I have a question, mother is currently on a lot of medication for various ailments including diabetes,high blood pressure ect. She doesn't seem to understand her illness and often indulges in her favourite foods, eba, yam rice with loads of meat and she has large portions. She will eat that and then lie down without any exertion all day. We advise her and she never listens.

I have suggested a carer come in and take care of her but she is a stubborn woman and doesn't like the idea of a stranger being in her house. We, her children all work full time and have our own lives and so it is impossible to for us to stay home and do these things for her. We live in Britain and as anyone knows here we have to work in order to maintain our lives. Staying at home 24 hours with my mother is just not on.

My mum is 67 and has lived in England since she was in her early 20s. The last time she went back to Nigeria in 1997 she was attacked by armed robbers. My other siblings are now devsiing a plan to send her back to Nigeria. The plan is to sell her house which will bring in around £350k and buy a property in Nigeria where she can stay with my older sister, who also has her own life in Nigeria. Bring in housegirls ect but I am worried because if ever my mum has an emergency i.e her blood sugars are too high or low then we won't have the NHS to turn too, then there is the security , as I said before, armed robbers broke into the house she was staying in and nearly beat her to death, to date no one has been prosecuted for the crime.

Then there is the finances after paying for a house, getting the best Doctors in Nigeria to be on call which won't be cheap, then house help and the general costs of running the house, how much will £350k actually last?

with all her health problems why would you think sending her to nigeria is a good idea? Ask her what she wants. I doubt she will want to return. Perhaps enrolling her in a health and wellness program will help her see the importance of a better diet to help her ailments.

She will most certainly be bored stiff which in turn might lead to depression.
She knows no other place than the UK considering the fact that she has spent most of her adult life here.
Let her continue to stay here cos of the simple obvious reasons.

I'm sure u guys don't want to send her to an early grave.

It's like asking a mum of similar age that has lived all her life in Nigeria to just pack her bags and move to the UK. Boredom is going to be that woman's silent killer.

Dont send her to 9ja and dont sell her property without her consent please.U dont provide what she eats if she is staying with you. If she is staying alone, dont give her too much money to get these food stuffs.Stand on ur ground that u cant stay with her that u really need to work.Tell her u r planning to send her to 9ja since there is no one to care for her there since she has decided to continue with her food.
Threaten her first and see her reaction.

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Iya oni iya that has been in one country since she was in her 20's is who u wanna relocate? Don't even think about it.
Even old people in Nigeria hardly want to change zones dey r used to even if it's a mud hut in a place without electricity. Just leave the woman be abeg.

What i suggest you do is insist on a carer for her.

Thanks, I also think a Carer is the best option.


Me and my sisters are in charge of her financial affairs, we coordinate her Doctor's and Hospital appointments between us and pay bills etc essential to the running of the house.

I am totally against the idea but they seem to have a really romantic view of Nigeria

tpiah:

if she's been in england for close to 40 years then it might be a bit of a stretch sending her back home.

i think her best bet is to have a carer, even though she's refusing to have one.


sending her back to nigeria actually isnt a bad idea, if she's somewhere safe, and if she hadnt stayed so long overseas.


also, i dont think you can sell her property without her consent.

Yes she came to England in the 60s and stayed here till the early 80s. Then she had already given birth to a load of us and the family went back to Nigeria but then she came back in 1989, went on holiday in 1997 and was attacked and nearly beaten to death by armed robbers. She has resided in England ever since

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Gemma11:


I am totally against the idea but they seem to have a really romantic view of Nigeria

There's nothing romantic here, especially not for a woman who needs dedicated healthcare.
Just 2 weeks ago, I watched my cousin die in a hospital. This was the same hospital that told his parents to take the child home barely 24hrs earlier.

I know people die everywhere, but then . . .

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tpiah:

nigeria is a great place for retirement, minus the security issues.

the weather [compared to freezing winter which isnt always good for elderly people], easy access to help/minders, etc. Lots of neighbors, relatives etc to keep one company, and so on.

but your mum is probably too used to england by now.

I suppose so, but if one requires daily insulin shots and other drugs are they easily available in Nigeria? What happens when she has an emergency health issue at 3am in the morning and needs to go to the hospital asap?

I actually think living in Nigeria will make her even more sedate than she is now leading her to an early grave. I am one of those who don't believe that retirement means you should become a vegetable and laze around the house. i.e. Drivers, househlep ect, no. Did you ever hear about the 100 year old man who died a week after he was forced to retire from work?

Then security is a big thing that cannot be ignored. She has already been viciously attacked and robbed in Nigeria in her own house.

Hummm my sistha!.if you dont want to send her to an early grave, let her be, but control her finances and her shopping, especially for foods and stuff, she needs the medical attn here which she will NEVER and i repeat NEVER get in 9ja, is it not that 9ja that b4 they even attend to you, you have to first of all pay 40thousandnaira to "open a card", i have a friend whose mother died of cholera  in hospital b'cos the pple who took the mother to hospital in Ikeja were busy phoning my friend here in London  to send 40 thousand naira immidiately for her admission.can u imagine, (didnt know how they expected him to do that there and then, and he was telling them that they mean no body there had 40k on them to pay, ),  it was while they were doing this and of course the hospital refusing to admit without payment that the poor woman gave up the ghost right there in the hospital reception area
Also talking from 1st hand experience, my parents are of that age bracket as well and think they are still young, and do not want to depend on anybody 4 anything, they do not like change either, they both live in a house that is 4 times 2 big 4 them in lagos at the moment and we, the children have asked time without number that they downsize the house to generate some additional income 4 dem, to which they have blatantly REFUSED!, they insist they want to come and rest here in LONDON for at least 3 to 6 months, hound you to buy their tickets, when you eventually buy it and they get here,  they get bored staying at home after one week of not going out or doing anything and suddenly rememeber that [i]"omo mama lagbaja fe se iyawo" or Mrs Tamedu is going to be 70 and it will not be nice if they are not there, [/i]inshort will want to go back home after 2 weeks max!, and all that promise of resting for 6 months goes outta da window, so i feel u girl!

Going forward, You can get one of these 9ja carers or au-pairs who come to London to work for 6mths to live -in and care for her if you guys are busy which i would expect you are, you can get them at any of the au-pair agencies (on the internet) for at least £120.00 per week, this au-pair or live in carer will do all the things you could have done for her if you were living with her, dont sell her house without her knowledge oh, i am sure you want her to pray for you always, not the other way round if you know what i mean, and in that country now, £350k is chicken change, where everything is "million, million" now she will not last 6mths on it if she is used to d'oyinbo lifestyle here,

I am totally against the idea but they seem to have a really romantic view of Nigeria

Tell them to go and live there for a month, with no light,  expensive talk-time on mobile phones and land phones, spending thousands and millions of naira every time, for everything and anything under the sun, and of course the hot, nice, sweaty, weather, and then ask them about the "romantic view" after they come back, anyway ori yato s'ori, LOL  

Gemma11:

I suppose so, but if one requires daily insulin shots and other drugs are they easily available in Nigeria? What happens when she has an emergency health issue at 3am in the morning and needs to go to the hospital asap?

I actually think living in Nigeria will make her even more sedate than she is now leading her to an early grave. I am one of those who don't believe that retirement means you should become a vegetable and laze around the house. i.e. Drivers, househlep ect, no. Did you ever hear about the 100 year old man who died a week after he was forced to retire from work?

Then security is a big thing that cannot be ignored. She has already been viciously attacked and robbed in Nigeria in her own house.

there are diabetics in nigeria too, being treated at local hospitals.

no one is insisting they're perfect, but insulin can be sent from abroad if there's a supply problem back home.

i'm just saying- not that i think you should send your mum back to nigeria after 40 years in the UK, but i see people have started the usual, as usual.

being attacked by armed robbers was an unfortunate experience, and i'm sorry she had to go through that.

keep her in england, and if need be, maybe someone can devote more time to taking care of her.

i would not send her back home. healthcare in nigeria is not up to par, for those that want to insult me for saying that go ahead.

i have been insulted on NL b4 cos of something like this but the truth needs to be told - if ur mum should need emergency care at 3am will an ambulance come and pick her without you "dropping"??

u talk of security - at least here in the UK she can go for a walk in the park for 40mins to get some excersise - where is she walking to in nigeria without mo po.

lets get real about that romance - if you have a chronic illness and u have access to free healthcare and good healthcare what in ur right mind will take u back to naija - even the sinking rich leave nigeria and get check ups abroad.

i'm assuming a 350k house must have more than one room - why not rent out a room and use the money to hire a nurse or live in carer for her. just my 2 cents

@ada24.my sister .WELL SAID, MY SENTIMENTS EXACTLY, i have witnesses of the shame of Healthcare in 9ja (Lagos) to be exact, my friend's mother died because of "registration card fee",

yes, we're always told of the failures of nigerian health care, never any successes.

it's a wonder any nigerian even survived long enough to travel abroad.

it's also a wonder the nigerians at home are still alive.

even the sinking rich leave nigeria and get check ups abroad

we'll see how all that pans out.

tpiah:

yes, we're always told of the failures of nigerian health care, never any successes.

it's a wonder any nigerian even survived long enough to travel abroad.

it's also a wonder the nigerians at home are still alive.







we'll see how all that pans out.

The average life span of a Nigerian, I hear is 46 years old. Don't you think that that is far too young to die. Then there is the amount of women to die unnecessarily in child birth.

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i don't know what part of average people don't get?

so cos not everyone dies in childbirth the stats that say nigeria has the 2nd highest maternal mortality rate IN THE WORLD are wrong.

abeg - when defending nigeria please defend the defendable we all know that the healthcare system leaves a lot to be desired!!

Gemma, please don't allow your siblings to send your elderly mother back to Nigeria. 40 years is a long time, the Nigeria your mother knew back then, is so far removed from the Nigeria of today, it may well be a different country. It'll take her a while to acclimatise.

At least, she's getting the care she needs right now, which is great. And, you know help is just a phone call away, her eating habits may be an issue, but you're there to keep an eye on her, forcing her to change her diet at this late stage, may produce negative, rather than positive results.

ada24:

i don't know what part of average people don't get?

so cos not everyone dies in childbirth the stats that say nigeria has the 2nd highest maternal mortality rate IN THE WORLD are wrong.

abeg - when defending nigeria please defend the defendable we all know that the healthcare system leaves a lot to be desired!!

abeg keep your bloomers on.

Is her mum going to nigeria to give birth, or what are you going on about like some bloody illiterate.

dont drag me down to your level jo!!!!!


one would think no be nigeria dem born una!

in fact, there's something very fishy about this thread.

tpiah:

abeg keep your bloomers on.

Is her mum going to nigeria to give birth, or what are you going on about like some bloody illiterate.

dont drag me down to your level jo!!!!!


one would think no be nigeria dem born una!

typical

^^but not ignorant like you.

to start throwing insults at someone with a difference of opinion shows why u are a mensa member.

you made a point about ur gran being in her 80s and other old folk - myself and others tried to point out AN AVERAGE and now i'm ignorant? anyway i then tried to use another stat that someone else mentioned and u decide to pick my post to call me names - hmmmmmm i really do wonder for our people.

if ur gran is in her 80s not everyone lives to that grand old age and if some women don't die during childbirth does not mean that nigeria is not the 2nd worse place in the world to give birth - do u kind of get the point i'm trying to make? i know a simple mind like my own can't compete with your own mensa brain but i'm hoping its a bit clear now.

why nigerians feel the need to insult those that have a diff opinion is beyond me but i guess the level of progress made in our country tells me why this is so.

^^this is why i say you reason like an illiterate.

you burst in on an otherwise calm thread and started thowing out abuses because no one should say anything different from what you're yelling, then turn around to whine about insults, ignoring your own.

so far, the only insults on this thread are from you.

chew on that.


dont drag me down to your level of reasoning abeg. Everlasting whining benefits no one.

abeg where is the insult.

yes i'm an illeterate - my housegirl is writing as i dictate 

your too hypersensitive. abeg person no fit respond again to topic,  think my first post adressed the question asked with no insult, or should my parents ask for a refund of my school fees cos maybe i'm not reading right - damn i always knew i was borderline dyslexic 

so that i can move on and go to sleep, to answer the OP my answer is no!!!

when u know that you cant afford the bill over there why did you took her there?
there cure you can get for her in nigeria and it is not expensive and effective
send me ur mail i will write you
my mail is nutritionaltoas@gmail.com

toaspromo:

when u know that you cant afford the bill over there why did you took her there?
there cure you can get for her in nigeria and it is not expensive and effective
send me your mail i will write you
my mail is nutritionaltoas@gmail.com

Now your powers of reasoning are worrying. Did you read the opening post at all? Where did the original poster (Gemma) state she and her siblings couldn't afford their mother's medical bills? And where did she state she "took her mother to Britain"? Her mother has lived in Britain for close to 40-odd years.

As for your "cure" to diabetes, that's a joke. To my limited medical knowledge, diabetes currently has no cure. It's a managed / controlled ailment. If you had a "cure", you'd be a billionaire, not here trying to rip a Nigerian sister off!

Siena:

Now your powers of reasoning are worrying. Did you read the opening post at all? Where did the original poster (Gemma) state she and her siblings couldn't afford their mother's medical bills? And where did she state she "took her mother to Britain"? Her mother has lived in Britain for close to 40-odd years.

As for your "cure" to diabetes, that's a joke. To my limited medical knowledge, diabetes currently has no cure. It's a managed / controlled ailment. If you had a "cure", you'd be a billionaire, not here trying to rip a Nigerian sister off!

Why are you wasting your time responding to a human being that is clearly not with it.
Whatever he is trying to sell. . It hasn't even got good communications skills to market it
How pathetic is that?


POST

There is nothing romantic about Nigeria and I really think the best thing to do for you mother is to
get her one of her care aides and let them help her. Going to Nigeria would be sending her to the grave early
Most older folks don't really understand and you lot should educate her on the consequences of eating eba and all in big mounds
Healthcare in Nigeria is nothing to write home about.