thats heart-wrenching.
The famous THINKER fashion is perhaps the best...and lean toward the speakerand be sincere about listening to him/her


3.LISTENING WITH YOUR HANDS:
ThE hands are capable of many gestures which can communicate a lot of things...such as:
a. Thumbs-up------Agreement
b. Thumbs-down----Disagreement
c. Pointing finger directly---- Accusation
d. Turning your hands upward & curling the index finger repeately towards us-------girls we know what that means nah.

For couples, close friends, family member, etc, touch can convey a lot of messages that cant be expressed in words. It can ignite emotions, soothe hurts, comforting.....so much warmth can be communicated just by holding the hand or pressing to your lips.

Nice one.

That's why I love listening to listenables.

I totally agree with everything you have said. Communication is very important in every sphere of life. We definitely needs to build our communication skills, it comes handy in the family, business meetings, social life, in-fact its needed in all part of our life.

Even the bible implores us to talk less and listen more. I have heard such program on radio also whereby they are asked one question and they reply with something that has absolutely no correlation with the question being asked and I begin to wonder if we really do pay attention when listening to issues which brings forth questions. The problem I have seen with most people is the "Talk, I'm listening" while doing other things and when you try to get their attention they tell you they are listening with their ears, so therefore they would be multi-tasking and still listen to whatever you have to say and thereby only gain just some vague idea about what the person is trying to convene.

Overall, listening is an important part of communication skills. Communication is about listening and talking. Once you get what the person is trying to convene to you then you can profess solutions, ideas, opinions e.t.c as the situation may be.

4. LISTENING WITH YOUR MOUTH:
An occasional audible ''hmm'', ''uhuh'', ''no kidding'', ''ah'', ''are you serious?'', ''gobe'', you know, lets your partner know you listening.


5. LISTENING WITH YOUR BODY:
We can convey a lot of messages of feelings through the body.We girls have numerous ways of communicating some feelings and needs ;same goes for guys too......you can fill me in on that...



6. LISTENING WITH YOUR MIND:
One may need to develop deliberate listening skills for later recall of information. The ability to listen for feelings is frequently emphasized. Your listening responses should match your partner's behaviour......now, I am not saying you should mimick the speaker's behaviour.
For e.g, If the speaker is telling a sad story or encounter, you should be able to feel that sadness and as such it shows through your hands, eyes, body, that you are responding to the sadness.

SOME ANNOYING LISTENING HABITS

- One who makes you feel you are wasting his/her time
- One pacing back and forth as if impatient or in a hurry to be somwhere
- No facial expressions
- Prestating your point or prefinishing your sentences
- Rephrasing what you say so that words are put in your mouth
- Speaker phones




SEVEN POWERFUL LISTENING RULES
- Maintain good eye contact
- Sit attentively
- Act interested in what you are about to hear
- Sprinkle your attentive listening with appropriate phrases
- Ask well-phrasedd questions
-Never interrupt
- Listen a little longer

OP. You said it all. I guess your are a mass communication student.


Just to chip in few thing, you said it all tho.


If it's an inter-personal communication you are engaging in (face-to-face com.). Always try "minimal encourager".

As the name implies, you'll encourage the other person you are talking to, with non-verbal communication (nodding of head, saying Hmm nmmm, facial gestures, etc). It will kinda boost their morale sort of, and it will make them wanna talk to you more.


Dont make the minimal encourager excessive, as it irritates one!


Try and reason from your speaker's opinion

This is very essential, it happens to almost everybody if the other party you ar talking to, is not sharing same value/belief with you, we tend to block our minds! Or having a "counter conversation" in our minds .... This will not aid us in getting any meaningful thing that the other person has raised..

Just put yourself in the shoes of the speaker while your conver lasts.

Example of this is between a Christian and a muslim.



Let all your questions wait.

Never interrupt the person you are talking too, you wont die, waiting till he/she is through, before you say or ask your question(s).

If the lastpoint I gave is too hard, try and take down your questions in a notebook

(it could aid distraction, but try not to get too distracted)

Because, apparently, we might forget the question, when the other party is through.


Dont Pseudo-Listen .

This is fake listening, your mind is not even with the speaker, but elsewhere, but still you might be giving "fake gestures".
Things will go wrong when the speaker ask you a question, and you are saying something that is not even related to it. .


The speaker will not trust you afterwards, to confide/chat with you again.


Be physically and psychological ly fit

And lastly, Dont Monopolize Conversations

This is like, going out of context, when been asked a question... Or tryna take over the discussion or twist it. It can really piss the other party off.



My lecturer told me, there is this Journalist on CNN years back, while doing Interview for you, or a Discussion programme, he'll monopolize the discussion (he'll ask you a question, wont give you room to answer, buh take over from you),. So, a prominent man was in the studio with his on a live programme one day.


He asked the prominent man a question, while the man was tryna talk, this journalist took over as usual , trust my man, the prominent man just took his suit on the chair, looked to the Journalist and said " since you know the answer more than I do, I shouldnt be here,". He walked out of the studio sha

Merely deciding to try to improve your listening skills will not work. You must discipline and make a firm commitment to improve this skill...
Now, what kind of a Listner are you?
a) Bored Listener--- one who is always like, I have heard it all before
b) Selective Listener----one who picks out bits and pieces of conversation that interest him/her and rejects others.
c) Defensive Listener---- one who twists everything said into a personal attack on self.
d) Insensitive-----one who cannot catch the feeling or emotion behind the words


So, look into yourself and know what kind of listener you are....if not a very good one, strive to practise your skill evryday, you will surely be better, if you are determined....

God help us all....

i guess y'all on the thread are mass comm. students. i am a lawyer in d house. hehehee. if yu talk nd ur listener doesnt listen, refer him or her. we v got a case to do!! ;Di guess y'all on the thread are mass comm. students. i am a lawyer in d house. hehehee. if yu talk nd ur listener doesnt listen, refer him or her. we v got a case to do!!

babylolaroy: i guess y'all on the thread are mass comm. students. i am a lawyer in d house. hehehee. if yu talk nd ur listener doesnt listen, refer him or her. we v got a case to do!! ;Di guess y'all on the thread are mass comm. students. i am a lawyer in d house. hehehee. if yu talk nd ur listener doesnt listen, refer him or her. we v got a case to do!!

Of course not lawyer, we not sending anyone to you joor.

How about you? How well do you listen to your partner, friend, clients, etc?

Nice write up...
In addendum, communication is a two way stage. Feedback is very important in communication. Without it, communication is incomplete. The medium in which your message is passed is important which can either change your message or assist it. (Also encoding and decoding of message).. Etc..

Great op, I notice over d years av been a bored listener sub-consciouly,generally in every aspect of life only a small fraction interest me. I agree the total body listening solution is key but not easy to work on,am reading a book now 'how to read people like a book' its a very nice book which dat elaborate well no non-verbal communication.
Communication itself can be as rigorous as science.

Dnt mind me @ op. Even i am not a good listener. subconsciously i listen partially nd get lost. So as it is, i dnt get pissed when people dnt listen to me. its Tit for Tat nau.
....Buh dah shudnt apn with clients