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A smart woman doesn’t keep a beautiful maid –Dr. Ola Balogun[/size]



Published 19/09/2010


Dr Ola Balogun is like the elephant and the seven blind men. He means different things to people. To some, he is a musician having established the Iroko, a 20 piece modern highlife orchestra that is dedicated to the revival and modernization of the exciting highlife music forms that were popular in the 60’s and 70’s. For others, he is an intellectual having also held strategic positions in various academic institutions.
There are those who would see him more as a journalist and author. The list is endless but beyond all that is the fact that Ola Balogun is a veteran in marriage having been in the sacred institution with his French wife for 40 years. In this interview, he bares it all to Sunday Sun. Excerpts…

[img]http://news2.onlinenigeria.com/thumbnail.php?file=images/Ola_Balogun_800438513.jpg&size=article_small[/img]
Ola Balogun


Having been married for 40 years, how do you see the marriage as an institution?
Yes, I am a veteran of 40 years of marriage although my wife and I are not living together now because she prefers to live in Europe and I prefer to live in Nigeria. We are however not separated or divorced. We are living apart now based on a mutual agreement. She said that many of her friends don’t live in Nigeria any more. So many of her colleagues have gone to teach in America or some to practice Medicine in Saudi Arabia or Dubai. She complained that our circle of friends are not here again.
The cinema theatre and the play we used to go and watch are no more available and she does not want to stay in Nigeria again doing nothing and that our children have grown up. So, I would say I am a veteran of 40 years of marriage and in addition, I had a very close, intimate relationship while I was still married with a dear lady friend for over 10 years although we did not have children together. I have had my fair share of exposure to ladies. So, I think I can speak authoritatively about relationship between the sexes.



I can speak with some experience. One of the major problems of marriage in Nigeria now as I speak is that people are in love with the idea of marriage and not with the person they are going to get married to. They want to have a ceremony for all of Nigeria to come and see them, eat and drink and cut cake but the actual person they are to get married to, they are not bothered to know whether they are compatible or not. Some say they were told in the church that this is the person they would marry. Of course, you cannot marry somebody who is not your close friend.



The truth is that friendship and respect for each other are the basis of every successful marriage. Love can go but it is the friendship and mutual tolerance that survive all challenges. It is only rare marriages in life that two individuals look each other eye ball to eye ball and say I will be there for you. All the rest like going to the church and registry is just playing to the gallery. It is just for the society to know what has taken place but the real marriage has taken place between these two people.
There is a story I love to tell because that’s the way it should be. There is a man who married somebody and a couple of years into the marriage, the woman was involved in an accident and she became paraplegic, could not move her hands or legs and this man nursed her for 20 years and never married another woman. That is the understanding that I would be there for you.
The Bible calls it for better or for worse but it is better to say that it is just a commitment to the other person. And it is strengthened by the time children come into the world. By the time you have children together and you care for them together like when a child is sick and two of you carry him to the hospital, it creates a kind of bond that cannot be replaced. So, marriage is not about sex but sex is part of the bonds that tie people together.

http://news2.onlinenigeria.com/headlines/63746-smart-woman-doesnt-keep-beautiful-maid-Ola-Balogun.html

ermmm. . . where did he say the piece in the title cant find it

Unsecured man alone,

~Sissy~:

ermmm. . . where did he say the piece in the title cant find it

That's why I posted the link. See it in blue below.

The average African woman is more highly attuned to the reality of life. A man is likely to have one or two side shows but it does not mean that a man does not love his wife. Monogamy does not exist and has never existed in the world.
Even the people who brought it to us, the French who are Roman Catholics, I lived in France for so many years and even the Reverend fathers have girl friends and they have children. The President of France had concubines outside the official wedlock. Go to Italy, that is where the Roman Catholic ought to be strongest, all the men there have lady friends. Monogamy is a façade. You go to America, I would say that they are serial polygamists. So, in the reality of human existence, monogamy is very rare.You said earlier that an intelligent woman should not bring a beautiful maid into the house. Why do you think so?
This is because the male sex organ does not have a conscience and it has a brain of its own. People can be easily led astray if they see something close at hand which they feel they can enjoy quickly without anybody knowing. So, an intelligent woman would not bring a beautiful young housemaid to live inside the same house with her husband even if that person is her relative or sister.
The man can be tempted any time because men are weak. If you bring a very attractive young lady into your house as maid, even if you are a saint, there would be a day that may be, the woman has traveled and you are alone in the house or in the middle of the night he has gone to the toilet and he passes in front of the room where the maid is sleeping and sees her lying naked on the bed, anything can happen.
Clever women would make sure that they have maids that are very young or are very mature women or even a man in some instances. Even that small child, there is no guarantee that a man cannot rape an eight or nine year old girl.

Hmmn!

^^^^^ ofcourse na! ! 

if you like go and hire a nikki minaj look-alike (even the village version).
There is 90% chance that there will be issues.

Even walking around the house in one of those a bit tight short dresses, problem.
And some house girls know how to cause trouble.

beautiful maid, ugly maid, n.aked maid, covered up maid, it's all one as far as some men are concerned.

sex addiction isnt a joking matter.

Aloy+Emeka:

That's why I posted the link. See it in blue below.

So, an intelligent woman would not bring a beautiful young housemaid to live inside the same house with her husband even if that person is her relative or sister.
The man can be tempted any time because [b]men are weak[/b]. If you bring a very attractive young lady into your house as maid, even if you are a saint, there would be a day that may be, the woman has traveled and you are alone in the house or in the middle of the night he has gone to the toilet and he passes in front of the room where the maid is sleeping and sees her lying unclothed on the bed, anything can happen

I am getting SICK of this daft excuse!

Men are weak! So Bleep WHAT?

God gave you eyes in front of your head so you can look, but you can also LOOK AWAY!!! You can use your brain to think about unholy things but you can also CHANGE your train of thought as well! I hate this idea that places all the responsibility on the women and expects them to deal with men's weaknesses themselves. Whatever a guy wants to do, he will do it whether the woman is ugly or beautiful. Some men will hump anything with two legs so the whole "don't hire a beautiful house help" is extremely dumb.

A smart woman doesn't keep a beautiful housemaid, fine. Fair enough. But if the man was smart, he would help the wife so she doesn't need a househelp. Simple!

IyaBasira:

I am getting SICK of this daft excuse!

Men are weak! So bleep WHAT?

God gave you eyes in front of your head so you can look, but you can also LOOK AWAY!!! You can use your brain to think about unholy things but you can also CHANGE your train of thought as well! I hate this idea that places all the responsibility on the women and expects them to deal with men's weaknesses themselves. Whatever a guy wants to do, he will do it whether the woman is ugly or beautiful. Some men will hump anything with two legs so the whole "don't hire a beautiful house help" is extremely dumb.

A smart woman doesn't keep a beautiful housemaid, fine. Fair enough. But if the man was smart, he would help the wife so she doesn't need a househelp. Simple!

What if  they don't have the will power to look away. Are women going to use that weakness of theirs to take advantage of them?. Its like telling a crackhead that he has the option to look away from crack without offering him help to enable him look away knowing full well that he does not have the WILLPOWER to ignore crack.

Aloy+Emeka:

What if  they don't have the will power to look away. Are women going to use that weakness of theirs to take advantage of them?. Its like telling a crackhead that he has the option to look away from crack without offering him help to enable him look away knowing full well that he does not have the WILLPOWER to ignore crack.

EVERYBODY has the will power to resist temptation.

Yes temptations are there but it is not mandatory to subscribe to it!

Your analogy of comparing a crackhead to a married man is completely wrong. Cos a crackhead trying to resist drugs is completely starved of drugs so he can get rid of the addiction but a married man is not completely starved of sex. It's just that he can only have sex with one woman. And that's it.

Isn't that the whole essence of getting married? What is the POINT of getting married if you know you cannot resist every Jane, Sylvia and Jumoke that comes along? If you know you cannot control your hunger, don't put yourself on a strict diet!! Simple! 
So I will get married and my husband will tell me he didn't have the WILLPOWER to resist! Save the hogwash for someone else. I'm tired of men saying that they are weak!  Imagine that same man saying that a man can cheat on his wife 2 or 3 times but that doesn't mean he doesn't love her. I disagree with that completely cos it looks like you guys have watered down the definition of love to suit you and only you. Your egos demand that you have one steady girlfriend , but it also demands that you play around every once in a while , right?


This was also why I said that a smart man would help the wife around the house so she would NEVER need a househelp. When men think they are above doing some things because it's a "woman's job". Thats when problems start cos she needs the extra help but you arent willing to provide it. What then is she meant to do? She has to look for it doesn't she?

IyaBasira:

EVERYBODY has the will power to resist temptation.

Yes temptations are there but it is not mandatory to subscribe to it!

Isn't that the whole essence of getting married? What is the POINT of getting married if you know you cannot resist every Jane, Sylvia and Jumoke that comes along? If you know you cannot control your huger, don't put yourself on a dry fast!! Simple! 
So I will get married and my husband will tell me he didn't have the WILLPOWER to resist! Save the hogwash for someone else. I'm tired of men saying that they are weak!  Imagine that same man saying that a man can cheat on his wife 2 or 3 times but that doesn't mean he doesn't love her. I disagree with that completely cos it looks like you guys have watered down the definition of love to suit you and only you. Your egos demand that you have one steady girlfriend , but it also demands that you play around every once in a while , right?

I don't know the school of thought you subscribe to but everybody does not have the willpower to resist temptation. If that is the case, then people will be perfect and I don't think you can say that about you. Everything is not about sexx, so because you do not yield to sexual temptation doesn't mean there are no other temptations you yield to.
Again, the essence of getting married varies for people. Some do it for procreation and family building, some do it because others are doing it, some do it because they were forced to while others do it because they fear God and their religion forbids sexx outside wedlock.

Forget your male/female agro fro a second and put yourself in their shoes. Their could be some weakness they have that make them fall for bootay no matter how it will jeopardize their family or career and taking advantage of that weakness of theirs is evil in its entirety. So while I blame men for not making enough efforts to control their randy nature, I also blame women for knowingly tempt them intoo it.

A woman who employs another knowing full well that her employee can put her husband in harms way but ignores it because the man has the option to look away is indeed a fool and a Jezebel.


Don't rejoice to early, women may have will power over sexx than men but their are other things they have less will power over men. Things like the desire to get married. Men continuously bait women with the promise of marrying them and women continuously fall for it, is it appropriate to tell those women to go to hell because they lack the will power to resist marriage temptation from men?

Read one here:

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-512441.0.html

getting a LovePeddler for a maid  . .

Aloy+Emeka:

I don't know the school of thought you subscribe to but everybody does not have the willpower to resist temptation. If that is the case, then people will be perfect and I don't think you can say that about you. Everything is not about sexx, so because you do not yield to sexual temptation doesn't mean there are no other temptations you yield to.
Again, the essence of getting married varies for people. Some do it for procreation and family building, some do it because others are doing it, some do it because they were forced to while others do it because they fear God and their religion forbids sexx outside wedlock.

Forget your male/female agro fro a second and put yourself in their shoes. Their could be some weakness they have that make them fall for bootay no matter how it will jeopardize their family or career and taking advantage of that weakness of theirs is evil in its entirety. So while I blame men for not making enough efforts to control their randy nature, I also blame women for knowingly tempt them intoo it.

[b]A woman who employs another knowing full well that her employee can put her husband in harms way but ignores it because the man has the option to look away is indeed a fool and a Jezebel.[/b]


Don't rejoice to early, women may have will power over sexx than men but their are other things they have less will power over men. Things like the desire to get married. Men continuously bait women with the promise of marrying them and women continuously fall for it, is it appropriate to tell those women to go to hell?

This isnt about male or female aggro.
What woman would marry a man she didnt trust?
I would not, and I don't think any woman would employ a housemaid if she knew her husband couldn't handle it.

Seriously I think you are arguing out of context. The issue is that some man will sleep with a househelp regardless of whether she is ugly or beautiful.

IyaBasira:


This isnt about male or female aggro.
What woman would marry a man she didnt trust?
I would not, and I don't think any woman would employ a housemaid if she knew her husband couldn't handle it.

Seriously I think you are arguing out of context. The issue is that some man will sleep with a househelp regardless of whether she is ugly or beautiful.

You just changed your position because I know that your previous stance was to helll with men's inability to control their sexual rage and urge and I advised you to chill because it is not as easy as it sounds.
on your second assumption that women always marry men they trust[sexually] in this aspect but I will happily announce to you that your assumption is erroneous. Women mostly marry men they believe they can change. They know he is randy but are ready to tolerate that as long as he is ready to MARRY them.

If your assumption is true, then we wouldn't have polygamists or baby mamas who conceived for married men. It is more sincere to ask women to remove their own speck because they knowingly screw these men and if these men do not get professional women who knowingly screw them and hope he divorce his entire family to marry them, may be, the men will chill out a bit. But west, east, North and south, there abounds many women waiting to embrace any piece of man who has something like money or marriage to offer. I speak the truth irrespective of the consequences.

thnks Emeka

brb

Aloy+Emeka:

You just changed your position because I know that your previous stance was to helll with men's inability to control their sexual rage and urge and I advised you to chill because it is not as easy as it sounds.
on your second assumption that women always marry men they trust[sexually] in this aspect but I will happily announce to you that your assumption is erroneous. Women mostly marry men they believe they can change. They know he is randy but are ready to tolerate that as long as he is ready to MARRY them.

If your assumption is true, then we wouldn't have polygamists or baby mamas who conceived for married men. It is more sincere to ask women to remove their own speck because they knowingly screw these men and if these men do not get professional women who knowingly screw them and hope he divorce his entire family to marry them, may be, the men will chill out a bit. But west, east, North and south, there abounds many women waiting to embrace any piece of man who has something like money or marriage to offer. I speak the truth irrespective of the consequences.

I think your problem is that you fail to understand comments before jumping in to defend your kin. When did I change my standpoint? Isn't this what I said in the beginning?

IyaBasira:

I am getting SICK of this daft excuse!

Men are weak! So bleep WHAT?

God gave you eyes in front of your head so you can look, but you can also LOOK AWAY!!! You can use your brain to think about unholy things but you can also CHANGE your train of thought as well! [b][b][b][b]I hate this idea that places all the responsibility on the women and expects them to deal with men's weaknesses themselves. Whatever a guy wants to do, he will do it whether the woman is ugly or beautiful. Some men will hump anything with two legs so the whole "don't hire a beautiful house help" is extremely dumb.[/b][/b][/b][/b]
[/color]
A smart woman doesn't keep a beautiful housemaid, fine. Fair enough. But if the man was smart, he would help the wife so she doesn't need a househelp. Simple!

Can you read it well now?

So how did I change my standpoint?

When you read something, you may be tempted to jump in and defend the other party, but my point was NOT "To hell with men's sexual urges or whatever". My point was that I was sick of that stupid excuse of "Men are weak". My point is that there is such a thing as self- control and men need to exercise it. You can be weak but is it everything that must incite you to cheat? Human beings are weak when it comes to temptation but you don't have to give in to it. That is my point and not that caricature you presented in your last post.
I mean, seriously. He was saying that a man can see his househelp sleeping naked at night, and it sounded like "Oh well, even if the man cheats, he can because MEN ARE WEAK. "
If the househelp is in her own room and sleeping naked, it's her choice! You have to make your own choice yourself and not let something like that affect you!

Another problem with you is your is generalization. Not all women marry men because they believe they can change. Some women actually do marry because the man loves them and vice versa. And if they believe that all other factors are in place such as trust, respect, kindness etc then they decide to get married.
You can blame the women all you want, and say that some women sleep with married men and all that. But you seem to have forgotten that some men also lie about their marital status. Some say they are not married when they are.

The best thing to do is not to keep a maid that would live with you in the house. A maid that would come in to clean like once or twice in a week is quite sufficient, I for one would not accommodate any maid in my house for no reason.

spicyhoney:

The best thing to do is not to keep a maid that would live with you in the house. A maid that would come in to clean like once or twice in a week is quite sufficient, I for one would not accommodate any maid in my house for no reason.

It doesn't stop your husband from seeking her out behind you.

IyaBasira:

I think your problem is that you fail to understand comments before jumping in to defend your kin. When did I change my standpoint? Isn't this what I said in the beginning?


Can you read it well now?

So how did I change my standpoint?

When you read something, you may be tempted to jump in and defend the other party, but my point was NOT "To hell with men's sexual urges or whatever". My point was that I was sick of that silly excuse of "Men are weak". My point is that there is such a thing as self- control and men need to exercise it. You can be weak but is it everything that must incite you to cheat? Human beings are weak when it comes to temptation but you don't have to give in to it. That is my point and not that caricature you presented in your last post.
I mean, seriously. He was saying that a man can see his househelp sleeping unclothed at night, and it sounded like "Oh well, even if the man cheats, he can because MEN ARE WEAK. "
If the househelp is in her own room and sleeping unclothed, it's her choice! You have to make your own choice yourself and not let something like that affect you!

Another problem with you is your is generalization. Not all women marry men because they believe they can change. Some women actually do marry because the man loves them and vice versa. And if they believe that all other factors are in place such as trust, respect, kindness etc then they decide to get married.
You can blame the women all you want, and say that some women sleep with married men and all that. But you seem to have forgotten that some men also lie about their marital status. Some say they are not married when they are.

@ topic,

I think the author is a tad wrong. Does a smart woman also chase away a beautiful maid or woman from her husband's place of work, social arena or elsewhere?

The truth is that, a man who will cheat, will cheat! It is all about the mindset - simple.

Nigerians get stranger by the moment. So this 40 year veteran giving advice Meanwhile his wife left to be with her friends. Stupid wife should just go and marry her friends if they mean that much.

As for Gramps, he should just go out and get him a younger woman and live life twice. Second thought, to much trouble marrying twice. He should just play the field.

luap:

Nigerians get stranger by the moment.  So  this 40 year veteran giving advice  Meanwhile his wife left to be with her friends.  silly wife should just go and marry her friends if they mean that much. 

As for Gramps, he should just go out and get him a younger woman and live life twice.  Second thought, to much trouble marrying twice.  He should just play the field.