lookingbuoy:

My friendship with the unemployed one is so unfettered and we goof around a lot. It's like two children playing in the sand, and i kinda like that. She's hoping that I'll ask her out formally, but i don't like her unemployed situation.

My friendship with the independent one is kinda rigid and formal. We talk, gist, go to dinner dates, but hardly joke around. We do joke around sometimes though.

And it seems i want what both of them have: i want the freedom i get with the other lady and the independence i get with the other

Since both have what you want, then marry both of them. Anyway, man is created to be polygamous in nature. That is why it is easy for man to see another woman with some other qualities you need and want to have that too. That is the nature of Man. It can't be denied.

If only women could realize this fact, the idea I could not get a husband or no having someone to marry will not arise.

Now, if you choose one of them, the other will felt her heart been broken.

For me, my advice to you is to go for the first lady you met during your NYSC period. Tell her you want her to have financial freedom, that she should think of what to do that you can support and be successful Thereafter.
You can either set her up a business or she should go back to school to study pharmacy. Thereafter, she can register with pharmaceutical institute to open her own pharmacy shop. Thereafter, she will be financially free and have enough time for her children.

I will not advise you to marry the second lady. Except you are sure she can bring down her ego. To me you will forever regret not marrying the first lady except you are sure she is going after another man.

Moreover, I don't know why men, these days seek after women that are also be ready made. Whether a lady is rich or not, it is the responsibility of a man as husband to pay the bill of the house. And you should do that based on your capability. If the woman you marry want to add to what you drop at home, so be it. As long as it comes from her heart and not that you force her to do so.

You may be surprised that some women with their fat salary will not be ready to assist you with any bill but demanding more from you.

lookingbuoy:

My friendship with the unemployed one is so unfettered and we goof around a lot. It's like two children playing in the sand, and i kinda like that. She's hoping that I'll ask her out formally, but i don't like her unemployed situation.

My friendship with the independent one is kinda rigid and formal. We talk, gist, go to dinner dates, but hardly joke around. We do joke around sometimes though.

And it seems i want what both of them have: i want the freedom i get with the other lady and the independence i get with the other

It is advisable to marry an independent woman.
Based on the quote above, you are more comfortable with the lady who studied Psychology. If so, help her be on her feet.
Marriage is for decades. You marry who is worth it, no sentiments.

Hey boy,wise up and don't get things twisted.
So b/c the other lady is unemployed for now is a trait?
Independent lady or career lady as u said,hmmmmmm,Boy u don't like that lady@all.
U are only attracted to her b/c of career.
And don't ever come to NL and lament when u will hook up with her and she will choose her career rather than U.
So don't choose b/c of who possess what's not permanent.
Career/money isn't permanent and isn't a criteria for choosing a wife.
Be wise

Simple. Toss a coin. Heads or tails.

If something happens tomorrow u go say na me advice you.

lookingbuoy:

My friendship with the unemployed one is so unfettered and we goof around a lot. It's like two children playing in the sand, and i kinda like that. She's hoping that I'll ask her out formally, but i don't like her unemployed situation.

My friendship with the independent one is kinda rigid and formal. We talk, gist, go to dinner dates, but hardly joke around. We do joke around sometimes though.

And it seems i want what both of them have: i want the freedom i get with the other lady and the independence i get with the other

From what you are saying and body language, you prefer one without a job and her only shortcoming is her lack of a job. Get her a job if you can, I'm sure she is also independent. If she isn't ,teach her to be, it'll make d bond strnger. Above all, ask God for direction

lookingbuoy:
I have a little problem and need some advice on it:

I've got a girl I like. We met at nysc and got along really good. Even today i still remember the first day i saw her. She studied psychology and even though I'm an engineer we could relate and talk a lot about her subject, as I read a lot and kinda have read much on psychology. After nysc we still kept in touch and continued to talk even though i never asked her out formally. Soon i got a job away from her. Our talking continued on phone.

While out of Nigeria on training, I met another lady. She's just as pretty as the other one, but has a great job and is a confident woman. The other girl is still searching for a job; and her psychology degree is no help. I have a great job myself and i earn seven digits in naira per month. The new girl also works with an oil form and earns very well. We have got along these past few months and I really have fun talking to her and hanging out.

I have always wanted an independent woman as a wife, a woman who can stand by herself and who has prospects for a huge career. I'm career-minded myself. But now, I'm really confused who to plan my life with and settle down with as a partner: this independent lady who I believe I like or the other unemployed lady who I seem to have a more relaxed, longer friendship with.

Note: I've not asked any of them out formally. Please help.

From your narration,its obvious that u feel more comfortable being with the unemployed lady. however,u prefer a working class woman. who says you cant make mademoiselle Pyschology the kind of woman you desire? if the job is not forthcoming,you can set up a business for her( you should be able to do that, as you have a 7-digit salary). marriage goes beyond what we imagine and/or desire...if you feel more comfortable with the first,then she could be the one. "Tis good to settle down with someone who you see as a friend because at some point,the love may not be felt,but friendship keeps it going."

Harbosede02:
I never knew there was a theory that states that once an unemployed is forever an unemployed.... Pls ur thinking faculty is so so annoying.... So becos the other lady is jobless makes her less eligible to be ur wife??


Guys!!!!

Keep quiet jor

Same way you fishbrain girls would dump your broke boyfriend and marry a rich guy at the end of the day...

Girls

Acidosis:
I'm only interested in your salary package


Sir you earn 7 digits monthly? When did you finish nysc again?

daz above 1 illi milli.....had to cross check back & forth..comment reserved tho

lookingbuoy:

Thanks for this. Good advice.

Unemployment can av negative effect on ur mentality. Until some people get that opportunity, they will seem as though they are powerless.

I believe you can convinently buy her a 50k phone but instead of this, try and give it to her to start up something small like female wears and undies. The way she handles it will determine if she is independent or not. Being employed doesnt mean one is independent. Being able to survive without employment is.

Not everyone would be employed. Some would even be better off in business.

I have an uncle who set his wife up in paint business when he was employed. When he lost his job, the woman took over the responsibility of the family. Now she makes her own paint. 2 of their children are all university graduates, the 2nd one is in canada for masters, the third one gained admission into UI at the age of 15 but was sent back home to turn 16 before entering the school. Now shes in her final year.

lookingbuoy:

Hmmm... good advice. Thanks. But if the other one remains unemployed, I wouldn't like that.

with ur connection,,u can get her a job,yea
.
u can advise her to go do PGD in other related courses to boost her degree 2 aid her getting job fast
.
NOTE:-she could make a better wife than d newly found career lady,you know women,when a woman is financially independent,to respect her husband bcomes a big deal except she is d God fearing type,after marriage now,u start seeing d real her
.
If u ask me d one u met at NYSC,my heart picked for u.
She doesn't have job today doesn't mean she won't have tomoro,as long as she is educated there is hope
.
And for God to give u a good job first, it could be that He (God) wants to enable u to marry your nysc lady.

Finally,,be careful,cos devil can be very crafty,,he wants people to miss it when chosing a partner.

Broad n beautifu is d road dat leads 2 hell,ugly,rough,tiny is road dat leads 2 heaven

lookingbuoy:
Hmm...
You are right. I'm actually more smitten by the unemployed lady. But i dont like her unemployed situation. And she also comes off as not so independent. The other lady is as pretty, way more independent (perhaps totally), holds her on and carries herself well. S[b]he has most things I've fantasized about my woman having[/b], only my relationship with her is not as boundless as what i have with the unemployed lady.
I believe i can comfortably take care of the home with the unemployed one. However, i don't like her unemployed situation one bit.

Speaking psychologically, the problem is that because the independent one is much more confident you tend to be more careful while speaking to her and exercise more restraint and she you. Because the other one is below you, you speak more freely because you don't have much to lose. I will advise you to speak more freely with the independent one and suggest more random and normal things. It msy surprise you that she would actually love it and have been waiting for you to take that turn. On the other hand, if you cannot seem to find the right relationship balance, I will advise you to go with the other one because marriage is like forever and you would need someone to talk to and someone who gets all the things you don't want to say.

lookingbuoy:

My friendship with the unemployed one is so unfettered and we goof around a lot. It's like two children playing in the sand, and i kinda like that. She's hoping that I'll ask her out formally, but i don't like her unemployed situation.

My friendship with the independent one is kinda rigid and formal. We talk, gist, go to dinner dates, but hardly joke around. We do joke around sometimes though.

And it seems i want what both of them have: i want the freedom i get with the other lady and the independence i get with the other

Help the unemployed babe get a job then you can compare both(you know a woman true attitude when they are loaded)

sameolg616:

u sound like those bitter grade 14 civil servants....i bet ur running a profile check on this dude already(if u find his number ,i advise u use tru caller to look him up before u proceed to google )lol
just cuz u dont know those u earn such or u probably dont doesnt meant they dont exist....
i know some...besides,the guy may be a robber,ritualist or successful business guy....

u Miss d point Completely...Nobody said ppl dnt earn/make 1M in a mnth...we are talking abt a New Entry frm Nysc getting 1M evry Mnth(which is a Pure Lie)...is dat 2 much 4 ur Thick Skull 2 Comprehend

If the Op was a lady, most people would have tagged her all manner of derogatory names. But since it's a man its OK. I need a definition of hypocrisy please.

lookingbuoy:
Hmm...
You are right. I'm actually more smitten by the unemployed lady. But i dont like her unemployed situation. And she also comes off as not so independent. The other lady is as pretty, way more independent (perhaps totally), holds her on and carries herself well. She has most things I've fantasized about my woman having, only my relationship with her is not as boundless as what i have with the unemployed lady.
I believe i can comfortably take care of the home with the unemployed one. However, i don't like her unemployed situation one bit.

my friend, happiness is the best thing that a man needs to enjoy in marriage. I am very sure she is not comfortable with her "joblessness" also. If you can help her to get something doing, that will be okay. My friend, after the hurdles of the day, it is the sweetest experience to know that your wife is waiting to add "sweetness" to the experiences of the day..

@ Op are you worried about your NYSC babe's jobless state or a lack of ambition? You dont sound like she has a flair for anything or has other plans besides wauting for a job.You sound like a man who would love a woman who keeps you on your toes and keeps you challenged. The lady at work is someone you connect mentally with. If there are other things you like about her besides her brain then I think she is the one. You may marry the NYSC lady out of pity and be bored after 3 months. Help your NYSC friend set up something. Marry the one who motivates you.

For all those men, who feel that career women don't make good wives and are arrogant, I think you grew up around women who had nothing to offer. So any woman with a voice is arrogant in your thinking.

lookingbuoy:
I have a little problem and need some advice on it:

I've got a girl I like. We met at nysc and got along really good. Even today i still remember the first day i saw her. She studied psychology and even though I'm an engineer we could relate and talk a lot about her subject, as I read a lot and kinda have read much on psychology. After nysc we still kept in touch and continued to talk even though i never asked her out formally. Soon i got a job away from her. Our talking continued on phone.

While out of Nigeria on training, I met another lady. She's just as pretty as the other one, but has a great job and is a confident woman. The other girl is still searching for a job; and her psychology degree is no help. I have a great job myself and i earn seven digits in naira per month. The new girl also works with an oil form and earns very well. We have got along these past few months and I really have fun talking to her and hanging out.

I have always wanted an independent woman as a wife, a woman who can stand by herself and who has prospects for a huge career. I'm career-minded myself. But now, I'm really confused who to plan my life with and settle down with as a partner: this independent lady who I believe I like or the other unemployed lady who I seem to have a more relaxed, longer friendship with.

Note: I've not asked any of them out formally. Please help.

Pray hard man becos all dat glitters isnt always gold. If you really love d unemployed one try & help her out now. Marriage isnt a bed of roses ok. The so called unemployed lady may hold d key 2 ur next level in life. Nobody knows 2moro man. watch it. Man looks @ apperance but God sees d heart.

Bros I hv an idea where yu work cos its similar to mine. I know how much we pay freshers even amongst our competitors. Bro look well in yur organization, yu will see a lot of ladies richer than yu but still single. Why hv they not bn married? Question for another day. I think yu hv phobia for poverty having bn delivered from it by virtue of grace of God. But yu might be missing out on yur honey of yur life n future if yu don't marry d psychology babe. So many working class women are pain in marriage. Marry dis one n build her n in future yu go dey clap for God. But moreso, pray and be led. Yur money n job dey wan make yu dey proud....watch it. I hv bn in yur shoes before. Just try.

Acidosis:
I'm only interested in your salary package


Sir you earn 7 digits monthly? When did you finish nysc again?

the way people form stories on nairaland ehn? He could have said he earns a good salary.simple. If he truly earns millions per month I don't think he would be bordered about her unemployed status. He could easily set her up with something.

MizTyna:
You haven't even asked the first one out formally. And you talking about marriage. What if you now ask and she declines?

with a 7 digit salary? No girl would decline his offer.

lookingbuoy:

My friendship with the unemployed one is so unfettered and we goof around a lot. It's like two children playing in the sand, and i kinda like that. She's hoping that I'll ask her out formally, but i don't like her unemployed situation.

My friendship with the independent one is kinda rigid and formal. We talk, gist, go to dinner dates, but hardly joke around. We do joke around sometimes though.

And it seems i want what both of them have: i want the freedom i get with the other lady and the independence i get with the other

My fellow engineer, left for me, i will say you start a relationship with miss psychology, the picture you painted of the two propects tells me you will appreciate miss psych @ the long run. Since u earn in 7 digits/month, your problem is not financial if you tie the knot with her, your fear is the possible dependency and less attractive lack of career she could end up with, in my opinion, i feel you should empower her, taking cognisance of the fact that should she get a job in Nigeria of today, she most likely will earn less than 10% of your monthly take home.

Find out if she has got entrepreneurial spirit and skill, and guide her along that line financially and morally

Pinkylilly:
true talk. It shows the op is so lame, greedy and thinks about only himself. With the situation in nigeria, you are still basing your decision on something that is temporary and not on character. Its a pity.

See shallow reasoning. Gone are those days a girl is idle waiting for Prince charming to come and take her liabilities.

That a girl isn't employed doesn't mean she should be idle. The reason a man is marrying a woman is for her to help him in complementing him all round not to marry a liability whose only function is to litter every 9 months.

Just take out Quality Time to pray. God will answer You which to choose. He knows you far better than you know yourselves!
Success to You Bro.

My brother the source of your confusion is self centeredness which is the source of all grief. U are consumed by thoughts of what they can do for you but not what u can do for them. U are carried away by the thoughts of how qualified they are to be ur wife. But have u ever thought about how qualified u are to be their husband?

A husband is supposed to be a leader. And a leader is one who knows the way, shows the way and goes the way. Have u found purpose? Do you have any clue as to what God's specific will for your life is? Beyond being an employee at an oil firm and earning seven figures in naira what plans do you have for your journey to destiny? Do you have a vision and u're looking for a partner to accompany u on the journey to fulfilling it or is it that u just want to get married because it's the conventional thing to do in society and ur reason doesn't go deeper than that? U should know that a man without a vision or a sense of direction as to where his life should be heading is not qualified to be any woman's wife.

Haven said all that, I don't want it to sound like am against you trying to ascertain if they are good enuf for you. Am only trying to make u see that it will be wise for you to evaluate ur worthiness as intensely as u are evualuating theirs.

However in ascertaining whether they are good enuf there are five things I believe u need to look out for:
1. How well she loves God
2. How well she loves knowledge
3. How well she loves excellence
4. How self-motivated she is
5. How submissive she is

There are lots of stuff I could say about these points but I would reserve it for an article.

9iceboi:
Its possible that the 2 already 've boy friends.. I won't b surprised if I c a new topic"how I got dumped by my 2 gal frenz " 2moro

as in eh" very pathetic being

shozillo:

u Miss d point Completely...Nobody said ppl dnt earn/make 1M in a mnth...we are talking abt a New Entry frm Nysc getting 1M evry Mnth(which is a Pure Lie)...is dat 2 much 4 ur Thick Skull 2 Comprehend

ur just a player hater.....i dont know why u still tink its impossible for him to earn such in just a lil time....i guess even in ur 60s,ur yet to make a career high/target of 1m summing all ur earnings together

hob:
Test the water my guy


Ask both out and do your research, its not about just picking one

why are you advising him to double date??
you bad o.

@op

who did you eventually choose??

Besides that, i have to point out double standards.
So, it's not okay for women to want ready made men, but men men should only look out for ready made women?

only unemployed women are liabilities, unemployed men nko?

So because the other one was unemployed then, she will be unemployed forever?

because she's unemployed, you feel she's less confident compared to the one with a good job?


You come across as a vain & shallow person.