I have always been levelheaded and independent. Never had many friends and never cared either way. Always content with the little i had and never wanted stuff beyond my means until.......well to start at the very beginning, i gained admission at age 15 into the universit y of benin . At the time i was happy go lucky and never had a care. I didnt have more than three shirts at a time but i was content. I was the youngert in the whole faculty and only had two friends. Even though i was poor and lacked a lot of essential and non essential stuff, life was good.

However in my third year i couldnt afford the hostel fees and had to commute to school from my family house in benin everyday. The stress got to me as i spent almost four hours in transit everyday. By my fourth year when it was time for my project, because it was sciences it cost me around 80k i told my dad who had always been emotionally abusive, he flat out told me it wasnt his business as he had always done but this time he made such a public ordeal of it that i had to leave the house and stay at my cousins. That was when the depressi on set in. I had no one to talk to but i bore it till the end of the session . By then i was contemplati ng suicide. Still i managed to make the second best gpa in my department.

In 2015 i went for service in anambra. That was when it got worse my Lodge mates would have to drag me out of my room where i remained for days at a time especially on weekends . One day while strolling down the road from the general hospital in onitsha where i was poste d, i found a mega bet sho p and discovered virtual games. I met people there and the atmosphere provided some sort of escape from my condition. Going there became the medicine . I came back to benin after service and my symptoms persisted while i tried to figure out what to do i found one in my area and started frequenti ng it. it soon became clear i wasnt benefiting from it and i quit to start teaching in orde r to save for masters. By this time my aunt in france was using my account to send money for her house over here. In december 2017, i quit teaching because my neigbourhood wasnt encouraging and i thought a change of environment might help my condition so i went to town to live with my cou sin . In december my aunt sent some money through my account and i withdrew it on saturday and gave my cousin to hold it for that day while i tried to process my npower physical veri fication . When i got back, he claimed to have been robbed. I told my aunt but she would have none of it. I took a loan to replace it and my cousin travele d abroad

By april 2019 the loan had almost doubled due to intrest and i had to go back to teachin g but private school teaching pays less than 20k and i was always behind in payment . I have deprived myself of clothes and even food to try to meet up but I'm still behind . They gave me today as a deadline and i had to confide in the proprietress of my school. She ended up failing of claiming she spent too much recently. My cousin is not picki ng my calls and i have no one to turn to . The thoughts coming to mind are dark and morbid . I really need help and i need it now please I'm in a really bad place right now

jesus can help you, turn to him ryt now