A lot of you might find this strange but I think am starting to hate my mother , I find that I always feel this intense anger and hatred whenever I meet her.

Let me start from the beginning , I always thought my mother was this angelic and holy person but I beg to differ now , earlier 2 years ago I meet a lovely Ibo lady who I loved so dearly , am Yoruba by the way , who in turn loved me with all her might. We dated and agreed to tie the knot 2010 , but my evil scheming mother was a thorn in the relationship , her reason was that Ibo's are bad people and that no child of hers would ever marry an Ibo.I remember somewhere in the Bible that it is written to love our enemies , in this case the poor child isn't even an enemy ,she just happens to speak a different language , what is the crime in that.My whole family welcomed her but my mother sensing that she didn't have an ally gradually put the seed of doubt in the whole family , always seeing faults in marrying an Ibo , she would complain about the language thing , the difference in culture siting absurd examples like the Ibo's celebrate the death of minors , rituals , their new yam festival thing being evil and a lot of other things I can't mention.To cut the story short my girlfriend has decided to pull out of the relationship because everybody has now taken sides with my mother.I am very sad at the turn of things and considering not even getting married again.

She has also caused hatred in the family turning her children , excluding moi , against our fathers relations , What kind of mother does that.I can't reply to any comments today but hopefully tomorrow I'll do that.

Sorry about this.  Maybe you need to think about living your life separate from your family.
If you live in your own place and you have a Fulani wife, there's little your mother can do

I think it's a pity your girlfriend left you, but maybe it's for the best. Even if you really love
each other, too much stress from the family can make the love go sour. That's just it.

if you want to marry , then marry and if you dont, stop blaming your mother and while you're at it, leave out all this tribal balderdash.

Your mother can still disagree with your choice of wife even if your girlfriend is the same tribe as you Yoruba but from a different town or village.

If na true story oh!

I know you said that out of frustration. Mothers could be over protective. Have a heart to heart talk with her and give her time she will calm down

What did you do when your mother and the whole family were bad mouthing her

it's sad that your gf wasnt given a chance to prove your mother and her tribal stereotypes otherwise however i dont think that equates to hating her.

yes she might have caused you some deep personal pain by not been open minded about your gf however, i dont think you HATE your mother.

you probably ONLY hate her attitudes/beliefs. i think the word "HATE" is such a strong word to use in describing anyone not to talk of your own

mother. In her mind she was probably thinking that she was doing the right thing for you, her behavior isnt uncommon among some mothers  of all

race and tribes. since your gf has left (who could really blame her? who wants to be married in family that detest you?)

and there's no hope in sight of your mom changing her mind it's either you move on or you continue dwelling in it or take a strong stand against

your mother and her stereotypes.

@Poster,
Hate is a strong word to use so watch what you say.
that said, i believe you are not truly independent because if you are, your mother's sentiments wouldn't have ruined the promise of a perfect conjugal bliss with your lost love.

why would u hate ur mother,a woman who carried u for 9 month and took care of you up till when u meant the so called ibo girl.u better appreciate a mother who speaks out rather than allowing you marry and start frustrating you.because of alady u now hate ur mother,u better wake up.some people will want their mother beside them n did not see them.i LOVE my mother so so much and i follow her instruction and if not for her i wld have picked a wrong choice in marriage

its a pity that at this age parents still want to choose future partners for their children, you know your mom better than anyone here so got to handle her the way she will understand.

some peole just come on here and chat rubbish u love ur mother so much and so fuking what ? did they choose for you mum when she wanted to marry ? for petes sake this is 2009 not 1932. parents are just there to advice and its left for both parties to know what they want since its them going to be in the marriage and not the parents.

also the girl isnt woman enough, agreed there is stress from ur people, but if she truly loves you and know what she wants then together u can make them see reason and get married. because getting married to an ibo lady especially if the guy is yoruba is never easy and you dont expect your parents to say yes or the girls parents to say yes. because of various factors surrounding. it takes time for both families to accept the fact of theire daughter or son marrying into another tribe. i know of inter tribal marriages, yoruba and igbo that took almost 4years for them to get married. and today they are married. tooke the girls parents 1year to agree and the guys parents 1 year and they dated for 2years. so what am saying is marrying from igbo tribe is never easy. but becuase the family dont accept the girl is not enough reason for the girl to walk away, because if yu guys truly love one another then together u will make them accept her and her make her people accept you.

@Poster,Hate is a strong worrrrrrrrrrd to use.So strong.

ifyalways:

@Poster,Hate is a strong worrrrrrrrrrd to use.So strong.

True

@ poster,

Instead of hating on your mother,
why dont you look for an elderly person within your family who she respects and listens to and see if the person can help see the whole suituation from another perspective.

Ok here's the truth you're mum's is being controlled by "juju" (if that's how you call it) she'll snap out of it if she prays in the meanwhile try not to have any close contact

I know our mothers "carried us for 9 months and weaned us and did everything to make us who we are today" and so on and so forth but to be honest some mothers are just plain thorn in the flesh all in the name of being "caring", oh puhlz!

So she prolly wants u to marry a Yoruba girl even if she's stupid and useless but as long as she's from ur tribe then it's all good. Don't make sense one bit.

When will dis tribal war stop? So annoying.

Anyway, don't hate ur mother but try to get things sorted if that'll be possible. 

Exactly ^^

I mean nobody asked to be born but we still appreciate it, I know I do. . .very much. Doesn't mean your mind should now be controlled by your mother even in adulthood. There's time to let go and let your child make his/her own decisions esp. in marriage. After all, it's you who's going to be in the marriage not your mother.

@the person saying the girl is not woman enough, I beg to differ. This is how people die. Abeg no be by force. It's left for the poster to either stand his ground and go on anyway regardless of the negative vibes or lose the girl. period.

PS: you don't hate your mother, no matter what.

hate for your mother accomplishes nothing. try finding a way to appease her.
your girlfriend running away does not solve anything either.
only proves to her that she is not ready to weather the storm.
i was hoping she would try to fight to overcome this with you.
it's left to you now to look for methods to show your mother that your girl is a keeper
regardless of her tribe.

Mom is obviously a control freak - Even if you marry your Okoro Babe, Mama will take the cake as the 'Worst Mother-In-Law'.

Try to forgive her and move on.

Hate is a strong words, judging from your story, i dnt see nothing wrong wit her discussion
Any mother in her position will likely react the same way,
My advice,discuss the issue with her and i bet she will give in

tRoOE:

Hate is a strong words, judging from your story, i dnt see nothing wrong wit her discussion
Any mother in her position will likely react the same way,
My advice,discuss the issue with her and i bet she will give in

OH SHIT TROOOOOOOLLLLLEYYYYYYYYYY OMO EKO IKEBE SUPER
how have you been nau. how is married life?
have you pooped out baby #1 yet?

@post
So nobody in your family can marry outside thier tribe then? and since your whole family agree with your mother it means they've agreed to that.

amu fine nau. good to see yu lol

pls don't hate ur mother o

I think people just have to wake up and realise that tribe has nothing to do with marriage.

It's unfortunate, but for those who are saying the lady is not 'woman enough' to weather the storm, let me just say, try putting yourself or your sister in such a situation and see if you'd advise someone you love to weather what could eventually be a dead end.

It doesn't have to be a dead end if this dude is 100% sure that's the woman he loves and wants t marry.
He needs to be certain if he wants to live his life separately from his family. That's where the struggle is in situations like this.
I don't blame her for taking a hike though.

Treetop thank you for breaking it down

Treetop20:

oh please!
this isn't the case. why would anyone want to marry into a family that
doesn't want them? it doesn't even seem like the guy is willing to go through
with the marriage without the support of his mother. some mothers out there are plain EVIL

I'm not disagreeing with you at all.
Is she getting married to the man or the family?
Times have changed.  Family support is crucial, but it isn't the be all end all,
I understsand why she walked away.  The man doesn't seem to be very sure of what he wants in my opinion.
If your family is the kind to hold steadfast to stupid, unsavory traditional bigotry and you decide not to be a part of that, you reserve the right as a man to walk away firmly from it with your head held high.
You lose your family support if they decide to disown you but your bravery should be applauded .
I never said it was easy though.
This man does not appear to be bold enough to take that risk.
The woman did the right thing I suppose.

Outstrip:

Treetop thank you for breaking it down

I won't pretend to be an expert on the dynamics of marriage.
I understand your angle of approach to the issue, believe me.
I wouldn't advice my sisters or aunts to marry into a family where they are not wanted.
With that said, I don't subscribe to the African mentality of "my family's way or no way at all"

A man like this just needs to make it plain from the beginning that he knows his family is trouble but that he is willing to cut them off if they cross the line. So do you think that is possible? Of course it is not possible. Imagine if they get married and she does not conceive right away. Can you imagine the hell that a family like this will put this woman through. Some people just do not know when to back off and I am sorry but our African parents take it to a whole new level. Maybe if the boy goes to his mother and tells her that he does not want her in his life for what she has done. She will change her behavior quick quick but we know he will not do it. He would rather come here and say he hates her.

@poster

You're an idiot.