1)
Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.


2)
A Chinese family of 5, named Chu, Bu, Hu, Tu and Fu
decided to immigrate to the United States. In order to get a
visa, they had to adapt their names to American standard. Chu became Chuck. Bu became Buck. Hu became Huck. Tu
became Tuck. Fu decided to stay back in China.

3)
I saw two cockroach having sex.I wanted to spray raid and I thought twice again maybe he has been chasing her for
years,and she has been eating his money without allowing him to get down there.I'm a human I have good heart so I let him enjoy but as I was going I had a second thought what if he was raping her? I am confused what should I do?

4)
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of coke? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

5)
A 70 year old man went for a Sperm Test. The
Doctor gave him a bottle to collect sperm. The
next day, the man came with the empty bottle &
said he tried with his left hand then right hand.
Then his wife tried with her left hand & right
hand. Then his daughter-in-law tried with both
hands & mouth. Then the neighbor's wife &
daughter tried the same way..but could not open
the damn bottle.

Actually I did not read the post but I think the girl has no right to beat up her boyfriend in public. Maybe they should report the matter to their village elders but if the neighbour refuse to pay his rent they should just kill the landlord and forget about the missing car.




Payback time bro,lol

6) Breakup can really damage your health,I remember one time my girlfriend broke up with me via whatsapp while I was on my way to pick my cousin in school, I came home with the wrong kid

7) If a girl dumps you because you don't have money, my
brother when you don making the money please forgive her,
promise her marriage, tell her family that you want to
renovate their house, then remove their roof and disappear.

I remember once when my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead i bought a lottery ticket for a brand new car. When i got home,i explained to my dad what i did and he beat the crap out of me. But the next day,when my dad woke up and opened the door,outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried especially me,because the car was from the electricity company,they were there to cut off the electricity, my dad beat the crap out of me again

9) 1st daughter: dad im lesbian
Dad: oh okay
2nd daughter: dad im lesbian too
Dad: Jesus Christ is there anyone in this family who loves
men?
Son: i do..

10) Teacher: "Why did you laugh?"
Boy: "I saw a strap of your bra."
Teacher: "Get out! Don't come to class for the next 1 week.
Another boy laughs..."
Teacher: "Why did you laugh?"
Boy: "I saw both straps of your bra."
Teacher: "Get out! Don't come to class for next 1 month."

The teacher bends to pick a chalk and little Johnny starts
walking out of the class.

Teacher: "Why are you going out?"
Johnny: "With what I saw I think my school days are over."

billynoni:
Actually I did not read the post but I think the girl has no right to beat up her boyfriend in public. Maybe they should report the matter to their village elders but if the neighbour refuse to pay his rent they should just kill the landlord and forget about the missing car.




Payback time bro,lol

Exactly my thought

11) I ended a relationship with my girlfriend few days ago,now
her father has willed a lot of properties plus $150million to
her.
Am so confused, I don't know how to get her back.
I think I need to tell her am pregnant for her.

12) A Rapist entered Bedroom, Tied up Husband & Wife,
kissed wife's ear & went 2 Bathroom.. Husband told to wife -
"Satisfy him, or he will kill us. B strong. I luv u"! Wife - "He
didnt kiss me, He whispered in my ear that he's gay, Needs
vaseline & I told him its in the Bathroom. So U b Strong, I
luv u too !!!!!

jade14:



Exactly my thought

LOL buh Number 3,7 and 12 is killing me with laughter though.

billynoni:
Actually I did not read the post but I think the girl has no right to beat up her boyfriend in public. Maybe they should report the matter to their village elders but if the neighbour refuse to pay his rent they should just kill the landlord and forget about the missing car.




Payback time bro,lol

come for spiritual cleansing your grand father landlord mess on your destiny.

mikejj:
come for spiritual cleansing your grand father landlord mess on your destiny.

I went through your profile and I would have said something buh I don't go gossip...............Sorry ehn,you will be well just take your drugs.

13)
1) I woke up
2) I went to school
3) I saw her
4) I ran to her ,and I hugged her
5) I kissed her
Actually,the right order is
3,4,5,1,2


14) Chinese couple in the park fighting..
Boy:朣楢琴执!
Girl:执瑩浻牡楧硰
Boy:执执獧浻
Suddenly they raised their voice..
Girl:牡 楧敬 瑦!!!!
Boy: 瀰絸朣杢!!
Girl:执獧扻捡潲湵潣潬昣 昸昸
And before the boy walked out, he's says..
Boy:慢 正 牧敧楬敮 牡 札 慲楤湥潴昣昸昸攣散散戻捡杫潲
湵 浩条 楬
The girl wipes the boy's tears, and response..
Girl:敮 牡札慲楤湥潴昣昸昸攣散散汩整牰 杯 摩慭 敧牔湡
晳牯楍牣獯景牧摡敩瑮猨慴 瑲 潃潬卲牴 昣昸昸摮
Very touching story


15) Yesterday morning, some ladies raped a guy while he was
going for a jogging. this morning over 700 guys were found
jogging on the same road.


16) One day , my post will come on front page. i will show it to my
university lectura prof alabi , who said that I can't achieve
anything in my life.


17) I don't understand why it hurts when you bite your tongue
accidentally but it doesn't hurt when you bite it on purpose? I
also don't understand why you are biting your tongue right
now ?

18) Today I bought a power bank from a China shop,I was so happy because it was cheap until my phone started charging the power bank
19) When i was a child,i thought i will become a doctor. Now i realise,typing Amen on facebook can cure cancer.

»A grade 2 kid was coming from school he entered the taxi and
he started singing"if my father was a king my mother will be
queen and i'll be a prince"
The taxi driver silenced the kid but kid continued"if my father
was a president my mother will be first lady and i"ll be the
first son"
Then with anger taxi driver asked the kid"what if your father
was a robber what your mother will be and what will you be"
and the boy said
"If my father was a robber my mother will be a prostitute and
i'll be a taxi driver


-A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on
top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son
and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen.
She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his
mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother
replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and
sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're
wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his
mom, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next
door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back
up."

»
boy : hey beautiful! can i have your number?
girl : no, i have a boyfriend
boy : but i am gay, can i have your number now?
girl : oh,okay! here is the number
boy : thanks! i am not really a gay , hahahhaha
girl : thats my boyfriends number , haha


»
My Ex girlfriend sent me a letter reading "I am sorry but i'm
in love with young,beautiful ,and Intelligent gal,so I no longer
love you.Please send my photos back..."
I sent her a reply in a stamped envelope containing 50photos
of different girls ,the reply reads,"I can't remember your face
so select your photos and return the rest."