You come off as a bit overbearing and your wife has probably learnt to manage this through unnecessary white lies.
twang414: I have been with my wife for 11 years, and throughout this period we have always had trust issues. The trust issues emanate mostly from her. Issues like not being accountable, not being transparent and disloyalty at its core. Eg, claiming shes at location B, whereas shes at location A, like calling her and not picking, but will pick other number calls and much more.
We have communicated in ways to make things better, she would promise to make things better but will at the end of the day backslide. further issues deepened, I got tired and couldn't tolerate more of it, so I repeatedly asked for a separation, but yet she disagrees. One of the major that happened now is here in UK, as we relocated last year Sep. She had met a new lady friend at a party, apparently they got to know more of each other after the lady forgot her kids bag at the location so my wife was asked to take it that she will come over to ours to pick it up since we live close to each other.
To cut long story short, the woman is into beauty products marketing, she involved my madam in the hustle and they seem to pair along well, invites her to events held in hotels and all that. The one they went for 3 days ago, after the event, she called me that she was done, didnt want to take uber prolly cos it was expensive, so she said the lady claimed she will drop her off. An hour later she called she was on her way that the ladies husband have come to pick them up, 40mins later she said there was traffic at woolich that it might take time b4 she gets back. Because of the trust issues we always have and haven't been sorted, I checked her lcoation via her findmyiphone and lo and behold they were at the womans house. I waited at least 15mins to see if maybe it was the traffic, but it wasnt, because her movement was at a complete halt.
So I called her, she didnt pick, gave her another 3 missed calls she didnt pick, so i called my daughters phone that was with her, she then picked saying that she was on a zoom meeting with some clients thats why she couldnt pick, but that shes in the car still heading home,though i could hear TV sound, so i was like babe, it dont sound like ur in the car, she was like the ladys husbands car is a Porsche car, you can hear any sound, so i said i was going to call her on video call, I called she didnt pick, she then called me back on video while showing she was in the car and it was at that time her movement on the map started showing she was moving, this might be too much to be doing, but it just seem glaringly obvious that there is something she is hiding, but the most painful part was that she now handed the phone to her friend to defend her that she was truly in the car bla bla bla, i had to cut the call off.
I felt so embarrassed and felt maybe I would not have told her that she wasnt in a car, or that she would have handled the situation better by not handing over the phone to her friend to talk to me.
Do you guys really think trust issues that havent been resolved over the last 10 years can still be worked out?
twang414: In as much as I wanted to quote each and every post I would have loved to respond to, I feel I should just summarize my point here real quick. Yes we have had issues which obviously led to me knowing she cheated on me, but u know women u cant catch them red handed unless you are lucky, That aside though cos I have gba kamun that whatever she wants to do she can do, I am busy trying to work my ass out to sort bills, but one thing you all need to understand that am surprised is not being pointed out is if equality is the main thing in this country, how can a man paying almost 80% of the bills is being treated un-equal? What happened 3 days ago wasnt me trying to track her or whatever, she had left the house since 9am, promised to be back by 3pm, and I had an appointment with someone for 4pm, and u cant leave kids at home here if u are caught, kids will be taken from you. So my major reason for the call was to inquire as to how close she was getting even though the time she was suppose to be home had elapsed. Na her hustle she find go, na my own hustle me sef dey find go knowing fully well i have even more to spend, am i suppose to be put under that kind of situation?
I really do have questions for some people saying am stalking my wife and she should be allowed to live her life. Is that truly what marriage is all about, if you guys that stated that are truly married, is it normal to u that if u call ur wife she dont take ur calls? Does it mean that she can be out there and come back anytime she wants without a legit explanation when we both have responsibility to take and tend to the needs and attention of the kids. I am really lost here.
dont you have family members how can you take back a cheating wife, dont you know that's an opportunity God gave you to find a purpose in another lady or way, you still carry her to uk a country where she has power more than you, dont you people think at all cant you see if you try any shit she benefits the most from the separation, you came to this thread and still receiving advice from some feminist women who are popular here for being old and unmarried, where did you fucking grow up, dont you have friends and people you can confide in, I'm sure you were probably warned not to take her to uk.... Get a lawyer, stop paying that stupid bill lie and ket her pay for it for a while milk money from her as possible, start buying Crypto which are untraceable and hide some assets there, get a lawyer to know your options fight for the kids if you want her out of your life, do dna
She does it so easily and without guilt. I suspect it is something she does professionally. I bet in his wife's head she is just doing what she has to do and so far as she isn't cheating, nothing wrong. No woman would cheat, keep cheating, refuse to separate and still act meek when he calls and tracks her. If she were indeed that terrible, he wouldn't remain or take her to the UK.
😆😂😆😂😆 @ lying professionally
Maybe she is bidding her time, maybe she wants the kids to grow or she still likes his money.
Or she might just be bringing work home like you said 😄 🤣 😂 😆 😄 🤣 😂 😆 😄.
Maybe she is bidding her time, maybe she wants the kids to grow or she still likes his money.
Or she might just be bringing work home like you said 😄 🤣 😂 😆 😄 🤣 😂 😆 😄.
If she is bidding her time, he should allow her sell the beauty products or whatever. In a short time she would gain financial independence and give him the divorce he desperately seeks. Everyone is happy...🙂 At least she doesn't plan to overburden him with child support since she would be financially stable.
Hehehe. That works in a way. I don't think his wife is willing to let go. And if she were such an evil woman, she would have changed it for him all the years he has been tracking her. I would suggest they see a counsellor. You don't throw away 11yrs like that. Not when the ones that beat themselves are warming up to celebrate 20yrs anniversary.
Someone whose wife cheated on him isn't a bad woman? How do you think the suspicions came about?
If she is bidding her time, he should allow her sell the beauty products or whatever. In a short time she would gain financial independence and give him the divorce he desperately seeks. Everyone is happy...🙂 At least she doesn't plan to overburden him with child support since she would be financially stable.
@bold:
The West?
I don't trust them one mile.
Their style of fight (divorce) is to the death (wreckage of the man).
I, so i called my daughters phone that was with her, she then picked saying that she was on a zoom meeting with some clients thats why she couldnt pick, but that shes in the car still heading home,though i could hear TV sound,
you are not a man. you are spineless. you talk too much and you will pay bitterly for continuous tolerance of rubbish. I rather marry a dead pig than be in a marriage with a woman who lies & manipulates events and reality. if you like continue exchanging plenty words with that childish girl you call a wife.
twang414: In as much as I wanted to quote each and every post I would have loved to respond to, I feel I should just summarize my point here real quick. Yes we have had issues which obviously led to me knowing she cheated on me, but u know women u cant catch them red handed unless you are lucky,
There's nothing wrong with what you've done and your approach. You have every right to know your wife's movement. She's yours and even your property the moment you married her. You're her property too and both of you are accountable to each other. Pay no mind to these people who do not know diddle about marriage, how to keep a home, honesty and faithfulness. Some people want to keep living out their single life in marriage. They should have remained single.
I don’t know how you married and had kids with someone who you can’t trust because they are a liar and not because you have trust issues.
So to answer your initial question *NO* you can’t trust someone who doesn’t tell you the truth about big and small things.
Don’t let her or anyone else gaslight you, it is not okay to lie lol I can’t believe that needs to be said but this is the sick world we find ourselves in.
Look after your mental health and put yourself first before you end up on antidepressants! Most people here are single kids and single parents so I wouldn’t rely on the comments here.
This distrust did not just sprout out from nowhere must have sneaked out from an experience you unconciously locked away. I'm not a counselor but I know a good one that can help you fix things if you're interested.
Again, i wont be able to quote each post that i would like to respond to, so I will summarize again and point out somethings and other things that those who have japad already and those that are planning to should know.
1: I have done DNA on my son only 5 years ago, because he was the only one my mind doubted, result showed I was, I havent done for my daughter yet cos am most definite shes mine from the onset, but one can never say, I would have to do for her when we come to nija somtimes. 2: I understand that tracking her is against the law here, she knows and she might use it against me in the future. As we speak now, so many things have happened since my arrival in this country, we have had arguments, I am not perfect, as I have mine to deal with as well. Since we got in here, being a student, she cant work more than 20hours a week, and because I am a tech person, I seek tech work remotely, but havent been able to get one, though I still make money from my e-commerce biz, so i have to change naira to pounds over the last 6 months now and its draining. Reason why am looking for a tech remote job is because of the children, when she goes to work or school, I have to be the one to care for the kids and pick up from school, mind yall she does majority of the home chores when shes home, she does alot, that I cant deny, but I support when I can, wash dishes and sweep, I am always on the computer working, I SLEEP late aroud 2am, awake up 8 or 9, life here is somehow, but somehow will pay off one day 3: She recorded some of out argument and was telling her sister one day while we were having issues, that for example that kind of audi evidence, if she presents it in court, bla bla bla,omo na then I know sey one chance dun enter me. Let me gist u guys a little about what happened, she had stepped out to the library and I was home, she called but I was on a very important call, so as she was calling I was cutting it and automatically sending sms to let her know that I was on a call that she should check her whats app in response to what she inquired, but maybe she didnt see it and she kept calling back, so i had to pick and somehow I yelled and said plz check ur whats app, she seem to have taken the yell personal, to be sincere I wasnt happy with her because she has not been giving me food, she will package the kids food, dash out and leave me hanging, normally I would have communicated it with her but I know the reasomn behind it. I lost the license to the platform I used to make money from Nigeria which is used to sort the bills and the rent, so this month rent i was able only able to pull up 60% while we had to take loan to balance it up. So what caused the main ish was when she came back from the library, she had finished praying, after she came out and pounced on me with harsh words, saying my life is nt proper, that I should check out myself, simply because I am battling financial issue just within the last 2weeks,but something is for sure, we have never gone hungry, and never shall we. 4: In this country, the wife's sending their husband packing, most are already regretting it, its not easy to be working and caring for the kids as well, the govt have cut down on the monies giving to them after split, the ones that can get awy with it are the ones without children, forget that story of men should be scared that their woman will be snatched, well its possible if you are not well to do at all, and not providing, but u see ehn, women too much for this country wey be sey na wives sef dey fear make other women nor snatch their husband. Loneliness here alone can kill without blinking, so in major cases now, women here,talking about Nigerians dont want to lose their husbands unless in a very critical situation as such as financial crisis or chronic womanising. 5: To be sincere, in as much as I am doing legit job, i sometimes do side racket which may be termed illegal, but u know its just to be able to live up to expectations and be able to solve some problems normal legit earnings wont be able to do. Back then in Nigeria, some of these funds supported her business, bought her a car and all of those ease stress lifestyle, while we were having an argument here, I called her an olosho, she said me am a fraudster, that she will report me to EFCC, that do i think she doesnt know what i do aside my main biz? I come sey but u dey also enjy from the proceeds of the illgotten money, she said well she didnt know sey na when we reach here na him she know sey i dey do side runs, omo i waste, i mean i weak finish. She come sey well she package me come this place, cos she know sey me dun tire for the marriage since we left nija....sey where i escort am reach like this sey he dey ok, sey at least i carry her come uk, sey the time when i decide not to come again, sey her soul left her body that she had to try to convince me to continue the process., Omo am finished like this, to be continued....
twang414: Again, i wont be able to quote each post that i would like to respond to, so I will summarize again and point out somethings and other things that those who have japad already and those that are planning to should know.
1: I have done DNA on my son only 5 years ago, because he was the only one my mind doubted, result showed I was, I havent done for my daughter yet cos am most definite shes mine from the onset, but one can never say, I would have to do for her when we come to nija somtimes. 2: I understand that tracking her is against the law here, she knows and she might use it against me in the future. As we speak now, so many things have happened since my arrival in this country, we have had arguments, I am not perfect, as I have mine to deal with as well. Since we got in here, being a student, she cant work more than 20 hours a week, and because I am a tech person, I seek tech work remotely, but havent been able to get one, though I still make money from my e-commerce biz, so i have to change naira to pounds over the last 6 months now and its draining. Reason why am looking for a tech remote job is because of the children, when she goes to work or school, I have to be the one to care for the kids and pick up from school, mind yall she does majority of the home chores when shes home, she does alot, that I cant deny, but I support when I can, wash dishes and sweep, I am always on the computer working, I SLEEP late aroud 2am, awake up 8 or 9, life here is somehow, but somehow will pay off one day 3: She recorded some of out argument and was telling her sister one day while we were having issues, that for example that kind of audi evidence, if she presents it in court, bla bla bla,omo na then I know sey one chance dun enter me. Let me gist u guys a little about what happened, she had stepped out to the library and I was home, she called but I was on a very important call, so as she was calling I was cutting it and automatically sending SMS to let her know that I was on a call that she should check her whats app in response to what she inquired, but maybe she didnt see it and she kept calling back, so i had to pick and somehow I yelled and said plz check ur whats app, she seem to have taken the yell personal, to be sincere I wasnt happy with her because she has not been giving me food, she will package the kids food, dash out and leave me hanging, normally I would have communicated it with her but I know the reasomn behind it. 4. I lost the license to the platform I used to make money from Nigeria which is used to sort the bills and the rent, so this month rent i was able only able to pull up 60% while we had to take loan to balance it up. So what caused the main ish was when she came back from the library, she had finished praying, after she came out and pounced on me with harsh words, saying my life is nt proper, that I should check out myself, simply because. I am battling financial issue just within the last 2weeks,but something is for sure, we have never gone hungry, and never shall we.
1.
2. So, it isn't like she is making a lot of money or something, but that she can't since she is in school and only able to work 20-hrs. So why did you see fit to bring it up as an issue against her earlier? Were you just trying to throw her out so the wolves out there could have her as their chew toy then?
3. With a husband who tracks her every move, I wonder where she may have gotten the idea to record your every argument. Do you know how many times a week couples quarrel over non-issues such as this you narrated here, particularly when the weather is at its extremes and stress piled up high as well?
4. Your wife's -ish aside, I still suggest you consider getting professional mental health counseling for your own self to help you deal with this underlying need to track and hold grudges where you are meant to learn to let a lot go instead. Financial stress puts its own strain on relationships but according to you, your own -ish is 10 years long and still going on. If you have genuine problems with the wife, take it to marriage counseling where you can both sit and talk it out.
twang414: I have been with my wife for 11 years, and throughout this period we have always had trust issues. The trust issues emanate mostly from her. Issues like not being accountable, not being transparent and disloyalty at its core. Eg, claiming shes at location B, whereas shes at location A, like calling her and not picking, but will pick other number calls and much more.
We have communicated in ways to make things better, she would promise to make things better but will at the end of the day backslide. further issues deepened, I got tired and couldn't tolerate more of it, so I repeatedly asked for a separation, but yet she disagrees. One of the major that happened now is here in UK, as we relocated last year Sep. She had met a new lady friend at a party, apparently they got to know more of each other after the lady forgot her kids bag at the location so my wife was asked to take it that she will come over to ours to pick it up since we live something she is hiding, but the most painful part was that she now handed the phone to her friend to defend her that she was truly in the car bla bla bla, i had to cut the call off.
I felt so embarrassed and felt maybe I would not have told her that she wasnt in a car, or that she would have handled the situation better by not handing over the phone to her friend to talk to me.
Do you guys really think trust issues that havent been resolved over the last 10 years can still be worked out?
Pardon my ignorance, are you saying a demand for separation must be accepted by the other partner before it's possible?
In my opinion, the first mistake you made was not separating aka divorcing her. The second mistake was relocating with such a woman to the UK.
Bros, you might have to live with it or relocate back to Nigeria.
twang414: Again, i wont be able to quote each post that i would like to respond to, so I will summarize again and point out somethings and other things that those who have japad already and those that are planning to should know.
1: I have done DNA on my son only 5 years ago, because he was the only one my mind doubted, result showed I was, I havent done for my daughter yet cos am most definite shes mine from the onset, but one can never say, I would have to do for her when we come to nija somtimes. 2: I understand that tracking her is against the law here, she knows and she might use it against me in the future. As we speak now, so many things have do at all, and not providing, but u see ehn, women too much for this country wey be sey na
Came here from your latest thread. I see you are disposed to crime. My words of caution were directed to your daughter's protection but I see you are already involved in it. You're in a country where the rule of law reigns and there is effective government however imperfect, the institutions are there. Be careful. Turn aside from crime and every illegality while you have the opportunity. Don't tempt your wife to be in a position to put forward a case against you if you deceive her to go to Nigerian and then destroy her passport. Cut your coat according to your seize. Live within your means. Perhaps you're doing 419, please stop. It hurts people, destroys families and kills many. The American teenager who died recently was because of 3 yahoo Nigerians. He was from a true Christian home. His family is praying for those who do these sort of horrendous acts to choose righteousness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOWdRBcxmvw
You also listen to Pastor Jerry but has it changed your character? No, cos that's not what the ministry is about.
twang414: Again, i wont be able to quote each post that i would like to respond to, so I will summarize again and point out somethings and other things that those who have japad already and those that are planning to should know.
1: I have[b] done DNA on my son [/b]only 5 years ago, because he was the only one my mind doubted, result showed I was, I havent done for my daughter yet cos am most definite shes mine from the onset, but one can never say, I would have to do for her when we come to nija somtimes. 2: I understand that tracking her is against the law [/b]here, she knows and [b]she might use it against me in the future. As we speak now, so many things have happened since my arrival in this country, we have had arguments, I am not perfect, as I have mine to deal with as well. Since we got in here, being a student, she cant work more than 20hours a week, and because I am a tech person, I seek tech work remotely, but havent been able to get one, though I still make money from my e-commerce biz, so i have to change naira to pounds over the last 6 months now and its draining. Reason why am looking for a tech remote job is because of the children, when she goes to work or school, I have to be the one to care for the kids and pick up from school, mind yall she does majority of the home chores when shes home, she does alot, that I cant deny, but I support when I can, wash dishes and sweep, I am always on the computer working, I SLEEP late aroud 2am, awake up 8 or 9, life here is somehow, but somehow will pay off one day 3: She recorded some of out argument and was telling her sister one day while we were having issues, that for example that kind of audi evidence, if she presents it in court, bla bla bla,omo na then I know sey one chance dun enter me. Let me gist u guys a little about what happened, she had stepped out to the library and I was home, she called but I was on a very important call, so as she was calling I was cutting it and automatically sending sms to let her know that I was on a call that she should check her whats app in response to what she inquired, but maybe she didnt see it and she kept calling back, so i had to pick and somehow I yelled and said plz check ur whats app, she seem to have taken the yell personal, to be sincere I wasnt happy with her because she has not been giving me food, she will package the kids food, dash out and leave me hanging, normally I would have communicated it with her but I know the reasomn behind it. I lost the license to the platform I used to make money [/b]from Nigeria which is used to sort the bills and the rent, so this month rent i was able only able to pull up 60% while we had to take loan to balance it up. So what caused the main ish was when she came back from the library, [b]she had finished praying, after she came out and pounced on me with harsh words, saying my life is nt proper, that I should check out myself, simply because I am battling financial issue just within the last 2weeks,but something is for sure, we have never gone hungry, and never shall we. 4: In this country, the wife's sending their husband packing, most are already regretting it, its not easy to be working and caring for the kids as well, the govt have cut down on the monies giving to them after split, the ones that can get awy with it are the ones without children, forget that story of men should be scared that their woman will be snatched, well its possible if you are not well to do at all, and not providing, but u see ehn, women too much for this country wey be sey na wives sef dey fear make other women nor snatch their husband. Loneliness here alone can kill without blinking, so in major cases now, women here,talking about Nigerians dont want to lose their husbands unless in a very critical situation as such as financial crisis or chronic womanising. 5: To be sincere, in as much as I am doing legit job, i sometimes do side racket which may be termed illegal, but u know its just to be able to live up to expectations and be able to solve some problems normal legit earnings wont be able to do. Back then in Nigeria, some of these funds supported her business, bought her a car and all of those ease stress lifestyle, while we were having an argument here, I called her an olosho, she said me am a fraudster, that she will report me to EFCC, t[/b]hat do i think she doesnt know what i do aside my main biz? I come sey but u dey also enjy from the proceeds of the illgotten money, she said well she didnt know sey na when we reach here na him she know sey [b]i dey do side runs, omo i waste, i mean i weak finish. She come sey well she package me come this place, cos she know sey me dun tire for the marriage since we left nija....sey where i escort am reach like this sey he dey ok, sey at least i carry her come uk, sey the time when i decide not to come again, sey her soul left her body that she had to try to convince me to continue the process., Omo am finished like this, to be continued....
he is a very possessive partner if you notice he never once mentioned she tracks him but he tracks her every movement if she was in her married friends house and had to lie she was still on the road it means you are overly possessive and dont even give her a bit of space if she has to lie to hang out, and you track your partners phone to know where they are means you have serious issues
pocohantas: In all this your CIA work, you have never seen that she is with a man or in a man's house. I also like the fact that you don't rely on "them say...them say", but do the work and come up with evidence of where she is. These places come out clean, the problem is she distorts facts. That counts for something.
The issue here is that you might be a possessive partner, so she has to twist things a bit. It is bad, very bad, but many partners do it when they know who they are dating/married to.
If she is picking other calls but not picking yours ALONE, then wherever she went to, wasn't the worst place to be. If you were a woman, you will be advised to give your husband breathing space. Stop checking his phones and or monitoring him.
So, I will suggest you don't give yourself high bp. Is this grounds for separation? I can't be the one to tell you the level of emotional abuse you should endure. That decision is yours to take.
Your wife has the characteristics of a Nigerian tailor or artisan. Is she one?
speaking