Some of us might have missed this topic when it appeared on the front page.

The thread which was centred on the hustle of a regular Nigerian soon attracted sympathy and got some concerned Nigerians donating money to NL within the thread.

I will post some of the extract in episode for us to see how their adversity showcased their comedy and writing skills, admist bringing laughter to readers and good sum of money to the broke.

*NIGERIA HAS FINISHED ME*
Episode 1

Ee come be like say everything for this country dey harsh, mosquitoes come harsh pass. No insecticide dey kill them again, abi dem don mutate come develope resistance for insecticide. I don spray tire, pour snipper sotey na me the snipper wan come kill. To breathe na wahala, still mosquitoes dey bite, sulk and even chew.
The other day I no sabi as rat take run enter my kitchen. I no even border myself to look for am. I just secure my certificate them because I know say if hunger finish with am for that my kitchen, the next thing him go do na to dey find my certificate. This morning, na so I see the rat lie down for my kitchen. I been think say him don die until I notice say him dey breath small small and dey blink him eyes. I just use broom sweep the thing comot.
The huzzling is real!

Episode 2

If I no complain, who go complain?? Money, I no see, food don turn to 0-1-0. Ask person for money, he go look you like say you be visitor for this country. Na now I understand why Buhari say him go dey give us 5k monthly. Him been plan to turn all of us to beggars.
The last time, na so I waka enter orange market. People Begin shout thief thief, I dey look back because wetin dey my mind na to thief wetin I go chop that afternoon but instead, wetin I see humble me. Na cos of ordinary one mudu of rice them nearly late one man for Mararaba o. Person wey dey hungry dey follow beat the man.
No food and to thief self, people ready kill you. We go survive sha. Na how I go move my neighbour food dey hungry me so abi na to go sell myself make I see food eat!!

Episode 3

Wen I bin dey small dey tell us sey we be the leaders of tomorrow na we don grow finish go school finish still yet nothing dey, those old men we rule my papa still dey rule us now and dey fit rule our unborn children join, emerging buhari wey rule naija for 1984 dat time dey never born me still dey rule uptill now na Obasanjo I go talk aby na TY danjuma or IBB? Dey tell us we be d minority still yet dey no wan leave us mek we go fine our way, for dis country to better make dem divide am, leave us Biafrans mek we fine our way, abeg if u get Niger Delta Avengers contact abeg help me with am na them be d only people wey dey give me joy.
my brother, I don reason all these things I don tire..
Assuming say them say make biafrans go their way..u know say the poor no go still get any level? na dem ekeremadu and rochas go still dey the helms of affair...
we go start the 'e go better' song all over again...
the reason why we dey shout Biafra shey na because everywhere don cast for the con3..
the thing dey affect Igbo, Yoruba , Hausa ...we all dey in this mess together...

Episode 4

Na so one mumu dey send me txt say him don deactivate my ATM, say make I call one number make dem unblock am. Person wan scam broke ar'se dude like me. If him see my account t balance, him go weep for me. I don receive that same txt from 5 different people, I come dey wonder how many other guys dey hussle like dat, everybody don turn bank customer care wey dey block people ATM card. Ee come be like say yahoo no pay again.
These ones dey dey shout self employment like say dem papa get bank wey dey dash people capital. They will tell you "Think of a need and fufil that need, then you will be a rich man".

The only need wey I don see na poverty!

Episode 5

Na for harsh times na him talent dey come out oo. The most amazing talents are born out of hunger and survival instincts.
Me self don dey try nuture other talents, I don dey discover say I get small ability to control my dream, like say na script me dey write and act am at the same time.
Anytime hunger too wire me, I wash my plate and spoon, keep am under my pillow and sleep off. When I land for dream, food go show!
I come extend this my talent to robbing banks in the dream. I don rob almost all Nigerian banks even cbn for dream; the problem be say the money no dey gree follow me wake up.
I still dey work on perfecting this my skill. Who knows, one day I can be able to drag my stolen wealth from dream to my bed side.

Episode 6

Person go finish school, after the struggle to go night class everyday, spend better money for seminar and project..struggle graduate with 2.1....spend one long year dey serve him country....yet he no go see job after everything..na this kind life person suppose to dey live?
Some of us don even vex do MSC join...yet no level...
E come be like say we just dey fool ourselves for this country..
some mumu go come here dey shout PDP and APC yet money no dey enter their pocket..them just dey here dey form political analyst..no level..
All the better jobs wey dey this country na for big men children.. if your papa no get money, the chance of you being anything/anybody eventually slim pass broom..
Which kind life be this??

Episode 7

This one hunger dey show for person face like say na tribal mark, oyibo go look u one eye for embassy realise say hunger don reset ur brain, say if him stamp your visa now, u fit go pregnant all the girls wey dey him country so him go stamp rejection for ur application.
Na so I just play-play go apply for one abroad university for masters like say I get shishi to fund am. 24hrs later, dem don approve my application sharp-sharp, grant me provissional admission come dey even call me for phone to go pay school fees sharp-sharp. Na him I realise say the huzzling is real and don dey enter international level. The guy come dey call me for phone every 2 hrs like say him Papa dash mE money for abroad school fees.
As I dey so, my brain don block. I know no wether I go even fit find 'x' again for any mathematical equation. Na so we look for 'x' everyday for secondary school like say na we throway am.
We come enter university come dey find 'Dee x' like say the one wey we find for secondary school no do them. Shey we don find all 'x' and 'Dee x' finish like say tomorrow no dey, now to get better work na wahala. Na him den dey call me to go pay abroad school fees for masters...


I don ask the guy for scholarship. The guy say dem go give me 10% off if I pay within 1 month. I don calculate the 10% come tell am make him send me the 10% as cash so that I go complete an with my own money go pay the 100%. Ee be like the guy don realise say na scam me self be. Him don respect himself no call me again.

Episode 8

If u deh do part time come dey think say - shey make leave work wey graduate dey find go school den later later come join the graduates dey look for work?

No try am oo! No be we wey pack our load go live for school like say school na career. We been dey mock people wey dey do part time those days like say our own better. Most of them dey work like u come dey manage part time.

As we don laugh them finish, how body be us?, nothing dey campus so no try am!

Na only small-small children wey their Papa dey send small money go come dey chase u upandan like say dem fit afford all their fake effizy.
If to say I learn mechanic with the 11yrs+ I spend for secondary school and university, I for don be specialist for car maintenance like oga Gazzuzz, mayor and siena them.

We carry paper certificate, laminate am like say na precious paper come store am inside folder go hide for inside bag make rat no chop am.

Episode 9

I for say make you go church for dileverance as e be like say them follow you from village.
But when you go church, the pastor wey get 3 private jets, countless cars and houses go still tell you "you must sacrifise something". First fruit, tithe, vat, tax, new month offering, first son dues, till them collect all the money wey you save from NYSC
The painful part be say you ar more likely to be " blessed" with riches playing baba ijebu or bet9ja than for the scamming pastors prayer to wok for you.
By the time you dey go house and you enter bus wey be one chance.....by the time them search you no see money.....carry you go ATM and na 200 naira dey your account....your own don be.

last episode

I talk am! Shey dem don carry the thread go put for front page. Person no kukuma get privacy again! No where is safe to even lament again.
Abeg, make I go my diary go lament, make I see who go carry am put front page again.



make I go hustle kerosene warm indomie.

www.nairaland.com/3210525/nigeria-finished-me