Hi, i'm new here. Plz i need serious advice.
I'm 34 and i've never had my own girlfriend. Right from when i was 18, any girl i asked out told me she had a boyfriend. Anyway i always pesevered and i end up as her lover, while she keeps her boyfriend. I've done this with over 10 different girls, sleeping with them while they had a guy. As a matter of fact, i started looking out for girls that had boyfriends cos i enjoyed the no-string-atteached r/ships.
Now, my mates are having kids while i'm still looking to be peoples lovers. I've tried to get my own girl, but i just could'nt cope with the too much attention she was giving me, it barely lasted a week.
How do i change my orientation and try to hook up with my own girl. I need to marry and have kids soonest. the clock is ticking. Please i would appreciate sound advice, i've been a fool for so long, i need help.

hmmmmm. . .


anyways, it's sometimes good to be one

just make up your mind !

What goes around comes around
Anyway u need re-orientation. Maybe u could stop hanging out with friends who think like u. See the effect of chop and go?
U need prayers too o.

Date a girl who is hard enough to show she doesn't give a damn about you eventhough she does, a girl who doesn't smother you and is her own person independent of you. That way you never really know what to make of her which is what I think would hold your attention.

Date a girl who is hard enough to show she doesn't give a damn about you eventhough she does, a girl who doesn't smother you and is her own person independent of you. That way you never really know what to make of her which is what I think would hold your attention.

Good idea. But how will he know such a girl or is it written on their forehead?

Good luck chuck

o ti soji

Maybe its ur destiny to be lonely . Just kidding. Focus on one girl and give her your all. Not as a lover, but as the number 1 boyfriend. Cheers.

First, go and get an HIV test

Maybe u r just not the marrying type. U could look for girls that are also like u, no strings attached.Maybe a girl whos been there n done it all. a divorcee or something, dont go after ppls gals.

Aqva

Let me tell you the statement that encompasses every aspect of your dating life, and I quote "i just couldn't cope with the too much attention she was giving me", Hmmm, Clearly you have made a choice of what your dating life has been and will continue to be if you don't CHANGE. Relationships are a give and take effect and finding the balance in between. Nonetheless, you've been giving all your life, and not allowing yourself to take and find a balance in between. So you say you didn't like all the attention the girl was giving you, she was clearly 'GIVING', but you're not ready for that because your brain has been programmed to play that role very well. I suggest you call that woman back, and slowly allow yourself to receive all the love and attention she's giving; thus, take a little, and give a little. It's going to take some time, but if you want to exit from eternal single dome, you need to put in the work, which is exactly what relationships are, first comes attraction, then trust, then respect, then work on keeping those qualities intact.

@poster

Calm down and get used to the idea of having a woman care for you and fuss over you just a little. If you really want a wife, you have to let that picture sink into your head. It's not as suffocating as you make it sound.  .  .I'm sure you'll enjoy it if you give yourself the chance.
Even independent ladies will fuss over you once in a while, I mean, you will be the man in her life after all. Who else should she give her attention to, your next door neighbor?
Don't rush things with the next girl. Just go easy, gradually get used to the idea of being in a serious relationship and all it entails, and make sure she understands how you feel and accepts you as you are, going easy with you every step of the way.

Getting and keeping your own woman is not a big deal, neither is it one of the plagues of Egypt. You've realized the foolishness of your ways.  .  .now take charge and do something positive about it. Like someone said, change your friends. Hang out with people who are happily hitched and learn from them. And, change your mind-set. This is obviously a psychological thing.  .  .

Make up your mind to quit humping around with other men's women, talk to people who are happily married, read books to help you change your mind-set, pray about your situ.  .  .and remember to go easy.

Wish you a Christmas wedding

I think you were a little too late but you can possibly change. You need to consider going after girls who are probably not that into you. Then, they would not give you so much attention and maybe, you can work with that.

Moonstone,

Clearly all the girls he's been into haven't been into him for the past 34YEARS, so how is that going to work now?

@ Poster.

Well, you need to understand that most "dateable" girls has boyfriends. . . .thats what makes them "dateable" to you.
So am not surprised that most girls youve been seeing her into relationship already. I believe it is left for guys to win girls away from their bfs and try as much as possible to keep them when won. . . .else some other guy will win them too.

concerning your marriage issue. . . .well, just relax and try as much as possible to get into your senses to tolerate women. . . .guess thats the secret married men has. . . TOLERANCE.

yOU NEED TO TOLERATE WOMEN TO BE MARRIED TO ONE.

sillyboy:

yOU NEED TO TOLERATE WOMEN TO BE MARRIED TO ONE.

That's an insult.
It's either you want me or not.
I won't stay in a marriage to be tolerated. . . .insult.

*Toyinrayo:

That's an insult.
It's either you want me or not.
I won't stay in a marriage to be tolerated. . . .insult.

Well, if you keep looking at my statement from the position you are right now, you will forever see it as insult.
But if you decide to look at it objectively, . . .you will see that I am just being realistic.

Every human needs tolerance to stick together for such a long time. . .an most especially women.
Guys need to stomach the negative sides of a woman they intend to marry, else they keep sampling about.

It's not an isult. . . .at least it wasnt meant to be.

Must you be the one to attack me of all people?

sillyboy:

Well, if you keep looking at my statement from the position you are right now, you will forever see it as insult.
But if you decide to look at it objectively, . . .you will see that I am just being realistic.

Every human needs tolerance to stick together for such a long timean most especially women.
Guys need to stomach the negative sides of a woman they intend to marry, else they keep sampling about.

It's not an isult. . . .at least it wasnt meant to be.

Must you be the one to attack me of all people?

Am not seeing the point you're trying to display, but am sure you'll try to explain it to me. Won't you?

Do women not also need to "tolerate" the negative sides of a man they intend to marry?

Lol, am not attacking yo sweetie. Am just opposing your post.

Can I want you because I have decided to tolerate your imperfections

H2O2:

Can I want you because I have decided to tolerate your imperfections

exactly, it's either she's wanted or not. Don't stay with her to tolerate her "negative" sides.
If you can't stand her, step out!

Aqva:

Hi, i'm new here. Plz i need serious advice.
I'm 34 and i've never had my own girlfriend. Right from when i was 18, any girl i asked out told me she had a boyfriend. Anyway i always pesevered and i end up as her lover, while she keeps her boyfriend. I've done this with over 10 different girls, sleeping with them while they had a guy. As a matter of fact, i started looking out for girls that had boyfriends because i enjoyed the no-string-atteached r/ships.
Now, my mates are having kids while i'm still looking to be peoples lovers. I've tried to get my own girl, but i just could'nt cope with the too much attention she was giving me, it barely lasted a week.
How do i change my orientation and try to hook up with my own girl. I need to marry and have kids soonest. the clock is ticking. Please i would appreciate sound advice, i've been a fool for so long, i need help. 

I can't remember the last time I heard this coming from a man but you obviously need to have realistic ideas of what your looking for in a partner. She won't be perfect but who is?

   

syren:

I can't remember the last time I heard this coming from a man but you obviously need to have realistic ideas of what your looking for in a partner. She won't be perfect but who is?

*Toyinrayo:

Am not seeing the point you're trying to display, but am sure you'll try to explain it to me. Won't you?

Do women not also need to "tolerate" the negative sides of a man they intend to marry?

Lol, am not attacking yo sweetie. Am just opposing your post.

What am trying to say here is that:
We need to tolerate the negative sides of our spouses because there is no perfect being.
If we can tolerate these "excesses". . .we will keep sampling for the perfect one that does not exist till we realize we are already using a "walking stick"

H2O2:

Can I want you because I have decided to tolerate your imperfections

Its not like the person is gonnna be full of imperfections. . . .but u need to tolerate whatever imperfections she's gat .
Moreover, the "want" part comes before the "tolerance" part. . . .
gettit?

sillyboy:

@ Poster.

Well, you need to understand that most "dateable" girls has boyfriends. . . .thats what makes them "dateable" to you.
So am not surprised that most girls youve been seeing her into relationship already. I believe it is left for guys to win girls away from their bfs and try as much as possible to keep them when won. . . .else some other guy will win them too.

concerning your marriage issue. . . .well, just relax and try as much as possible to get into your senses to tolerate women. . . .guess thats the secret married men has. . . TOLERANCE.

yOU NEED TO TOLERATE WOMEN TO BE MARRIED TO ONE.

*Toyinrayo:

That's an insult.
It's either you want me or not.
I won't stay in a marriage to be tolerated. . . .insult.

sillyboy:
Well, if you keep looking at my statement from the position you are right now, you will forever see it as insult.
But if you decide to look at it objectively, . . .you will see that I am just being realistic.

Every human needs tolerance to stick together for such a long timean most especially women.
Guys need to stomach the negative sides of a woman they intend to marry, else they keep sampling about.

It's not an isult. . . .at least it wasnt meant to be.

Must you be the one to attack me of all people?

y'all jst need to tolerate each other  
love nwantintin!

.

sillyboy:

What am trying to say here is that:
We need to tolerate the negative sides of our spouses because there is no perfect being.
If we can tolerate these "excesses". . .we will keep sampling for the perfect one that does not exist till we realize we are already using a "walking stick"

My question is,what happens when he can't put up with her "negative" side anymore?

If you can't stand it, don't tolerate it. There is a limit to tolerance, you know. Better if you don't bottle "it" up.

IF YOU CAN'T STAND MY IMPERFECTIONS, WAKA! BECAUSE I WILL NOT WANT TO FEEL LIKE AM BEING "TOLERATED".

Vonny:

Moonstone,

Clearly all the girls he's been into haven't been into him for the past 34YEARS, so how is that going to work now?

He'll have to try. It seems he's not trying to get the girls that are into him. He hates the attention. He needs to be with girls that he can't have but without bfs. He just needs to start looking for something else.

Of course sillyboy.

There are a lot of girls I want.  But I keep turning my back on them because I can't tolerate some of their habits.  Likewise I am with this girl because, foremost, I want to be with her, and secondly I have chosen to put up with her.

@Poster

You are 34 already, You can as well go all the way jare. Dey carry go with your poking spree cos even if u get a girl now there is no proof u will know
how to takecare of her or that you will stop your poking/

Plan A is for you to talk to elders in your family like they do in Nigerian Movies where they can call a meeting and pick a village girl for you.

*Toyinrayo:

My question is,what happens when he can't put up with her "negative" side anymore?

If you can't stand it, don't tolerate it. There is a limit to tolerance, you know. Better if you don't bottle "it" up.

IF YOU CAN'T STAND MY IMPERFECTIONS, WAKA! BECAUSE I WILL NOT WANT TO FEEL LIKE AM BEING "TOLERATED".

I totally get your point.
I just want you to understand that whom-ever we decide to settle for will always have an imperfect side and that side needs tolerance.

We will always find what we think we cant tolerate in spouses. . .but the fact that we give tolerance a chance will make us realize that the side is actually tolerable.

God I pray u make her understand my point even if she doesnt agree

@ Moonstone.

Moonstone. . .moonstone!
Apparently o jise mi fun Ebony lana.

H2O2:

Of course sillyboy.

There are a lot of girls I want. But I keep turning my back on them because I can't tolerate some of their habits. Likewise I am with this girl because, foremost, I want to be with her, and secondly I have chosen to put up with her.

Exactly my point bro.

Yeh, both are important. I can't count how many girls I've retired because of their baggage.