Hi all! I'M IN LOVE! PLEASEEEE give me some advice [b]

I met this amazing guy. [b]He is what I have dreamed of; almost perfect; almost like a prince and we share a wonderful romance and chemistry; like it's true love. We also have a similar view on life and serious matters; we have similar long term goals and plans in life, share similar taste in many things like music, arts etc and we can chat for hours. I respect and love him very much; and never have felt so much in love. He treats me like a princess; does everything I would wish for without even me asking for it. This feels amazing!!!

However; he told me he has a daughter (4 years old) right in the beginning. We haven't been dating for long; so I haven't met her yet. She looks like a super lovely kid on the pictures and I think she must be a very sweet kid from what his dad talks about. My boyfriend hates her mother and said she cheated on him after the baby girl was born (about 2.5 years later). And he said he even found out she cheated her ex boyfriend with him, at the beginning of their relationship. To him, she's crazy, angry at everything, doesn't take good care of the little girl, yells at her for the most unimported things and etc etc, I've read he has written "a prick" for her when talking to one of his friends. The woman 'punishes' him by not letting him see the girl and etc. She sounds like a really horrible person. I found her facebook and looked at the pictures; she doesn't look much friendly... But the daughter looks just so adorable cause she looks like my boyfriend.

He told me they never got along well. They would always and always fight and have just one good day in perhaps 200 days. His ex found out she was pregnant when it was too late and gave birth to the child. They lived together for some more (2.5 years?) During this time, his ex wasn't very concerned by the child's care and she would spend time on facebook while my boyfriend would take care of the little girl most of the time. [/b]Then, [b]they split up. (About 1.5 years ago) He had to go to court to be able to see his daughter at certain times. Ex girlfriend tried everything to make it difficult for him. Ex gf and daughter lives in another city; he flies to that city every once in a while to see his daughter. He loves his daughter very much. He is a loving person in general. He often says he's so lucky he's got two princesses; me and his lil daughter and I think this is sweet. When I tell a story or do something childish he says his daughter would love it, and says I'd be a great mother.

Additional information1: They were engaged at first. When I asked; he said they only got engaged cause they thought that'd be the right thing to do. I said I'm a bit jealous that he was engaged before. He said, don't be jealous, it was a terrible relationship etc. I asked why didn't you marry her? He said he didn't have the money.

Additional info2:[/b]His family seems like a lovely family. They love their granddaughter and try to make her happy. They keep in touch with his ex; but my boyfriend said they don't like her due to the fact that she tries to hurt him by using the child.

[b]Additional info3: I'm almost at the same age as my boyfriend(mid-twenties); his ex is a year or two younger than me.

Additional info4: He wants to get married and have more children he often mentions dreams about this; me, him, living in a beautiful place; children, pets etc.

Sooo... Before it's too late, should I run away? Or should I go for it? I don't have any problem with the child she looks so lovely anyway and I love children; I also appreciate his fatherly skills and think this is very precious. I feel a bit jealous that if I marry him and have a child; it will not be as special to him, cause he already has had one. I kinda feel like a second choice; don't know how to explain that feeling Although he always says he has never loved a girl as much as he loves me, before. I really don't like the fact that he made that child with another. It's like a "forever bond" with another woman!!! He just needs to look at that child to remember her. Having a child is something special and he experienced that 'special' with somebody else for the first time before... I fear the lil girl's mother is likely to cause problems. I also fear the lil girl might not like me and I'd be really upset. Or perhaps the family might compare me to his ex? etc.

However he makes me so sooo happy and I've never been that much happy, or have felt so complete in a relationship before.

Ok... Critical question again: What should I do? Run/ Face the challenge? Any advice? If you think I should give it a chance; please again; give me some advice to avoid certain problems?

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! =)

If you want it, go for it baby! Everyone's got crap in their life...be it tangible or intangible... BOL

Am nt trying to change ur mind bt wat will happen wen she turns a new leave n wants bk d father of kid? Some things are so weird dt u never can knw d result of action until u take it.
I'm in your bf's shoes too bt my case is a story for another day.

Do you think if that 'horrible' ex decides she wants the father of the child back; my boyfriend is likely to forgive and go back to her despite everything? (her cheating on him, not getting along and fighting over everything; her using the child against him etc?) Is it possible?

I'm scared!!!

princetunex:
Am nt trying to change ur mind bt wat will happen wen she turns a new leave n wants bk d father of kid? Some things are so weird dt u never can knw d result of action until u take it.
I'm in your bf's shoes too bt my case is a story for another day.

Do you think if that 'horrible' ex decides she wants the father of the child back; my boyfriend is likely to forgive and go back to her despite everything? (her cheating on him, not getting along and fighting over everything; her using the child against him etc?) Is it possible?

I'm scared!!!

Would you go back, yourself, I wonder, then? What can I do about this?

LostMermaid:


Do you think if that 'horrible' ex decides she wants the father of the child back; my boyfriend is likely to forgive and go back to her despite everything? (her cheating on him, not getting along and fighting over everything; her using the child against him etc?) Is it possible?

I'm scared!!!

Would you go back, yourself, I wonder, then? What can I do about this?

Firstly, men are different as women are different. Naturally I'd wish I don't av kids from different mothers. For 4-5yrs I endured neglect n pain bt I blame distance sha. To cut d long story short, I called my kid's mom on d 31st of December 2013 to inform her dt I'd b dating someone else as we were nt clicking at all. She begged n cried saying dt she planned calling me dt night to assure me dt she would change bt it was late as I had already started dating d new girl on d 25th of same month. Bt for 7months, I prayed n wept.
Last 3months, my ex(a banker) as usual persisted that I gv my word dt I'd marry her in d next 2yrs which I couldn't for two reasons. 1) My mind wasn't made up as I still thought of my kid's mom n d joy of having my family wt her 2) I had failed to kill any feelings for her. One way or d other, d kid mks me think of her
Nw dt my ex is gone, I n my kid's mom av developed a good relationship nd yes I'd take my chances n b happy. I'm infact traveling dz month to visit them.
So dear, for me, I'd sincerely always b confused if she promises to change n love me nd the honest reason for traveling is to trash out matters affecting us. And the boy is 4yrs old as well.

princetunex:


Firstly, men are different as women are different. Naturally I'd wish I don't av kids from different mothers. For 4-5yrs I endured neglect n pain bt I blame distance sha. To cut d long story short, I called my kid's mom on d 31st of December 2014 to inform her dt I'd b dating someone else as we were nt clicking at all. She begged n cried saying dt she planned calling me dt night to assure me dt she would change bt it was late as I had already started dating d new girl on d 25th of same month. Bt for 7months, I prayed n wept.
Last 3months, my ex(a banker) as usual persisted that I gv my word dt I'd marry her in d next 2yrs which I couldn't for two reasons. 1) My mind wasn't made up as I still thought of my kid's mom n d joy of having my family wt her 2) I had failed to kill any feelings for her. One way or d other, d kid mks me think of her
Nw dt my ex is gone, I n my kid's mom av developed a good relationship nd yes I'd take my chances n b happy. I'm infact traveling dz month to visit them.
So dear, for me, I'd sincerely always b confused if she promises to change n love me nd the honest reason for traveling is to trash out matters affecting us. And the boy is 4yrs old as well.

Wow... I'm happy for you; everything seems good for you now. Thanks for sharing...

About my boyfriend; he has mentioned several times that he did not have a happy relationship with her and they had always had a lot of fights every day; they can't agree upon a single thing. That's why I didn't think it could be possible for them to get together again; also additional reasons: her cheating, most important of all. He doesn't like her personality; that's what he tells me everytime the subject is brought up. And he thinks she is not a good example for the daughter; and he prays he can have the custody of his daughter. So I think it is a bit different from your situation; what do you think?

And also my boyfriend's ex is dating other men; and she is trying hard to keep my boyfriend away from their house etc. so there's court decision that when my boyfriend goes to that city to visit the child he has to stay another place; and this was upon his ex's request.

Should I bring up this subject; and tell my boyfriend that I feel a little bit afraid that he might go back to her Would that be a good idea?

My dear, this is a very complicated issue.. I will advise you to be very careful in making decision. There's actually nothing wrong getting married to a single father provided her loves you but one thing you have to consider is the circumstance that surrounds the child bearing coupled with the mother.. From your explanation so far, I can deduce that your bf feels it's very easy to dump her like a piece of paper and tie your knot which is not so easy.. It feels so good to convince you but what happens after marriage if he starts having doubts and nightmares ?, won't the love he has for you drastically reduce ?

if your bf also seek advice just as you did, I am pretty sure the higher percentage of those giving advice would advise him to make up with his daughter's mother

Op, Op, Op, how many times did I call you?
to allay ur fears, take the next visit to see the child with him. Then you can start drawing inference.

tosyne2much:
My dear, this is a very complicated issue.. I will advise you to be very careful in making decision. There's actually nothing wrong getting married to a single father provided her loves you but one thing you have to consider is the circumstance that surrounds the child bearing coupled with the mother.. From your explanation so far, I can dedue that your bf feel it's very easy to dump her like a piece of paper and tie your knot which is not so easy.. It feels so good to convince you but what happens after marriage, if she starts having nightmares, won't the love he has for you drastically reduce ?

I'll take your word, and be careful. Thank you. But I don't think she wants him. She has got a new boyfriend. And she doesn't even like him visiting them even for seeing the daughter; she just seems to want to keep him away from the daughter and them. He had to fight and go to court to even see his daughter. That makes me think that she's unlikely to start seeing nightmares and start missing him. [b]She [/b]actually seems to throw him away like a piece of paper; doesn't she? And she cheated on him too. So left no choice for him but to separate.

What do you say; should I just mention I'm worried about this issue?

LibrarianD:
Op, Op, Op, how many times did I call you?
to allay ur fears, take the next visit to see the child with him. Then you can start drawing inference.

You gave me courage. Thank you.

LostMermaid:


You gave me courage. Thank you.

don't stress, all will be well

LostMermaid:


I'll take your word, and be careful. Thank you. But I don't think she wants him. She has got a new boyfriend. And she doesn't even like him visiting them even for seeing the daughter; she just seems to want to keep him away from the daughter and them. He had to fight and go to court to even see his daughter. That makes me think that she's unlikely to start seeing nightmares and start missing him. [b]She [/b]actually seems to throw him away like a piece of paper; doesn't she? And she cheated on him too. So left no choice for him but to separate.

What do you say; should I just mention I'm worried about this issue?

oookay now I understand.. You can go ahead then if your mind insists and most importantly try seek a religious leader to help you pray fervently so that you can see some things which are not visible in the physical realm.. Having done all this physical and mathematical analysis is not a yardstick to win her over. You know that marriage is more spiritual than physical so pls do the needful

ideyhere:
If you want it, go for it baby! Everyone's got crap in their life...be it tangible or intangible... BOL

your report is so bias cos you are in love.you have decided to live with him,you just came here to tell us your love story

i use God follow you

Ipledge:
your report is so bias cos you are in love.you have decided to live with him,you just came here to tell us your love story

i use God follow you

mine ))

haha well; not completely. And I need advice!!!

Mention about my insecure feelings to him about him maybe goin back to his ex 'to live together as a family'? yes/no?

LostMermaid:
Hi all! I'M IN LOVE! PLEASEEEE give me some advice [b]

I met this amazing guy. [b]He is what I have dreamed of; almost perfect; almost like a prince and we share a wonderful romance and chemistry; like it's true love. We also have a similar view on life and serious matters; we have similar long term goals and plans in life, share similar taste in many things like music, arts etc and we can chat for hours. I respect and love him very much; and never have felt so much in love. He treats me like a princess; does everything I would wish for without even me asking for it. This feels amazing!!!

However; he told me he has a daughter (4 years old) right in the beginning. We haven't been dating for long; so I haven't met her yet. She looks like a super lovely kid on the pictures and I think she must be a very sweet kid from what his dad talks about. My boyfriend hates her mother and said she cheated on him after the baby girl was born (about 2.5 years later). And he said he even found out she cheated her ex boyfriend with him, at the beginning of their relationship. To him, she's crazy, angry at everything, doesn't take good care of the little girl, yells at her for the most unimported things and etc etc, I've read he has written "a prick" for her when talking to one of his friends. The woman 'punishes' him by not letting him see the girl and etc. She sounds like a really horrible person. I found her facebook and looked at the pictures; she doesn't look much friendly... But the daughter looks just so adorable cause she looks like my boyfriend.

He told me they never got along well. They would always and always fight and have just one good day in perhaps 200 days. His ex found out she was pregnant when it was too late and gave birth to the child. They lived together for some more (2.5 years?) During this time, his ex wasn't very concerned by the child's care and she would spend time on facebook while my boyfriend would take care of the little girl most of the time. [/b]Then, [b]they split up. (About 1.5 years ago) He had to go to court to be able to see his daughter at certain times. Ex girlfriend tried everything to make it difficult for him. Ex gf and daughter lives in another city; he flies to that city every once in a while to see his daughter. He loves his daughter very much. He is a loving person in general. He often says he's so lucky he's got two princesses; me and his lil daughter and I think this is sweet. When I tell a story or do something childish he says his daughter would love it, and says I'd be a great mother.

Additional information1: They were engaged at first. When I asked; he said they only got engaged cause they thought that'd be the right thing to do. I said I'm a bit jealous that he was engaged before. He said, don't be jealous, it was a terrible relationship etc. I asked why didn't you marry her? He said he didn't have the money.

Additional info2:[/b]His family seems like a lovely family. They love their granddaughter and try to make her happy. They keep in touch with his ex; but my boyfriend said they don't like her due to the fact that she tries to hurt him by using the child.

[b]Additional info3: I'm almost at the same age as my boyfriend(mid-twenties); his ex is a year or two younger than me.

Additional info4: He wants to get married and have more children he often mentions dreams about this; me, him, living in a beautiful place; children, pets etc.

Sooo... Before it's too late, should I run away? Or should I go for it? I don't have any problem with the child she looks so lovely anyway and I love children; I also appreciate his fatherly skills and think this is very precious. I feel a bit jealous that if I marry him and have a child; it will not be as special to him, cause he already has had one. I kinda feel like a second choice; don't know how to explain that feeling Although he always says he has never loved a girl as much as he loves me, before. I really don't like the fact that he made that child with another. It's like a "forever bond" with another woman!!! He just needs to look at that child to remember her. Having a child is something special and he experienced that 'special' with somebody else for the first time before... I fear the lil girl's mother is likely to cause problems. I also fear the lil girl might not like me and I'd be really upset. Or perhaps the family might compare me to his ex? etc.

However he makes me so sooo happy and I've never been that much happy, or have felt so complete in a relationship before.

Ok... Critical question again: What should I do? Run/ Face the challenge? Any advice? If you think I should give it a chance; please again; give me some advice to avoid certain problems?

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! =)

I would say leave. Because there will be never ending things she will create. However, never ever judge his previous relationship with her. U dont know her, u dont know him( u believe what he say and dont have othe side of story). Only 2 ppl who r in relationship know whats going on inside their relationship, not some stranger. Thats why i would never ever date a man with a child. Too much. What there r no nice free guys without property?

voodoo85:


I would say leave. Because there will be never ending things she will create. However, never ever judge his previous relationship with her. U dont know her, u dont know him( u believe what he say and dont have othe side of story). Only 2 ppl who r in relationship know whats going on inside their relationship, not some stranger. Thats why i would never ever date a man with a child. Too much. What there r no nice free guys without property?

Thank you for your advice. Yes ofcourse; I'm always suspicious about the other side of the story. (I suspect he has had many faults too! That I better know; but I can't because I only listen it from him- Yet if he had had faults; he could have changed and could have vowed not to repeat them in next relationship? Isn't it possible too?) There are plenty of free guys; it's just that I have so much common with this one, and I fell in love. :-(

WAT IF HE IS LYING ABOUT HER G.F?? BE VERY CAREFULLY

lulu1986:
WAT IF HE IS LYING ABOUT HER G.F?? BE VERY CAREFULLY

Yes!!! You're right. I try to find out more by asking questions. His story seems logical and consistent for now. She seems pretty unbalanced. He's talkin bout her telling him she made a friend of hers cum by giving him a massage, while my bf and they were still together; also my bf told me his ex said she slept with one of her friends before they started dating, once; again, when they were together, and etc. And cheated. She seems pretty bad. What else can I do? How can I find out?

LostMermaid:


Yes!!! You're right. I try to find out more by asking questions. His story seems logical and consistent for now. She seems pretty unbalanced. He's talkin bout her telling him she made a friend of hers cum by giving him a massage, while my bf and they were still together; also my bf told me his ex said she slept with one of her friends before they started dating, once; again, when they were together, and etc. And cheated. She seems pretty bad. What else can I do? How can I find out?

MY LOVE I M IN YOUR SHOES TOO,BUT U NEED TO BE VERY CAREFULLY TRY TO INVESTIGATE ABOUT HIM WIT OUT TO LET HIM KNOW..I DONT TRUST MENS WHO ALWAYS TALKING BAD ABOUT THEIR PARTNERS. .SHE MIGHT BE LIKE DA WAY HIS MEN DESCRIBE HER TO YOU BUT THERE'S A REASON FOR HER TO BEHAVE LKY DAT!!
ALL IN ALL WE ALL HUMANS WE MAKE MISTAKES,,AND WE ARE DIFFERENT,,MAY BE SHE FAILED TO HANDLE HIM WITH HIS WEAKNESS BUT U CAN MANAGE TO HANDLE HIS WEAKNESS E.T.C..SO INVESTIGATE,ASK QUESTIONS DONT BE SCARED,,COLLECT YOUR SELF AND REMEMBER DONT FORCE THINGS..BE A LADY AND DO WAT Z YOUR HEART TELLS YOU TO DO.

NB:sorry 4 ma English..SWAHILI Z MA FIRST LANGUAGE.

LostMermaid:


Thank you for your advice. Yes ofcourse; I'm always suspicious about the other side of the story. (I suspect he has had many faults too! That I better know; but I can't because I only listen it from him- Yet if he had had faults; he could have changed and could have vowed not to repeat them in next relationship? Isn't it possible too?) There are plenty of free guys; it's just that I have so much common with this one, and I fell in love. :-(

I know but i suggest u to sit down and think realisticly with your brain ( not heart) about whats waiting for u and do u really need this

lulu1986:


MY LOVE I M IN YOUR SHOES TOO,BUT U NEED TO BE VERY CAREFULLY TRY TO INVESTIGATE ABOUT HIM WIT OUT TO LET HIM KNOW..I DONT TRUST MENS WHO ALWAYS TALKING BAD ABOUT THEIR PARTNERS. .SHE MIGHT BE LIKE DA WAY HIS MEN DESCRIBE HER TO YOU BUT THERE'S A REASON FOR HER TO BEHAVE LKY DAT!!
ALL IN ALL WE ALL HUMANS WE MAKE MISTAKES,,AND WE ARE DIFFERENT,,MAY BE SHE FAILED TO HANDLE HIM WITH HIS WEAKNESS BUT U CAN MANAGE TO HANDLE HIS WEAKNESS E.T.C..SO INVESTIGATE,ASK QUESTIONS DONT BE SCARED,,COLLECT YOUR SELF AND REMEMBER DONT FORCE THINGS..BE A LADY AND DO WAT Z YOUR HEART TELLS YOU TO DO.

NB:sorry 4 ma English..SWAHILI Z MA FIRST LANGUAGE.

Thank you sooo much for this advice!!!

voodoo85:

I know but i suggest u to sit down and think realisticly with your brain ( not heart) about whats waiting for u and do u really need this

Thank you for warning. I will be very careful.

LostMermaid:


mine ))

haha well; not completely. And I need advice!!!

Mention about my insecure feelings to him about him maybe goin back to his ex 'to live together as a family'? yes/no?

Sorry for my late response dear

I personally think your continuous questioning will make him feel dt u don't trust him. Bt it's pretty hard to judge as I don't him. Like someone said, d other half of d story is quite important. You should knw wat you want. D earlier d better.

Don't be bothered by whoever came before you, so long she isn't interfering with you relationship, just concentrate on what you guys have.

Mondisweets:
Don't be bothered by whoever came before you, so long she isn't interfering with you relationship, just concentrate on what you guys have.

Thank you for this positive approach

princetunex:


Sorry for my late response dear

I personally think your continuous questioning will make him feel dt u don't trust him. Bt it's pretty hard to judge as I don't him. Like someone said, d other half of d story is quite important. You should knw wat you want. D earlier d better.

I want him. But not sure what will come along with him; a lot of baggage from the pas? problems with ex?/daugter etc etc. sadly...

We don't always get what we want in life, n that's what makes the world a MYSTERY.. Take your time, dear... Marriage z a lifetime journey.. Make your investigations without his consent.. That CHILD z a bond btwn them, if u ask me...

It's obvious you are happy in your relationship.. I really wish you all d best, dear... The Choice is yours ..

Sleekyshuga:
We don't always get what we want in life, n that's what makes the world a MYSTERY.. Take your time, dear... Marriage z a lifetime journey.. Make your investigations without his consent.. That CHILD z a bond btwn them, if u ask me...

It's obvious you are happy in your relationship.. I really wish you all d best, dear... The Choice is yours ..

Thank you for your comment. I asked him about this; he said he'd rather had made that child with someone else; and he wouldn't ever talk to that woman again if it wasn't for the care of the kid. He insisted they didn't even have many nice memories; and the few ones they have usually end with something annoying his ex did to spoil it. He insisted he loves his child; and definately not the woman. Also mentioned once; the woman cried and said she would change and they got together again but only to separate again and he surely is not going to go through that all again and no chance they're getting back together; the child would be so unhappy if they did.

So... Could all these be lies?..I don't know. But from what I've heard, he doesn't seem into that woman anymore.

LostMermaid:


Thank you for your comment. I asked him about this; he said he'd rather had made that child with someone else; and he wouldn't ever talk to that woman again if it wasn't for the care of the kid. He insisted they didn't even have many nice memories; and the few ones they have usually end with something annoying his ex did to spoil it. He insisted he loves his child; and definately not the woman. Also mentioned once; the woman cried and said she would change and they got together again but only to separate again and he surely is not going to go through that all again and no chance they're getting back together; the child would be so unhappy if they did.

So... Could all these be lies?..I don't know. But from what I've heard, he doesn't seem into that woman anymore.

Your happiness matters most.... You choose to accept what a man tells you, n still, make your own findings later... I'm not saying he is lying.. You know him better but whatever info u need b4 u say 'I do' is very relevant...

Summarise pls

chimerase2:
Summarise pls

summary is the title...

he says he hates the mother of the child..and just cares for the child. He says he loves me and wants me.

should i believe? should i trust? what precautions can I take?