12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage - Romance - Nairaland
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Unhappy Marriage: Ways To Know When It Has Gotten To A Point Of No Return / After Years Of Sleeping With His Girl, He No Longer Sees Her As A Wife Material / . (2) (3) (4)
| 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by Apawa(f): 9:20pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
Am married to a man who has no respect for a woman. We dated for a year and got married. I found out that my opinion doesn't count in the marriage. Its only what he wants that happen n decline advice from anyone at all. I tried to stay and make it work no matter what, in that event we had four kids. This children watch their father beat, insult and frustrate me in order to leave his house every passing day but for their sake I refuse. Mind you am just 35yrs while he's 59. My son who will turn 12 told me one day, mummy why can't you just go instead of taking all this beating for our sake, my husband expect me to just leave like that but I took my children with me but he insist i give them to him. I took the matter court which he didn't expect me to because he felt am weak. Now he's hunting me and threaten to deform me. And for the record I was not his first wife. 1 Like |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by slimyem: 9:33pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
whoever stays in this kinda marriage this long? And 29 yrs is one hell of an age-difference... Jeez! |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by Nobody: 10:10pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
im happy u finallly left him 1 Like |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by Ucheosefoh(m): 10:23pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
I dnt think u are doing urself any good by staying at his house leave now that the matter is at court b4 he deform u with God on ur side u will win de case and take de children and start a new life nobody deserve dis type of marriage |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by Killz3(m): 10:29pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
Story Story. . . **Jumping over the thread. . .** |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by queensmith: 10:31pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
you took your first step to freedom jare- be proud of that (try not to think about the 16 years of foolishnness) now, does anyone on nl have positive things to say about romance and marriage? Im kinda gettin tired of the same ole discussions about mindless women and their problems *sigh* |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by alongeyink(m): 10:36pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
 :oIts better as you left alive than dead.Be strong for your kids,afterall they witnessed what you went through such is life some people are still there trying to make it work and at the end of the story they die like christmas chicken. |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by queensmith: 10:39pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
alongeyink: I actually just Christmas chicken died of laughter!! buahahahahahahaha! |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by ronkebp(f): 10:44pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
hmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!! this marraige wahala don tire me oooooo, hmm and it is so surprising to hear or read what women are going through. |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by queensmith: 10:48pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
^^ it really is, especially with people getting married everyday. It's obviously no walk in the park for most. I still think it can work, just have to take the time and make sure the partner is 100% right for you. It also shows us you can date a dude for donkey years and still have no idea, or ignore his negative traits in excitement, thank God the normal age for marriage is gently shifting upwards. Women won't be in such a hurry anymore. |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by ZUBY77(m): 10:57pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
Are you telling us that a 60 year old good for nothing woman beater, who has no respect for women, beats you up all the time without any reason or fault from you. Have you asked yourself why ? As a young wife who married a man 25 years older than you, (without your knowledge of his age at the time of the one year dating ofcourse), can you tell this jury that you are not running after younger men ? I did not see any place where you faulted yourself in your post, so my judgement is : come back when the story is complete. |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by ofala(m): 10:58pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
Its unfortunate that some men behave like animals....My sister, one question that readiy came to my mind is: why don't file for divorce and let the court knows of his threats? Can you take care of your kids? Even if you can't, his violent nature is enough grounds for the court to grant you custody of your children. There are lots of lawyers and organisations that will help you sort out the divorce issue without any cost. I believe that is a vital first step....May God protect you and your kids |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by ZUBY77(m): 11:08pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
ofala: Its unfortunate that some men behave like animals....My sister, one question that readiy came to my mind is: why don't file for divorce and let the court knows of his threats? Can you take care of your kids? Even if you can't, his violent nature is enough grounds for the court to grant you custody of your children. There are lots of lawyers and organisations that will help you sort out the divorce issue without any cost. I believe that is a vital first step....May God protect you and your kidsyou one sided morrons will always judge people without hering them. So God now have to protect her from who? A man she lived with for 35 years, who suddenly turned into a radical vampire while she turns from average to very good wife. 1 Like |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by ronkebp(f): 11:13pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
queensmith: ^^ it really is, especially with people getting married everyday. It's obviously no walk in the park for most. You can say that again, i was listening to a program today, and they were talking about '' what is causing your fights in your marraige''? And the guy brought out so many things that could cause problems, I won't lie to you, majority of the time, manner of approach really matters when you are trying to have a decent conversation, there are times you talk like a human being with respect and there are other times, you let your true feelings known without insulting the other person. The little things we do matters in a marraige, more so, why marry if you cannot be humble, patience, persevere and love your partner?? Why disrespect him and subject your self to ridicule, infront of your children, friends, neighbours and family. What is wrong in being stupid at times (truthfully) just to allow peace reign, especially for small reasons that have no meaning, you will see couples fighting on little things like, school for kids, food, money, bills, privacy (in a marraige? privacy in a marraige?)tooth paste, he is not helping out with chores, and all those little things that can be resolved without breaking bottles. I don tire!!! abeg. |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by francis247(m): 11:40pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
ZUBY77:since when did 12yrs turn to 35, talk of the blind trying to lead 'the blind'. |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by francis247(m): 11:42pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
ZUBY77:since when did 12yrs turn to 35, talk of the blind trying to lead 'the blind'. |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by horny4u(f): 11:45pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
ZUBY77: Bikonu....read |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by ZUBY77(m): 11:53pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
francis247: since when did 12yrs turn to 35, talk of the blind trying to lead 'the blind'.whatever, and the diferrence is what? I guess 12 years is too small to findout if man is bad. Anu ofia |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by Leyelyzo: 11:54pm On Mar 17, 2012 |
slimyem: whoever stays in this kinda marriage this long? 29yrs age-difference is not really the issue. And i see no reason why she shouldn't endure and stay those years, hoping for a better marital life with her husband. No marriage is perfect without one form of hitches or the other. Or should she be moving from one man house to the other? Tell me any human that is without any vices, no one is an immaculate. Even she is not perfect herself. Abi she should because of human imperfections refuse to get married or be under the control of any man? @OP, in as much as divorce is being detested and not advisable, when it get to a point that you think that is the surest escape route out of marital predicament, then go for it. However, mind you, you need to weigh your options very well. Are you ready to be a single mother of four children through out the rest of your life? Or you intend to re-marry in future? If you don't intend to re-marry, have you considered what effects your seperation will have on your children; socially, morally, economically and religiously? If you intend to re-marry, how sure are you that the next man's house you are going will be better of? What effects will that have on your children? Will you have children or not with your new husband, or you think you are too old to bear children? Sure life can be complex atimes. At this point of your life, you need to be mindful of decisions you take, because not only you will be at the receiving end. Try to see if you can save your marriage. Involve your parents, your husband's people and the elderly ones to talk to your husband. I am sure you must have taken some steps to make sure the marriage works. Try more, you never can tell when the change will come. However, instead of you dieing in the storm, if you that it has got to that stage, i think you better work out. Be prayerful to God to lead and guide you aright. |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by Harpesin(m): 12:08am On Mar 18, 2012 |
@ Poster, am only happy for u in 2 ways, 1)that u came out alive, 2)that ur children are aware of what u are passin thru. Am sure u hear/read abt Titilayo (a banker) and her husband Arowolo dat killed hius wife cos she refuse to leav, now dat d man has told u to ur face that she wil deform u, pls d best decision is what u hav taken, as per ur children they wil soonm find their way out frm their d tyson, incase d court did not grant u custody of d childre, just makesure that u are goin to see them in their skool. What abt his family/relatives? What abt ur church or mosque? Infactuation did not allow u to find out why d first wife left? What abt ur parents? Are they aware of dis? What abt his friends? May God ! Help 7 |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by tithe(m): 12:19am On Mar 18, 2012 |
@Poster it is a good thing u left but don't give up, keep praying for him there is nothing impossible for God to do, at least for the sake of ur children |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by dayokanu(m): 12:20am On Mar 18, 2012 |
At 23yrs you married a man who was clocking 50? About your fathers agemate. First of all IMO thats a father -daugher relationship cos its possible he has daughters your age? What could be the attraction between a 23yr old girl and a 50yr old man? Most likely money and you are here complaining. As you lay your bed, so you lie on it WHen at 35yrs when you should be enjoying marital life, you are with a 60yr old man who probably cant get it up or would die soon from Viagra overdose |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by dasparrow: 12:20am On Mar 18, 2012 |
Nigerians and their wacky, constantly abusive marraiges. Poster, why would a young woman like you marry a man old enough to be your father? Anyways, its good you took a walk. I would hate to see the picture of another butchered body splashed all over the internet due to another case of domestic violence which is an everyday occurance in Nigeria. Goodluck! |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by bodejohn(m): 12:41am On Mar 18, 2012 |
Marital issues are always complex and as well delicate to comment and advise on. We cannot really blame the woman for trying to stay and take care of her children because our culture has made it mandatory for a lady to endure whatever in her marital life, I used to wonder what people really mean when they say to the woman that the house of a man is like a school, the woman is indoctrinated to believe it is her fault only when it is not working. The complexities of marriage will also make it very unfair to blame the man since we didn't hear his side of the story. For me, I think the age difference is such a wide gap that will make the two of you have different priories and goals. I am always an advocate of marry your mate, you will be able to discuss without having a feeling that you will be schooled or mistaken for been dis respective. As this is already late, you are both married already, if truly, your husband has threatened to deform you had better run as far as your legs can carry you before he carries out his treat. |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by emmaliano: 1:45am On Mar 18, 2012 |
Marriage is for better for worse. You accepted that before God and man and you knew the man very well before getting married.So why are you complaining. Guys what God have put together let no one put asunder. 1 Like |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by InkedNerd(f): 2:17am On Mar 18, 2012 |
dayokanu: At 23yrs you married a man who was clocking 50? About your fathers agemate. dasparrow: Nigerians and their wacky, constantly abusive marraiges. Poster, why would a young woman like you marry a man old enough to be your father? Anyways, its good you took a walk. I would hate to see the picture of another butchered body splashed all over the internet due to another case of domestic violence which is an everyday occurance in Nigeria. Goodluck! Her reason for marrying a man who is much older than her is irrelevant. Sadly, this is why such abuse exist in Nigeria. Because men like you think that just because such an age difference is a factor in the relationship that it excuses or makes it ok, because both of you questioning why she married someone much older that her is essentially what you are doing. She could have easily have been in the same situation even if it were with someone who was closer in age or the same age as her. Abuse has no age limit. Leyelyzo: Do you hear yourself? Really, do you? Once a spouse has crossed that line, there is no turning back? The mere fact that you would even tell her to consider these things just goes to show how people like you think. Honestly, do Nigerians love being part of this foolish social club that enables abusive spouses to continue their reign of abuse? No amount of talking or understanding should ever result in her going back to such a monster. So what if being a single mother is her only option aftwerwards. Issues like this are perpetuated in many parts of Africa because people like you use the fear of single parenthood as a means of scaring people into staying in such a relationship. Even if she wasn't ready to be a single mother, is that any reason to stay? No! Had she come here telling us that her husband räpes her every night would you still be sitting here telling that she should consider reconciling? The mothers, sisters, aunts, nieces, and daughters of Nigeria are being subjected to unnecessarily torture and pain all because people for whatever reason believe that most things in relationships can be resolved. Newsflash my dear, things of this manner can only be resolved if and when the partner who is being abused decides to put an end to it. |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by Gnexplore: 2:52am On Mar 18, 2012 |
hmmm.... not good for any man to lay hands on his wife ....not good!!! @op good u came to this forum, yet can u tell us what normally trigger this action(reaction) from ur husband? A man dont just wake up and start hitting his wife ....12 yrs ....sure u can tell us what proceeds these "beating times" is your actions or utterances?` am not judging you ....however we are learning ....u might have failed to notice the cause of your husband actions .... explaining events be4 he beats you here will help members point it/them out ......and others, including you, learn. ...hence u can teach your children properly ....... one more point ..............he could be BIPOLAR....it might be medical reason ...hence he might need help |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by mailano: 3:16am On Mar 18, 2012 |
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| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by Nobody: 3:32am On Mar 18, 2012 |
You cannot intellectually talk to a man who is clocking 60. Neither can you change him. Get "awon boys" on him to finish the story abeg. A man like that must taste his own medicine before he meets his maker. Or make it sweeter by getting his children to beat him. I am dead serious about it. The humiliation he has inflicted upon you must release upon him 4x more. |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by InkedNerd(f): 4:17am On Mar 18, 2012 |
Gnexplore: hmmm.... not good for any man to lay hands on his wife ....not good!!! Lemme ask you and many others something, why is it so hard for you all to believe that some of your menfolk are capable of doing such thing without being provoked? This may come as a shock to you but MEN CAN ACTUALLY DO THESE THINGS WITHOUT BEING PROVOKED!!! Aside from her laying her hands on him, what kind of provocation would justify such treatment?!?! Ileke-IdI: lmao, I like you idea on the beating!! |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by Henry40: 5:08am On Mar 18, 2012 |
Really? A 23 year-old girl getting married to a 47 year-old man? Remind me what you saw in him {besides his money that is}. ***Hisses*** Girls and their silly mistakes!!!! |
| Re: 12 Years Of Unhappy Marriage by AreaFada2: 5:43am On Mar 18, 2012 |
Ileke-Idi, Reason for marriage to a man of one's father's age matters o! If the man has come to perceive her as a gold digger, respect will be gone. She must be prepared to respect him like a father in African culture (this is not Michael Douglas & Catherine Zeta Jones in America). Also don't forget that a 59-year old man can still smack his 35-year old wayward daughter! Since he possibly has kids of her age, he might not see anything wrong with a slap or two when she proves naughty. A 59-year old's (especially a traditionalist) idea of romance and marriage may be different from that our sister here asking for our opinions. Also a 59-yr old guy would be less likely to consider marriage counselling. He might even consider it an insult. ALL THE THINGS MENTIONED DO NOT EXCUSE WIFE-BATTERING but just to make women consider these factors before going into these marriages. Well, first of all, thank God that you're still in one piece and hopefully your children won't suffer long-lasting emotional issues. Your 12-year old appears quite mature to give you the advise most adults would have given you also. Since you husband has a flair for catching young fresh girls, it might be time for him to upgrade again, afterall he was married before you. |
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