The Innkeeper’s Clever Daughter


Once there was a nobleman and he had three Jewish tenants on his estate. One held the forest concession, another operated the mill, the third, the poorest of them, ran the inn.

One day the nobleman summoned the three and said to them, “I am going to put to you three questions:
‘Which is the swiftest thing in the world? Which is the fattest?
Which is the dearest?’

The one who answers correctly all of these questions won’t have to pay me any rent for ten years.
And whoever fails to give me the correct answer, I’ll send packing from my estate.”

The Jew who had the forest concession and the one who operated the mill did not think very long and decided between them to give the following answers:“The swiftest thing
in the world is the nobleman’s horse, the fattest is the nobleman’s pig, and the dearest is the nobleman’s wife.”

The poor innkeeper, however, went home feeling very much worried.
He had only three days’ time to answer the
nobleman’s questions.
He racked his brains. What answers
could he give?
Now the innkeeper had a daughter.She was pretty and clever.

“What is worrying you so, father?”she asked.
He told her about the nobleman’s three questions.
“Why shouldn’t I worry?”he cried. “I’vethought and thought but I cannot find the answers!”
“There is nothing to worry about,father,” she told him.
“The questions are very easy:The swiftest thing in the world is thought,
the fattest is the earth,
the dearest is sleep.”

When the three days were up the three Jewish tenants went to see the landowner.
Pridefully the first two gave the answers they had agreed upon before hand,thinking that the landowner would feel flattered by them.

“You’re wrong!” cried the nobleman.
“Now pack up and leave my estate right away and don’t you dare to come back!”
But, when he heard the innkeeper’s answers he was filled with wonder.

“I like your answers very much,” he told him, “but I know you didn’t think them up by yourself.
Confess—who gave you the answers?”
“It was my daughter,” the innkeeper answered. “Your daughter!” exclaimed the nobleman in surprise.
“Since she is so clever I’d very much like to see her. Bring her to me in three days’ time.

But listen carefully: she must come here neither walking nor riding, neither dressed nor naked.
She must also bring me a gift that is not a gift.”

The innkeeper returned home even more worried than the first time.
“What now, father?” his daughter asked him. “What’s worrying you?”
He then told her of the nobleman’s request to see her and of his instructions.

“Well, what is there to worry about?” she said. “Go to the market-place and buy me a fishing net, also a goat, a couple of pigeons and several pounds of meat.”

He did as she told him and brought to her his purchases. At the appointed time she undressed and wound herself in the fishing net, so she was neither dressed nor naked.

She then mounted the goat, her feet dragging on the ground, so that she was neither riding nor walking.
Then she took the two pigeons in one hand and the meat in the other. In this way she arrived at the nobleman’s house.
The nobleman stood at the window watching her arrival. As soon as he saw her he turned his dogs on her, and, as they tried to attack her, she threw them the meat.

So they pounced on the meat and let her pass into the house.
“I’ve brought you a gift that is not a gift,” she said to the nobleman, stretching out her hand holding the two pigeons.

But suddenly she released the birds and they flew out of the window. The nobleman was enchanted with her. “What a very clever girl you are!” he cried. “I want to marry you, but only on one condition, never must you inter- fere in my affairs!” She gave him her promise and he made her his wife.

One day, as she stood at the window, she saw a weeping peasant pass by.
“Why do you weep?” she asked him. “My neighbor and I own a stable in partnership,” he told her. “He keeps the wagon there and I keep a mare.

Last night the mare gave birth to a pony under my neighbor’s wagon. Whereupon, my neighbor insisted that the pony rightfully be- longed to him.
So I haled him before the nobleman who
upheld him and said the pony was his. How unjust, I say!”.

‘Take my advice,” the nobleman’s wife said. “Get a fishing-rod and station yourself before my husband’s window. Nearby you’ll find a sand-heap.
Pretend you’re catching fish there. My husband will surely be amazed and will ask you: ‘How can you catch fish in a sand-heap?’ So you will answer him: ‘If a wagon can give birth to a pony then I can catch
fish in a sand-heap/ ”

The peasant did as she told him and it happened exactly as she said it would.
When the nobleman heard the peasant’s answer he said to him, “You didn’t think this up out of your own head.
Confess, who told you?”
“It was your wife.”
Angrily the nobleman went to look for his wife.

“You have broken your promise not to interfere in my affairs!” he stormed at her.
“Go and choose from all my possessions
that which you deem the most precious and return to your father’s house!”
“Very well,” she answered, “I will go, but before I do I would like to dine with you for the last time.”

He consented, and during dinner she plied him with much wine. When he had drunk a great deal he became drowsy and fell asleep. There upon she ordered that his carriage be made ready.

She then drove him, as he slept, to her father’s house. When he sobered up and discovered where he was he asked in surprise, “How did I ever get here?”
“It was I who brought you here,” his wife confessed.

“Don’t you remember telling me to choose the most precious possession you owned and then to return to my father’s house?
So I looked over all your possessions, and, not finding any of them as precious as you, I carried you away with me to my father’s house.”

The nobleman was overjoyed. “Since you love me so, let’s go home!” he said.
So they were reconciled and lived in prosperity and in honor for the rest of their lives.

Alexander’s Instruction


After his triumphal entry into Jerusalem, Alexander of Macedonia and his legions drew southward. When they reached the first city the wise men there came out to greet the conqueror.

“I have ten questions to put to you,” he told them. “If you are able to answer them for me I will know that you are indeed wise, and will let you go in peace.”

“Speak, O King!” they replied with one voice. “What distance is greater,” asked Alexander, “that between Heaven and Earth or that between East and West?” “That between East and West, O King! The sun rises in the
East, therefore it can be observed easily, without the eye being dazzled.

It is the same when the sun sets in the West. However, when the sun sits high in the center of Heaven it is impossible for the naked eye to look at it Its splendor blinds the eyes, for at that point the sun is nearer to man than East
or West.”

“Which was first created—Heaven or Earth?” “Heaven! For Scripture says: ‘In the beginning God created Heaven and Earth.’ ”

“What was first created—Light or Darkness?” At this question the wise men hesitated before giving their answer. They thought,
“If we say that Darkness is mentioned
first in Scripture, he will want to know more and more and ask us ever harder questions, such as—what there is above Heaven and under the Earth, and what existed before Heaven and Earth were created, and what will exist after they pass.

Therefore, let us better say that the question is too difficult for us to answer.” So they said, “O King, the man
does not live who could answer you this question.”

“In that case,” answered Alexander, “I will stop asking you
such difficult questions and put to you easier ones.
“Tell me,” he continued, “who is wise?”
“He who can foresee the future.”
“Who is a hero?” “He who conquers himself.” “Who is rich?” “He who rests content with what he has.”

“By what means does man preserve his life?” “When he kills himself.” They meant: when a man destroys within himself all passion.
“By what means does a man bring about his own death?” “When he clings to life.” They meant: when he holds on to his passions and belongs to them.

“What should a man do who wants to win friends?” “He should flee from glory and should despise dominion and kingship.”
“That is a very foolish answer!” cried Alexander. “It is precisely he who wants to win friends that must strive for
glory. Then he will be in a position to do good to people.”

“Is it better for man to live on dry land or on the water?” Alexander continued. “Dry land is
better for man. Ask anyone who has been to
sea and he will agree with what we say.
They who live on the water never find peace of mind and live in constant anxiety.”

Having concluded his questioning Alexander asked the wise men, “Which one of you is wisest?” “We are all equally wise, O King! You must have observed that all of us replied to you at the same time.”
“Why then do you shun us and don’t obey my laws? Have you no fear of me, the great Alexander?”
“O King, the Angel of Evil also seeks daily to command men and to force them to obey them. Glory to him who disobeys him!”

Alexander was filled with rage, hearing such words. “How dare you speak to me in this manner!” he cried. “Don’t you know that one word from me and you will all die?”
“That we know most certainly, O King,” the wise men replied calmly. “But do you think it is becoming for a mighty king like you to lie?

Recall that you promised to let us go in peace after we had answered all your questions.”
At this Alexander quieted down and gave the wise men presents of costly garments and golden neck-chains.

“I will now leave you and sail for Africa,” he told them.
“For Africa!” cried the wise men in astonishment. “Why, you’ll find there mountains so high that they reach the sky!

They’ll surely obstruct and darken your way.”
“Advise me then!” asked Alexander. “How can I find the right road there?” “Get the asses from the far-off land of Luw to ride on,” replied the wise men.

“They can see in the dark. Bind on them
threads of flax and hold firmly to them. Then you will be able to pass safely through the mountains.”
And Alexander did as they said and reached his goal safely.

It Could Always Be Worse

The poor Jew had come to the end of his rope. So he went to his rabbi for advice.
Holy Rabbi!” he cried. “Things are in a bad way with me, and are getting worse all the time! We are poor, so poor, that my wife, my six children, my in-laws and I have to live in a one-room hut.
We get in each other’s way all the time. Our nerves are frayed and, because we have plenty of troubles, we quarrel.
Believe me—my home is a hell and I’d sooner die than continue living this way!”

The rabbi pondered the matter gravely. “My son,” he said, “promise to do as I tell you and your condition will improve.”
“I promise, Rabbi,” answered the troubled man. “I’ll do anything you say.” ‘Tell me—what animals do you own?”
“I have a cow, a goat and some chickens.”

“Very well! Go home now and take all these animals into your house to live with you.” The poor man was dumbfounded, but since he had promised the rabbi, he went home and brought all the ani- mals into his house.

The following day the poor man returned to the rabbi and cried, “Rabbi, what misfortune have you brought upon me! I did as you told me and brought the animals into the house. And now what have I got? Things are worse than ever!

My life is a perfect hell—the house is turned into a barn! Save me. Rabbi—help me!” “My son,” replied the rabbi serenely, “go home and take the chickens out of your house. God will help you!” So the poor man went home and took the chickens out of
his house.

But it was not long before he again came running to the rabbi. “Holy Rabbi!” he wailed. “Help me, save me! The goat is smashing everything in the house—she’s turning my life into a nightmare.” “Go home,” said the rabbi gently, “and take the goat out
of the house. God will help you!”

The poor man returned to his house and removed the goat But it wasn’t long before he again came running to the rabbi, lamenting loudly, “What a misfortune you’ve brought upon my head, Rabbi! The cow has turned my house into a stable! How can you expect a human being to live side by side with an animal?” “You’re right—a hundred times right!” agreed the rabbi.

“Go straighthome and take the cow out of your house!”
And the poor unfortunate hastened home and took the cow out of his house.
Not a day had passed before he came running again to the rabbi.

“Rabbi!” cried the poor man, his face beaming.
“You’ve made life sweet again for me. With all the animals out, the house is so quiet, so roomy, and so cleanl What a pleasure!”

Can't imagine why this wouldn't be the most liked ANd commented on thread on nairaland. While religious bigots just write some rubbish Candied up in fanaticism and they get moved to front page

senchibi:
Can't imagine why this wouldn't be the most liked ANd commented on thread on nairaland. While religious bigots just write some rubbish Candied up in fanaticism and they get moved to front page

Thanks a Lot. I also noticed that the most
Controversial Topics Get Moved to Front Page.

My motivation has always been to Post
Valuable Content.

A Lesson in Talmud One day a country-fellow came to his rabbi. “Rabbi,” he said, in the tongue-tied fashion of the unlettered in the presence of the learned, “for a long time I have been hearing of Talmud.

It puzzles me not to know what Talmud is. Please teach me what is Talmud.” “Talmud?” The rabbi smiled tolerantly, as one does to a
child.

“You’ll never understand Talmud; you’re a peasant.” “Oh, Rabbi, you must teach me,” the fellow insisted. “I’ve never asked you for a favor. This time I ask. Please teach me, what is Talmud.” “Very well,” said the rabbi, “listen carefully."

If two burglars enter a house by way of the chimney, and find themselves in the living room, one with a dirty face and one with a clean face, which one will wash?”

The peasant thought awhile and said, “Naturally, the one with the dirty face.”
You see,” said the rabbi, “I told you a farmer couldn’t master Talmud.

"The one with the clean face looked at the one with the dirty face and, assuming his own face was also dirty, of course he washed it, while the one with the dirty face, observing the clean face of his colleague, naturally as- sumed his own was clean, and did not wash it.”
Again the peasant reflected. Then, his face brightening, said, “Thank you. Rabbi, thank you. Now I understand Talmud.”

“See,” said the rabbi wearily. “It is just as I said.
You are a peasant! And who but a peasant would think for a moment that when two burglars enter a house by way of the chimney, only one will have a dirty face?”

Lost and Found

The old Rabbi had left the room for a moment, then returned to his studies, only to find his eye-glasses missing.

Perhaps, they were between the leaves of his book? No. . . . Maybe
they were somewhere on the desk? No. . . . Surely they were in the room. No. . .

So, in the ancient sing-song, with many a gesture appropriate to Talmudic disputation, he began: “Where are my glasses?...

“Let us assume they were taken by someone. They were taken either by someone who needs glasses, or by someone who doesn’t need glasses.

If it was someone who needs glasses, he has glasses; and if it was someone who doesn’t need glasses, then why should he take them?

“Very well. Suppose we assume they were taken by someone who planned to sell them for gain. Either he sells them to one who needs glasses, or to one who doesn’t need glasses.

But one who needs glasses has glasses, and one who doesn’t need them, surely doesn’t want to buy them. ... So much for that.

“Therefore . . . this is a problem involving one who needs glasses and has glasses, one who either took someone else’s because he lost his own, or who absent mindedly pushed his own up from his nose to his forehead, and promptly forgot all about them!
“For instance . .. . me!"

And, with a triumphant sweep of thumb to forehead, signalizing the end of his analysis, the rabbi recovered his property.

“Praised be the Lord, I am trained in our ancient manner of reasoning,” he murmured. “Otherwise I would never have found them!”

Pain and Pleasure


A Jewish father took his little boy to the bath for the first time.
When they jumped into the pool the little boy began to shiver with cold and cried,
“Oy, papa, oy!”

His father then led him out of the pool, rubbed him down with a towel and
dressed him.
“Ah-h, papa, ah-h!” purred the little fellow, tingling with pleasant warmth.

“Isaac,” said the father thoughtfully, “do you want to know the difference between a cold bath and a sin?

When you jump into a cold pool you first yell ‘Oy!’ and then you say ‘Ah-h.’

But when you commit a sin you first say
‘Ah-h,’ and then you yell ‘Oy!’

The Rabbi and the Inquisitor


The city of Seville was seething with excitement. A Christian boy had been found dead, and the Jews were falsely accused by their enemies of having murdered him in order to use his blood ritually in the baking of matzos for Passover.

So the rabbi was brought before the Grand Inquisitor to stand trial as head of the Jewish community.

The Grand Inquisitor hated the rabbi, but, despite all hisefforts to prove that the crime had been committed by the
Jews, the rabbi succeeded in disproving the charge.

Seeing that he had been bested in argument, the Inquisitor turned his eyes piously to Heaven and said: “We will leave the judgment of this matter to God.
Let there be a drawing of lots.
I shall deposit two pieces of paper
in a box. On one I shall write the word ‘guilty'—the other will have no writing on it.

If the Jew draws the first, it will be
a sign from Heaven that the Jews are guilty, and we’ll have him burned at the stake.
If he draws the second, on which
there is no writing, it will be divine proof of the Jews’ innocence, so we’ll let him go.”

Now the Grand Inquisitor was a cunning fellow. He was anxious to burn the Jew, and since he knew that no one would ever find out about it, he decided to write the word
“guilty” on both pieces of paper.

The rabbi suspected he was going to do just this. Therefore, when he put his hand into the box and drew forth a piece of paper he quickly put it into his mouth and swallowed it.

“What is the meaning of this, Jew?” raged the Inquisitor. “How do you expect us to know which paper you drew now that you’ve swallowed it?”

“Very simple,” replied the rabbi. “You have only to look at the paper in the box.” So they took out the piece of paper still in the box.

“There!” cried the rabbi triumphantly. “This paper says ‘guilty,’ therefore the one I swallowed must have been blank.
Now, you must release me!” And they had to let him go

The Real Son

A man once overheard his wife admonish their daughter: “Why aren’t you more careful? If you want to sin make sure that no one suspects you.

Follow my example! Here am I, a mother of ten children, yet your father doesn’t know that only one of our sons is his!” Her husband never betrayed the slightest sign that he had
overheard her, but on his deathbed he had a will drawn up leaving all his possessions, “to my only son.”

Everybody was confounded! No one knew who “the only son” was. So all the sons went to see Rabbi Banna’ah to have him decide who was to be the heir.

Rabbi Banna’ah pondered the matter and said, “Go, all of you, to your father’s grave and clamor loud and long until he reveals which one of you he had in mind as his true son and heir.”

All the sons hastened to the cemetery, except one. He was really the “only son.” But, unlike his brothers, he was determined that he would rather lose the inheritance than insult the memory of his father.
Rabbi Banna’ah then gave his decision.
“The inheritance belongs to the son who didn’t clamor at his father’s grave."

All Agents Are Alike

Once there was an old couple. They did poorly, and even suffered hunger.
At last, driven by desperation, the old man
said to his wife, “Malke, let’s write God a letter.” So they sat down and wrote God a letter, imploring Him
for help. They signed it, sealed it carefully, and wrote the name of God on the envelope. “How do you suppose we can mail this letter?” the old woman asked in perplexity.

“God is everywhere,” her pious husband replied. “Our let- ter is bound to reach Him any way we send it.” So he went outside and threw it into the wind which
whirled it away down the street.
It happened that at that very moment a charitable rich man was out walking and the wind blew the letter towards
him.

He picked it up out of curiosity, read it, and wastouched by the trusting innocence of the old couple as much
as by their sad plight. He resolved to help them. A little later he knocked on their door. “Does Reb Nute live here?” he asked.
“I am Reb Nute,” replied the old man. The rich man beamed at him.
“In that case. I’ve some business to transact with you,” he said.

“I want you to know that God received your letter a few minutes ago. As I am His personal agent in White Russia He gave me a hundred rubles for you.” “What do you say to that, Malke?” exclaimed the old man
with joy. “You see, God did get our letter!” The old couple took the money and showered their blessings on God’s agent in White Russia. When they were alone again the old man’s face became
clouded. “What’s wrong now?” his wife asked him.

“I’ve a suspicion, Malke,” answered the old man thoughtfully, “that that agent wasn’t altogether honest; he was a little too smooth. Well, you know how agents are! Likely as not God probably gave him two hundred rubles for us but that swindler must have taken off fifty percent as his commis-
sion!”

God Protects the Heathen Too
Once, as Patriarch Abraham sat at the entrance of his tent, he saw an old tired man approach.
Abraham arose andran forward to bid him welcome. He begged him to enter his tent and rest, but the old man declined the invitation and
said, “No, thank you! I will take my rest under a tree.” But, after Abraham continued to press him with his hospitable attentions the old man allowed himself to be persuaded and entered the tent. Abraham placed before him goat’s milk and butter and
baked for him fresh cakes.

The stranger ate until he was sat-
isfied. Then Abraham said to him, “Now praise the Lord, the God of Heaven and earth, Who gives bread to all His crea-
tures!”
“I do not know your God,” replied the old man coldly. “I
will only praise the god that my hands have fashioned!”

Then Abraham spoke to the old man, told him of God’sgreatness and loving kindness. He
tried to convince him thathis idols were senseless things who could neither help nor
save anyone. He urged him therefore to abandon them andput his faith in the one true God and thank Him for His
gracious acts that He did for him every day.

But to all of Abraham’s fervent pleas the old man answered indignantly, “How dare you talk to me this way, trying to turn me away
from my gods! You and I have nothing in common, so do not impose on me any further with your words, because I will not heed them!” At this Abraham grew very angry and cried out, “Old man, leave my tent!” Without a word the old man departed and he was swal- lowed up by the dark night and the desert.

When the Almighty saw this He grew very wrathful and appeared before Abraham. “Where is the man who came to you this night?” He asked sternly. ‘The old man was stubborn,” replied Abraham. “I tried to persuade him that if he believed in You everything would be well with him.
He refused to heed my words so I grew angry and drove him out of my tent.” Then spoke God: “Have you considered what you have done? Reflect for one moment: Here am I, the God of all Creation—and yet have I endured the unbelief of this old man for so many years. I clothed and fed him and supplied all his needs.

But when he came to you for just one night you dispensed with all duties of hospitality and compassion anddrove him into the wilderness!” Then Abraham fell upon his face and prayed to God that He forgive him his sin. “I will not forgive you,” said God, “unless you first ask forgiveness from the heathen to whom you have done evil!” Swiftly, Abraham ran out of his tent and into the desert and after much searching found the old man.

Then he fell at his feet and wept and begged for his forgiveness. The old man was moved by Abraham’s pleas and he forgave him. Again God revealed Himself to Abraham and said, “Because you have done what is righteous in My eyes I will never forget My covenant with your posterity. When they
sin I will punish them, but never will I sever My covenant with them!”