INTRODUCTION


Right from creation, God demonstrated His interest in and value placed, on the marriage institution and the family, by being practically involved in its institution. He did not simply speak it into being, as He did the beast of the field and the fowls of the air. He carefully put it together step by step.

God put man to sleep and from his side took a rib and formed the woman. Not stopping there, God took the woman by the hand and led her to Adam. Therefore, marriage is a unique relationship, having its root in divinity (Gen. 2:22).

However, marriage and family life, a thing of joy, pleasure and high esteem at creation, is now treated by many, as a necessary evil and looked at by some disdainfully. "Those in it want to rush out and those outside want to rush in," they say. This has resulted in the fast disintegration of the marriage unit and subsequently the family.

Statistics indicate that the decline of marriage and the family unit has been greater and more alarming in the past twenty-five years, than during any other quarter century in history!

These are pressure- filled times for the world and for the family unit in particular, all of which of course are in line with Biblical prophecies. The prophets of old foresaw that with the close of the age, there would be an ever-increasing breakdown of moral standards, with marriage and the family, being the primary target of the arsenals of the enemy.

...In the latter times some shall depart from the faith...having their conscience seared...forbidding to marry...
1 Timothy 4:13

The spirit of rebellion, defiance and subsequently shame has taken hold of young people, causing them to rebel against all recognized authority (2 Tim. 3:1-3)

God has a purpose for marriage and until that purpose is discovered and applied, it does not produce fulfillment.

Your marriage and family is meant to bring you tremendous joy. But not all couples are enjoying their marriages. In fact, many are facing constant crisis and terrible difficulties and God is not unaware of this.

In this book therefore, we will explore the subject of marriage and see that it can work, just as God designed it to, bringing honour, pleasure and satisfaction.

The excellent taste of every soup is determined by how it is prepared. It is not enough to have all the required ingredients, you must know how to correctly put them together, before you can get the desired taste. The same is true for marriage. What your marriage turns out to be, depends on how you make it. It is therefore, your responsibility to make it work!

CHAPTER 1

Marriage Is Good!

Marriage is a union. It is coming together of two people of opposite sex, with a view to building a God-centred home. One man one woman. It involves a higher level of relationship with each other, than with any other person on earth, it is a union of spirit, soul and body (Gen. 2:24).

When a man and a woman come together as husband and wife, they are expected to have entered a better way of living. Ecclesiastes 4:9 says:

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.

The woman becomes the responsibility of the man. She is catered for, cherished and nourished by him. The husband brings in the material things, while she puts them together, making their home a place of glory. Both of them put in their time, strength, money, etc, to ensure that their home is built.

When a home is not founded upon God, the joy, excitement and satisfaction the couple had at the outset is short-lived. It soon wears off. It's like owning a car. With time, new models come out and what was once new begins to age. The car owner now desires to change the once new car for the latest sensation. Why? This is because the old one does not excite him anymore.

However, when God is at the centre of a marriage, you find that instead of getting tired of each other, your excitement and satisfaction increase as the years go by, making the relationship go from good to better and from better to best!

Marriage is good! Don't think that marriage is for shame and reproach. No, my friend! You don't have to settle for an average home. You don't have to put up with continuous quarreling and fighting; you can make that marriage work! You can have a marriage free of hurts and wound, you can enjoy fulfilment and God's goodness.

That is the realm of marriage God wants you to enter into. He wants to bring you to a point where men and even devils are compelled to acknowledge God's glory that is all over your family. That is your heritage as a child of God.

Benefits Of Marriage

God designed marriage to involve the spirit, soul and body, so that the blessings marriage carries is expected to affect your spirit, soul and body. When God blesses the union of a man and a woman, certain things follow.

Spiritual Strength

God expects the married couple to become stronger spiritually than when they were both single. Two of them brought together in warfare against the devil, will cause ten thousand devils to flee (Deut. 32:30). They thus become a greater terror to the devil than they were before marriage.

However, many people (women in particular) complain of not being as spiritually active as they were before marriage. Some claim it is because they are faced with greater responsibilities (a husband and children to look after, meals to cook, and general household chores), particularly if they are also employed outside the home.

However, this does not negate God's word which declares that, "Two are better than one" (Eccl. 4:9). The blessing of a husband and children should not be used as an excuse not to stay in touch with God; otherwise, you are opening up for the blessing to be turned into a curse. All you need to do is believe God for better time management, so that nothing suffers - not your walk with God nor your family (Eph. 5:15-16).

Prayer Power

Marriage offers the couple unity, so that when they offer prayers to God on any issue at all, He honours their request. Why?

...If two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.
Matthew 18:19

A couple is more readily united on issues than any two friends. For instance, if they require the fruit of the womb, and both of them believe God for it, not wavering, God is compelled to grant their request. Thus, when a man and his wife agree, there is tremendous power released; and if they disagree, their prayers are hindered (1 Pet. 3:7).

Divine Favour

Another benefit of marriage is His divine favour.

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.
Proverbs 18:22

Once this favour is present, it is irreversible. Even men are compelled to favour you, because when a man's way please the Lord, He causes even his enemies to be at peace with him. The favour of God elevates you to such great heights that men begin to envy you. You become a reference point of a good marriage. When you step out, hand in hand with your partner, people will begin to whisper, "See those two, you would think they only got married yesterday." Marriage then becomes desirous, which is what it should be.

God's favour also secures for you a lifting and promotion in status, often occurring in an increase in material possessions, finances, etc.

Taking a look at the first family (Adam and Eve), one discovers that even after the fall, Adam's family still enjoyed God's favour. They had sewed fig leaves together and made aprons to cover their unclothedness. But because of the special favour God reserved for the family, God overlooked their betrayal and clothed them with animal skin. He clothed their unclothedness and thus removed shame from them.

In spite of the fact that Eve was the one deceived and the primary cause of the fall, out of favour, God made her a promise in Genesis 3:15:

And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.

Companionship

Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.
Proverbs 27:17

Husband and wife will enjoy greater light when they put heads together to make decisions affecting their family.

However, there's no way two pieces of iron can sharpen each other, except they both come together in contact. Thus, this provision only works when you are united as a couple.

Finally, be ye all of one mind...
1 Pet 3:8

Friend, you can tap into the honour God has reserved for those united in purpose. But the problem with many families and the reason nothing seems to be working is that many times both parties have not caught the same picture of their desire. They are bit united in purpose, so they slow down their blessings from coming.

Imagine what would have happened to the tower of Babel, if someone had said, "Let's use cement blocks", and the other had said, "No, let's use stones", and yet another, "Let's use bricks." They may still have been there arguing till today! You need to apply this spiritual principle of agreement to see your dreams come true.

Divine Security

...If one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.
Ecclesiastes 4:12

God, the husband and wife form a three-fold cord that is not quickly broken. As man co-operates with God and establishes God's purpose for marriage in the home, God honours that family by ensuring that nothing prevails against it. They (the man and his wife) are equipped to withstand, with the help of the Lord, all demonic forces and the pressures of the secular world.

TBC

CONTINUATION

Physical Fulfilment

God honours the physical union of a man and his wife, by ensuring that they find pleasure and fulfilment in each other's body. Apart from preventing temptation, both husband and wife satisfy their sexual urge. They are provided with legitimate avenues to release their sexual desires.

This is why God frowns at adultery, because your partner should be enough to satisfy you. I often say humorously, that there is nothing another man or woman has that your partner doesn't have. All you need is to be content with your spouse, then you will enjoy the blessings of marriage.

Fruit Of The Womb

...They have a good reward for their labour
Ecclesiastes 4:9

One of such rewards is the fruit of the womb.

Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Psalm 127:3

The marriage union is expected to produce children. That was God's plan from the beginning (Gen. 1:26-28). If it doesn't, grief and frustration set in.

The fall of Adam and Eve was what opened the door to barrenness. But God sent Jesus to redeem mankind from every curse of the law. Now, if you are born again, you are exempted from barrenness! Therefore, see your griefs and frustrations ending right now. Children are your entitlement if you are serving the Lord.

However, the seal of God's approval is not in just having children, but raising godly ones! At school, children are pressured into drugs, homosexuality and premarital sex. But when they have solid Christian family to fall back on, they are able to withstand the lure of those things.

Divine Presence

...If two lie together, then they have heat...
Ecclesiastes 4:11

The enemy is walking to and fro looking for "cold" homes to infiltrate. When there's fighting, discord, selfishness, quarreling, and unforgiveness, the home can be said to be "cold". But when there is love, understanding and harmony in a home, God rewards it with warmth of His presence and peace that burns off the attacks of the devil, which could cause tension. For in His presence is fullness of joy and pleasures (Ps. 16:11).

Although God ensures His presence and peace, the man and his wife still have the responsibility to lie together to enjoy it. That means God's presence is guaranteed, when the husband and wife join hands together to ensure that their marriage is run according to God's prescriptions, such as unconditional love from husband and submission by the wife and doing other little things to keep the family "aflame".

The man and his wife must keep adding "wood" to their home, to ensure that the fire there never goes out (Prov. 26:20).

Lifting By Men

It is an established fact that even the human society honours the married. For instance, once you are married, you are entitled to certain jobs and key positions because you are regarded as being responsible. Even if a woman is a young girl of about twenty, the mere fact that she is married earns her respect and certain benefits. In spiritual settings also, there are certain key offices that only the married can occupy.

You Never Fall

For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow...
Ecclesiastes 4:10

Whenever any party in a marriage relationship is weak, the other can lift him up by strengthening him. The stronger can pray, declaring God's word, thus raising up the weak or falling spouse.

Marriage is God's strategy to ensure that you never fall into depression and loneliness, away from the faith, into error, or fall a victim of any of the strategies of the devil.

Protection From Enemies

The story of Esau and Jacob readily comes to mind here. Esau, who had felt cheated out of his birthright and sworn revenge, suddenly had a change of heart towards Jacob. Apart from this being attributed to the intervention of God, I believe a tool God used to soften Esau's heart was his seeing Jacob's wives and children.

...Esau ran to meet him and embraced him... And he lifted up his eyes, and saw the women and the children...
Genesis 33:4-5

Respect from man is not only obtainable when they like you. Even if they are adversaries, simply because you are in God's kind of marriage, they are compelled to honour you! That was what happened in the case of Abimelech, who had to honour Abraham when he discovered that Sarah was his wife. As compensation, he offered Abraham his land to dwell in as he pleased. He also gave him a thousand pieces of silver (Gen. 20:15-16).

All through their sojourn in the land of Canaan, no one could harm or treat Sarah wrongly because she was Abraham's wife. They respected her. Can you imagine what may have happened to her if she were not married?


How Do You See Marriage?

God designed marriage to work, but how you see it will determine whether it works for you or not. You must agree with God that when you enter into holy matrimony, you are stepping into a better way of life. Many lack this understanding, so they don't enjoy the benefits of marriage.

Marriage is good, it is precious by God's design. But God works in collaboration with His children, to establish His will on the earth.

Therefore, you must know and understand that there is profit for you in marriage, and this understanding will enable you make the most of it.

Man that is in honour, and understandeth not, is like the beast that perish.
Psalm 49:20

Any marriage outside Christ cannot escape difficulties and troubles. No wonder, married unbelievers see themselves as trapped. If you are not born again, you are not entitled to the fulfilment in marriage that God has reserved for those who loved Him. But God's grace is extending towards you right now; that grace is the carrier of salvation.

If you respond to it today, you will escape the distress the world is facing. If you desire right now to be born again, say this prayer of faith with me:

"Dear Lord Jesus, I accept that I am a sinner worthy of death. But I now understand that by inviting You into my life I will be pardoned of all my sins. Forgive me of my sins and come into my heart right now. Take my life Lord and mould it. I turn my back on Satan and the world. Thank you for coming into my heart, in Jesus name. Amen."


End Of Chapter One

CHAPTER 2

Love

One major requirement for making your marriage work is love. Love here is not optional, but mandatory. This love does not have its origin in the world, but in God; for as God's Word declares, "God is love." (1Jn.4:

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.
Ephesians 5:25

God, through Apostle Paul, issued this commandment to all husbands. It is not an admonition or suggestion, but an instruction that must be obeyed. God makes it mandatory for husbands to love their wives, sacrificially and unconditionally. You may argue that it is easy for me to talk, not knowing your wife's character. But let me remind you that your wife's nature notwithstanding, God expects you to love her. After all, while taking your marriage vows, you willingly said before all witnesses that you would love her.

Until you love your wife as Christ loves His Church, you are not walking in agreement with the Word of God. Christ's love for His Church is not only when she obeys Him, but even when she offends also (Rom. 5 : . God's Word instructs you to love your wife in spite of her shortcomings. Until you comply with this commandment, you may never taste fulfilment in the family. You must ask God to rekindle the love for your wife in your heart. Particularly, according to God's Word, the love for one's wife must come after the love of God (Eph 5:28-29).

Your love for your wife must be expressed. I read an inscription on a wall some years ago which said, "Love is not love until it is expressed." This is true! God gave His love expression; you also must give your love expression.

How can love between husband and wife in particular, and family members generally, be expressed? This can be done in thoughts, words and actions.


Loving In Thoughts

Love is essentially a matter of the heart that eventually finds expression through the mouth and by actions.

Husbands must learn, beginning from the thoughts of their hearts, to love their wives. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks (Matt. 12:34).

When your heart is full of loving thoughts, it readily finds expression in the words you speak. If a man for instance, uses abusive words on his wife, he is speaking out of the abundance of his heart. Until he sees the content of his thoughts, he cannot speak otherwise.

Men initiate things and women respond to them. Husband, initiate the love relationship between you and your wife and she will respond to you. No woman hates to be loved.

When you love your wife, you easily win her submission.


Loving In Words

"I love you." Three short words, yet by them men and women come together to establish God's counsel on the earth. Often, however, these words are forgotten after the euphoria of the wedding ceremony is over.

Words are powerful and saying, "I love you" over and over again, spices up the marriage. Just like it is necessary for rain to fall again and again for farmers to reap a bountiful harvest, so also is it necessary to say "I love you" over and over again.

The relationship started off by the use of these three words and should grow also by its continuous use. The presumptuous claim that it's not necessary say it over and over again because, "She should know I love her," is wrong. The Bible points out the importance of voicing out what one believes in the heart (Rom. 10:10).

What you believe in your heart, you need to say with your mouth. No one can read minds, and until thoughts are voiced they remain private.

Faith, the Bible tells us, comes by hearing. If faith, the all- important mountain mover, becomes ours by the simple act of hearing, imagine how many mountains will be moved out of your homes when you say "I love you" to your spouse often!

Give voice to your feelings, it is not foolishness! The world was made by faith-filled words. Let your "I love you" to your spouse be full of faith. Even if your spouse is a monster, she would be changed to a marvel!

That's how God won man to Himself - while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us, thus saying "I love you" to people who rejected His love.

Husband and wife must learn to speak kind words to each other. Words create that right atmosphere in your home. Express to your mate the nice qualities you like in him or her.

Husband, handle your wife with care by speaking kind words of appreciation to her often. She needs to hear you express daily daily how much you love and appreciate her.

Wife, don't nag your husband to death by repeatedly pointing out his shortcomings or problems in your home. Where there is a need for correction, use the sandwich method- compliment, correct and then compliment.

Compliments

Praise your spouse for doing something well or for something you like about him or her. Everyone loves to be praised, everyone loves nice things to be said about them. It is giving flesh to "I love you".

Men and women who are not complimented, do not feel appreciated. They feel taken for granted and ordinary. So, when someone outside showers them with the much sought of compliments, they are easily taken captive.

Let's do our homework. Appreciating little things creates greater things. Nothing should escape our praise; it motivates the beneficiary to go a step further. When a wife hears "I love you" from the husband, her countenance changes. She cannot hear too much of it.


Loving By Action

Someone rightly said, "Action speaks louder than words." There is a place for words, but there is also a place for action. Lending a helping hand, being available, all makes a lot of difference in relationships. They are ways of saying "I care".

Someone once said that it can be quite frustrating for a woman to be busy doing all the housework, while the man just sits in front of the television enjoying a game of football and from time to time turn around to say to the tired and worn-out woman, "I love you, dear." She knows you love her, at least you have said so. But take a step, help her around the house, it adds credence to your words!

Touching

Sometimes, a touch speaks just as much as words. It communicates "I am with you." It keeps the fire burning all the time.

Some families never touch each other. They're cold and the atmosphere in the house is usually tense. But a touching produces warmth. When a husband for instance, puts his arms around his wife, it brings warmth that neither money nor words can produce.

Husband and wife, study to be romantic. Couples are to be "ravished" by each other's love! "...be thou ravished alway with her love." (Prov. 5:19) "Ravished" means transported by delight. It will work wonders for your family!

Giving Of Gifts

God so loved the world, He gave His son! If you claim to love, it must find expression in giving. A thoughtful little gift at the right time can work wonders! You must make it a point of duty to remember special days such as birthdays, anniversaries, special occasions, and share the joy of the moment be exchanging gifts. These were the things you did while courting, you shouldn't let them slip by, just because you are now married.

A gift at the right time to your spouse can enhance your relationship and make it more precious. Remember Elkanah and Hannah? Elkanah was sensitive to the needs of his wife. He had so mastered the art of ministering to Hannah's emotional needs that he could say to her, "...Am not I better to thee than ten sons?" ( 1 Sam. 1:

Husband, there may be times when your wife is down physically. Remember that "love is medicine". At such times, all you need do is to show a little more love and she will be okay! Some kind words, a little physical touch, some kisses or a little gift from you will do the magic! You could use the time she would have spent at the doctor's office, to demonstrate your love to her and you wouldn't have to spend money on drugs!

Faith Oyedepo quotes "I will never forget an experience I had some years back. I was down physically and my husband went out one of those days and came back with a little beautifully wrapped gift, which he personally presented to me, expressing his love to me. Could you believe that that little act of love from him brought me health and I never needed any more medication? Many years have passed, but I still keep that gift, well preserved till today."
There is no woman who hates to be loved.

These are little things, which have the ability to lift your marriage. Love is medicine! We love those who are precious and honour them.
TBC