Married my wife three years ago. Lost my job after marriage and have tried different kind of business but failed except this current one I just established. To the glory of God, in spite of the failures, I was able to provide a decent and very comfortable duplex powered by 24hours solar electricity with running water since we got married. My wife has being supportive. She supported my first business with 500k. She also make sure there is food in the house and the care of our only child (1.7yrs old). And God has been blessing her. Although she earns 120k monthly.

Unfortunately, my wife has become rude and arrogant. Throws insult at me and my extended family at any given misunderstanding between us. I can't even give any instruction or try to correct her, I will get the insult of my life. I have lost all manner of respect from her as a result of her support to the family which I understand as a struggling husband.

But the most painful part is, I saw a land documents and receipt bearing her name (maiden name) without my knowledge. She asked one of her siblings to be in charge of the building project so I won't know. Although, I didn't ask her anything or give any attitude. But I have left the home for some days now to clear my head. I only told her am traveling for a business trip.

Please, what would you have done if you were in my shoes. I welcome your constructive criticism and advice.

You are gradually becoming a tool in the hands of your wife, now she's seeing you as fool and at that's the height of 'See finish" in this life.

You've failed to lead your wife because of this little challenge, you've equally failed to stamp your authority. Get up and be a man bro..

You're permitted to be meek, but not permitted to be weak.

Women!!! Once they start taking some responsibilities...they start misbehaving.

Sometimes women run out of patience when they are the ones fending for the family.
Trust God, pray that your current business will blossom and you'll resume your responsibilities as the bread winner of your home.

You have to regain value in her sight and man up.

After you must have calmed down, go back home, take her out, to a nice place and get her favourite meal, explain things to her that you accept responsibilities for the state of your home at the moment and because of that you've put her through some difficulties, ask her to give you little time and not let go of the love the both of you share because of that... that she got need of patience... say all these + other things you think might get her thinking in a calm voice while the both of you are dining...

Please don't do anything or take any decision that will aggravate the situation on ground.

Not in any way putting all the blame on you for the state of your home because marriage is for better , for worse and women should always be submissive to their husbands and not insulting, portraying themselves in a gentle manner... I said all that because she isn't here, so we'll tell you your part...

Marriages these days scares the hell outta me

pretydiva:
Marriages these days scares the hell outta me

Any personal reason why you are scared?

Sorry for what your going through. It's difficult but you have to remain positive and always do your best. Don't let the situation at hand now swallow your sanity, you need all the positive energy to fight for a better life. Things will get better.

I would leave. When will you have enough? When she starts cheating? Sometimes people have to realize that the marriage ran its course and has come to an end. I’m sure your wife doesn’t want you again she just don’t know how to tell you, staying with her is forcing it.

Your options are simple, take it as your new normal or take a walk. As for me I will rather be in a loveless marriage than a disrespectful one.

eazzzy1:
I would leave. When will you have enough? When she starts cheating? Sometimes people have to realize that the marriage ran its course and has come to an end. I’m sure your wife doesn’t want you again she just don’t know how to tell you, staying with her is forcing it.

Your options are simple, take it as your new normal or take a walk. As for me I will rather be in a loveless marriage than a disrespectful one.

Bad advice, this is marriage not a mere relationship.

@OP, you guys should talk it out.

faithfull18:

Bad advice, this is marriage not a mere relationship.

@OP, you guys should talk it out.

Lol marriage is a relationship so no difference. Does the wife attitude look like someone who wants to talk it out? He’s going to continue to suffer till he acts .

2dice01:
Any personal reason why you are scared?

Cos of the things I read

Clem24:

But the most painful part is, I saw a land documents and receipt bearing her name (maiden name) without my knowledge. She asked one of her siblings to be in charge of the building project so I won't know. Although, I didn't ask her anything or give any attitude. But I have left the home for some days now to clear my head. I only told her am traveling for a business trip.

That's actually the best thing you can do at this point, it's exactly what I'd do too... leaving her orbit so you can have some critical analysis of the situation and make good decisions as well as good plans going forward.

I suggest you also find a way to monitor her activities, because something else besides your current financial state may just be responsible for her sudden change of attitude. My first suspicion is usually infidelity before anything else, it could also be that her family has a part to play.

Just don't rule anything out.

The idea is to ensure you remain as calm as possible and give no clues to your suspicions. Keep your confidence up by saying what you need to say, just don't let it degenerate into an argument, talk less. You should also spend more time doing your own things alone in the house, things you love, avoid her when and where necessary – and basically, just play the long game.
Your calm disposition will make her assume she's still in control – this gives her more confidence to continue acting/doing whatever she's already doing behind your back, which in turn means she will more likely slip-up/lose guard and try to instigate you into reacting. Always ignore it!

I would have suggested you talk to her, but a woman who is already being rude and insulting with a touch of arrogance, is not the type of woman you want to have a healthy conversation with – she will either flare up or use her God-given skills in manipulation to turn the entire conversation around by making herself the victim, until you start asking yourself how the conversation began in the first place.

Lastly, focus more on your business and grow it – your ability to avoid her troubles will also help you in this regard because you will have less negative energy around you. Positivity is very essential for success.

And remember please, you're not building up your business and trying to attain financial stability because you want your wife to respect/regard you again (I saw someone imply this above) – I always find this type of motivation to be counterintuitive because it means you're buying her respect and as such it will never be real.

Just do what you need to do for your own comfort and for that of your child, no more no less because any wife who does not respect her husband when he is having it bad financially, does not deserve to be put on any pedestal.

Before I read comments, let me make my own. How were you able to build a duplex with running water despite failed businesses? Was it built before you married her? Have you been caught cheating? Has your family also been asking her for money? How can she be paying bills all this while and be building a property that you don't know about with just 120k monthly? I believe that this story is incomplete.

pretydiva:


Cos of the things I read

Those things had always been their in marriages

The difference is people are Bold to speak up this days

2dice01:
Those things had always been their in marriages

The difference is people are Bold to speak up this days

Exactly! Especially men, most people believe men doesn't suffer in marriage

OP, go back home and take charge of your home
You and your wife can start all over again, let her know how much you love her if she's a good person she will tell you about the land herself
Wish you goodluck

What u did is absolutely right buh u need 2 go back nd talk to ur wife in more loving way.

the truth is, women tend 2 be aggressive wen they start playing the role of finance in the home cos naturally they er nt wired that way.So for peace to reign pending wen u get ur feet, try always 2 be supportive nd more caring before u know it u'll start earning her respect nd she will be more open.Everythin is really nt abt money u kno


Just go save ur marriage no perfect person anywhr

I sincerely don't have an advice in this situation however, take your best decision once you think it through and thoroughly.

bestabigaelever:

Exactly! Especially men, most people believe men doesn't suffer in marriage

OP, go back home and take charge of your home
You and your wife can start all over again, let her know how much you love her if she's a good person she will tell you about the land herself
Wish you goodluck

True @ the Bolded
Alot of men won't even dare go early cus of one wahala or the other

Most women can't manage Power
So your advice to the Op might only work when the guy start making money

Please try and communicate with your wife.
There are always three stories as they say...yours, hers and the truth.
Marriage takes somentolerance and sacrifice.
Your wife has been supportive but she has to work
on her behaviour.
Don't feel entitled...like she owes you everything.
She probably acted out of insecurity.
We wome often get adviced against providing for a man because often men abandon women when they feel they have made it in life.

When dealing closely with someone who's neither conscientious nor has an altruistic interest in you, like the present attitude of the woman you described towards you, the timeless way to handle him/her, for good or bad depending on your aim, is through mental conditioning.

If you know your way around mental conditioning, you can have this same woman walking and working with you on your philosophy before the next one month and until forever if you so wish.

Women are naturally made to be submissive to men, especially to their husbands/partners. So, as a man, when dealing with the ones who are wise enough to accept this fact and show it in word and in deed, you treat them with all the love you can give, or even worship them if you so desire, while the ones who try to resist it, you use mental conditioning to make them voluntarily servile to yourself.

Mental conditioning is akin to computer exploit . . . take charge.

The problem you have at hand follows you even as you try to avoid it by running away from home. Therefore, you have to attack it head on. From your explanation, I don't see what you have done wrong, except for not being to meet your responsibilities as a husband. But the issue with your wife runs deeper than you think, and only an assertive demand for an explanation from her will salvage this situation. If possible, call the attention of a third party she respects.

Since most Nigerian women have proven incapable of managing success in marriage, especially when they become the breadwinners of their families, you shouldn't swallow her insults without reminding her your roles over the years. Because it is obvious she needs a little history lesson to enable her make a much needed self-examination. A woman who buys a property without informing a husband that has been responsible, will do something worst if and when she gets the chance.

Crackhaus:

I would have suggested you talk to her, but a woman who is already being rude and insulting with a touch of arrogance, is not the type of woman you want to have a healthy conversation with – she will either flare up or use her God-given skills in manipulation to turn the entire conversation around by making herself the victim, until you start asking yourself how the conversation began in the first place.

As if you live with us.

Blissquare:
Before I read comments, let me make my own. How were you able to build a duplex with running water despite failed businesses? Was it built before you married her? Have you been caught cheating? Has your family also been asking her for money? How can she be paying bills all this while and be building a property that you don't know about with just 120k monthly? I believe that this story is incomplete.

How I provide a house is never an issue. Cheating or family asking her for money has never happened and will never. In fact, my siblings only visited once ( left same day) since we got married. Mum came when she gave birth but since then, she has only visited twice and left same day. I guess mum is not comfortable with my situation.

All this explanation is to let you know that my extended family is never the issue. Talking about paying bills, her major and monthly contribution to the family is food for the three of us. And am not the choosy type who complains about food. I eat whatever is available in the house and so our little kid.

mutter:
Please try and communicate with your wife.
There are always three stories as they say...yours, hers and the truth.
Marriage takes somentolerance and sacrifice.
Your wife has been supportive but she has to work
on her behaviour.
Don't feel entitled...like she owes you everything.
She probably acted out of insecurity.
We wome often get adviced against providing for a man because often men abandon women when they feel they have made it in life.

I have lost count of sitting her down to explain things to her. There was a time she reported me to a third party. When both husband and wife heard from both of us, they were disappointed at the way she treated her husband and still playing the victim all the name of "I'm the one supporting him". That's not the only time she would get such response from third parties. And those ones would even share their own family challenges too. So she stopped reporting me to third parties.

Clem24:
Crackhaus:

I would have suggested you talk to her, but a woman who is already being rude and insulting with a touch of arrogance, is not the type of woman you want to have a healthy conversation with – she will either flare up or use her God-given skills in manipulation to turn the entire conversation around by making herself the victim, until you start asking yourself how the conversation began in the first place.

As if you live with us.

Lol, women are not so different from one another to be honest.

I know those types of women (rude, insulting, arrogant) and also know that trying to have a conversation & make sense with them is hardly ever successful UNLESS you involve a third-party during the process to act as a moderator.

What is the purpose of marriage if not for companionship and complimenting each other's weaknesses.

A husband who loses his job is like a new wife with the challenge of stillbirth all the time. She's depressed already with her situation. She needs all the support she can get from her husband at that point in time. Because a time of distress like this one, shows you who a true companion is. But instead, the husband started cheating and threatened her with a 2nd wife.

No matter what, trials will come in marriage but how we manage it is what determines whether or not the marriage will last.


Appreciate your time and suggestions. Thanks

eazzzy1:


Lol marriage is a relationship so no difference. Does the wife attitude look like someone who wants to talk it out? He’s going to continue to suffer till he acts .

Formalised relationship you can't be opting out or in at any slight misunderstanding.

faithfull18:

Formalised relationship you can't be opting out or in at any slight misunderstanding.

What you call slight misunderstanding is obviously a major issue to the OP. His peace of mind is eroded and the only way he can get it back right now is through separation.

Get a job then , if that's the cause of your problem.
I hope that house was built in both your names. She can't support you in business and you end up erecting a building in your name and expect her not to be murderously embittered.

VLTA:
Sometimes women run out of patience when they are the ones fending for the family.
Trust God, pray that your current business will blossom and you'll resume your responsibilities as the bread winner of your home.

You have to regain value in her sight and man up.

After you must have calmed down, go back home, take her out, to a nice place and get her favourite meal, explain things to her that you accept responsibilities for the state of your home at the moment and because of that you've put her through some difficulties, ask her to give you little time and not let go of the love the both of you share because of that... that she got need of patience... say all these + other things you think might get her thinking in a calm voice while the both of you are dining...

Please don't do anything or take any decision that will aggravate the situation on ground.

Not in any way putting all the blame on you for the state of your home because marriage is for better , for worse and women should always be submissive to their husbands and not insulting, portraying themselves in a gentle manner... I said all that because she isn't here, so we'll tell you your part...

I'd rather jump into a moving train than do what you wrote there if I were to be in his shoes. What is this?