My name is Juliet and live in Ibadan
I met my boyfriend in Ibadan last year December when he came for business in my town.
We started dating and we are now planning for marriage .
I work as a teacher in a big school in Ibadan ,I just got the job after working in all this small small school .
My boyfriend is a construction manager and he has his own side business also.
So as we are planning I told my boyfriend I will move to kwara and leave my job when we get married o.
He was like I can keep my job if I like it cause I told him how I feel concerning that I just gotten the job which has huge benefit and salary increasement as I will be given promotion too.
So I was like how will I be doing it
He agreed for me to keep the job and we plan that I will be travelling twice in a month to kwara to see my husband.
But this is hard ,it is easy for men to be doing this but it is not for women.
Will this long distance marriage thing destroy my marriage as I will be a travelling wife ,what if temptation came to place for my husband when am not around just because of my job
I want to be there for my family .
What should I do in this kind of situation

Let him join u in ur state shikena

Yemialade:
My name is Juliet and live in Ibadan
I met my boyfriend in Ibadan last year December when he came for business in my town.
We started dating and we are now planning for marriage .
I work as a teacher in a big school in Ibadan ,I just got the job after working in all this small small school .
My boyfriend is a construction manager and he has his own side business also.
So as we are planning I told my boyfriend I will move to kwara and leave my job when we get married o.
He was like I can keep my job if I like it cause I told him how I feel concerning that I just gotten the job which has huge benefit and salary increasement as I will be given promotion too.
So I was like how will I be doing it
He agreed for me to keep the job and we plan that I will be travelling twice in a month to kwara to see my husband.
But this is hard ,it is easy for men to be doing this but it is not for women.
Will this long distance marriage thing destroy my marriage as I will be a travelling wife ,what if temptation came to place for my husband when am not around just because of my job
I want to be there for my family .
What should I do in this kind of situation

Are you not aware that subsidy has been removed? Don't you have your own dreams in life or you are here to live a man's dream??

It won't work. Move to join him or u look for another husband to marry in Ibadan.

For oga to say you can stay back in Ibadan after marriage and visit him twice a month in Kwara, two things are involved.

He is either making a promise he can't keep or he has resident sidechick there in Kwara.

Another scenario is if oga no too trust his job and don't want you to lose yours that seems to flourish at the moment. But in this case, he should be talking of moving to Ibadan instead.

New marriage suppose too sweet for couples to be thinking of staying apart even for a second.

If I ever use this my mouth tell my wife that eeh, just know that one of my numerous sidechicks don move into an apartment close to my house.

Klass99:
At the mention of Ibadan and long distance marriage I remembered a work/business associate of ours in another organisation who died from a car crash on his way to Ibadan to visit his family.

This happened when Goodluck Jonathan was president, our security crises wasn't this bad and travelling by road wasn't a high risk venture. In recent times where you have to worry about kidnappers, in addition to other road hazards, I am not a fan of this kind of marriage.

In the light of what I said above, it is not easy for any gender to be doing interstate travel by road. Your options;

1. Quit your job and move to Kwara after the wedding, then start a job search while there.
2. Hold off on marriage plans for now and start a job search in Kwara schools, while you continue working in Ibadan. Marry after securing a job in Kwara.
3. Forget marriage for now and focus on enjoying your new job and the perks that come with it, for another year or two before talking marriage.

If I were you I will do option three because I cherish my financial well being, over and above an uncertain future, like what option one presents.

Op ...this is the best advice and no 3 is the best option....

I say intelligent people full NL

After all those years you sweated through those smaller schools and now gotten a career upgrade, you want to walk away from it in Nigeria's present situation while not certain what Kwara state has in stock for you?

Indicate your salary in your post.

Your concerns are valid and married couples should live together or make plans to live together as quickly as possible. Hence, your suggestion of resigning at your school after marriage is not out of place.

However, I have a number of reservations:

1. This is a very short long distance relationship. Do you know him well enough to vouch he doesn't have another family or a secret life at Kwara? In most cases like this, the husband either wants the wife to join him or he wants to join his wife (if her location presents better opportunities). When they unfortunately can't stay together, the wife's location is the family's base so the husband does the travelling.

2. How is the economic situation in Kwara? Have you been to Kwara before? Any idea of life there?

3. Piggybacking on point 2, do you know his financial capability? Do you know the kind of life he lives in Kwara? How viable are his businesses? Do you understand the basics of his business and how he makes money from them? E.g. Dangote produces goods and sell at a profit kind of base knowledge?

4. Are you convinced that this man is for you or you are desperate to marry due to age, his perceived wealth or any other reason?

I would advise you get to really know him more, his thought process and why he is eager for you to remain in Ibadan and come visit him in Kwara.

After you are convinced he is the one, research life in Kwara and if there are commensurate 'big schools' you can work in. Your school might even have a branch or sister school you can transfer to.

If you guys go along with this long distance marriage, what is the timeline for the family to consolidate and at where?

As for adultery, men with multiple wives still have side chicks. While I am not saying a wife shouldn't play her part, a husband who is inclined to commit adultery would do so 99% of the time.

Goodluck.

My dear long distance marriage isn't easy at all.
My wife just called me last night and was crying of loneliness, burden of taking care of the baby alone, infact everything is tiring to her because we are apart. I do the travelling, i have never allowed her travel to my place except on interviews or she decided to take the risk herself.
My take is, is either you stand on leaving ur job/career in ibadan to be with ur husband in advance or forget him, keep ur job in ibadan and pray for husband there.

OP, leaving a good job for a man you've only known for a few months would be very stupid unwise. If he turns out to be abusive, controlling, refuses to provide (there have been countless stories on here from women whose husbands refuse to provide and give them money) and worse, you can't find a job in Kwara, you would be stuck and unable to leave. Perhaps by then you would've spent whatever savings you have on the house/whatever you need there and/or would have a child, making it even more difficult for you to leave.

My suggestion: if you want to continue this relationship with him, don't quit your job and run to Kwara, but find a job in Kwara first and ensure it's a good-paying job that can sustain you there. You should also use that time to study this man's character more. OR better yet, look for someone closer to you in Ibadan that you can get to know well, who wants to be with you, then you take it from there.

Beautiful advices are just flowing, op use your head o

Thank God holiday is around the corner.

Go and spend enough time with your guy, after then u can decide on what to do.

how long will this arrangement last?

when is the agreed time for the family to start living together

Matters arising

Klass99:
At the mention of Ibadan and long distance marriage I remembered a work/business associate of ours in another organisation who died in a car crash on his way to Ibadan to visit his family from Lagos.

This happened in the early days of Goodluck Jonathan's rule, when our security crises wasn't this bad and travelling by road wasn't a high risk venture. In recent times where you have to worry about kidnappers, in addition to other road hazards, I am not a fan of this kind of marriage.

In the light of what I've said it is not easy for any gender to be doing interstate travel by road. Your options;

1. Quit your job and move to Kwara after the wedding, then start a job search while there.
2. Hold off on marriage plans for now and start a job search in Kwara schools, while you continue working in Ibadan. Marry after securing a job in Kwara.
3. Forget marriage for now and focus on enjoying your new job and the perks that come with it, for another year or two before talking marriage.

If I were you I will do option three because I cherish my financial well being, over and above an uncertain future, like what option one presents.

I biliv u read that the new school is a private school? And in private, no job security? You also aware that several ladies grow old without life partners in their lifetime?


Perhaps aunt age is thickening on secondly basis towards menopause.

NB. Working in private school is also uncertainty future as well, infact, it's even worse than Marriage uncertainty.

Yemialade:
My name is Juliet and live in Ibadan
I met my boyfriend in Ibadan last year December when he came for business in my town.
We started dating and we are now planning for marriage .
I work as a teacher in a big school in Ibadan ,I just got the job after working in all this small small school .
My boyfriend is a construction manager and he has his own side business also.
So as we are planning I told my boyfriend I will move to kwara and leave my job when we get married o.
He was like I can keep my job if I like it cause I told him how I feel concerning that I just gotten the job which has huge benefit and salary increasement as I will be given promotion too.
So I was like how will I be doing it
He agreed for me to keep the job and we plan that I will be travelling twice in a month to kwara to see my husband.
But this is hard ,it is easy for men to be doing this but it is not for women.
Will this long distance marriage thing destroy my marriage as I will be a travelling wife , what if temptation came to place for my husband when am not around just because of my job
I want to be there for my family .
What should I do in this kind of situation

@bolded

Ilike what you did there


So temptation can't come to your place lol

Ipray Allah guides and direct you
Amin

Anything concerning man and woman ino dey like put mouth

Idont move that way

Yemialade:
My name is Juliet and live in Ibadan
I met my boyfriend in Ibadan last year December when he came for business in my town.
We started dating and we are now planning for marriage .
I work as a teacher in a big school in Ibadan ,I just got the job after working in all this small small school .
My boyfriend is a construction manager and he has his own side business also.
So as we are planning I told my boyfriend I will move to kwara and leave my job when we get married o.
He was like I can keep my job if I like it cause I told him how I feel concerning that I just gotten the job which has huge benefit and salary increasement as I will be given promotion too.
So I was like how will I be doing it
He agreed for me to keep the job and we plan that I will be travelling twice in a month to kwara to see my husband.
But this is hard ,it is easy for men to be doing this but it is not for women.
Will this long distance marriage thing destroy my marriage as I will be a travelling wife ,what if temptation came to place for my husband when am not around just because of my job
I want to be there for my family .
What should I do in this kind of situation

My advise.

Tactically and if possible spiritually find out if.

1. Ur guy is a good man.

2. Know his goals
3 Does he align with ur goal?
4. Does he give generously towards his family affair? (ie. preparation towards wedding, how has he contributing? wen u ask him for things, (money, advice, prayers etc) what are responses.


If u can score him 60%, I will advice you to move in with him , immediately after wedding.

Private school is not one of jobs that should prevent u not to move in with ur hubby biko.

Thousand of private schools that u can work with in anywhere u find urself, remember urs is to compliment and not main financer.

Klass99:


Fiscus abeg no dey follow me talk with shorthand it gives me a nasty headache. If you are going to engage me please write in proper English. Meaning no offence to though.

Two married women close to me were miserable and unhappy for a long time because they gave up their means of livelihood in upwardly mobile cities to join their husbands in backwards and under developed cities that didn't offer much in terms of economic enterprise or work opportunities. One of them was able to remedy her situation via a good job in Abuja and she said that was her saving grace from intense depression.

You people have sold women a pipe dream that without marriage and kids, they will be forever doomed with a life of misery. So most give up good jobs, their financial security, single lives they were reasonably comfortable and happy with for the sake of these things.

Only to encounter massive misery, depression and unhappiness in their very Nigerian marriages where Naija men believe they can behave any how and the woman will not leave for the fear of divorce stigma or because of the children.

I believe you have also seen numerous threads authored by married women who complain of husbands that don't provide, repeatedly slacking off their responsibilities or gambling away their income. The latest story now is of the one who wants his wife/two kids to relocate to the village.

I have worked in the private sector since leaving school and I laugh every time people claim there is job security in the private sector or private sector jobs don't pay well like federal government jobs. The OP said she just got a good job, with pay increase and nice benefits too......Let her make the most of it and enjoy it before throwing it away on the altar of marriage, don't use menopause to scare her.

In present day Naija I won't even counsel any woman to give up her financial security for the sake of marriage, if they are not marrying capable men like Tony Elumelu or Jim Ovia ( I am just kidding, but I hope you catch the drift). Unlike you, I think a good job will benefit a woman, more than a Nigerian marriage as we know it in Naija.

I will be very surprised if u re not single mother and if u re still married, I salute ur husband who housed embittered species.

You re only given sermon to demonlise me and pushing me towards what I didn't say nor my intention.

I think you should concentrate about OP's scenario and not Okonjo iweala or Obi Ezekwesilie among others.

The girl we are talking about, is not working in CBN nor NNPC not even govt sch but private that littered every clan in Nigeria.


I will advice u not to give advise base on ur own interests and fancies, perhaps, bitter experience.

The lady in her statement, u can read that, she would be the one who would like to be with her love and not a fan of feminist as u be.

What stops a lady working in private school to leave and move with her husband, private school she can easily get in Kwara, even if it's lower income. With that, it a win-win situation.

Did u also imagine that if she fails to marry this time around, she may miss for life?

Did u know what it means to be without husband and childless?

Madam in life, it's about compromise o. If u want to have it all, U may end up loosing it all .


If ur Marriage is bitter, it doesn't mean some wives are not enjoy their marriages maximally ok.

Yemialade:
My name is Juliet and live in Ibadan
I met my boyfriend in Ibadan last year December when he came for business in my town.
We started dating and we are now planning for marriage .
I work as a teacher in a big school in Ibadan ,I just got the job after working in all this small small school .
My boyfriend is a construction manager and he has his own side business also.
So as we are planning I told my boyfriend I will move to kwara and leave my job when we get married o.
He was like I can keep my job if I like it cause I told him how I feel concerning that I just gotten the job which has huge benefit and salary increasement as I will be given promotion too.
So I was like how will I be doing it
He agreed for me to keep the job and we plan that I will be travelling twice in a month to kwara to see my husband.
But this is hard ,it is easy for men to be doing this but it is not for women.
Will this long distance marriage thing destroy my marriage as I will be a travelling wife ,what if temptation came to place for my husband when am not around just because of my job
I want to be there for my family .
What should I do in this kind of situation

Hello OP, please can I get a teaching job in Ibadan too?
I studied Education Bsc(ed).
Thanks in advance.