I started a topic some days ago and in the course of discussion I mentioned that I will put my children before my spouse when it comes to welfare and I also added that I will like my spouse to do the same ie place our lids welfare before mine because they are the most important part of our lives.


It seems some people were in disagreement with that sentiment and were saying spouses should put each other first so that in their old age after kids have left the house they can grow old together instead of clinging to their married children for love and significance.

I have to disagree with the idea of putting your husband or wife's welfare before that of your children. Why? Because you chose to bring those children into this world and it is your duty to make sure they are happy and satisfied and living a good life and your own wellbeing should come second to theirs talk less of the wellbeing of your spouse. Choosing to bring a life to this world that is already difficult for majority is not something that should be taken lightly, many people would have rather not been born considering how miserable their lives are so it should be made compulsory for parents to ensure that they can provide and cater for and show enough love to whatever life they selfishly choose to bring into this world. There are already took many stupid parents in Nigeria bearing kids like rats just because they see others having kids, not caring if they can be good parents, not caring if they can provide good quality upbringing for those kids and the last thing we need is the messed up mentality that we need to be putting our spouse before our kids.
Once you have kids that's it, you must sacrifice your comfort and convenience for them and they must come first in your world.

Imagine if you place your kids before your spouse and something bad happens to you and maybe you lose your life. How would you like it if your husband or wife decided to relegate your children's welfare inferior position and starts putting their new husband or wife's happiness first before the kids you left in the world?

That's actually what leads to many kids being abused these days by step parents. Their mom or dad taking them as second fiddle to the step mom or dad.

Thanks for reading

Totally agree with you. Kids before spouse always.
No matter how bad it gets, your kids will never leave or cheat on you.

As long as when men use their children as next of kin and will properties to the children at the event of their death, you and others who agree with you won't start hyperventilating, then you good to go.

Oneness with spouse before anything else - so spouse before offspring/kids. Anything outside this is balderdash to me, and it'll mean that such a woman doesn't deserve my crown, faithfulness, thoughtfulness and goodness in general.

I don't see need for marriage in the absence of oneness of the couple. Oneness is the soul of marriage, while altruism is the soul of oneness.

What's the guarantee that those kids would live up to your expectations in the future? What's then the essence of marriage if kids are the most important feature of which you can still get them without the institution? You wrote this because you are lucky to be fruitful. What if there was delay in conception that goes as far as 15 years, what'll be the priority of the marriage in the waiting period? What if you lose the kids like my mum lost her only son at birth and was lucky to be fertile to conceive more? What if......

I think in an attempt by women to be careful in the homefront in the name of safeguarding their children's future, they get it wrong or they never loved the man but just want to procreate and be like their mates. A man knowing he's not a priority in the home is enough to be distracted by the one that makes him a priority outside. I read a novel years back where the author opined that if wives behaved like mistresses, there'll less marital failure. I listened to a show on radio when a regular caller said his wife was too good for him to move on after over 5 years of her demise. I hope women with these mentality will realign their thoughts of the institution of marriage to build a great home that can serve as a positive point of reference for upcomers.

blah blah blah


you never leave him?

All you wrote is total rubbish!

Kids before spouse especially when they are very small

Kids before spouse especially when they are very small
.
Only an idiot will disagree

ogawisdom:
Kids before spouse especially when they are very small
.
Only an idiot will disagree

Of course, kids first. Then they get older and independent or married even then you can resume putting your spouse first.

Esthered:

I think in an attempt by women to be careful in the homefront in the name of safeguarding their children's future, they get it wrong or they never loved the man but just want to procreate and be like their mates. A man knowing he's not a priority in the home is enough to be distracted by the one that makes him a priority outside. I read a novel years back where the author opined that if wives behaved like mistresses, there'll less marital failure. I listened to a show on radio when a regular caller said his wife was too good for him to move on after over 5 years of her demise. I hope women with these mentality will realign their thoughts of the institution of marriage to build a great home that can serve as a positive point of reference for upcomers.

@ bold, so a woman who isn't her husband's priority should also be distracted by men who make her their priority not so?

LordKO:
Oneness with spouse before anything else - so spouse before offspring/kids. Anything outside this is balderdash to me, and it'll mean that such a woman doesn't deserve my crown, faithfulness, thoughtfulness and goodness in general.

I don't see need for marriage in the absence of oneness of the couple. Oneness is the soul of marriage, while altruism is the soul of oneness.

Unrealistic idealism

LordKO:
Oneness with spouse before anything else - so spouse before offspring/kids. Anything outside this is balderdash to me, and it'll mean that such a woman doesn't deserve my crown, faithfulness, thoughtfulness and goodness in general.

I don't see need for marriage in the absence of oneness of the couple. Oneness is the soul of marriage, while altruism is the soul of oneness.

Hello, in marriage two becomes one automatically, the bone of contention here is kids, KIDS, deny it or not, when you start having kids, your wife's attention automatically becomes divided, she will lean more on her kids because they need care and what not, how do you expect her to balance the two, or choose to care or prioritise you above the kids?

nahzyla:


@ bold, so a woman who isn't her husband's priority should also be distracted by men who make her their priority not so?

Good question.

nahzyla:

Of course, kids first. Then they get older and independent or married even then you can resume putting your spouse first.

Apt, if you can't prioritise your kids for some time before they become adults, don't bother having kids.

nahzyla:


Unrealistic idealism

There's nothing unrealistic here and I ain't an idealist. Perhaps you don't understand what oneness means. Oneness with altruism as its soul means conscientiousness. Also, it means absence of detachment, neglect, disregard and every bad thing.

Fountainofyouth:



Hello, in marriage two becomes one automatically, the bone of contention here is kids, KIDS, deny it or not, when you start having kids, your wife's attention automatically becomes divided, she will lean more on her kids because they need care and what not, how do you expect her to balance the two, or choose to care or prioritise you above the kids?

Like I said to the other person, oneness with altruism as its soul means conscientiousness. Also, it means absence of detachment, neglect, disregard and everything bad.

Like the example you stated above, that's normal and that's what oneness is all about.

LordKO:


Like I said to the other person, oneness with altruism as its soul means conscientiousness. Also, it means absence of detachment, neglect, disregard and everything bad.

Like the example you stated above, that's normal and that's what oneness is all about.

Ahn Ahn, @bolded wouldn't be there nah, this your English sef, okay I get you now.

nahzyla:

Of course, kids first. Then they get older and independent or married even then you can resume putting your spouse first.

And the husband would be waiting for the almighty wife to remember him years later after the kids are gone?

nahzyla:

Of course, kids first. Then they get older and independent or married even then you can resume putting your spouse first.

And the husband would be waiting for the almighty wife to remember him years later after the kids are gone?

Even wondered why a lot of marriages seems like flatmates living together?

bukatyne:


And the husband would be waiting for the almighty wife to remember him years later after the kids are gone?

Did she forget him before?
What makes her Almighty for heavens sake?

Husband and wife should both sacrifice their convenience and comfort for their kids first and cater for them more than they cater for themselves.

nahzyla:


Did she forget him before?
What makes her Almighty for heavens sake?

When you marry, your spouse is your first and last.

That is the only covenanted human relationship.

If she is not almighty, she wouldn't be expecting the husband to still be waiting for her emotionally after years of putting the kids first.

It is you, your husband/wife......... and kids.

There is a difference between caring for the kids when they are totally reliant on you and putting them first.

And parents should build and plan for their kids together.

Important not to neglect either but spouse is old enough to understand certain sacrifices/prioritisations I’m making for my kids and hopefully he feels the same way

bukatyne:


When you marry, your spouse is your first and last.

That is the only covenanted human relationship.

If she is not almighty, she wouldn't be expecting the husband to still be waiting for her emotionally after years of putting the kids first.

It is you, your husband/wife......... and kids.

There is a difference between caring for the kids when they are totally reliant on you and putting them first.

And parents should build and plan for their kids together.

OK

So

Assuming there is just one plate of food left in a house with husband, wife and their one child.

So wifey should give the food to her husband and let her child starve because she puts her spouse first?

Or on Christmas day the money the family has is enough to sew new clothes for only one person.

I guess husband and wife should arrange to sew clothes for either of themselves instead of giving consideration to their child.

Or God forbid the child and the husband have pressing health needs at the same time ànd money is enough to cater for only one of them.

We should leave the child to stay sick and treat husband instead not so?

nahzyla:



OK

So

Assuming there is just one plate of food left in a house with husband, wife and their one child.

So wifey should give the food to her husband and let her child starve because she puts her spouse first?

Your state of mind is the issue..

You are equating the spouse (husband here) with children.

Should I give my husband or child? Seriously?

In the scenario above, my husband and I will give the kids the plate of food and pray for provision.

My kids would understand that we the parents love them and are responsible for them.

Same action, different mindset.

nahzyla:
Or on Christmas day the money the family has is enough to sew new clothes for only one person.

I guess husband and wife should arrange to sew clothes for either of themselves instead of giving consideration to their child.

What if they have more than one child?

bukatyne:


Your state of mind is the issue..

You are equating the spouse (husband here) with children.

Should I give my husband or child? Seriously?

In the scenario above, my husband and I will give the kids the plate of food and pray for provision.

My kids would understand that we the parents love them and are responsible for them.

Same action, different mindset.

My state of mind is not the issue.

Your questionable opinion about putting spouse welfare before children is the issue.

nahzyla:


@ bold, so a woman who isn't her husband's priority should also be distracted by men who make her their priority not so?

Applicable to both but it depends on the level of discipline of the individual.

nahzyla:
Or God forbid the child and the husband have pressing health needs at the same time ànd money is enough to cater for only one of them.

We should leave the child to stay sick and treat husband instead not so?

Who has higher chances of survival? Whose issue is urgent?

The husband and wife decide way forward depending on their peculiar situation.

bukatyne:


What if they have more than one child?

Why don't you answer the question of what if they only have one child?

The one child should starve or wear torn clothes while spouse gets the fine things of life?