sisisioge:
Hmmm...may God save us from stingy boyfriends!

Fiyinfoluwa20:


LMAO ! That mentality is what I am trying to guard against. Sounds like being entitled. Hahaha.

Fiyinfoluwa20:



LMAO ! That mentality is what I am trying to guard against. Sounds like being entitled. Hahaha.

sisisioge:


Hmmm...

1. When he complains she's hoarding the cookies...it's not the male entitled ba?
2. When she's not cooking your food and keeping your house and you complain...you aren't entitled ba?
3. When she's not supportive with what she has(material or immaterial) you call her what?

Get off your high horse buddy. Step outside yourself and look at your relationship with the babe. What has she gained from you? What have you gained from her? Life is too short to be pretentious dude. It's all about give and take. If you are afraid to give...Biko bounce off her radar. I'm sure she's counting it for you No quote me again Biko.

SoapAndSponge:


You are either Stingy or not bro.
You even know how much percentage.

If your woman is lazy, she is lazy.
No amount of giving or un-giving will change that, and vice versa.

There are men who give their women monthly allowance, yet these women strive to have their OWN money and follow their dreams.

Fiyinfoluwa20:


Apologies, I have to quote you.

It’s not all about the cookies, our relationship is not driven by that. The fact that I am thinking about this shows how much I care for her and what she means to me.

Sometimes I don’t allow her do the dishes when she comes over- even when she insists !

Fiyinfoluwa20:


The “monthly allowance” bit is very Very funny. I know the percentage because my work requires a lot of it.

DonOms:
I don't think you need to worry about your fiancée having a "sense of entitlement" or feeling lazy if you give her the fees for her fashion education. While I understand your concern (and trust me, it is a genuine one), you need to put things in perspective. Here are facts you should be conscious of:

1. The fact that she did not ask you for the money means she currently doesn't have that sense of entitlement. Will giving her the money change that? Very unlikely. You used your hands to type that she is decent and has 1000 yards of wife material (I'm guessing that's a whole lot in today's world, right?).

2. She didn't ask you for financial support to buy Brazilian wig or Gucci bag, she is actually investing in her future (and yours, should you end up married) and that is no sign of laziness. In fact, if she's good at what she's choosing to do, she's tapping into a multi-million naira Nigerian industry that will give good returns on your investment.

3. "The generous will themselves be blessed," (Prov. 22:9, Holy Bible) so one way or another, the universe will reward you for your kindness - and most certainly she will too.

So you don't need to intervene in any way to ensure her drive to work hard and be motivated is not killed. Helping this dream of hers is literally empowering her independence and capacity to "hold the fort" as you desire. Simply tell her that you like that she is taking the initiative to follow her passion and you will remain supportive of her following the path to self-actualisation.

All the best.

sisisioge:



It's still besides the point. You don't expect those things yet she does them. Why do you think she does? Probably feeling inclined to take care of you in her little way. When a normal person loves, it's without reservations. Who thinks about not giving so s/he doesn't feel entitled? What a limitation.


I love money o but it's still not a big deal as far as I'm concerned. I give when I have, so long as you are a loved one no issues. Now imagine how much I would wanna care for the one?

That babe should just put you on a blast biko

coolcatty:
Pls drop her..... Leave her for a true matured man that will help her achieve her dreams give her money ..... Not some confused boy like u..... I'm so damn sure the money is not up to 500k.....yet u are here writing an epistle...... Same mouth u used to call her a wife material.... Same mouth u used to say u can't spend on her.


May my loved ones not meet a man child like u... Amen

coolcatty:
Pls drop her..... Leave her for a true matured man that will help her achieve her dreams..... Not some confused boy like u..... I'm so damn sure the money is not up to 500k.....yet u are here writing an epistle...... Same mouth u used to call her a wife material.... Same mouth u used to say u can't spend on her.


May my loved ones not meet a man child like u... Amen

Fiyinfoluwa20:



Thanks man, makes a lot of sense. Would apply the above.

sisisioge:
Hmmm...may God save us from stingy boyfriends!

Ishilove:

My sister, it seems you're a mind reader. I was thinking it and boom! there it is.

The fellow is writing plenty English to justify his stinginess.

Fiyinfoluwa20:

Hello Nairalanders,

So, I have a lady we have been dating for sometime, she's decent and a wife material(1000 yards). Babe graduated Uni early this year and she wants to start a fashion School. A little background, she has only her mum to cater for her. When she told me about this thing, I asked about the fees, just told me about the fees and did not ask me for the money. I asked how she was planning to get it, she told me her mum was on it , but would not mind my help. Now, I can afford to give her 40 percent of the fees. My fear is just that she may feel entitled(You know the thing with Millennials and entitlement mentality) to such gestures in the future , which I do not think healthy for a relationship, I want my fiancee to be self-actualized, I want her to be able to hold the forth if I am not there, I want her to be somewhat "independent". So, how can I go about intervening in this case without killing her drive to work hard and motivation to get things done in the future ?

Regards,

Fiyin.

cruchenutii:


Bro! In honest truth, I understand your plight, Forget about the words from Thirsty ass ladies like sisisioge coolcatty Omaa1 and Ginaz !!!

Listen now. Women have a way of thinking, Once you give them 5 Naira. Next time they will expect 7 Naira & the circle continues.

I would have said you should be careful. But In your case, things are different.

So this is why:

1. She never asks you for the money.
2. This is the person you intend in spending the rest of Life with, so you can go ahead without regrets.
3. Even If in future, she leaves you (God Forbid). She would still be thankful in her heart for what you did.

So go ahead and give her the money, Even more than 40% if you have it, and remove your mind from the "Give" and "Take" mentality that some people on this thread have preached for you. This is not too far from the Money for hand, back for ground mentality.

Give with your heart & don't expect anything back LOL.

Don't expect that when you have given, she will now be washing, sweeping like house girl for you. NO. that shouldn't be the case LOL.

Ishilove:

My sister, it seems you're a mind reader. I was thinking it and boom! there it is.

The fellow is writing plenty English to justify his stinginess.

coolcatty:
Pls drop her..... Leave her for a true matured man that will help her achieve her dreams..... Not some confused boy like u..... I'm so damn sure the money is not up to 500k.....yet u are here writing an epistle...... Same mouth u used to call her a wife material.... Same mouth u used to say u can't spend on her.


May my loved ones not meet a man child like u... Amen

Ginaz:
O.p don't be greedy. Set her up in life to be independent. She can not just have the wings to fly. Where would the resources come from? They are men who used their money to send their wives to other countries to import and export goods so they can be dependent on their selves.

You are greedy, at least whose good would it be? is it not you? Your woman and girlfriend you can't help.

Tufia! Your reasoning is very backward. Can a baby chicken be dependent on its own without first learning from the mother hen?

Everybody would at a point be dependent on someone to be independent on their own. What would be wrong is when generosity is taken for granted. It is not entitlement to help your woman, Especially if she needs it.

Seriously I pray not to marry your type. . . Na WA o. Na God go help us women. Someone you claimed that is good, you say you don't want to help her 100% cos you don't want her to feel entitled. Chaii, I'm pained. God will bless that girl for me...I feel it so much.