FOREWORD
Good women are one set of people the society cannot do without but unfortunately they are today one set of people becoming fewer and fewer, and that is why this write-up is timely and relevant for the motivation and procreation of such women. The word "good" was God's first description in appreciation of His own handiwork, He evaluated all and remarked that "It was very good" (Gen. 1:31).

In evaluating a good woman and her marriage experience, such woman must have been a good lady who prayed to God for the choice of the bone of her bone and flesh of her flesh, and is married with the consent of her parents. She received their blessings like Rebekah in Genesis 24. Proverb 31:10 says; "A good woman who can find? For her price is far above rubies". Before she is a good woman, she faces challenges with the fear of God and holds Him as her all in all, the creator and the solution of her life's problems.

Before we can call someone "a good woman", she must possess some qualities that her husband, relations, children and even neighbours and friends can emulate and glorify God for on her behalf. A good woman is not a woman without problems but one who faces those problems trusting in God and holding tight to His promises. She has many challenges in marriage from her husband, relations, children and so on. She does not run away from storms, rather she faces them and laughs at them all with the backing of God Almighty. Her motto is "God first" because He is the beginning and the end of wisdom she needs to succeed in her marital life. Thereby, her victory is sure and she is full of testimonies of God's goodness, as a righteous woman.

She knows fully well that her ministry as a woman is ordained of God her creator and a God given assignment. She tries her best to maintain her home without grumbling, she settles all problems on her kneels in personal prayers, fasting and vigils, not running helter skelter looking for the prophet of Baal who are deceitful and idol worshippers who will only succeed in adding to her problems.

She also knows that God is her rewarder and her earthly husband represents her heavenly groom, Jesus Christ. She is totally committed to the care of her husband, maintains the marriage ordinances of genuine love, faithfulness, kindness and hospitality. She is transparently honest, trustworthy and hardworking. She trains up God's heritages (her children) in the fear of God. She gives her home delicious food regularly.

Being a good woman is not an easy task for she must be a mother, a teacher, a cook, a steward, a priestess, a counselor, a preacher of the word of God to her family, relations and other people who come her way. She is the crown of her husband, a lover of God and enemy of Satan. She holds her home in a very high esteem, hence, her husband enjoys staying more at home rather than going about looking for deceitful harlots. Her husband enjoys her cooking rather than charmed foods in restaurants, where somebody called "the bossom of fire".

Above all, she is never tired of doing good. She does not allow evil to overcome her as she performs her duty without deceit like Deborah, Dorcas and Mary the mother of Jesus. She will be crowned and anointed with the oil of gladness above her brethren as written in Hebrews 1:9. Her husband and children will call her blessed of the Lord. Length of days, honour, peace, good health (free of hypertension) and eternal kingdom with God are the divine rewards of a God fearing, hardworking and good woman. Read on and contact more insights and revelations. The importance of the good woman in the society can never be over-emphasised.

INTRODUCTION
Proverbs 31:10 says; "who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies". Without doubt, women are many but a good woman is scarce and their species is gradually under threat of extinction, to could be referred to as an endangered species, because day in day out you wonder where the virtues that distinguished the women of old have gone. The population of women without godly virtues has continually been on the increase from bible times. It is not that they did not exist in those days because even from the Bible times there have been examples and chief amongst the dangerous women was the example of Jezebel a symbol of death and disaster. In fact, she was so powerful that I would say she did not get exterminated at her death because today the spirit of Jezebel is still at work in many.

I have been doing a research on unanswered questions in the Bible and interestingly, this verse is one of the unanswered questions, "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies". That question remained unanswered and what I discovered is that when bible questions are not directly and immediately answered, there is something crucial about the issue and It calls for special attention from he that is wise. does that mean no-one can find one or does it mean no one is rich enough to buy one? Certainly not, all It means is that they are scarce. Surely, you will agree with me that women are many but wives are scarce. Not all women are fit for marriage. A good or virtuous woman is a woman that equally qualifies as a wife and logically as an in-law, a woman that qualifies as a mother that qualifies as a spiritual leader.

Unfortunately, civilization is not helping matters in any way. The rate of moral decadence is making such very rare to find. Many women walking the streets today are morally bankrupt and it is sad that what they think is making them attractive to men is exactly what is making them unattractive or in other words, those things exactly are the things which attract irresponsible men to them, things that attract men I call "use and dump" to them. They have thereby turn from human beings to human things.

I once seized the opportunity of being a lecturer to do a small research on the thinking of men about modern ladies, to know may be I am just achaic, an "old school" type with baseless negative impression about most modern ladies, their attitudes, their presentation and their way of life. I asked the boys in the class, "how many of you like these ladies who dressed in skimpy clothes?" Virtually all of them raised their hands, some even raised their legs together with the hands. Then I asked a second question, "how many of you will like to marry them?" The response was shocking and right before the ladies in the class none of the boys who said they like them raised their hands. In fact, one of them said, "saying we like them is not in the sense of marrying them". I then used the opportunity to talk to the ladies and the summary of it is, "what you think is attracting the men is only attracting lust to you not love for you".

The sense of a good or virtuous woman is an all encompassing one, she must be good in all spheres of life, she is what I call a "total woman" and I think that is the more reason why they are scarce and difficult to find. Hence, in this write-up we shall together examine what factors or character traits in the nature of women make one woman good or otherwise with the aim of highlighting these factors or character traits and the intention of making the woman of today to imbibe in such in bid to becoming a better person. No man is yet perfect until we attain to the fullness of His glory, therefore, we must make conscious effort and sometimes task ourselves in our bid to achieving perfection. We shall look at the good woman as a wife and logically as an in-law, we shall look at her as a mother and as a leader in the society even as we take scriptural characters and examine the things that made us call them good. May God grant us understanding as we read.

CHAPTER 1

GOD'S MARRIAGE FORMULA

The sense of a good or virtuous woman is an all encompassing one, she must be good in all spheres of life, as earlier said, she is one I call a "total woman". To find one, you must be blind, dumb and deaf, in other words you cannot find a good woman with your sense organs, you need the favour of God. We are, therefore, in the write-up a project called the "search for a good woman".

We cannot talk of the good woman and the marriage experience without talking about what marriage is, hence, inevitably we must treat the two hand in hand. A woman, no matter her age, that is not married cannot become a wife, even if she is living with a man, something inside her will continually tell her she is not safe, she is not a wife and a day will surely come when she will have to confront that reality of life. What then is marriage? Marriage is the union of a man and woman who consensually agreed to become husband and wife and therefore took steps to formalise that union. The first marriage (Gen. 2:18) was instituted by God and that is why today we refer to marriage as an institution. This institution is sacred, but not many know this and that ignorance has caused them misfortunes. According to Genesis 2:18, the marriage institution was initiated by God for these reasons:

1. To solve the problem of loneliness in the life of the man,
2. To give a helper that looks like him. Remember a dog can be a helper likewise a donkey etc. but God wants a helper that looks like him, that will reason like him, that will have freewill like him and can preempt his needs.
3. To procreate. His species must not be an endangered species because of the functionality of the ecosystem, therefore, there is the need for procreation. In fact, God gave it to them as duty; "Then God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and every living thing that moves on the earth" Genesis 1:28.
4. Another reason, though which was not indicative in the initial plan of God at creation in Genesis 2:18 but which was necessitated as a consequence of procreation, is to prevent fornication, ".... to avoid fornication, let every man have his on wife, and let every woman have her own husband". (1Cor.7:2). Fornication is sexual activity outside marriage and it is a sin, an abomination before God. If you want to enjoy sex, then get married, however, the purpose of marriage should supercede sex. There is more to it than meets the eyes.

Marriage needs to be formalised, that is to say, it is not a secret institution, people must witness it (even if only two) as God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) and possibly the hosts of heaven, witnessed the marriage in the Garden of Eden. The means of formalising a marriage is termed wedding. Since we do want to assume that all readers know about this, we small, as brief as possible, explain the rudiments. There are basically three recognised types of wedding: Church wedding, Civil wedding and Traditional wedding.

1. The church wedding is best recommended for a child of God, a Christian. It is used to be called a write-up wedding because it is meant for virgins, women who have never had sexual encounter before and same for men, but where are the virgins today? They are an endangered species though they are not extinct yet. It is one of the devices of the devil that we shall discuss later.
The church wedding is a process of joining the couple in holy wedlock through the exchange of vows to obey God's commandments in relation to marriage, filled by the signing of the marriage register, and thereafter, the church, through the Pastor in charge, declares the couple, "Husband and Wife".

2. Civil wedding can be done by all and sundry, for the state to recognise the union legally. It is necessary for those who get married in the church also to be recognised by the state. A civil wedding is a process whereby the intention to get wedded is brought to notice of the Local authority (as the case may be) and a notice is put for a specified period of time(according to constitution of the land) and if no opposition is raised to that intention during the specified period, the couples are joined by signing of a marriage register and two witnesses also sign as a testimony, thereby main the couple Husband and wife.

3. The traditional wedding is conducted in accordance to the law and custom of the land. This process involves the two families of the couples as traditionally, in Africa, more often than not, marriage is considered as a union of the two families involved and not just a union of the husband and wife. Traditional custom and rites, which vary from custom to custom, are performed and the woman is handed over to the man and they thereby become husband and wife.

From the three angles divorce is not encouraged, although for the civil wedding, when the marriage is considered broken down irreparably, divorce may be grand by the magistrate court, for the church wedding divorce is not permitted at all except probably on the ground of adultery(Mat. 5:32), where for the traditional wedding is varies from place to place, It is more difficult in certain cultures, one must continue to endure It no matter what comes his/her way.

For church wedding and civil wedding, only one man and woman are permitted, there is no promise on for polygamy. It must be monogamy as long as the spouse is alive. The oath taken is "till death do us part". Any attempt by the spouse to seek fulfilment outside with another person is adultery and so a sin before God. In civil wedding It is extra-marital affairs and marrying another person while that marriage has not been dissolved by the court is a contravention of civil law and is a crime called bigamy. As for traditional wedding, more often than not, provisions are made for polygamous family system and that is why we recommend, amidst other reasons, the church wedding for a Christian.

Many who are married today have regretted doing so because of the unfortunate incidents they have experienced or are experiencing. A thing that should be a source of joy unto them forever hasn't suddenly turned into sorry for reasons they never envisaged before going into it. Nobody get married with the expectation to regret, however, that has been the reality of many marriages today. Of all the decisions a man makes in his life, I will say the decision to get married is the most critical. Critical in the sense that there is no going back, It can determine whether or not you are going to heaven, It can determine whether or not you will live long, It can determine whether or not you will make It in life, it determines a lot of things in a man's life. If you make mistake in choosing a course in the university It is amendable, just take a PGD form and you are back on the path. Anyhow, we have seen someone who studied Yoruba Education working in a Bank, we have seen an Engineer working as a journalist and TV Presenter, we have seen a teacher become a business woman and what have you, but It is not with marriage. If you make mistake of buying a fake electronic set, it will only cost you money, not so with marriage.
TBC

Continuation

Do not be wise in your own eyes, seek God's opinion before you choose, and if you are already married I can only wish you good luck. One insight I got about marriage is that It can be likened to a man going for an interview and standing beside the road to catch a Bus instead his friend driving a car saw him and ask him where he was going and since It was the same route he hopped into the car. As simple and wise as that decision seems, It could determine a lot of things in his life and change the course of his destiny. The least of his possible misfortunes is to miss that interview. Supposing the car had a flat tyre on the 3rd Mainland Bridge in Lagos for example, and they picked the extra tyre to change it but found out the extra tyre is also flat, will it be easy for him to abandon his friend in that bridge? He will miss that interview. Even if his friend is understanding and says he can go since it's an interview, how soon will he get a ride on that bridge? Another situation is that supposing his friend has been billed to have an accident that morning, the same fate will befall them both. Supposing before his friend picked him, armed robbers had been trailing the friend, he would be a victim of armed robbery attack which outcome is unpredictable. Supposing they are not armed robbers, they are hired assassins, what is the chance that he is not dying with his friend.

As simple and harmless as that his decision on that journey looks, it holds the key to his destiny because he has thereby joined his fate with his friend's. More so, marriage is a journey of life, with that decision you are joining your destiny with that of your spouse, hence, you need to be sure where your spouse is coming from and where he is going. The scripture says; "Can two walk together, except they be agreed? (Amos 3:3). To walk with another, you are signing a "warrant", and if the case of marriage, an "affidavit" to join your destiny together. If you are on the path to heaven and you decide to "walk" with one on the path to hell, the tendency is higher that you will end up in hell rather than the other ending in heaven. "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" (2 Cor. 6:14). Every decision a man makes is a determinant of his fortune and misfortunes and that is why the Bible says, "Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring It to pass" (Ps. 37:5).

Marriage is a lifetime decision and recently, I came to the conclusion that the recessional hymn for weddings should be a song in Yoruba language which says, "gbe agbelebu re, o wuwo tabi ko wuwo, ma to jesu lehin, ko bo ninu ebi" (meaning carry your cross, whether heavy or not, follow jesus and be vindicated). Believe it or not, everyone going into a marriage, whether he choose rightly or not, has a cross to carry the only difference is that a cross is different from another. If God is involved in that affair, Then your cross is far lighter than if he is not involved. Remember the Bible says; "Come unto me, all ye that later and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest... for my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Mat. 28:11, 13).

Consequently,the yoke of a woman who does not qualify as a good woman is difficult and her burden is heavy and the husband must carry it together with his own and vice-versa. For you to capture the reality of what we are talking about here, let me tell you one or two life experienced stories. There was this story of a woman who after the church wedding, lock the door, looked at the husband and said, "after all the period of courtship, you still don't know me, let me reveal myself to you". The husband was still wondering what she was talking about when suddenly, on the bed she changed into a big snake and after some minutes turned into again into a human being. The husband was terrified and she told him, "it must never come out of your mouth, on the day is happens, you shall die". He lived in that condition for quite some time until brethren in the church noticed he was getting thinner every passing day, a new wedded should be growing fatter, so, they asked him what was wrong. For some time he was not brave enough to open his mouth to say it but when he couldn't not bear it any longer, he came to the point of Esther, "if I die, I die" and bare his burden unto men of God. He underwent deliverance session and they follow him home to confront the wife only to discover that the woman had disappeared, the only trace of her was a lot of water on the floor. The man then knew, in a hard way, the value of the advice he was given by a man of God not to married the woman, and which he rejected. That is an example of the devil's burden.

The other story is even more pathetic and if happened to someone I know personally. She was the daughter of a church deacon and she was advised not to marry this muslim brothers but she refused saying she has found the love of her life because the man was caring and facially gentle ( for I also know him being a friend to my friend who is a bit older than I). The mother did all she could and begged her but to no avail, there for, her parents refused to partake in their wedding but she went ahead. Within months, the true colour of the man came out and the gentle muslim brother started giving her samples of beatings even while she was pregnant. Sometimes, he will lock the door so that people will not rescue her, for they live in a "face me and face trouble" house. She had several abortions from beatings and finally one day during one of such beatings in pregnancy, things got complicated and she started bleeding, she was rushed to the hospital where she gave up the ghost. Eni a wi fun, Oba je ki o gbo ( Whoever is warned, may God let him hear). Marriage is not a thing to rush into, you need to sincerely seek the face of God before you go into it. I can continue to tell you several other stories I heard during counseling, but a word, they say, is enough for the wise.

THE DEVICES OF THE DEVIL

We are not ignorant of the devices of the devil and that is why we know that in what we call civilisation which has brought about moral decadence and the scarcity of good women, the hand of the devil is very much in it. As always, the devil knows that a family founded on Christ is a deadly weapon against his kingdom, hence, more than ever, he is concentrating his efforts on destroying the family base which leads us to another unanswered question in the Bible, "If the foundation be destroyed, what can the righteous do? (Ps 11:3). Technically, as far as I know, the only solution to a faulty foundation is to bring down the building and reconstruct the foundation, and another alternative which will not stand the test of time and eventually lead to collapse is to patch it up by raising pillars and beams to support the house. Unfortunately, the first option which is the best option for a faulty foundation and which in marriage translates into divorce is not permitted in a Christian marriage, for the Bible says emphatically, "For the LORD God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one's garment with violence", Says the LORD of hosts. "Therefore take heed to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously" (Mat 2:16). The second option of patching it up is however very painful and killing, and in fact, it has led to the untimely deaths of many as you see in the example above.

From facts and experience, I discovered that the problem of about 65% of marriages today is foundational, while the remaining 35% can be attributed to other reasons such as communication breakdown, carelessness in allowing small issues to degenerate before alarm is sounded, ignorance of the principles of marriage and marital infidelity. The plan of the devil in destroying the strong Christian family base does not only start after wedding, rather it is focussed on the following areas which sometimes don't even have immediate impact on marriages:

1. DEVALUATION OF VIRGINITY. The devil is making sure virginity is not valued anymore. Virginity is an issue which is not promoted anymore in our society except now that HIV/AIDS is opening the eyes of some to know that the surest prevention is abstinence, to zip up. One major value in a good woman is that she is a virgin untimely the wedding night. Oftentimes in the bible, another name of an unmarried woman is a virgin (Gen. 24:16, 43; Lev. 21:3; Deut. 22:19) because that is God's expectation of a good woman. Since every Christian man under the New Testament is suppose to be a priest, hear God's recommendation for them on whom to marry, "And he shall take a wife in her virginity, A widow, or a divorced woman, or profane, or an harlot, these shall he not take: but he shall take a virgin of his own people to wife" (Lev. 21:13-14). You can, therefore, see how important virginity is to God and how he opposes the promiscuous woman. Know this for sure, you can never get a man to marry by offering sex, you will only succeed in putting him off. Accept it up not, usually, once a man has tasted a woman sexually outside wedlock, the woman has no little or no value to him again. Didn't you read the story of Amnon and Tamar? The scripture records in 2 Samuel 13:12-15;
"And she answered him, "No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing should be done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing!" And I, where could I take my shame? And for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king; for here will not withhold me from you." However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her. Then Amnon hates her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, Arise, be gone!"

As you see from the scripture, lost begets sexual cravings and once that is achieved hatred sets in. Any man that is interested or pressurising you for sex outside wedlock is most likely only going to use and dump you. Therefore, keep your virginity if you have not lost it already, and if you have, make a covenant with God not to do it again until after wedding and you will reap the fruit thereof.

Another issue here is that some think if is fashionable, it is the in - thing and everyone is doing it. That "everyone is doing it" is a lie of the devil and even if that is true, why can't you make a difference? Note from the passage above, that the decent lady called sex outside wedlock "a disgraceful thing" and those who indulge in it she called "one of the food in Israel", so who is telling you it is fashionable? Stand for Christ! Watch who your friends are, the shortcut to losing your virginity is to have bad friends. They abound everywhere - in the school, in the neighborhood and even in the church. "I wrote unto you in an epistle not to company with fornicators: But now I have written unto you not to keep
company, if any man that is called a brother be a fornicator, or covetous, or an idolater; or a railer; or a drunkard, or an extortioner; with such one no not to eat" (1Cor. 5:9, 11). Be a good woman, a good woman wait till the wedding night.

2. MATERIALISM. Another devices of the devil to destroy the Christian Family Base is to turned the focus of women away from using godly criteria in choosing to material things. Materialism is fast becoming the order of the day in the 21st century and many have thereby lost focus of godly virtues. You will get to know that money is not everything after wedding. There is more to marriage than material possession. Once your focus is wrong before marriage, then your foundation is wrong and if the foundation is wrong what can anybody do to help you?

3. MATCH-MAKING. Men no longer seek from God, they are deceived by the devil into match-making, love on the internet, love in the newspaper etc. You will never find genuine love through those means. A good woman is not available in the newspaper, neither is she available on the internet, because a good woman does not wear the tag 'available', 'free for all', 'desperately searching' etc. If a good woman is not available in those places, then a God-fearing man will not be looking for wife in those places, what you will get is a woman.

4. COVER-UP CHRISTIANITY. The devil and his agents have crept into the church, they are wolves in sheep's clothing, therefore, it is not even everyone in the church that is a wife or husband. I was talking to a lady sometimes ago about her wayward life and that it won't fetch her peace in the future, but she retorted and said when it is time to get married, she will get born-again and start going to church. As we have such women so do we have men also. I only pray they are the ones who will meet one another I church. I also prayed for her that her life will not be too complicated before then to actualise her thought. A simple mistake, and HIV is there and a potential good tool in the hands of the Almighty God is cut down suddenly. Pregnancy is not a threat to these types, they have committed abortion severally. These types cannot be a wife or husband and that is why we said you need to open your eyes wide unto God to lead you aright. That I got my woman or man in the church does not mean you got the right one. Ask God for direction.

Having said so much about the devil's devices for marriage in recent times and how a good woman and a godly man should avoid those pitfalls, let us go ahead to examine how God intended that marriage should work. Don't forget we said one of the reasons for broken homes is ignorance as touching the principles of marriage. How should a good woman go about this? What is the mind of God concerning marriage?

GOD'S INTENTION
I had heard many sermons at weddings and many teachings and seminars on God's mathematical approach to marriage and I had also formed certain opinions which also I had thought until a certain day during meditation in His word and I had an encounter. The Holy Spirit asked me a certain questions on marriage and gave me an insight that modified greatly those ideas I had about marriage and changed my perspective on marriage. This has tremendously helped my, not too long, just 10 years of solid working experience in marriage. I believe my wife has been the greatest beneficiary of that encounter and you are about to be a beneficiary also.

The first question I was asked was, "How was the woman made?" "That is simple", I said; I guess you are saying the same thing and I read it;
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him... but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man" (Gen. 2:18-23).

And I replied; "God caused the man to sleep deeply and took one of his ribs and from that rib God made the woman".

Then He asked me the second question; "from that account, was in said that like the man, the woman was made directly from the dust?" The answer to that is "No", for it is written; "And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from a man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man."

And then another question, "if it is written in verses 23-24 that, [b]'And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall leave his father and his mother, and they shall be one flesh'[/b]what is the mathematical equivalence of the 'they' that became one flesh? Is it 1+1 as people say?"

Then my eyes suddenly became opened and I realised that if "they", "the two" become one, then God was just as simple as his words are. His mathematical equation is not complicated and unfathomable as we think it is. Where did we get the idea that in God's mathematics 1+1 = 1? From the insight I got from my little understanding of mathematics, I discovered that the only possibility of realising 1 as an answer from "they", "the two" is by fractional additions, for example, 1/2 + 1/2 = 1. That is not to say that the man and the woman is not an entity with spirit, soul and body, but as far as God is concerned, he/she is not a whole number in the sense that we want him/her to be. As long as you are born by the copulation of a man and woman, that one rib is missing in you, hence, you are not 1 whole number. Possibly, that was why Jesus was not born through through that copulation but rather by the Holy Spirit. For now, if you don't agree yet, one thing I know already agreed on is that woman was formed from a bone taken out of man, so hold on to that, read on an be blessed.

In the light of the foregoing, God's mathematical equation is not different from ours, it is our misconception that we are 1 whole number that put us in the error of calculation and that is why you hear men when they are angry saying "a whole me", when they should rather say "a half me" or even "a one-quarter me". That doesn't even sound good, does it? Whereas, in actual fact, that is what we are.

The Holy Spirit further asked me to point out from the scripture where the bible said 1+1 = 1 as we normally say. I did a small research and never found one instance of such. I don't know if you found one, what I found is "the two" shall become one flesh". Why do we feel more comfortable to assume that "the two" means 1+1 and not one fraction plus another fraction? When we hear "two", we should ask, "two what?" If it is two halves will it equals to two? Aren't one scissor + one scissor equal to one pair of scissors? Why do we call a husband and a wife couple? Could it be because one cannot function without the other like the scissors' example or possibly that the existence of one is a function of the existence of the other? To assume "the two" is a derivation of 1+1 is a product of hasty conclusion. It simply comes from pride, that sense if I and I alone, that sense of completeness in oneself. Don't you see the manifestations every day you wake up, sometimes in yourself and in people around you?

I was further given another insight for those who will still have a doubt in their mind on this mathematical equation, and He said; "if you have a chair with four legs and one of the legs was broken, if you now take the two - the broken leg and the remaining chair - to the carpenter to nail back the broken leg, have you nailed back two chairs or you have nailed back one broken piece to the other and still have one chair? "And 'the two' shall become one." You may like to answer this.

Now, let me ask you without the broken leg of the chair can one sit on the chair comfortably? Certainly not. I have news for the singles, believe it or not, you are not complete, you can only claim completeness by faith in Him as you sing that song; "complete, complete, complete in Him, I am complete in Him/2x. Why do you think after certain age in life you begin to feel something is missing in your life? In fact, some, mostly women, begin to get worried when they start approaching certain age and there is no man in their life. It is a natural feeling, it is normal, it was God that made it so by His method of creating you. Until the rib locates the others, there can be no rest. It is like a negative pole of a magnet trying to attach to a positive pole of another magnet. When the two come close enough they begin to interact and attract each other. Where do you think those reflex and spontaneous attractions between the male and the female come from? It is not the devil. The Lord God made it that way, ribs must locate the missing rib. You must only control the attractions, locate and make sure you get your own missing rib or else you are writing letter to trouble. That is why the Yoruba people used to pray that they do not carry another man's bone (ma je ki ngbe egun e leegun). That prayer is very correct and I advise you to pray it, whether man or woman, as you continue in your search. You should ask those who have carried another man's bone, their lives are full of troubles and sorrow.

From the analogy of the magnet, like poles repel, that is a lesson for those of you who are homosexuals (lesbians and gays). It is an anomaly, it is abnormal, it is aberration, it is everything negative you can think of, that is why God gave you an example in nature to learn from. If with all the senses God gave you, you cannot discern what is right and wrong, then learn from an ordinary magnet, just as Solomon advised the sluggard to learn from an ant. If it is a power above you that is holding you down into it, I command such power broken in Jesus' name. (Amen). Repent now for this was the major reason why God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah (Gen. 19:1ff) and if you want to know that is why the act is called sodomy.

Back to God's mathematical equation. God made the man and the woman through that method to drive a point home into us and because we didn't even understand the mathematical equation, how can we comprehend the point He was trying to make. That is why we don't know what His intentions are for marriage and that is why we don't understand the principles that should guide our actions before and in marriage. The point God is trying to make is that you are NOT complete in yourself alone, as simple as ABC; you need help and not just help, a help meet, one that meet your needs, one that fits into the vacuum, into the emotional space created by the removal. God has used many methods to communicate this point to us but the devil is trying his best to blindfold us and make us believe that we are complete, that we are one whole number.

In fact, many, in their thinking of their completeness, think they don't even need God and they live their lives that way. In fact, the manifestation starts from childhood or have you never heard a child telling the parent, "don't help me, I can do it by myself". That is why it is until we have totally failed and lost valuable time that we seek God for help. How can one who thinks he doesn't need God think he needs man? The best such can do is to use men to satisfy his selfish ambition and greed like one in the theory of the devil which is "the survival of the fittest". That is one of the greatest theory of the the devil propounded by men and no matter how much it looks correct, it is an aberration, it is not God's intention, God's practical intention is "survival of all by cooperation". If we cooperate, our ecosystem will blossom and flourish more than it is presently and we shall all be happy. Thank God some environmentalists are not seeing reasons for our cooperation.

God wants us, first of all, to depend on Him and secondly, to depend on one another, particularly as husband and wife. Many go into marriage with that sense of "I can do it without you" and that is why those marriage fail. Excuse me, if you can do without him/her then you didn't need to be married in the first place. If you decided to get married, then you have agreed that you need help and have chosen the one that best fits your need. That is why in every perfect-match-couple you see, the other is complementing the deficiency of the other. Sometimes you even wonder how they cope together being two opposites entirely. That is how God made it to be. He intends that what is missing in one should be complemented by the other. Hence, you should not focus on the weakness of your spouse, you should take it as your responsibility to "fill in the gap". Hi, you should allow yourself to be helped, as long as you refuse to be helped, you will be a source of embarrassment to your spouse. That feeling of "leave me alone" must stop, because when you get married, you have added "C" to by your "leave" to become "Cleave", that is why he/she can no longer "leave you alone" but "cleave to you alone". You need help.

Have you never wondered why it is man's offspring that is the chief and the most helpless of all God's creation? It is a way of driving home that point into our heads that we are not complete, we need help, we need to cooperate, we need one another. The same day the elephant, as big as it is, gives birth, the calf starts walking, the same applies to the goat, the pig, the fowl, and even the fish, its offspring starts swimming the same day. Where did they learn it? Why can't men case be like that? It is impossible for God to do it like He did for the other animals? Not so because there is a point to make. In fact, we are so helpless that we need someone to carry us close to 12 months before we start walking, we sometimes need more than that to grow one tooth, we are so helpless that when our mother's breast milk is not sufficient for us or she doesn't have time for us, we resort to the milk meant for the calf of the cow, no wonder those who drink too much of it while young behave sometimes like them. On a lighter mood, just listen to the sound of the cry of children who are fed more with cow milk products.
How good would it have been if on the very day we were born, like Ajantala (in yoruba mythology) we stand up and begin to walk, we ask for a loaf of bread and 5 beancakes and devour it, we go to the fridge take a bottle of water to wash it down. Women would have been the most grateful, but it is not so because God wants to drive home a point - you need help, you are not independent, you need to cooperate.

Are there ways God is trying to drive home this point into our heads in the Bible? Sure, there are and in abundance. The scripture says in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up. Again, if two lie together; then they have heat; but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken."

God keep saying that it is only in our cooperation that we can have victory, that is why Jesus said; "Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven" (Mat. 18:19). If he said "again" then He has been saying it before that if if two of us, particularly a husband and a wife, shall agree in earth as touching "anything", anything means anything at all, it shall be done for them. Furthermore, he said, "One man of you shall chase a thousand: for the LORD your God, he it is that fighteth for you, as he hath promised you (Jos. 23:10). With God enabling us it is said that one of us shall chase a thousand, and if we are two how many shall we chase? In fact, the proportion of what two shall chase is so alarming that the writer puts it in a question form; "How should one chase a thousand, and two put ten thousand to flight, except their Rock had sold them, and the LORD had shut them up? (Deut. 32:30).

Get this understanding from today, in our cooperation the Lord will wrought wonders. Husband and wife, do not let the devil come in between you, for God is ready to do exploits through you and that is the major reason why the devil is always trying to cause rift between you. Conscientiously, refuse to allow him and you will see things working for you both, the two of you shall put ten thousand to flight because the Lord shall shut them up. I pray that from today, as you come together and agree, the Lord Almighty shall fight all your battles for you and defend you in the face of adversities. Every shapelessness in your life shall begin to take shape from today.

Even those wicked ones with wrong motives when they agree, they succeed (except God is for that person), how much more shall we when we agree. For you to know how powerful our agreement is, do you remember, the story in Genesis 11:1ff, the story of the tower of Babel, even God was afraid that they will succeed, God had to quickly mobilise the host of heaven and strategise to make that plot of men to fail;
"And the Lord said, 'Indeed the people are one and they all have one language, and this is what they begin to do; now nothing that they propose to do will be withheld from them. Come, let Us go down and there confuse their language, that they may not understand one another's speech.' So the LORD scattered them abroad from there over the face of all the earth, and they ceased building the city".


In the light of the passage above you can see the point God has been trying to drive home into our heads. He is our creator, he knows best our functionality and if we read and understand the manufacturer's manual (the Bible) we shall be able to put the machine to optimal usage. But the devil keeps telling us that we don't need the manufacturer's manual, that we don't even need the manufacturer, we function on our own and unfortunately, this idea has gotten into our system that it is even affecting our day to day activities of life. Many have because of that destroyed, in the same day, electronics bought with a lot of money. Before you plug any appliance into the energy socket, you must read the manual. The fact that you have been using other televisions for the past 30 years does not mean you should not read the manual that came with your new television. If you succeed in not destroying the the new television while plugging it, you can bet it, you can never know the functionalities of that television. For the same reason, many bought phones and don't know what infrared is for, they don't know what WAP or GPRS is, that is even big, they don't even know how to quickly access names in their phonebook. And all these are contained in the manual. No matter how often I have been using appliance, I have made it a point of duty to always read the manual before I start anything, and I think this has also helped my Christian life. It is never a waste of time for you to read the manual. Note also, to read the Bible is never a waste of time.

Having said this much on God's marriage formula and having learnt certain lessons on God's intention for creating man and woman in the way He did, let us zero in on the make up of the man and in the woman to know the similarities and the differences in our thinking and relationship, after which we shall go on and focus on the good woman.

THE MAN AND THE WOMAN MAKE UP
From the story of the creation we learn that the man was formed from the dust of the ground and he was the first to be created and that the woman was created from the finished product of a rib taken from the side of the man. What does that say? Does it say anything about our physic, thinking and actions? Sure, it does say a lot:

1. That is why the man is stronger in terms of energy. He has more bones than the woman and that is the reason why the man is physically stronger and made to handle the more physically challenging jobs. Apart from that, it also accounts for their being more rigid when it comes to change. Even to become a Christian is very difficult but good enough when they succeed in becoming one, to go back also becomes equally difficult. That is why we must continue to pray for our men and make sure they imbibe good characters when they are still young, once that is achieved, it is difficult for them to get carried away by happenings around them, and unfortunately vice-versa.

2. That is why the woman is more beautiful. She is the product of a finished product turned into a raw material, whereas the man was made from the dust of the ground. So, don't blame men that are not "beautiful". The implication is that the women should not be deceived, even without make-ups, you are beautiful and that is why no woman will be left unmarried on the basis of physical beauty, except for the inner beauty. "Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder", they say. Likewise, you don't need to expose and display your unclothedness for your beauty to be appreciated, real men don't look for that, they look for the inner beauty, they have a way of telling if the inside is beautiful except they want to deceive themselves or when they are looking for what to eat. Never think the more of men's eyes on you the more you are appreciated, the look of many at you is the look of pity though you may not be able to figure that out, and the others who appreciate you are "use and dump" men.

3. That is why the woman is more emotional. The woman has more flesh than bones, and that accounts for the reason why she is more flexible. That is why they are more in the church today, they get converted easily and unfortunately also, except by the help of the Holy Spirit, they also get reconverted easily. That is why, except when they have totally yielded to the Holy Spirit, as you see them in the church, you see them with the herbalists etc. That accounts for the reason why they are quickly repentant, before the alter call ends, they are already in front while the man is contemplating on whether or not to go, won't people see me, and the likes. Being more emotional, that accounts for the reason they shed tears easily, so understand and put your wife the next time she shed tears on what you as a man consider insignificant. That is her own way of expressing her emotion at such times and after her tears the situation is soon forgotten, while on your own part as a man you bottle it up inside of you and for a long time you refuse to forget it, and keep grieving inside. That way, you are closer to the grave than she is.

4. That is the reason why they easily forgive. Naturally, women easily forgive more than men except when they have been initiated into occultism and in that case such is no longer a good woman. A good woman has more tendencies to forgive you even when you have not asked for forgiveness and has more grace to ask forgiveness when she has wronged you. However, do not take her her for granted and do not delay in asking for forgiveness when you are wrong, your plea will only be mere formality. Whereas for it is not that easy because of their rigidity. In fact, I didn't know saying sorry could be very hard for some until one day at the mechanical workshop we happen to touch on the issue of sorry, two of the men I was discussing with practically said they can never say sorry to their wives. They believe when a man apologies, the woman will become arrogant and that she will underrate you as a man. I said what I could to dissuade them and change that mentality. I pray the Holy Spirit will perfect the job in them. May be you you are also reading this piece and you are in that shoe, believe it, saying sorry does not belittle you, it will only increase you, and above all you will begin to enjoy your wife more than before.

5. That is the reason they want more attention. After God created the woman, He brought her to the man and "Adam said: This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man."[/b] From that day, I think that woman got used you people looking at her and appreciating her. So, they always want attention, they want to appreciated when they look good. Husband, understand this, you must be the first to tell your wife that she is beautiful particularly when you see something new on her. She is always waiting for it, do not let it be the boss in the office and those other "thieves" who will be first tell her.

As a man you must be a good listener and because she wants attention, she wants to bear her mind out to you, so as much as possible, give her some of your time. However, I must also sound a note of warning to women, you must learn about timing. Most of the time, we just want to bare our mind without looking at the situation on ground and that is why we often get the wrong result. When a woman cuts herself in the kitchen, she comes and show it to you, and believe me, all she wants is for you to say sorry, how did it happen and the likes and the pain is gone, but what do we say as men? You say, "ehen what should I do? The methylated spirit is in the cupboard, go and get it" and you finally kill her morale. Let us show more care even when as man you don't see the need, as you do it often, you will get used to it and you will see the benefit.

6. That is why she seems to talk too much. Someone said, tell a man something, it goes into one ear and comes out of the other ear but tell a woman something, it goes into both ears and comes out from her mouth. Talking is a God-given gift unto the woman because she was made to be a companion and to fulfill the ministry of a companion, you must learn to keep him company and in keeping somebody company, there must be constant exchange of words. So, even if the man does not want to talk, the woman has the duty to initiate it and that is why I always say there is no woman that is an introvert. She is only shy or pretending, if you meet that your introvert woman within the circle of her own, you will not believe she is the one. Don't embarrass her, she is fulfilling her God-given purpose.
However, women, for you to enjoy the company of your spouse, you must apply wisdom. You must learn to yield also, you must enjoy what he enjoys or at least show interest in it. And on the issue of timing, you must know that the scripture says, "to everything there is a season, A time for every purpose under heaven " (Eccls. 3:1), if your spouse loves football and he is watching his team play, it may not be the appropriate time to raise the issue of "my sister came in the afternoon..." particularly if his team is one goal down. Rather such time should be a time to, at least, show interest in how his team is faring, if for one reason you cannot join him to watch the match. If at the end of the whole issue, his team lost, all you need to say is "don't worry, we shall win the second leg" (if there is one) or else blame the referee for the loss (that is what we always do) and he will be encouraged. After some minutes and the tension is down, you can then raise whatever issue you want to.

To be a good companion, you must enjoy what your spouse enjoys, whether sport, game, politics, watching films or what have you. The wisdom here is that you don't support different political parties, after all you are one. Some women think that is fun, it is not funny at all. You can be sure the day your team defeats his team, there must be no fruitful discussion that day. When you play a game with your spouse, you are spending time together and that fosters understanding and intimacy. He stays more at home, since it is not boring at the home front. So, keep talking and above all, use that gift to win souls for Christ.

7. The natural man is ruled by his eyes. The bible says, "Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man". The moment the man saw the woman he was ecstatic and his mouth started to work and that is one weakness the unbelievers see in men that is making them to reveal their unclothedness. This is the more reason why you as a good woman and a wife should maintain your beauty as much as possible and always look appealing to your husband. Even when the man has not learned to be saying it, he appreciates it. Some of them may pretend not to see you, it is a lie, keep that hair do he likes, wear that dress he likes on you and he will not look outside. The shortcut to getting to a man's heart is through his eyes and his mouth (stomach). That is why if you have a housemaid, you must make sure she dresses well (covers all intricacies) at home. She must not tie only wrapper over her breast and keep working in the house. You have a duty to protect your husband. Also, you must not allow her to be the one serving the food to your husband. These reasons have been the causes for many husbands being snatched away by the housemaid. Be the one to cook his food as much as possible. If he eats in canteens, a part of his heart stays in canteen, he keeps looking forward to tomorrow's food. Why do you think those managers also employ beautiful ladies to serve food in those canteens? They are part of the sales. Make him look forward to his home.

With these understanding that he is ruled by his eyes, when you are both alone in the room and you want him, remember he is driven by his eyes just expose "the thing". That reminds me of the story of a couple a friend told me. There was a quarrel between the two of them and neither was ready to take the blame, and so for about two weeks, it was not more than good morning, bye bye, welcome and the two of them were dying of passion within them but none wanted to say it. By the end of the second week an idea came into the woman as she could not go outside for it was and as it was only the two of the at home, she went into the room wrapped herself in the bedroom towel, came back into the parlor, walked up and down I front of the man watching television as if looking for something, then went into the bathroom to bath, afterwards came back into the parlor with the towel on and stood in front of the television blocking his view to pick something from the top of the television and she allowed the item to drop on the floor and she bent down to pick the item from the floor thereby exposing "the thing" to the full glare of her man, the husband could not resist it anymore, he jumped at her and grabbed her and you know the rest of the story. Afterward, they later confessed their sufferings for two weeks and apologised and life went on. Morals from the story; don't keep grudges with your spouse, be quick to end the disagreement, talk it over, don't keep suffering in silence make your request or demonstrate your request, always seek to live in harmony.

8. The natural woman is ruled by her heart. The ribs are the bones covering some vital organs of the body particularly the heart, hence, it is not surprising that was what God chose to form the woman so that she will be the one protecting his heart or closest to his heart. That explains why women are more sympathetic than men. The shortcut to getting to a woman's heart is through her ears, tell her some nice words, appreciate her, talk of her beauty and you are the man of her life. But unfortunately, I don't know why most men find it difficult to say these to their own wife after marriage, even Christians. You need to learn how to tell your wife sweet words and appreciate her, you will be surprised at the result. Keep saying, "I love you" to her at least once a day. Send her text messages saying same. Send her text messages saying same. During counselling a woman once told me accusing the husband that it is only when he is on top of me that he says, "I love you" after that no more, and that was part of her reason for locking "the door". How much does it cost to say it if that will stop many problems. The reason women love this is because by nature being ruled by their heart they want to be reassured of your love. So, give it to her.

9. He is more sexually active. Most men are more sexually active than their wives because that forms part of the means of releasing their latent energy. The man arrives from a long journey and the wife expects that he should be tired, but he is asking her to come over to the bed, she finds it incomprehensible. Understand it today, men see it as a means of cooling down, after it, you notice they sleep soundly. Whereas for most women, it may not be the same. In fact, many see it as a burden and that is why they keep giving excuses, I am tired, this place is paining me, this and that. You must discover ways of overcoming your tiredness and pains because it may hold the key to the joy of your home. The only way to prevent the strange woman from coming in is to satisfy your husband. If a man ate bread and beans before leaving his house and someone wants to entice him with fried rice and chicken, the appetite will not be there. Once there is no appetite, there is no interest. The complain about adultery must have been prevalent in the Corinthian church for Paul to write unto them;
"Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, the Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. (1Cor. 7:2-5)

So, woman, realise that there are temptations out there for your husband, and those strange women are never tired and have no pains. I wonder why women develop pains and tiredness after marriage while some do it as professional job. You have a duty to protect your home. It is better that your husband never goes out, one trip out, he may never fully recover again and that pain will be a greater one than what you complain now. A man once recounted that it was when the complain was too much, coupled with some other things, that he left her alone and sought "solution". Then, when he was saying this it was 3 years ago since he laid hands on her and they sleep under the same roof. Let's put an end to such, perform your duty.

Let us not be biased, a woman also complained recently that the problem in their house is the husband. I couldn't believe my ears, but that is the reality. She said he is always complaining of tiredness. If this is your own case too, and it is not that you have been satisfied outside before coming home, you need to seek help, counselling may help you.

Having said this much and having received some more insight and understanding on the make up of men and women, we shall proceed to evaluate an example of the good woman as a wife in the next chapter.