@lagosboy,but Allah dnt say we should wear skimpy regardless with our husbands,did he?,if u cannnot lower ur gaze outside cos ur wife is not wearing skimpy that means the man cannot attain EEMAN as well cos he dnt give up what he desires,a woman can still look apealling in a normal modest clothes to her hubby compared to those dirty immoral clothes,what the diff btw those wearing it with good intention or otherwise?

though am not saying a woman should not look preety to her hubby though but that does not call for indecent clothings all cos i wanna look kinky

uplawal:

though am not saying a woman should not look preety to her hubby though but that does not call for indecent clothings all cos i wanna look kinky

Actually, a woman can wear anything she so desires in the presence of her husband, skimpy, kinky or even your birthday suit as long as only four eyes are watching, and that does not constitute indecency.

uplawal:

sister,u dnt have to if u love him and he loves you,but what could have led him to want a second wife,could u have caused it or maybe he just feels he needs more children and you think youre okay with the ones you have already?or you dnt satisfy his sexual urge anymore, cos i know men, thats all they think about apart from their career and food

Did not happen to me, yet. Just asking so that I will know how to answer when faced with a challenge of talking someone out of it. Besides, every muslim woman needs to know, because you never know when it will be your turn, whether you feed him properly (in so many different ways a man can be fed) or not, most of them will find an excuse for it whenever they choose to get a second wife.

uplawal:

@lagosboy,but Allah dnt say we should wear skimpy regardless with our husbands,did he?,if u cannnot lower your gaze outside cos your wife is not wearing skimpy that means the man cannot attain EEMAN as well cos he dnt give up what he desires,a woman can still look apealling in a normal modest clothes to her hubby compared to those dirty immoral clothes,what the diff btw those wearing it with good intention or otherwise?

sister may Allah increase us all in knowledge and understanding. Yes indecent clothes are forbidden in islam but the beauty of islam is that most of the haram things Allah has made for us he has given us a halal way of doing it.

It is mandub,sunnah, mustahab for a muslim woman to look attractive for her husband and drive him crazy all the time in their home. She even does get a reward for it in fact , islam is not an ultra idealistic faith but a practical faith.

Honestly most our sisters need real mentoring as some even go about their home in hijab even with no non mahram present, they have no clue how to put some spice in their marital life but if they had studied hard the hadiths of Aisha and other deep hadiths they will be amazed at the beauty of islam.

True a man cannot attain true eeman if he cant control his desires but there is always a human factor to everything. There is a hadith where the prophet PBUh saw a woman and felt attracted but went back into his house to meet his wife and satisfy her and himself. This is the reality we face my dear and lets be real.

And God knows best

lagosboy,i hear you pls dnt eat me raw,asalamu alekum sha

uplawal:

lagosboy,i hear you pls dnt eat me raw,asalamu alekum sha

My dear sister how i go eat youraw haba!! i was just explaining the issue .

I know for sure it is a sensitive issue with our beloved muslim sisters, a hot topic sure to enrage the nerves.

Stay cool my dear sister no shaiking at all

@ Lagosboy
Is this your opinion or can you back it up with one or two verses in the Quran or Hadith? It's easy to assume that when a man gets a second wife, it's his wife's fault. Many a times, this is not the case at all, men are just polygamous, just like u have mentioned. For discussion sake, let's just say the wife is now looking 'less attractive' why not approach her about it and allow her to spice up again, afterall she was attractive when you married her. Replacing her with another woman in the name of I am a muslim and I am allowed to have two,three or four, yes it is allowed but is it compulsory, is it a requirement by God. You men don't know how much women suffer silently because of this, most especially the way our Nigerian men do it. It is cruel, if you ask me. Personally, I don't like it and I already let my husband know that if he ever decides to do that I will use the "exit' instead of being the second best. If you ever wonder why most women nowadays are having extramarital affairs, this is one of the many reasons. They don't want to have a nervous breakdown over a man, hence they seek happiness in the arms of other women's husband, what a domino effect!!!. I don't supposrt being unfaithful just becuase of this, and that's why I would rather throw the towel. Like Jamila said, it can be swallowed in the name of God, if there is a very good reason for it and it is done with compassion.

POLYGAMY, just like other things in Islam is a solution to a proplem, it came due to many widows as a result of wars. The situation may have changed but it still occurs today. We still loose our brothers and sisters in early ages, if a brother dies leaving a wife in her 20s 0r 30s without good support, are we going to leave her to her fate.  So many sisters are in their 30s now without husbands and we dont want them married to non Muslims, so if a brother has wherewithal and ready to follow the rule of being equitable and the women accept to leave together, fine. The good way is to discuss it before hand, not just commit zina and later convert to wife. The second wife should be married the way the first wife was married. not girlfriend turn wife, lol.

No woman likes polygamy, it was even narrrated that Khadijah's only request from Allah thru Jibril was that whatever God does not like she did not want too, which was explained that since Allah does not want partner she did not want also. Rasullah never married another woman untill Khadijah's death, she also had 6 of 7 children of Mohammed

Thanks Remii.
I have read it in the Quran too, about how the wars converted so many women into widows and their children, orphans, which was the reason behind having more than one wife. It wasn't to support men's infidelity. The other issue, is if the woman , for some reasons cannot have children. I am yet to see in the Quran 'not looking attractive or aging' as the reason. Most of our men start with zina and then brand it 'sunnah'. Isn't sunnah different from zina? The other woman sometimes is coming from a relationship where she was cheating on the man and now wants to become the wife of the person she has been cheating with. Takullah!!!! Now here she comes, in full force, and with their favourite slogan "I want her (meaning the rightful wife) to scoot over so I can sit, but if she refuses, then she will have to vacate the seat for me" Ahba!!! And lo and behold she will do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to make this happen. Ya ayhu al-nas, taku robakum!!!!!

I think we Muslims need to thoroughly educate our men about this delicate issue while being truthful and then it will be easy to educate women about the acceptance of such act. 'Ihidina siratal mustakeem'.

Allah knows best

@Lagosboy:Jazakallah.

@Ladies: Please don't hate me but I think I have to agree with the men on this one. Honestly, we women are too selfish.Allah has created men and women differently i.e with different needs and desires.While a woman can be satisfied with one man, a man can hardly be satisfied with a woman. I don't think a man needs a reason to take in another wife. Men have the capacity to love more than one woman at a time. Its amazing how muslim women go to extremes to ensure their men don't re-marry.

I agree that muslim men are unjust but that doesn't mean Islam is. Islam has provided protection for women in cases like this. If your husband is taking a second wife, encourage him to find out Allah's rules and provisions concerning the matter.

Ladies, please don't push your husbands into Zina as Allah will definitely punish you for that.

@Aunty Fayzik

Wallah i feel where you are comming from and i feel the pains a woman might go through. Beyond those emotions there lies the reality of our deen , the reality of humans and the reality of the life of this world not been eternal.

Regarding if me saying she is not to divorce, it is not my personal opinion. There is no verse in the quran saying a woman should divorce her husband in the event of a 2nd wife rather there is a verse in the quran encouraging men to marry more than one wife.

"Marry two, three or four   . . . . if you fear injustice then marry one" Allah our creator the all wise and all knowing started with the preference and then gave a way out for those who might not be able to do it. The prophet followed this ayah so as many of the sahabas to the letter, they never left a woman single rather one of them would marry her and keep her protected.

I understand many men do it in the wrong manner, which is due to lack of knowledge but a knowledgable sister should guide her husband to the understanding of the concept so he does it in the irght manner and she doesnt suffer for his ignorance. Regarding a cheating woman eventually becoming a wife, i feel you and a if the wife might have been open minded maybe the husband will have started everything with her knowledge but no man should sleep with the woman before marriage and if that is what you call cheating then that is haraam.

Men will always be men , if you dont let them marry they will still go sleep outside, they could even have children behind your back and when they die kids start to pop out here and there. Our sisters should please face the reality of our world. I am a man and we were created to be polygamous, even if a man has the prettiest wife in the house he will still admire women outside. _{just remembered Ashley cole and cheryl}

@Nanai wallahi i am impressed there are still young sisters with an open mind and understanding of the wisdom of islam. May Allah bless you and increase you in knowledge and eeman, may he accept all your duas and strenghten your feet on thispath of islam.

I hesistated writing on this subject at the begining because i knew the heavy resistance i will face and for many of our women this is the real test of their eeman if a woman can cross it for the sake of Allah she has indeed passed a big test. The test of a mans faith are enourmous as welland struggling in the path of God is a hell of a test for men.

N.B Aunty fayzik could you please shoot me a mail on lagosboynl@gmail.com

but honestly,marrying more than one requires someone who is rich to do the so called JUSTICE BTW o,and not a poor man or average man,so what now happen to a poor man or average man who can can barely take care of one wife but feels he needs another wife instead of Zina?Over to you Lagosboy

Yeah a man has to have some provisions to maintain his wives before he embarks on the marriage. Sister in the case of him not being able to afford a 2nd marriage while he wants it he only has to keep on praying for Allah rizq. It is no different than a bachelor who cant marry due to funds.

On the other hand we should not a man doesnt have to be rich to marry a 2nd wife , i have seen many sisters here in the UK who never demanded money or maintenance fees, they just wanted a husband and they are happy 2nd wives. Obviously the man alos takes care of some financial commitments. What we need is understanding sisters and Men filled with taqwa.

in that case lagosboy,the man is not following the QURAN,he is supposed to care for them not just sleeping with them and just because they wanna be mrs THIS,

Caring is not all about money my dear sister. Caring is about emotional support, love, companionship and so on. Finances happen to be vital in any marriage but it is not the driving force. Our beloved prophet PBUH never had a money before he married our mother Khadijah RA, he wasn’t the one providing money for her but his companionship, love, support, honesty and prophet hood was all worth more than money. Give a woman all the money in the world she still needs a companion which money cant buy. Same for a man with enormous wealth will not be complete without a woman.
Hope you get my point dear sister

Nanai:

@Lagosboy:Jazakallah.

@Ladies: Please don't hate me but I think I have to agree with the men on this one. Honestly, we women are too selfish.Allah has created men and women differently i.e with different needs and desires.While a woman can be satisfied with one man, a man can hardly be satisfied with a woman. I don't think a man needs a reason to take in another wife. Men have the capacity to love more than one woman at a time. Its amazing how muslim women go to extremes to ensure their men don't re-marry.

I agree that muslim men are unjust but that doesn't mean Islam is. Islam has provided protection for women in cases like this. If your husband is taking a second wife, encourage him to find out Allah's rules and provisions concerning the matter.

Ladies, please don't push your husbands into Zina as Allah will definitely punish you for that.

Yeah, men may have been created differently but one thing is for sure, we bleed the same blood, we she same tears, and have the same heart. No woman can honestly say "no problem, bring it on' when it comes to second wife, unless the woman is really not in love to begin with(very few women are like that). It can be accepted fisabilillah if it's done in the right way and manner, but not 100percent happily. "For best result, take as prescribed" If done the way Allah prescribes, women will have less S&S (Suffering & Smiling).
Nanai, I will like to know in some years to come, if u still have the same feeling. May we all live long, insha Allah.If you read my post well, My main concern is how it is done, not very much on the act of doint it. No man needs to be pushed to zina, trust me, its innert with them. Your best will never be good enough and your all may be too much.

Lagosboy
My main point is for the Muslim community to stress fairness, and for men to be just and take into consideration the feelings of the 1st wife and do it right instead of always saying, men are allowed, so women should just shut up. Nothing is wrong with Islam doctorines, It' is our people who need to learn the proper way of doing things and not translate the Quran to make excuse for their rubbish.

@Fayezik: I may not have put it in a good form. I'm not saying that no woman should feel it.Jealous is part of human nature and sharing a husband is certainly one of the most difficult things to do but regardless of that, if all parties are to seek knowledge regarding the issue, the effect will befelt less by the first wife.

Honestly, I used to think that I cannot marry a married man, but right now I don't mind. I don't mind being a fourth wife.If its my fate, I'll accept it. I can't get away from Allah's plans, can I? May Allah increase our knowledge and guide us aright.Ameen

@Nanai
You are right about that. If one is destined to marry 2,3,or 4 wives, no matter what his preference is, somehow and someway it will happen, likewise if a woman is destined to marry a half (shared) husband, no one can stop it from happening. May Allah answer all our prayers and show us the right path.

Nanai:

@Fayezik: I may not have put it in a good form. I'm not saying that no woman should feel it.Jealous is part of human nature and sharing a husband is certainly one of the most difficult things to do but regardless of that, if all parties are to seek knowledge regarding the issue, the effect will befelt less by the first wife.

Honestly, I used to think that I cannot marry a married man, but right now I don't mind. I don't mind being a fourth wife.If its my fate, I'll accept it. I can't get away from Allah's plans, can I? May Allah increase our knowledge and guide us aright.Ameen

Impressive!! May Allah strengthen your eeman and principles , if many of our sisters were like this , many sisters will not be unmarried at 30 plus. I have seen many sisters saying they can never be a 2nd wife and wait till 30 sumthin and start to shop around for a 2nd wife slot. Apologies to our my dear and beloved sisters in the house but this is the reality of the world we live in.

Allah in his infinite wisdom made a way out, but little thanks to many men as well who dont have a clue how it should be practised and have caused more harm than good.

Polygamy, should be done correctly, for Allah's sake only. It should be discussed before hand, if well handed, even the first wife or first two wives, as the case maybe, could be part of the process. Our brothers should be awaken too to the conditions allowing polygamy. What do you say about a brother whose 2nd wife is a non Muslim, who may never get fully converted and could take her children out of the fold of Islam sooner or later.

hmmmmm, see how lagosboy jumped at nanai's post,

@Lagosboy:There are a lot of factors that keep a woman single for a very long period. Our opinions are nothing as our parents' are always superior. And they have their own opinions. Just pray that Allah guides all muslims aright.

@Remii
Exactly my point. Ti a ba se, bi won ti nsee, aari bi o ti nri.

uplawal:

hmmmmm, see how lagosboy jumped at nanai's post,

Me self see it nah. lol

uplawal:

hmmmmm, see how lagosboy jumped at nanai's post,

FayeZik:

@Remii
Exactly my point. Ti a ba se, bi won ti nsee, aari bi o ti nri.
Me self see it nah. lol

To omo dara o ye ki a so, to omo ba soro ti o dara o ye ki a so.

Nana spoke well nah , uplawal na im make i jump on the post

By the way where is sis ayinba she has been silent on this post, also where is sis zayhal she has not been here for a while , mukina sef don run away.

Aunty Fayzik you are right though if it is done the proper way it would go the right way.

FayeZik:

@ Lagosboy
Is this your opinion or can you back it up with one or two verses in the Quran or Hadith? It's easy to assume that when a man gets a second wife, it's his wife's fault. Many a times, this is not the case at all, men are just polygamous, just like u have mentioned. For discussion sake, let's just say the wife is now looking 'less attractive' why not approach her about it and allow her to spice up again, afterall she was attractive when you married her. Replacing her with another woman in the name of I am a muslim and I am allowed to have two,three or four, yes it is allowed but is it compulsory, is it a requirement by God. You men don't know how much women suffer silently because of this, most especially the way our Nigerian men do it. I[b]t is cruel, if you ask me[/b]. Personally, I don't like it and I already let my husband know that if he ever decides to do that I will use the "exit' instead of[b] being the second best.[/b] If you ever wonder why most women nowadays are having extramarital affairs, this is one of the many reasons. They don't want to have a nervous breakdown over a man, hence they seek happiness in the arms of other women's husband, what a domino effect!!!. I don't supposrt being unfaithful just becuase of this, and that's why I would rather throw the towel. Like Jamila said, it can be swallowed in the name of God, if there is a very good reason for it and it is done with compassion.

marry of the women, who seem good to you, two or three or four; and if ye fear that ye cannot do justice (to so many) then one (only) or (the captives) that your right hands possess

Males are to inherit twice that of females. 4:11

Allah says it is lawful for Muhammad to marry any women he wants. 33:50-51

according to ur scriptures men can do what they like because;

"Unto the male is the equivalent share of two females." 4:176

Women are feeble and are unable to devise a plan. 4:98

A woman is worth one-half a man. 2:282

not forgetting;

Women have rights that are similar to men, but men are "a degree above them." 2:228

those are ur scriptures take it or leave it- whether u like it or not!

Yetty
Thanks for your input, but you may want to consider opening another thread "are men superior to women?"
To answer that - Yes they are, and all those Quranic quotes support my answer.

In case u are wondering, I stand steadfast in Islam. No turning back, no shaking. Islam encourage muslims to ask when in doubt and also to seek more knowledge, that is my right and it will be fully exercised without the fear of any anti-islam looking for a way to point nasty fingers.

FayeZik:

Yetty
Thanks for your input, but you may want to consider opening another thread "are men superior to women?"
To answer that - Yes they are, and all those Quranic quotes support my answer.

In case u are wondering, I stand steadfast in Islam. No turning back, no shaking. [b]Islam encourage muslims to ask when in doubt and also to seek more knowledge, [/b]that is my right and it will be fully exercised without the fear of any anti-islam looking for a way to point nasty fingers.

lol i wont do that- u were the one asking, nobody gave u scriptures to back thier theories!

Allah warns believers not to ask to many questions 5:101

lagosboy is our sharia jugde anyday anytime ,all others don run

Yetty
The title of this thread is SISTERS DISCUSS ISSUES AND QS RELATING TO FEMINITY AND ISLAM, and the section is ISLAM FOR MUSLIMS. kinni tie nbe?

Truly, the issue at hand does not only affect Muslim women, it affects the whole continent of Africa. Unfortunately, some people cannot separate or differentiate culture from religion. So before u start whatever u think you are starting, check the other books and take a good look around you, with more attention to your immediate environment.

Islam allow polygamy with reservations and conditions that if applied, polygamy is more healthier than nominal monogamy with 'side orders' that is more common with Xtian men.

I already knew that some rodents are going to crawl in freely to gate-crash. Anyway, thanks for the 'Iborun'. Eku ayonuso.