The Darker Side of Toothpicks

The story is always the same.

After a meal of some kind, usually involving chicken or pulled pork or stringy vegetables — whether in your home or out at a restaurant, you feel the need to pick up a toothpick and begin your work. Flicking and picking and pulling and bending and jamming and grabbing and scratching and scraping.

The sucking sounds and the visuals are bad enough — but not not worse than the thought that enters my head… That you are picking food that you ate over the last hour, out of your teeth, then consuming the tiny pieces you find (like a treasure hunter) in a dance that some have called (yes, I know this is so insane of them to say) “unsanitary.”

From the sanitary standpoint, toothpicks have got to be the worst idea on the face of the Earth. While it may be a shade better than jamming your fingers in your mouth and trying to suck pieces of corn out of your teeth — the fact that you’re using a tool to dislodge food particles which you will most often swallow after finding them, has got to be the most disgusting activity on the face of the Earth.

But even more disgusting than the fact that people participate in an activity such as this millions of times over the course of a day in the World, is the fact that a company called Swiss Army has seen fit to create a plastic toothpick accessory in their Swiss Army knives. An accessory that encourages the user to pick wet chewed food out of their teeth, suck the remaining crumbs off the tip, then place the plastic pick back into a metallic womb so the remaining food particles can fester and grow in preparation for its next use!

Really, it’s quite exciting.

But even worse than the toothpick food picking non-sanitary dance of your gums, is the fact that there are people who do not use toothpicks for food hunting, but instead have decided that walking around with a toothpick hanging from their mouth provides them with some image that they want to present to the world.

Hi. My name is Ed. And I like toothpicks.

When you see someone with a toothpick hanging from their mouth and they’re not using it for picking food out but simply allowing it to hang from their lips — what do you think about this person? Do you immediately wonder if they know how to drive a tractor? Do you suddenly think that they must have spent some time learning how to be a taxadermist? Do you suppose that they know how to ride a horse? Is it possible that they are re-building the engine of a 1959 Mustang in their garage? Or maybe they’re just big fans of 1950’s movies where people surfed and stayed out past their curfew?

With the two image options available to the toothpick user (unsanitary foodpicker or wannabe rebel/car restorer/horserider) — I can confidently say that there is a darker side to toothpicks, and it’s not one that I choose to be a part of.

Toothpicks? P-shaw!

I say nay.

http://www.pauldavidson.net/2005/08/16/the-darker-side-of-toothpicks/

Op, can you please help me understand more. Sad to say am alil confuse please, I can't understand, Iduno why especially the 'hilarious' part

Mimienudles:
Op, can you please help me understand more. Sad to say am alil confuse please, I can't understand, Iduno why especially the 'hilarious' part

Sorry, I can't help. Although I believe I can understand about your type being sad. Now get a sense of humour and watch your melancholy disappear fast.

JuanDeDios:

Sorry, I can't help. Although I believe I can understand about your type being sad. Now get a sense of humour and watch your melancholy disappear fast.

Am serious. Sorry but you really have to help

Mimienudles:
Am serious. Sorry but you really have to help

Well, with those dimples, I might help you with anything. PM me.

JuanDeDios:

Well, with those dimples, I might help you with anything. PM me.

Go away joor

Mimienudles:
Go away joor

You don't want 'elp again? I'm very good.