Hi everyone,

My name is Grace, 21yrs, I am in my 3rd year student, pursing a BN degree in Nursing administration (UBC) in Canada. However, since I left Nigeria in 2018, my life never remained the same. Let me start by saying a little about myself.
I come from a Christian home in Nigeria, my parents both attend deeper life.
They are hardcore disciplinarians and prayer warriors. My mum especially, each time i came back from school, my mum searched my bag. I was not allowed to have any social networking apps, not even WhatsApp, my mum always checked my phone. All my parents ever care about is my education and getting good grades. If i am not talking about books, i am not making sense( i was not allowed to attend prom). I had no outfits, just normal clothes and school uniform. I am never allowed to visit friends, go out or have friends over. I spent a large chunk of my time in my bedroom. I do not know how to socialize or communicate with people.
My social life was in bad shape and i never realized it.
I realized that my upbringing and the way i lived my life has really affected me now. I have trouble making friends and even sometimes when people approach me, they go mute after some days, it appears like i cannot keep friends. There are 60 students in my department and i could not make friends with one person, i do not have anyone to check with after an exam or test, nobody checks on me either. I always conatact the professors directly if i have any issues.
To be frank, I did spend 2 years in Unilag before coming to Canada and I had quite a number of friends, many guys were toasting me. I even lost count as some point. But ever since i stepped into this Canada, no guy, i repeat no guy has ever asked me out. white oh, black oh, hispanic oh, nothing. Though i have a number of acquittances but no one to share a drink with or talk about how the day went. This was different from when i was in Nigeria.
Right now I am really trying to make friends but each time i try, the energy is always coming from my end and sometimes they ignore me. I have no best friend, no boyfriend, no padi padi. I believe i have a bright future ahead of me but sometimes i just feel lost with how lonely i get.
Sometimes i feel like there a spirit of loneliness following me, i have no roommates too.
This has not stopped me from doing what i have to do and studying well, but i find it a little disturbing.
Is this normal? for students studying abroad? Maybe I am just different, I dunno.
I am willing to answer any questions?

... Get that degree first. Hoe not!
Meanwhile : if you need a friend, be a friend first. And you can begin with those wonderful sisters in your fellowship. Don't tell me you "have forsaken the assembly of believers as the manner of some is... "

If you need friends, send me invitation I'll come...
I get passport already..

Sometimes we create problems for ourselves. I was raised by my mom alone and she wasn't strict like your parents but I personally developed that lifestyle you are talking about by myself.

When I got into the university, I felt depressed because no one wanted to associate with me and sometimes I find it difficult to make friends too.

I became depressed and thought I will give it a try and socialize. I joined unionism in my second year and suffered set backs because of my inability to socialize earlier but I pushed forward.

I was made the departmental president in my 3rd year, lo and behold I had handful of friends that I was made to handpick from over 20 of them, male and female.

At the end it was a disaster (Long story).

I advice you to live yourself, that's who you are, don't blame your family for it. I know of my uncle, a pastor who held his children more than the picture you painted but trust me their social life changed just in three months after going out.

As for a boyfriend, someone who likes you will not care about your silence ooo, this mingle and merriments always turn into more regrets and depression that you might later wished to be managing the depression you already had.

Don't struggle to be social so you won't meet bad people oo. Just be yourself but don't be over serious, smile and feel along thats all.

Went to thailand, felt the same thing but trust me it's not worth it.

Sorry about your situation, this covid era will make it a little harder to start making friends now except maybe after the lockdown. But at the moment, your best bet is making online friends(which isn't too safe either) but should incase opportunities arises whereby you find yourself bin gatherings, always put on a big and welcoming smile, try to chip in when people are conversing, and always go out and mingle(after this covid era ofcourse). Good luck

Just be open and free, the right people will come into your life someday, don't force it on your self as there may be some regret later

my dear, try and know what makes you happy okay, don't force yourself to have selfish interest people parading as friends, just be yourself, I will meet you cannan soon okay

If no guy asks you out, feel free to ask any of them out, times have changed especially here in the West, a lot of people are focusing on their careers.

Got bout 2 friends in Canada both girls giving same complaint to that guys don't ask them out there.....still trying to find a suitable reason for that tho

The easiest way to develop a friendship with someone is to share common interests. That's the way to get honest inter relations without forcing it. What are the stuff you like? Art, music, kinds of movies, poetry, dancing, novels? what's your talent, hobby or passion that's strong? once you know this, go to places or join groups that have the same interests/likes that you share and you will make good, honest friends. Book clubs, movie clubs, dancing groups, poetry clubs etc. The common interest will form the basis for better communication with others which could lead to friendships as well. You can also start a blog and publish online. write about topics that make you happy and sometimes, once in a while, pour out your heart in writing. You may be surprised to find that you are not the only one facing the same struggles and you could build an online community of readers who share the same views and challenges. You could also start up a new instagram page to share your passion with the world. If it's fashion, you could play dress up every now and then and post nice pictures on the gram, if you love places, you could go around visiting fun places and posting pictures and short stories about your time there... find what you love, do it passionately and share it with the world. Soon you'll find that people may begin to appreciate you for that and connect with you on that happy level. You are still young and you want to flex.... no worry, time dey come, na you go run for groove!

Mam
make ur degree and come back to Naija lasan Everybody will be taking ur pic to shiloh lol
Try to make friends from FB tho but never tell them uve been lonely,else ull be taken for granted and also avoid close friends,its very important
psycho!

Childofthelord:
Hi everyone,

My name is Grace, 21yrs, I am in my 3rd year student, pursing a BN degree in Nursing administration (UBC) in Canada. However, since I left Nigeria in 2018, my life never remained the same. Let me start by saying a little about myself.
I come from a Christian home in Nigeria, my parents both attend deeper life.
They are hardcore disciplinarians and prayer warriors. My mum especially, each time i came back from school, my mum searched my bag. I was not allowed to have any social networking apps, not even WhatsApp, my mum always checked my phone. All my parents ever care about is my education and getting good grades. If i am not talking about books, i am not making sense( i was not allowed to attend prom). I had no outfits, just normal clothes and school uniform. I am never allowed to visit friends, go out or have friends over. I spent a large chunk of my time in my bedroom. I do not know how to socialize or communicate with people.
My social life was in bad shape and i never realized it.
I realized that my upbringing and the way i lived my life has really affected me now. I have trouble making friends and even sometimes when people approach me, they go mute after some days, it appears like i cannot keep friends. There are 60 students in my department and i could not make friends with one person, i do not have anyone to check with after an exam or test, nobody checks on me either. I always conatact the professors directly if i have any issues.
To be frank, I did spend 2 years in Unilag before coming to Canada and I had quite a number of friends, many guys were toasting me. I even lost count as some point. But ever since i stepped into this Canada, no guy, i repeat no guy has ever asked me out. white oh, black oh, hispanic oh, nothing. Though i have a number of acquittances but no one to share a drink with or talk about how the day went. This was different from when i was in Nigeria.
Right now I am really trying to make friends but each time i try, the energy is always coming from my end and sometimes they ignore me. I have no best friend, no boyfriend, no padi padi. I believe i have a bright future ahead of me but sometimes i just feel lost with how lonely i get.
Sometimes i feel like there a spirit of loneliness following me, i have no roommates too.
This has not stopped me from doing what i have to do and studying well, but i find it a little disturbing.
Is this normal? for students studying abroad? Maybe I am just different, I dunno.
I am willing to answer any questions?

You can still make friends along the line. Many guys will want to close to you back home for obvious reasons. Just be yourself and be more outgoing and outspoken. If you don't mind, you can make do with e-friends here on Nairaland

To be frank, I did spend 2 years in Unilag before coming to Canada and I had quite a number of friends, many guys were toasting me. I even lost count as some point. [b]But ever since i stepped into this Canada, no guy, i repeat no guy has ever asked me out. white oh, black oh, hispanic oh, nothing. [/b]Though i have a number of acquittances but no one to share a drink with or talk about how the day went. This was different from when i was in Nigeria.

North East West or South..... No place like home.

MajesticKris:
If you need friends, send me invitation I'll come...
I get passport already..

Iyanya

I can understand you. I was raised similarly but along the line, I was able to switch a bit. Even though i have not completely switched. Lol, but mine is not as bad as yours. And generally, abroad is usually lonely especially in places like Canada, so I read.

U can start with online friendship. That can keep you company while u look for friendship offline.

We can be friends too online if you don't mind.

Op it's not your fault. The women over there are just too beautiful. I went to an European country 2 years back and ever since I got back, I just can't find Nigerian women attractive again. The best thing for you to do now will be to find a boyfriend in Nigeria through Facebook or something.

Anyone who tells you that you don't need to socialise or just focus on your books is doing you more harm than good. You are in a place where networking is highly prioritised and jobs via referrals or recommendations, so why not socialise. If you were in an MBA program or some MSc Finance course, do you know the repercussions of not socialising? Although, I am not a religious person by upbringing but I was brought up largely by staying indoors due to the environment we lived then. This affected my relationships with my classmates in the university, it was in my third year that I had to changed after reading many articles about networking and its effects. Worse part of it, I kept to myself because I wanted a first class. However, those who graduated with a first class socialise more than myself. There's more to tertiary education than just going to school, library, church and hostel. Even if you intend to return after your studies (most likely due to parental pressures), it's still important you socialise and network as those contacts will be useful in a decade or two.

heendrix:
Got bout 2 friends in Canada both girls giving same complaint to that guys don't ask them out there.....still trying to find a suitable reason for that tho

They say Nigerian girls aren't that beautiful in the midst of Asian, Arab, Latino and western ladies. Also, the mentality Nigerians girls have towards relationships differs significantly from the prevailing mentality. These girls have to adapt or return to face Buhari and El-Rufai.

Childofthelord:
Hi everyone,

My name is Grace, 21yrs, I am in my 3rd year student, pursing a BN degree in Nursing administration (UBC) in Canada. However, since I left Nigeria in 2018, my life never remained the same. Let me start by saying a little about myself.
I come from a Christian home in Nigeria, my parents both attend deeper life.
They are hardcore disciplinarians and prayer warriors. My mum especially, each time i came back from school, my mum searched my bag. I was not allowed to have any social networking apps, not even WhatsApp, my mum always checked my phone. All my parents ever care about is my education and getting good grades. If i am not talking about books, i am not making sense( i was not allowed to attend prom). I had no outfits, just normal clothes and school uniform. I am never allowed to visit friends, go out or have friends over. I spent a large chunk of my time in my bedroom. I do not know how to socialize or communicate with people.
My social life was in bad shape and i never realized it.
I realized that my upbringing and the way i lived my life has really affected me now. I have trouble making friends and even sometimes when people approach me, they go mute after some days, it appears like i cannot keep friends. There are 60 students in my department and i could not make friends with one person, i do not have anyone to check with after an exam or test, nobody checks on me either. I always conatact the professors directly if i have any issues.
To be frank, I did spend 2 years in Unilag before coming to Canada and I had quite a number of friends, many guys were toasting me. I even lost count as some point. But ever since i stepped into this Canada, no guy, i repeat no guy has ever asked me out. white oh, black oh, hispanic oh, nothing. Though i have a number of acquittances but no one to share a drink with or talk about how the day went. This was different from when i was in Nigeria.
Right now I am really trying to make friends but each time i try, the energy is always coming from my end and sometimes they ignore me. I have no best friend, no boyfriend, no padi padi. I believe i have a bright future ahead of me but sometimes i just feel lost with how lonely i get.
Sometimes i feel like there a spirit of loneliness following me, i have no roommates too.
This has not stopped me from doing what i have to do and studying well, but i find it a little disturbing.
Is this normal? for students studying abroad? Maybe I am just different, I dunno.
I am willing to answer any questions?

I can feel your pain. Covid-19 has made it even worse. To be candid, there are a lot of people in Canada in your shoes. I know many girls complain about the lack of toasters wahala in Canada. Have you tried associating with the Nigerian community in BC? I don't know how large it is. You can also try to find a fairly large Naija church. I can recommend RCCG because they tend to have the numbers (if you want to). If you stay in Ontario, I could have recommended a few places. As stated by some posters above, try to maximize social media for now and continue to work on your social skills.

Some have shoes but do not have leg, others have leg but do not have shoes.

What I am trying to say is that, you should not expect the norms always (That is a guy walking up to you and engaging you in discussion). Some, due to their past experience are only being careful to avoid be turn into object of mockery among women when they are rejected.

There is everyone meant for the other group. Try and look beyond the circle you are hoping to make friends with.

There's no problem without a solution, direct or indirect.

Firstly, you can start by making more use of the social media. Nairaland is one. You may visit the Thread for Nigerian Students in Canada and hook up with some 'legit' Nigerian students. You may ask them to visit you first and then reciprocate the visitation. With time, you can move to Facebook and harness the full potentials of the digital world.

Secondly, join an association. Be a departmental group, religious group or even a club with fellow Nigerian compatriots. Normalise visiting people and get an executive post. You will be become a full extrovert with time.

In all, beware of scammers!

Such a Waste
No Photos
Abi Dem no dey snap photos for Canada?

Na so Canada dey lonely. I've heard a lot of complaints about that side coupled with YouTube videos but I've never heard such from both the US and UK.

Na to give Canada space be that

How about joining clubs in your school that might interest you or a fraternity. Take public speaking classes or improv classes.

You can join a gym or learn martial arts to improve your confidence.

You can read the book from shy to social. It was written for men but I don't see why it won't help you especially the early chapters.

Good luck

.

Start youtube channel

Hi Grace, i can be your friend..i have my passport

Be careful for some people with ulterior motive will contact you.

Don't desperately need friends. Good ones come naturally.

Engage in activities that are godly, yet will allow you to meet people. Your school most likely have an association for Africans. Join.

Its a different culture there and many will not approach like the way they do in Nigeria.

If you need a friend, be someone people can befriend. Smile a lot. Be helpful in your little ways. Dress nicely and be responsible. Friends will come.

Meanwhile, use your spare time to read, write (you can start a blog) and learn new skills.

Don't be shy to first of all say 'hi' to classmates. If you find people you like, be bold to introduce yourself first. The worst they can do is to shun you. And that's nothing. Try!

Insightful....Childhood and social skills.

Get to know yourself so you can identify your interest, values and all. With this you can engage people in a healthy discussion without being boring.

Again, try online dating sites but be careful while at it.

Lastly, relax and not force things. Learn to enjoy your own company and create your own happiness.

Loneliness is a normal thing in white man's land.

heendrix:
Got bout 2 friends in Canada both girls giving same complaint to that guys don't ask them out there.....still trying to find a suitable reason for that tho

the ones who do. They snub them. Dem dey find rich guy with car and nice house