How would you advice a woman who just discovered that the land she gave her husband money to buy for them was bought in the name of the husband’s mum?

If there is no violence or promiscuity involved in a marriage, I will say keep on working on it. But when a man uses YOUR OWN money to buy land for HIS OWN mother without telling you, what do you do? Stay on and demand that he changes the name to what you thought it would be which is Mr A and Mrs B Lagbaja and continue with the marriage if he corrects it? And if he does not correct it as he saying he won’t? And also refusing to talk about the issue? But what would make a man think of such deception? His own money is not involved in the procurement of that land as the woman is the higher income earner.

I am stumped. Really. A part of me says because there is no physical violence and promiscuity, she should work on the marriage still. But a part of me believes that this man can kill her! He is not an only child by the way so if my friend had not discovered (she had to go to the Alausa to check when the man still did not bring the papers home after 2 years, only to find out that the land is in Mama’s name) and Mama had died without bequeathing the land to her daughter in law (which is most likely what would happen), the land would have been shared by some other people?

I think she needs to leave that marriage. The man is evil.

My fellow Nairalanders, what do you say?

Something is definitely wrong somewhere.
The woman should dialogue with her husband.

Flexherbal:
Something is definitely wrong somewhere.
The woman should dialogue with her husband.

I honestly agree with you

Richy4:
Communication is the key here.....He owe her an explanation....since the money was hers....She should calm down and demand that he explain to her the way he would have explained to a five year old why he did that.....I do not know the reason behind his action but if there was no proper explanation, that singular act could sow a seed of discord between the mother and the mother in law....

I agree. Imagine the old womn dying and willing that plot of land to one of her daughter while the woman who actually paid for the land is left out for no apparent fault of hers. There are many thing that need to be explained here.

My husband used my hard earned money to buy a piece of land for his mum and deceived me all these years that he did otherwise, and you guys say communication is key? What happened to ' honey, I used your money to buy land but I bought it in mama's name',everyday for two years? He slept by her side, had sexual relations all throughout that time,dined with her, yet he said nothing? Haba! There are some things we hear and we should tell ourselves the simple truth. That man is a wicked man and he can kill. Imagine, he also refuses to talk about it. Where then does the communication come in? He did this with cold deliberation and precise actions.

If it were the wife who did this to the husband, I bet most, if not all,the guys here will scream blue murder and demand that she be thrown out. My take is the wife should leave that marriage. Some marriages are not worth the efforts. If a husband can deceive his wife for two years, he can plan her murder and get away with it.

Wowzerful!

Hian! Chai! Eeeeewe! Tufia!

Madam, you married an azzzzxhole(pardon my french pls) but this situation isn't enough to end the marriage. It just shows that the man is not to be trusted ni(which inexplicably means marriage has technically ended) Biko, don't say I'm talking from both sides of my mouth o. My point is just that this isn't enough to leave the institution but enough to separate the venture. This is quite simple, madam should not vex, just watch what oga intents to do with the land eventually. No need to fight, no need to make noise, no need to bring the subject up again. Just know in your hearts of the hearts that your money entered voicemail. If the guy eventually decides to build on it, hopefully, the family would move in there and the deed might eventually pass on to your kids. If he sells, try to be a good girl and hope some crumbs land on your laps.

All in all, think about the investment as a bad one then stop joining ventures with him. Biko do your invest with your money far from his reach, spend your money on yourself while you are able to enjoy it, invest on your kids, take care of your extended family(if you can) and just try to make yourself happy. Life is really too short to have so much sorrows.

Your bobo na con man.

fluxbush:
My husband used my hard earned money to buy a piece of land for his mum and deceived me all these years that he did otherwise, and you guys say communication is key? What happened to ' honey, I used your money to buy land but I bought it in mama's name',everyday for two years? He slept by her side, had sexual relations all throughout that time,dined with her, yet he said nothing? Haba! There are some things we hear and we should tell ourselves the simple truth. That man is a wicked man and he can kill. Imagine, he also refuses to talk about it. Where then does the communication come in? He did this with cold deliberation and precise actions.

If it were the wife who did this to the husband, I bet most, if not all,the guys here will scream blue murder and demand that she be thrown out. My take is the wife should leave that marriage. Some marriages are not worth the efforts. If a husband can deceive his wife for two years, he can plan her murder and get away with it.

spot on, for that run to the nearest bar and collect 2bottles of HERO.

fluxbush:
My husband used my hard earned money to buy a piece of land for his mum and deceived me all these years that he did otherwise, and you guys say communication is key? What happened to ' honey, I used your money to buy land but I bought it in mama's name',everyday for two years? He slept by her side, had sexual relations all throughout that time,dined with her, yet he said nothing? Haba! There are some things we hear and we should tell ourselves the simple truth. That man is a wicked man and he can kill. Imagine, he also refuses to talk about it. Where then does the communication come in? He did this with cold deliberation and precise actions.

If it were the wife who did this to the husband, I bet most, if not all,the guys here will scream blue murder and demand that she be thrown out. My take is the wife should leave that marriage. Some marriages are not worth the efforts. If a husband can deceive his wife for two years, he can plan her murder and get away with it.

Absolutely on point!

I won't say leave.... I would say this:

sisisioge:

Wowzerful!
Hian! Chai! Eeeeewe! Tufia!
Madam, you married an azzzzxhole(pardon my french pls) but this situation isn't enough to end the marriage. It just shows that the man is not to be trusted ni(which inexplicably means marriage has technically ended) Biko, don't say I'm talking from both sides of my mouth o. My point is just that this isn't enough to leave the institution but enough to separate the venture. This is quite simple, madam should not vex, just watch what oga intents to do with the land eventually. No need to fight, no need to make noise, no need to bring the subject up again. Just know in your hearts of the hearts that your money entered voicemail. If the guy eventually decides to build on it, hopefully, the family would move in there and the deed might eventually pass on to your kids. If he sells, try to be a good girl and hope some crumbs land on your laps.
All in all, think about the investment as a bad one then stop joining ventures with him. Biko do your invest with your money far from his reach, spend your money on yourself while you are able to enjoy it, invest on your kids, take care of your extended family(if you can) and just try to make yourself happy. Life is really too short to have so much sorrows.
Your bobo na con man.

Collenshy2020:

spot on, for that run to the nearest bar and collect 2bottles of HERO.

I am a teetotaler. Can I take Fanta?

Your husband has wronged you.

Its unfortunate you can't trust him again, and you shouldn't when it comes to issues of money.

You don't have to leave the marriage, but a vital part of it is gone- trust.

Just live your life, and watch out for yourself as there's no one to do that for you.
if you can try and save towards buying another property/land for your old age, do so.

It may take time but what choice have you when you've picked a financially irresponsible person to build your life with?

Sowie, OP....

fluxbush:
I am a teetotaler. Can I take Fanta?

i dnt encourage such drink, buh in order not to be unphilantropic, collect a bottle of medium stout with a piece of meat.

There's really no point crying over split milk cos a guy that can do that will not even be ready to change the name on the documents back to their initial agreement. She's learnt a lesson. Henceforth, she should do whatever she wants to do in her own name. No more joint accounts or whatever.

Leaving the marriage is an extreme measure. There are other worse cases out there.

Deception will destroy the trust in a relationship or marriage. It's bad enough that he was deceitful in how he used your money, it's worse that he has refused to talk about it (either because he is proud and feels he had the right to do what he did and owes you no explanation, or because there're other things he's hiding). In either case, you gotta nip this in the bud before it gets worse.

Call the mom and tell her the husband duped you by using the money from you to buy her the land

Looking at it from a different prospective, what if he wanted to give him mum something before she died? What if at that time he had a plan of refunding or surprising the wife with another plot of land? But then again, he should have spoken to his wife about it and came out clean.
He lied about it for two whole years so I don't think that's what was what he intended.
She even had to find out on her own?
I don't think I can ever trust someone who does that to me. Not sure I would be immediately request a divorce though. I mean I would give him a chance to explain himself and we'll see how it goes. However, we might need to take a break/ time off to allow me clear my head.

raumdeuter:
Call the mom and tell her the husband duped you by using the money from you to buy her the land

The old woman has died and the man is her only son...

Yieldings:
Deception will destroy the trust in a relationship or marriage. It's bad enough that he was deceitful in how he used your money, it's worse that he has refused to talk about it (either because he is proud and feels he had the right to do what he did and owes you no explanation, or because there're other things he's hiding). In either case, you gotta nip this in the bud before it gets worse.

Refusal to talk about it is where the issue is. Since he is the only son, it is very likely that mama will bequeath the land back to him-- that way it still belongs to both him and his wife since they are already aging. This may not be the best way to do things really, but let's assume he is trying to please he old woman, but then, he should have been open about it.

No, it's not.

Jopasdaughter:


Refusal to talk about it is where the issue is. Since he is the only son, it is very likely that mama will bequeath the land back to him-- that way it still belongs to both him and his wife since they are already aging. This may not be the best way to do things really, but let's assume he is trying to please he old woman, but then, he should have been open about it.

Yieldings:
No, it's not.

Are you suggesting that they should go their separate ways? Is that enough to warrant that?

Where in my posts above did I make that suggestion?

Jopasdaughter:

Are you suggesting that they should go their separate ways? Is that enough to warrant that?