The problem with most Nigerians, they believe once you are abroad that u are better than them financially. just use your head and conscience and do what u think is right, help the ones that are willing to struggle, Then the ones that are waiting for you to always give them money to squander pretend they don't exist. Because if you keep giving , a time will come when the same people u helped will ask you what have you being doing with you dollars? .just to mock you.

cstr1000:

Such one directional reasoning , I don't even know where to start.
So if tomorrow, something happens to his source of income that is making him puffed him up, who will he turn to? His wife? That will begin to show her other side.
You obviously don't appreciate how unpredictable this world is. His siblings may be his saving grace in the future.
I don't support unbridled parasitism, but only a foolish man would cast his family aside because he wants to marry some woman who is looking for someone else to share her burden.
na today people start to marry?
And before you start making baseless deductions, I am a first born son with dependents.

Sorry, but it seems as though you don't have much burden of family on you, let's not forget the age of the OP Mai be fast going far and he had thought to push it further in life than to make the mistake of serving his family which will in turn be his undoing, when they stay calling him names of "old irresponsible man Wey no wan marry" the world is wicked ooh, let's not forget that
Let's give some respite, this stuff happens more whit us the ibos and I don't know WHY

KevinDein:

The fact that this utterly utterly dumb post got the most likes just shows that Nigerians aren't deep and critical thinkers.
Teach others how to fish; like the op should suspend his plans for marriage, put his life on hold and teach grown ups how to hustle and make a living for themselves?

Gosh.

Thanks bro... God bless

Sebastine1606:


Sorry, but it seems as though you don't have much burden of family on you, let's not forget the age of the OP Mai be fast going far and he had thought to push it further in life than to make the mistake of serving his family which will in turn be his undoing, when they stay calling him names of "old irresponsible man Wey no wan marry" the world is wicked ooh, let's not forget that
Let's give some respite, this stuff happens more whit us the ibos and I don't know WHY

I understand what the OP is going through, but there are ways to handle this.
Help them learn a trade, skill, set up a small business or some other stuff.
I don't appreciate the ultimatum the family gave him, but I understand their point of view.
I personally won't have time for extended families when I have a wife and children at home, so the best thing is to help them get settled somewhat atleast one or two siblings and then personally monitor their success and independence, instead of doling out cash aimlessly everytime. That is where many people get it wrong.
Leaving your family without support regardless of if they deserve it or not, is just callous to me.

cstr1000:

Such one directional reasoning , I don't even know where to start.
So if tomorrow, something happens to his source of income that is making him puffed him up, who will he turn to? His wife? That will begin to show her other side.
You obviously don't appreciate how unpredictable this world is. His siblings may be his saving grace in the future.
I don't support unbridled parasitism, but only a foolish man would cast his family aside because he wants to marry some woman who is looking for someone else to share her burden.
na today people start to marry?
And before you start making baseless deductions, I am a first born son with dependents.

No one is saying that he should cast his family aside, but expecting him to put his life on hold because of them is totally unfair. It is never anybody's responsibility to take care of their siblings as long as their parents are alive. But in a society like ours, it's the norm. This is why I always advocate that people should not bear too many children especially if they're middle/low income earners.

cstr1000:

I understand what the OP is going through, but there are ways to handle this.
Help them learn a trade, skill, set up a small business or some other stuff.
I don't appreciate the ultimatum the family gave him, but I understand their point of view.
I personally won't have time for extended families when I have a wife and children at home, so the best thing is to help them get settled somewhat atleast one or two siblings and then personally monitor their success and independence, instead of doling out cash aimlessly everytime. That is where many people get it wrong.
Leaving your family without support regardless of if they deserve it or not, is just callous to me.

He may even have tried to settle them in the past, but waywardness would have played its part, 10 years off been there for them is not childs play
Common

Don't abandon ur family however they are wrong to threaten u dat way. The best way to handle it will be to tell dem d best u can do for dem based on ur level dat shud include means for them to fend for themselves and ask them to support ur marriage. U can't please everyone bt try to make peace as much as possible.

ayokellany:

If you read carefully tru the comments you'd see every single female comment is devoid of reasoning. Like the guys are saying what have you done to help your relative stand on their feet ? I understand you are not their god but giving them fish instead of teaching them how to is the problem here. While I know your life/wife should matter most people should steal idea from the rich on helping their siblings establish themselves. That is the only way to leave the cycle of poverty plaguing Nigeria.

You have a family wallowing in poverty, you must have believed you have enough for yourself, wife and possible offspring before thinking of marriage. Help one or two family member you can always refer back to as doing your best for when time like this come to be counted. If you have done that previously ignore every call for settling anybody. Ensuring your lineage leave a generational cycled life of poverty is more important than marrying and leaving them in abject poverty.

Very stoopid comment.
No wonder this epistle had no likes.

please stop talking like a child. .what is the whole struggle is yours and you owe no one any dime? if weren't you poor family condition in the past would you have struggle to make it in life now? yes you have tried but family matters. .you started making small money and showed off. .they now think you have much and disturbs you. .well bear and settle them o

I Dnt Believe Any1 Owes Me, Be It My Dad My Cousins My Uncles My Aunts Etc. When My Dad Died, My Mom And Uncle Was Very Angry With My Older Cousins. Am The Only Son, Soo My Mum , And My Uncle Wil Tel Me "akuruoulo This Ur Cousins Was Helpd ,and Loved Soo Dearly By Dad And Nw None Of Dem Even Call Us To Knw Hw We Are". I Wil Always Tel Them That My Cousins Are Nt Owing Me Anytin . They Must Nt Call Us, Ur Future Mayb Seem So Dark Nw Becus We Ar Swiming In Poverty. When U Think Some1 Need To Do Dis And Do That To U, U Grow Hatred 4 That Person When They Aren't Showing Up. Ur Siblings Aren't Good Enough 4 Ur Support. Just Ask Them What Type Of Settlement They Want (fullfil It If U Cn And Tel Them U Hav Shown Them How To Finish), Then Go On With Ur Mariage. Dnt Marry Nw

OldBeer:
Very stoopid comment.
No wonder this epistle had no likes.

My dear I rebuke being the next victim of your anger. Watch me jump n pass over you n your problem into October.

I dont do threats and blackmail. Act with wisdom cos with this kind of family you already have enemies. Personally I would not go round such people.

I shudder at the thoughts of having such for family so cold and definitely no love. Are we in this world just for what we can get from each other?

To deal with your conscience teach 2 how to fish and then move on with yout own life.

May you find love, loyalty and goodness in the wife that you marry. May God give you a true family.

hdeeman:
i have always have a very close relationship with my siblings while growing up, which i have tried much to see that everyone is comfortable. i don,t based in Nigeria, but my family has always been my first priority. but everything changed immediately i want to get married. that i have to settle everyone first before getting married. they automatically ganged against me, that if i don,t settle that no one will come for my marriage. this really pissed me off cos this is the same people i have been struggling for over 10 years now. am no longer a kid if i start to settle i will never get married. this is really disturbing me, they only call you on phone when they need something. it really hurt when people you love dearly treat you like this. how do i go about this cos i have decided what ever will happen let it happen, let me look for my own life. i owe no one a dime, every struggle is me and me alone,

ayokellany:
My dear I rebuke being the next victim of your anger. Watch me jump n pass over you n your problem into October.

madridguy:
Funny you bro well, from your write up seem you're the type that only give fish without teaching your siblings how to fish

Teach two of them how to fish and the rest will stop calling you alone.

Respect... Best comment of the day

hdeeman:
i have always have a very close relationship with my siblings while growing up, which i have tried much to see that everyone is comfortable. i don,t based in Nigeria, but my family has always been my first priority. but everything changed immediately i want to get married. that i have to settle everyone first before getting married. they automatically ganged against me, that if i don,t settle that no one will come for my marriage. this really pissed me off cos this is the same people i have been struggling for over 10 years now. am no longer a kid if i start to settle i will never get married. this is really disturbing me, they only call you on phone when they need something. it really hurt when people you love dearly treat you like this. how do i go about this cos i have decided what ever will happen let it happen, let me look for my own life. i owe no one a dime, every struggle is me and me alone,

Get married and send them photos captioned "wish you were here"

Possible reason they ask you to settle them is cause they know after marriage your attention would be divided. I don’t know why you haven’t helped someone to at least be like you, if you’ve better for you, just tell that person to up his/her game. Else, you deserve what’s coming to you, you love the attention all this while, people looking up to you guess what that money won’t be there someday and you’d see the piece of trash that you’re yes TRASH cause you’d be dumped. I’m messing with you but I’d read in between if I were you.

gabbytabby:
I dont do threats and blackmail. Act with wisdom cos with this kind of family you already have enemies. Personally I would not go round such people.

I shudder at the thoughts of having such for family so cold and definitely no love. Are we in this world just for what we can get from each other?

To deal with your conscience teach 2 how to fish and then move on with yout own life.

May you find love, loyalty and goodness in the wife that you marry. May God give you a true family.

I love this so so much
So touchy, yet truth

Selfish sibbling. Tell them none of them must marry or have any partner until you have first settled down. You will break their back.

eyinjuege:
Sorry, but you don't have a family that loves you.
They can never wish you well.
My advice to you is to come to the realisation that you're alone in this world, and your family is unreliable.
Move away from them, don't contact them for a while. Get married, and don't involve them in your wedding. Make sure you stay far away from them, otherwise they may send assassins to your new family

I support. Also keep your wife and children away from them if you follow the above!

jagugu88li:
Witchcraft is ripe.

How did you move from the topic to PMs? Help me navigate

Lol dunno but I think your savagery is now on a whole new level

ladyF:
Lol funny family. Abeg tell them to stop being lazy and go and look for work. Shey if you fall sick now and money isn't coming in, dey won't settle themselves abi?

It's LadyF again.

Which kind Lady F be dis self?. LadyF wey no use hm own pics for profile is dat 1 a Lady F??

lalanice:
I knew a guy like dis, I told him his family won't let him marry or d woman will be in their danger. but he did not believe. anyway as usual d relationship crashed and he couldn't even xplain what happened.

as you grow, grow your siblings with you. If they all look to you for help then there's a problem.

I wont even marry a man whose whole family depends on him. stop giving them money for everything, ask them what they want to do and help them start, and dump the ones who aren't willing to work. or they will blame your wife for all their problems. thats if they even let you marry.

Unfortunately some people are incapable of growing. You know how it is when you try to get a midget to grow by feeding them with nutritious food? Some successful people are so unfortunate to find themselves in the same household as those dwarfs, and no matter how rich you get, they will always drain you.

MhizzAJ:

I wee not answer u

nice of u to ignore him.
do u know him before.

TEYA:

Unfortunately some people are incapable of growing. You know how it is when you try to get a midget to grow by feeding them with nutritious food? Some successful people are so unfortunate to find themselves in the same household as those dwarfs, and no matter how rich you get, they will always drain you.

there's a way to get rid of such people nicely. so much that they will even feel like they owe you. you cant kill yourself for others.

Don't mind them and just do your thing as long as you know you don't owe anybody anything.
When i was living abroad, my family was everything to me.... Even when i save up money to build buy land/build house, when they call and tell me one problem or other in the family, i'll just use the money to solve it and don't mind starting again afresh.
A colleague in abroad once told me to start thinking and planning for myself, that if a ever go back home without anything, that the same people that i am doing all this for will make fun of me. I told him is not my family, that we love each other very much.
But everything was clear to me when i was deported back to Nigeria due paper issue. You need to see insults i get from them, one asked me what i have done for him.....

They always think you owe them something for being their brother, and many will not try to to anything, they just sit around even when they get an opportunity to establish themselves, they'll just overlook it because their brother is in overseas.

lalanice:


as you grow, grow your siblings with you. If they all look to you for help then there's a problem.

One of the best advice of 2017 #Funfact

dfrost:

One of the best advice of 2017 #Funfact

thank you!

So now u don catch MUGU n u no one pay homage to street wey u grow up from. Na Devil go punish u.

ladies so love this topic.... because marriage is involved... well bro I believe you are mature enough, so get a soulmate but always rem your family at all times pls. lady F hope I spoke ur mind? lol HV a wonderful day.

purityval:



Lol dunno but I think your savagery is now on a whole new level

I try sha. I am only just an upcoming lady

well said! They don't wish him well. What happened to all the 10 plus year of settlement ? Tell them to find their way as you've done enough. Take care of your parents. Go marry my friend if you have found the love of your life.
Imagine such guts and boldness-

ToZaraWithaZ:
You've already answered your own question and provided solution to your problem, so what other advice do you still need?

Your family is obviously made up of scroungers, moochers, parasites and vampires who will drain you of your blood and share it among themselves in spanish glass cups, consume your flesh in an horrifying act of cannibalism, and then finalize their obliteration of your destiny by feasting on your very soul itself.

"Settle them" before you can get married? This must be one of the most ridiculous batshit I've had the misfortune of reading this year. You're surrounded by evil kin.

Ha ha, such needed prayers. For them to boldly tell him that, the said wifey is on a long thing.

Incrizz:


Dear Lord please help hdeeman's future wife. Give him wisdom to protect his wife from untold trials and temptation. Lord preserve his life, and that of his future wife and kids too in Jesus name, amen.