Hello, my fellow nairalanders, read my sad but true story, hmmm, my mum recently gave up the ghost a week and a half ago. I went to my church to tell my Pastor, but he was so busy to attend to me. so i decided to see his wife, my mama in the lord. Her first reaction was to blame me for my mum's death because she claims i do not bring her to church regularly which is not entirely true. My Pastor's wife is not always in Nigeria, she travels out of the country almost every time and stays in the ir london branch for a long time before coming back to Nigeria.
  So, tell me , how sure is she, about my mum regular visits to church! My mum has chronic arthritis, but most times we take her to church and  while always i go to churhc praying fervently for her quick recovery. On that ill fated day, she was looking lively, playing wiht everyone until she started to shake and her blood pressure rose and she had a cardiac arrest immediately within 10mins of taking her drugs and thats how she just left us like that. 
   
   When i , explained all to my Pastor's wife; she calmed down, looked me suspiciously as if i wanted to ask her for money. But that was not my purpose of coming to see her or my pastor, all i wanted was ' for god's sake feel concerned about my plight and say encouraging words to me; but none came. She then asked if my mum of 60years was in a department and if not how can anyone come to my house to console me and my siblings. I just kept quiet , and after a deep sigh from her lips ,she said after contacting my families about my mum's death i should get back to her.
  Which i did, earlier today after travelling home last week and came back lastnight.
  But lo and behold. Their personal assistants said i can't see any of them even when i told them my plight and that my main reason for coming back again now , is that i only want there prayers and hymns of songs in the christian wake keeping coming soon. But they insist they can't help me that important personalities are coming from around the world to grace the church anniversary. So, they are too busy to even appoint a junior pastor and choir for my mum's wake keeping.
   I felt so dissapointed, so ashamed and dissolutioned but i simply shook my head and walkd away.
   Can you imagine guys, i Have been a member of that churhc for 4years, while my late mum has been their devoted member for 8years; but now that the chips are down and i want for Godsake is their bloody compassion and prayers for my mum's spirit on her wake keeping!.  But none is coming and its sad, but its also a stark reality which am trying to accept and move on.   THE LORD IS MY STRENGTH,  Can you imagine?

I'm very sorry about your loss and pray that god gives you the strength to feel better day by day.

I understand and share your frustration.

You do not deserve the treatment that you got. I suggest that you prayerfully consider leaving that church. A shepherd under the Good Shepherd who cannot tend the flock of Christ is not worth being under. Neither do they deserve to be in such a position.

If your mum was not an offender in her 8 years as a member of the church, there is probably no other reason why they would not want to officiate her wake keep.

You could talk to other Christians in your immediate environment for counsel on the next step. Also, find a better church. And do that prayerfully.

My dear take heart. Forgive your Hollywood Pastors and plan a simple funeral for your Mum. Review your membership with the Church! If the they can mourn with those that are morning, how can they celebrate with you? Infact, prayerfully choose a more responsive Church. I highly recommend ANGLICAN, METHODIST, BAPTIST, OR CATHOLIC

My dear take heart. Forgive your Hollywood Pastors and plan a simple funeral for your Mum. Review your membership with the Church! If the they[b] CANNOT[/b] mourn with those that are morning, how can they celebrate with you? Infact, prayerfully choose a more responsive Church. I highly recommend ANGLICAN, METHODIST, BAPTIST, OR CATHOLIC

My dear i feel your pain. May God who promises to be a mother to the motherless console you.
But it is no news that most of the "churches" you attend are nothing but glorified business centers. Compare and contrast the behaviour of your church "leaders" to the apostles in the book of acts. The difference is clear.

My heart goes out to you, Victorian. Thats also my mother's name, Victoria. May God Almighty console you. Whosoever God console is the one who truly has a Consoler. Pastors are humans. You should depend on God Almighty the Creator, alone.

My sympathy on your loss and the terrible experience you went through in the hands of those you had hoped are your pillars. There is no true Pillar to support any except God Almighty. Seek Him, alone and no one else. I wish you well. I wish you God guidance.

I feel your pain and pray to Almighty God to give you strenght to get through this period. Remember to stay firm and true to God because even though the church officials have behaved this way, God will continue to stand by you. Pele o.

Thank you, everyone, It hurts no doubt, but yes i will definitely change membership to another church close to where i live. Thanks for all your warm response and understanding, what i and my siblings are going thruough. I have laid everything in the hands of God and i know God will never dissapoint me.

Sorry dearie for the loss.Good a decision you have made,the good Lord wud see you tru.

victorian:

Thank you, everyone, It hurts no doubt, but yes i will definitely change membership to another church close to where i live. Thanks for all your warm response and understanding, what i and my siblings are going thruough. I have laid everything in the hands of God and i know God will never dissapoint me.

most people on here have addressed the main issue,but i suggest you talk to some other people in your church who are in a position to talk to your pastors so that they will know about your grievances and the fact that u r prepared to leave the church

My sister, I pray that where man has failed, God will surely comfort your heart and bring you joy even in the midst of pain. I echo the advice of the others, I don't think this is the kind of church you should stay in. Just let the HolySpirit guide you into what to do next.
Godbless!

My sister
take heart
when you go to church, realise you go for God and him alone, i suggest you confront the pastor and his wife after their 'jamboree' is over and tell it to their faces so you harbor no bitterness in your heart.
Let God alone be true.

Thanks guyz, but @ lucabrasi, do you know i went to see a junior pastor that is very close to the overseer pastor, and when i told him my plight, he looked sad but told me that their anniversary is extremely important to my pastor and his wife, and with the international summit coming up at the same period my mum is to be buried, then there is simply no way, any junior pastor can be assigned to my mum's wake keeping burial.
I have made up my mind to go to another church ,that has been on my neck for a long while since the day i attended their summit. They've been calling my cell phone often that i should come back and worship with them. This Sunday , am going to the new church , cause time is not on my side. The earlier i make arrangements for the service of songs , the better for me and my household.

@ reindeer, thanks for the advice but i cant confront them afterwards, because if i do , i might regret the words that will come out of my mouth at that time. I will pray to God to heal my heart and make me forgive them and simply move on. Such pastors will never feel remorse because it will create a sign of weakness in them which they will find uncomfortable to talk about. They might even avoid me , its highly possible! Let their conscience judge them, thats if they really have one.

look mightyrich

the sister was burdened and needed to talk to someone, you need not scold her for that and who told you the readers are pagans? Im amazed at some contributions here!
You should understand that talking helps relieve burden and stress on the mind.

Pls, i still think you should talk to them face on,i usually dont find it easy forgiving anyone without doing just that,
anyways may God help you and heal your heart, you will not lack comfort.

@victorian
if you have done that already,then nobody can blame you or later ask if you talked with anyone before leaving,maybe GOD used the incident to push you to the church you should have been in the first place,remember a lot of our pastors heading diffrent churches of their own today at one time or the other had a disagreement with their former church and GOD directed them to go somewhere else.

take heart concerning your mum and it ll be easier to cope with time,dont worry you have joined our club of the motherless,may GOD heal the wound in ur heart and make it whole again

Thats church's business for you, they are all money making and fame making pastors, dont mind dem,

Thanks guys, but @ lucabrasi, do you know i went to see a junior pastor that is very close to the overseer pastor, and when i told him my plight, he looked sad but told me that their anniversary is extremely important to my pastor and his wife, and with the international summit coming up at the same period my mum is to be buried, then there is simply no way, any junior pastor can be assigned to my mum's wake keeping burial.

My dear please take heart. I understand you're plight. My mum went through surgery earlier this year. No one from her church called her to see how she was doing. They called twice, but the first time they were calling to see if she could interpret swahili for them, she doesn't even speak the language. The second time they called to ask her if they could casha check of hers that they found she wrote last year and wanted to know if it was okay to withdraw it, she told them yes.
The members of my parish where my mum lives were the ones to check on her and cook for her and they didn't even know her.
But she still won't leave her church.
It saddens me to say that I applaud you for leaving that church, but dear, a church should not belong to a man, but to God.
Infact the Church is God's Church, because it is the body of Christ. Become a part of the body of Christ and not a man's church.

I will keep you and your family and mum in my prayers.

May the peace of Christ be with you all. May God hold your mother in his bosom. May all the saints and angels give you comfort in your time of grieving.

"At dusk weping comes for the night, but at dawn there is rejoicing" Psalm 30:6

Look to the cross of the Lord.

You have been offended by that church. I pray you can forgive them, and get healing from their hurt.

But here's a Psalm for you

Psalm 121

I raise my eyes toward the mountains.
From where will my help come?

My hellp comes from the Lord,
the maker of heaven and earth

God will not allow you foot to slip;
your guardian does not sleep.

Truly the guardian of Isreal
never slumbers noe sleeps

The LORD is your guardian
the LORD is your shade
at your right hand

By day the sun cannot harm you,
nor the moon by night

The LORD will guard you from all evil
wll always guard your life
The LORD will guard your coming and going
both now and forever

**sigh**

its called being too heavenly minded to be of any earthly use.

Some folks want to turn the churches into exclusive buddy clubs.

Dear victorian,
sorry about your loss, but i think you got it all wrong. You placed too much hope on your pastor but i would think that the purpose of the church is to worship.
I wont be surprised if you get the same treatment from another church except you change that idea.
A church is a place of worship, do not put any other thing inpreference to that, even your pastor. That way the Almighty will always have someone to aid you even when you least expect it cos he becomes your number one then.
Take care and never begrudge anyone cos it will certainly come back to you.
Cheers

@tarezulu
You are wrong, the church is not just a place of worship, that is the wrong conception. The church is a gathering of belivers (not necessarily a building or place). In the early christian church founded by the apostles, a major function of the church was to help the needy amongst them. True Christian worship is based on showing and sharing love. The poster was obviously not shown any love by her church, that is contrary to what was done in the church founded by the apostles and inspired by christ. you can check out my thread on the subject https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-148850.0.html

I no for a fact that whenever you depend on human beings you will always get failure . so my advice to the bereaved is put your hope and trust more in the Almighty so that even if all the pastors in the world are not there for you, the Almighty will always be there and HE will send a qualified person to you when the need arises.
So saying or blaming your church for not showing you love does not make anything better, instead you burden yourself with guilt, because nobody is perfect.
Remember every disappointment is a blessing in disguise.
Cheers

this is so sad.
May God give you enough strenght to go thru it all.Just remember that it is God that we look up to, first and foremost in all things. I hope u find it in your heart to forgive them. i beleive that is what u can do to prove to them that you are a better person.and to put your dear mother to rest.

tarezulu:

Dear victorian,
sorry about your loss, but i think you got it all wrong. You placed too much hope on your pastor but i would think that the purpose of the church is to worship.
I wont be surprised if you get the same treatment from another church except you change that idea.
A church is a place of worship, do not put any other thing inpreference to that, even your pastor. That way the Almighty will always have someone to aid you even when you least expect it because he becomes your number one then.
Take care and never begrudge anyone because it will certainly come back to you.
Cheers

No this is not true, if church is only meant to be a place to sing and dance and everyone goes his/her way why then why will the church preach that one should not be unequally yoked with the unbelievers? Christians should show love and compassion to one another, i can imagine how painful it can be to be turned down by your church when you need them especially when one is bereaved. The bible says rejoice with those that rejoice and mourn with those who do. I bet this guy is not one of those guys who goes to church in big cars and pays heavy tithes and offering, it would have been a different thing. You want to tell me if the govr of the state invites them to bury his mother during their anniversary they will not find time to honour him. That's what churches has become these days, the name 'christian' came about when people saw the way Christ followers behaved and they refered to them as christaians, they did things in common and bore each another's burden. May God console you, do not allow any church to make you bear grudge, let them know you felt let down by them and if you want to move to another church do it prayerfully and look only unto Christ.

I guess your view about worship is singing and dancing.
Well then that settles it.