Dinma* (27) met her husband Nnamdi* (34) for the first time a few days before their court wedding in 2021. In this article, she tells us about Nnamdi asking her to marry him four months after they started talking, planning their wedding together online and how they manage the distance and time difference in their marriage now.

Occupation and location
Medical doctor living in Enugu

Average monthly income
I earn ₦210k as a junior staff working at the hospital.

Relationship expenses
Valentine gift: ₦50k

Foodstuff: ₦20k

Perfume: ₦33k

Christmas gift: ₦50k

How did you meet your husband?
In 2020, I had an online store while I was in med school. Sometime in December, I received a DM from a guy who wanted to get a wristwatch. He kept negotiating, trying to bring the price down, and I sent him a voice note to ask him why he was pricing so much when he wasn’t even living in Nigeria. I knew this because I had checked his page. After nearly an hour of back-and-forth banter, we settled for ₦20k.

When I reached out to him the following day to ask for his delivery details, he told me to take the watch as my Christmas gift. We spoke briefly, and he asked some questions about me and what I did.

From there to love?
Oh no. The guy that texted me was the elder brother of the man that’d later become my husband. My husband texted the week after and said he’d gotten my handle from his brother. When I reached out to the brother, he confirmed it and said I didn’t have to continue the conversation if I wasn’t comfortable with it. But it wasn’t a big deal, so we started texting, gisting about life and making jokes — we really hit it off.

So you knew the brother was matchmaking you?
I’m an online vendor, so I try to be nice to people. It wasn’t the first time a customer had gifted me something, so I didn’t think much of it.

After texting for a couple of days, the trail went cold, and we didn’t talk for a week. The next time he reached out in January, it was to wish me a happy birthday. His birthday was two weeks after mine, but I forgot to text him. So he texted me again, and I felt bad for missing his birthday. After that, we decided to move to WhatsApp.

Did that help?
Definitely. We started talking frequently because we enjoyed each other’s company; the time difference wasn’t even a problem because of my sleeping schedule — I picked up a habit of sleeping in the evenings and waking up at 2 a.m. in med school.

In the space of four months, things had gotten serious. We’d realised how much we had in common, and I’d even told my mum about him. He was sure he wanted to marry me, but I didn’t want to think of marriage until I graduated from med school. So I tried to keep things light.

Very valid
In April, he became more serious about his intention to marry me. He wanted his father to meet my parents since they lived in Awka. Although I agreed to this, I made it clear that I still needed to think about it and hadn’t committed to marrying him. After a month of thinking about it, I agreed to marry him but on one condition.

What was it?
I was going to be fresh out of med school and unemployed. I didn’t have any money to assist with the financial burden of the wedding. I needed him to understand what he was getting into, but he assured me he was sure about his decision and didn’t mind funding the wedding.

You didn’t mind the long distance?
I’ve always been in long-distance relationships, so I honestly didn’t care about that. I knew he would visit, and I’d join him eventually. But in the meantime, video calls would have to do.

Aww. How was the wedding preparation?
We did most of the planning over the internet, finding and vetting vendors together. My mum and sister did, the market runs. We spent about ₦6.5m on our wedding even though the initial budget was ₦4m.

It was an exhausting period because I was simultaneously planning for my final exams in November the whole time. My dad even called me one day to remind me I had never failed an exam before, so if I failed this, he’d know it was because of the wedding, and we’d cancel it.

Shame wouldn’t let me continue with the wedding if I failed because all my in-laws already called me “doctor”.

LOL. Let’s thank God then
We had the court wedding in December 2021, a day before my induction. The traditional wedding and white wedding came three days and one week later.

Very interesting lineup
I also met my husband for the first time in November 2021.

How did that go?
My mum called that day to ask me how I felt finally meeting him. If I needed her to come pick me up or if he was what I’d wanted because it wasn’t too late to call off the wedding.

Screaming
I told her he was everything I had imagined and more.

God when. How did you guys spend time together?
We didn’t spend alone time together because we needed to prepare for the big day. He also had to return to Canada by January 2022, so we didn’t have much time. There’s really nothing to do in the city — just hotels, bars and lounges. So for my birthday, we went out for drinks with his friends.

What about gifts?
He’s typically not someone who buys gifts. So I usually have to tell him what I want, and he’ll send the money for me to get it. Also, his dad had passed a few days before my birthday, so it wasn’t the time for celebrations.

Do you buy him gifts?
I try to get him something whenever I’m shipping things to him. One time I bought and added snails to the foodstuff we were sending. This cost ₦20k. Another time, I got him perfume, which was ₦33k.

For Valentine’s in 2022, I reached out to his friend in Canada, who helped me buy a sweatshirt, a pair of shoes, jeans and a card. I selected the things I wanted via video call at the store and also sent him the message to be written on the card. Everything cost a little over ₦50k. And for Christmas last year, I made him an engraved cufflink with his name and a customised Igbo traditional fan; they cost around ₦50k.

Read full story here: [url]https://www.zikoko.com/money/long-distance-marriage-%e2%82%a6210k-monthly-income/[/url]

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