Exciting Job Opportunities in the Niger Delta
Our client, a Niger Delta Militant Group with branches in strategic locations throughout all the six South-South states of Nigeria is seeking to expand its operations to Abuja, the Federal Capital territory. This expansion has brought about vacancies for qualified and experienced young officers. The positions are:

Area Head, Kidnapping:

The successful applicant who will report to the Executive Council, and the Executive Director, Abuja , is expected to possess the following competencies:

1) Minimum of 10 years experience in militant agitation. (Membership of Massob, OPC or other similar organisations will be an added advantage)

2) Fluent knowledge of Hausa, Ijaw, English, Italian and German

3) Expert ability to distinguish between Oyinbos and Albinos

4) Ability to swim in deep waters

5) Ability to recognise fake/marked naira notes by sight

6) Ability to easily recognise all Senators and Ministers of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Evidence of previous successful kidnap of BIG MEN must be provided (pictures preferable)


Photographer:

1) Minimum of 5 years experience taking photos in war zones. (Domestic fights do not qualify as war zones for these purposes)

2) Proficiency in the use of explosives as camera lighting.

3) Knowledge of the different skin tones of expatriates, as an aid to taking high-quality pictures, is a must.

4) Proficiency in the use of Adobe Photoshop, and Internet photo uploading software is a must.

Please include a portfolio of previous photo-samples (must contain kidnapped persons OR be taken in war-zones OR be night spots in black spots like Oshodi, 3rd Mainland bridge, Apongbon, etc)


Militant Trainee:

1) Candidates must be between the ages of 13 and 50, be at least 4m tall, and may be male or female.

2) Minimum of Nursery School/Kindergarten certificate.

3) Jobless university graduates, and serving policemen will be given special consideration.

4) Possession of jungle boots and face mask is a must.

5) Preference will be given to persons with knowledge of foreign European languages, and persons with the ability to swim.


Renumeration:

Very attractive, competitive, and comparable with industry standards (payments in foreign currencies).

Official guns, boats and grenades will be provided.

Excellent training, involving offshore secondment ( Iraq , Afghanistan etc) from time to time

Regular appearance on CNN, Alaaroye, Time Magazine, The Economist and other International magazines.

Excellent networking opportunities with Nigerian politicians, oil magnates, and foreign businessmen.


Interested applicants should forward their applications and detailed curriculum militae within two weeks to:
militant_recruitmen t@OsamaConsultin g.com




Best Regards,

Abeg Ink,

No dey take this kin thing joke oooo.

One more question?
Are u really the originator of this?
NCC is watching you ok

WHAT SOEVER A MAN SOW, SO HE SHALL REAP,
YOU REALLY NEEDS PRAYERS.

[color=#990000][/color] SSS IS COMING AFTER U

Old boy,
I no blame you,

because say we don come here dey fine job na him make you dey play with us abi,

any way na only God know how many people wey you don dupe for life because of job.

Am sure you dey jobless and one of these millitants,

don worry, SSS, NNPC, OPC, FBI and the likes are coming after you, I have reported you to them,run for your life.

anyway i dont blame you, it is joblessness that is worrying you. an idle hands, people say, is a devils workshop. run for your dear life as SSS is after you.

this very guy needs prayer, let's go on seven days fasting and prayer for him

Only seven days?

it only shows how serious minded u are about issues concerning other poeple.try and take life more serious some other time

Guy,why placing the advert here? No need. Your family members are eligible,fit and perfectly qualify for the offer. They need to apply for it immediately before it closes because if it closes,your family will remain in their abject poverty till the end of time, I mean till ETERNITY.
Dnt bother urself with our own, we have succeeded already. You cannot be blamed anyway but the Woman that gave birth to you

I GO REPORT YOU YOU UNITED STATES AND NIGERIAN SSS.
YOU DEY RECERUIT TERRORISTS!

Hi guys!

Go easy on Ink, hes just trying to be humorous.Great write up though! Really funny.

Samonchi4u , no need to get insultive, especially to pple who do not come into this at all.

Ink must be really smart if he composed the writeup himself .Dont worry, things will work out for all of us, just trust God!

its not new. go to the jokes section, u'll see it there and av posted something like this here a long time ago but it aint funny though

na wa for this ink guy sef.
make companies come use you make biro sef. lol

Who is this fella. we are not here to joke u better find urself another forum for such pranks.