At last, I heaped a sigh of relief when I sighted seun and co from the near distance with the goodies for the fun trip, I knew my over an hour wait in the bus was about to end, we ll finally be leaving J town as they are the last set of people we have all been waiting for. Just before they reached the bus, my phone rang with a rather strange number displayed on my broken screen. I went out of the bus, answered it and was greeted with a calm but audible ‘official’ voice. He introduced himself, pronounced my name and asked for my confirmation, though still surprised I answered in the affirmative. He then proceeded to tell me I was scheduled for an interview at their company’s branch in J town 8am the following day. Still dumbfounded, I nonetheless acknowledged the message before he hung up. I slowly went back inside the big coaster bus thinking about what just happened. We were several minutes into the journey before it came to my mind I sent my resume two months earlier to my sister who had been asking for it for a long time. Her husband is a top notch staff at the company that just called. I started connecting the dots, everything then began to make perfect sense.
Although the trip was organised by a Christian fellowship, it was fun all the way with songs, taunts, games amongst others. The beach, photoshoot, beach soccer and most importantly the food, made my day, it was indeed a fun trip. We arrived back at J town 10pm, I had to sleep at a friend’s as it was too late to go back to my lodge. I received a text that night when I charged my phone to ask for one Mr lalasticlala for the interview the next day.
The next morning, the interview day, I woke up very early to get my CV and stuffs from my lodge. I quickly revised the company’s profile ( I am a fast learner), dust my newly “polished” black chinos, my white (with yellow stripes) shirt my uncle brought from ‘yankee’ was the best shirt I had plus the “akube” shoe I bought from ekenedilichukwu felt like the right combo. I couldn’t eat as I have to report for the interview by 8am. I left home with a great confidence, the additional suit to the outfit made more sense, it was even confirmed by the kind of greetings I met on my way, I was feeling fly.
Though I got to the company at some minutes to 8, I was only graced an entrance by 8am. I entered (still feeling fly) into a beautiful and cool serene which even made me more determined to get the job. I went straight to one of the staffs, introduced myself, and asked for Mr lalasticlala, the gentleman asked me to wait for some minutes. I sat down, surveyed my environment, it was obvious I was the only one there for the interview. Within few minutes, I finally met him right outside his office (he came to give an instruction to a staff) he was a big handsome young man. I greeted him and introduced myself, he just stood there looking at me from head to toe, I was just like “this one never see fine boy before ni” (in my head of course), finally, with a smirk, he asked “are you the one here for the interview?”, “Yes”, I answered. He smiled mischievously and replied “I don’t think so, I believe you are impersonating”. I was confused, not sure of what to say, he cut my thoughts short and said pointing to some place that looks like a walk way, “The rest room is down that way to your right, there is a mirror in there, go and look in it and tell me what you see”. I almost laughed out of confusion, my confidence drained like naija foreign reserve, I was just looking like then eagles coach, amodu whenever his team is losing, the only thing I could do was move my now heavy legs towards the rest room, looked in the mirror and went back to him still dumbfounded, I was just looking at him with confusion. Finally, he brought me to light, he said how I can have a “teddy” like that (banky w style), I told him the interview was on a short notice (and I’m an engineer for crying out loud) then he asked “do you look like anybody here?” pointing to all the other staffs on seat. I felt embarrassed but still smiled anyway. He then asked me to sit and wait for him. I sat for over thirty minutes before one of the staff came to me and told me to go to his office and tell him I’m not ready for the interview that I will come back for it else he will leave me there without attending to me. I was surprised and felt indifferent about it. I thanked him anyways, stood up and walked slowly (like my boxers was starched) towards his office.
I knocked and was asked to come in. He didn’t offer me a sit so I was standing while telling him I wasn’t ready for the interview but will come back at a later time that same day. He starred at me for some seconds and all he could say was “Are you a porn star?” I was shocked and managed to reply; “No Sir”. He then asked another question ‘’why are you keeping nails?” This time I couldn’t give any response but was surprised and kinda angry. I was just thinking; who is this man sef, Na him get the company? Is it until he sees a man selling handkerchief in traffic and still sweating before he realise possession is not ownership? Abi dem send am to me from village? I was still thinking about all these when he again complained on how I packaged my CV at hand. He gave me a brand new envelope and lectured me on how I should look and dress. He even asked if I don’t have money to do them so he could give me. Of course I refused. He agreed for the interview to be postponed to later in the day and I left the office.
I headed straight to my barber's shop then to a boutique. Within an hour, I in fact felt the change, white shirt, black trouser (not my chinos again) black suit, tie and shoe + the new haircut, nna mehn it was cool. I went back there but didn't meet him. I had to wait of course. While waiting, I started feeling sleepy, my eyes became heavy and sluggish like baba rooney then I thought to my self; after all he is not around, make I sleep small jor, but immediately the voice of the elders came to me "young man, it ll not be funny if this man meet you sleeping, persevere, it's only for a short time, for the white rice that refuses the wonderful handshake of the palm oil misses on the opportunity to be jollof " Thank God I reasoned with the elders as ten minutes after I refused to sleep, Mr lalasticlala came in and I followed him straight to his office. He was a different person entirely, he started from the introduction part again acting like we never met. As a sharp guy I played along. The interview process was smooth and the rest is story....


NB::: This is a true life "incident" that unfolded somewhere in Nigeria.
The names used are not real (abi you wan make my boss burst me) and any similarities to any event are purely coincidental.
It should not be reproduced or published without 'referencing' the author.
Please forgive and correct all grammatical blunders and words arrangement, I had to post this with my phone.


bAbAdEE

funny write up, e no easy