smh, the stupid things people do behind love and a broken heart. relationships and love all overrated.

It only makes her human. However, I would suggest you be patient and your boyfriend should convince the mother about his choice of whom to marry. He shouldn't make it confrontational neither should he make it subtle. He should be assertive about this decision and I know the mom would allow him particularly if he has been adjudged before now as always taking the right decisions.

I wouldn't call it hypocrisy per say,its more of personal choice.IMO

@OP,sorry about your situation.I wish you all da best.

ifyalways: I wouldn't call it hypocrisy per say,its more of personal choice.IMO

@OP,sorry about your situation.I wish you all da best.

Correct, I agree with this, it is more of a personal choice. Most people are worried about venturing outside of their culture and are worried about losing their language if marrying someone outside of their culture and other cultural aspects.

Fulaman198:

Correct, I agree with this, it is more of a personal choice. Most people are worried about venturing outside of their culture and are worried about losing their language if marrying someone outside of their culture and other cultural aspects.

I agree 100% with this, this is about culture and personal choice, people don't like venturing outside their culture because of fear of losing their culture and in most cases that fear has happened, it is the plain truth.

cshall1120: Let me first say that I have come to understand Nigerian culture and respect it. It believe if you are Christian we are all sons and daughters of Christ making us sisters and brothers in Christ. Furthermore, Im African American which means that somewhere along the line in our heritage we are family. I understand how serious marriage is and that it should not be entered into lightly... I understand that in Nigerian culture it is a very serious concern who your first born son marries. But how serious it is that because he is Yoruba that she be Yoruba too. Forgot that this person genuinely loves my child. Forget that this person could be ordained by God for my child. Forget this person make my child very happy. Forget they are respectful to me, my culture, and they love and fear God. You hold to these standards because this is the way it has always been done and this is the way i was raise. Smh, this doesnt make it right are okay. But fine. Its that serious okay. Actually I find it very hypocritical, and how are you hold your son to such high standards threatening to disown him if he dates a women that is African American and be so judgmental when you yourself married to a man that is not your first born father meaning she was married before and divorced. So she was once a single divorced mother. And your current husband had chosen to marry you in spite of those things. And this to is held to the same high standards in your culture...... I dont have any kids. Im just not Nigerian...how can she judge when someone has had grace upon you.... So that much grace and understanding should you have for someone else. Has she not read about the man in the Bible who was forgiven of his debt but did not show the same forgiveness to someone who owed him...Did she not know the God punished him and the debt that was forgiven was no longer forgiven for him.... Do you not know that the same measure you give in life will be measured back to you? This is just plain HYPOCRITICAL

I am sorry but I disagree with the last part you said because this is not hypocritical, culture has nothing to do with what you listed you boyfriend mother did. this is personal choice and culture regardless of who the mother had her first kid with or did and who the second husband is, in the end of the day she still had the kids with a Nigerian of her tribe which is Yoruba. If she hadn't and married a non-nigerian(non-Yoruba specifically) or something then I would say your assessment is correct that she is a hypocrite but since she stayed with her culture regardless of other stuff she does then she practices what she preaches, so she is not a hypocrite. So your thread title is wrong. I wish you good luck though but I was raised the same way(to marry your own) and my parents practiced what they preached. Old world cultures from Asian to African cultures are like this, it is alien to western world people such as African Americans but that is just the way it is, this is something I have noticed some not all black diasporians tend not to get or care or bother to understand. That doesn't mean that one side is wrong, it just means some cultures practice things differently from other.

I wish you good luck though but I would advise you to caution; most Nigerian mothers are not changed from their opinion when it comes to things like this, they may pretend but in the end of the day most stay with what they feel culturally.

Fulaman198:

Correct, I agree with this, it is more of a personal choice. Most people are worried about venturing outside of their culture and are worried about losing their language if marrying someone outside of their culture and other cultural aspects.

I understand. Funny thing though. He has been raised here and doesn't speak his language. I am completely understand of his culture and how much it meant to him. And he also knew I was willing to conform to those things, like allowing his parents to name our kids and having a traditional African wedding if we got that far...

anonymous6:

I am sorry but I disagree with the last part you said because this is not hypocritical, culture has nothing to do with what you listed you boyfriend mother did. this is personal choice and culture regardless of who the mother had her first kid with or did and who the second husband is, in the end of the day she still had the kids with a Nigerian of her tribe which is Yoruba. If she hadn't and married a non-nigerian(non-Yoruba specifically) or something then I would say your assessment is correct that she is a hypocrite but since she stayed with her culture regardless of other stuff she does then she practices what she preaches, so she is not a hypocrite. So your thread title is wrong. I wish you good luck though but I was raised the same way(to marry your own) and my parents practiced what they preached. Old world cultures from Asian to African cultures are like this, it is alien to western world people such as African Americans but that is just the way it is, this is something I have noticed some not all black diasporians tend not to get or care or bother to understand. That doesn't mean that one side is wrong, it just means some cultures practice things differently from other.

I wish you good luck though but I would advise you to caution; most Nigerian mothers are not changed from their opinion when it comes to things like this, they may pretend but in the end of the day most stay with what they feel culturally.

I understand where you are coming from but my position is that in her culture if what she did was cause for her to be disown and no one disown her. Why would she threaten to disown her son if he makes a choice that is different from what is expected. I guess this was usual to me because being raised in a Christian home you learn love knows no color. And what if the person God has for you is not for Nigeria What is most important conforming to culture Does God not know what is best

moved to family!

I don't agree that it's a matter of personal choice. . .if it were, Mom will back off and let the son be with whoever he wishes to be with (after all it is HIS choice)

How can someone whom, despite being considered unworthy (because she was divorced with child) finds someone to love and marry her, turn around and use that same culture to deem someone else unworthy to be loved.

I bet after her divorce and she was looking for another hubby, she railed against this culture that she is now using as a weapon.

Hypocritical much? I think so!!

What's missing in this conversation is that at the end of the day, the choice is the son's; he will choose who he will date or marry. All these debates about his mum are irrelevant and distracting.

@OP, does the man love you? Is he willing to defy his mother to marry you? These are the questions you should be asking. His mum is not really your business at this stage. She'll come around eventually if you keep treating her well, as a Christian should.

Good luck!

@ moremi2008,i so much agree with u

Lazy mother, she didn't teach the son his language and does not want his culture to be completely gone. A yoruba woman would probably speak the language to their children and her grandchildren.

Hypocritical or not, she gave birth to him and she has the right to 'want' things. Now it is up to the son to accept his mother's wishes or go with you against her wish

^^true that.

this is the thread theme song-



Me and You Against the World



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skTXC7olQ8o