nothing but

well u just need to pray and ur husband will change -mremain faithful and patient with him - don't argue with him - be submissive - if you are christians consult your church pastor for counselling - best of luck

So he does not spend his money and yet he wants to make you lose your job so that you guys will live off of what? You need to start putting money aside for yourself and I don't necessarily think it is an issue to let your husband know how much you make as long as he is completely open with his own money. You are still young in the marriage anyway so you are probably still learning how to deal with each other. I just feel like you are starting a behavior that you will not be able to keep up. Just because he says it does not make it right. I have never heard of where a man makes money but puts nothing towards anything. You need to wake up

I don't want people to insult me, so I'll keep my opinins to myslef!

Ujujoan:

I don't want people to insult me, so I'll keep my opinins to myslef!

LOL. For real.

stephanay:

okay here it goes

I got married last year and we've had our ups and downs. i really wanna make the marriage work. but i need your opinions on this.

my husband does not spend his salary for the house upkeep. i do all dat and i dont mins cos he's really got a lot of loan he's servicing. its just dat my pay isnt much and sometimes i feel he thinks its my responsibilty and if i dont buy a lot of things, he grumbles.

also, he expects me to give declare all d money i av with me so he can decide how 'we' spend it. but that only happens with my own salary. his attitude bothers me, not even the money. he acts like its my duty and if i refuse, im being disobedient (not like i always refuse)

another thing he does wc bothers me is his domineering attitude. i fell ill sometime ago and i called him from work. he was so angry that he screamed and all. he told me to leave d office imemdiately cos he claimed that he cares abbout me and i shldnt kill myself and all.

afterwards, he threathened to come to my office to insult my boss for keeping me there even while im ill. i begged im not to do such a thing but he refused and i told him to stay out of it so that he doesnt embarass me or make me loose my job

please i need your opinion. did i do smtg wrong and how do i manage this kind of man. pls no insults and i dont intend to divorce him either.

From above, you have cruxifieed your husband and laid him bare to the hawks here to devour.
I dont think he should be all that bad if not you would not have married him only last year.
Also, it takes two to tangle; you cant be all an angel; look into yourself and see if there is any flaws.
Both of you are the best persons to solve your problems without the interferences of outsiders unless the marriage is heading for the rocks.

snowdrops:

From above, you have cruxifieed your husband and laid him bare to the hawks here to devour.
I dont think he should be all that bad if not you would not have married him only last year.
Also, it takes two to tangle; you cant be all an angel; look into yourself and see if there is any flaws.
Both of you are the best persons to solve your problems without the interferences of outsiders unless the marriage is heading for the rocks.

i totally agree with the highlighted.

U did not write in your post if there was agreement on how to run the family expenses as is mostly done in average income earning families.

There is no problem if u see to that area of the family expense while ur hubby takes care of the loan and other contigncies.

It is ok for your hubby to know your income, dont frown at it but u have the right to spend part of your income reasonably.

He is the man and should control the family as the head with love though sometimes, it could be frustrating but in submission u can make it work.

Then naturally individuals have one attitudnal problem or the other but its effects are dependent on your understanding of the person and ur ability to manage crises. learn how to manage his attitudes, if he shouts, learn to be careful with things, if he talks much during arguement, learn to keep quite.

Everyone in a relationship has a cros to carry to make it work.

Carry yours with perseverance, love and submission not forgething your knees. it is well

you really need to be firm, why must you beg him to not go and insult your boss? I could have said more but first you need to talk to me about ALL your concern. if that is not effective, then I will say more

I agree with chaircover. You need to learn to pu your foot down in this marriage without being insulting to him. He sounds like he has a very fragile ego (I've never met him so i don't know), but this iwll take a lot of wisdom and patience. Good marriages require DETERMINATION and HARD WORK.

IT IS WELL WITH YOU.

woye77:

well u just need to pray and your husband will change -mremain faithful and patient with him - don't argue with him - be submissive - if you are christians consult your church pastor for counselling - best of luck

There is nothing prayer cannot do. You need a serious counselling from a reputable man of God. But dont act ignorantly so as not jeopadise your marriage. You need to accept that for a while, then call your husband for understandable negotiation and talk senses into him to accept his responsibilities as you are only to assist him. If not that you are looking for an advice, i seems not regard this forum as a good place to discuss husband and wife issues and some people may even add more pepper to the existing one. But go to God in prayer for wise intervention

@Poster: Was his attitude the same before you married him or while you dated him? If you knew as much and decided to take the plunge, be patient and work him into what you'd love him to become if you can. You said he's servicing some loans, now that means he must have procurred some facilities which of course you are enjoying. People are always fired up when servicing loans so they don't get foreclosed. You should understand and support him morally and financially. Make your communication very good, always talk issues over. Goodluck.

Dear poster,u need to take it easy wt hm. The issue of finincial responsibility, u need 2make hm realise esp now dat ur mariage is young, before he gets used to shiftn responsibilities.am nt sayin u shouldnt assist, but let him realise now. The ealier d better.

snowdrops:

From above, you have cruxifieed your husband and laid him bare to the hawks here to devour.
I dont think he should be all that bad if not you would not have married him only last year.
Also, it takes two to tangle; you cant be all an angel; look into yourself and see if there is any flaws.
Both of you are the best persons to solve your problems without the interferences of outsiders unless the marriage is heading for the rocks.

i also agree with the bolded sentence and would like to recommend a book (although its mainly for single women) i think it'll help you a lot in understanding ur role as a wife and that of your husbands as well:

"Secrets of an irresistible women" by Michelle McKinney Hammond

Wel my advic is dat u kep prayn one tins wil chanag 4 good, for its writn dat soro last in d nit but joy commeth in d mornning. Just kep pray n God wil see u tru, i wil b prayn 4 u 2 ok jurt tak care it soon b ok

Why not just talk with him? Both of u can reach an agreement about how to go about the family finances. Dont take such things for granted cos money issues have a way of destroying the love a couple feel for each other.

Your hubby has a problem. You spend your money for house-keep and he doesnt drop jack??!!! Wow!! You are seriously trying.

You need to be more confident in yourself and tell him upfront that you cant be the one to do all the finances alone, while he spends his money as he wishes.