—present day—
—Sacramento, California USA—
—7:29pm—

Have you ever seen a man with bullet scares more than the numbers of his age, whose face is nothing but an example of ruin, who no longer felt external pain but emotional, whose life meant nothing for his own sake.

It has always has been a game of chess, his life, any wrong move is capable of capturing or terminate it for the detriment of one thing he cherish. It's a game with no way out unless he's ever certain to lose the one thing he cares for.

It was like any other day, his phone buzzing, blood washed off his hands in the sink, Grey sewing up his wounds while she sobs.

He can bearly stretch to get the vibrating phone, it wasn't because of the pain caused by his wounds but due to hesitation and the fear of whoever the caller is.

“E…It's McConaughey” she stuttered immediately she picked up the phone which Hunts couldn't, she twisted her face in question and Hunts shaked his head in disagreement. “Don't answer…. we need…ha…to…move”

“No I'm not done yet” He had wore his jackets and about to leave the room before Grey could finish saying the words. “Hey…I have to close the wounds” her words meant nothing to him, the only thing he said to her was “you gotta…stay close” as he walked out of the door.

—twelve years ago—
—Venice, Northeastern Italy—
—1:27pm—

“Your name's Damian Hunts and you claim your old man's name is Clint Hunts?“ a grey haired old man said looking rather sternly at him. Hunts can see his hands shake due to old age, he could bearly hold his pen properly.

“Do you happen to know him” Hunts asked with a clear sign of curiosity. The old man shaked his head in disagreement. But Hunts bent and meant to show him a weird cloth a strange man handed him.

The old man might have being bad blooded fellow in his youth or younger self, his stare through his transparent glasses where with no emotion, a deep scar in the right side of his eyes made it clear and his face wrinkled in a manner which depict hatred. He was on a black thick fur, just the right type to fight against the cold winter. His hair was rather greyish which must have resulted from a long time dye.

Even at his facial appearance, Hunts never thought of the man as anything more than an old man, I mean who in his right mind would see an old shakily man as a threat to his life. So young Hunts had nothing to worry about, all he needed to know was where his father is and if he is dead, where he was buried and what does he look like. The only thing Hunts has ever heard of his father was that he was a tall, long faced man who loved his wife dearly, but one day left and never came back. Have wanted to know more of his father's departure and what made him left.

“I'm not really sure, but a stranger gave this to me and told me It'll lead to my father ” Still bending forward to show the old man a yellow piece of cloth with a strange logo.

“Unbelievable…it's Clint's badge…who did you say ya got it from” Hunt could tell the man's in shock…if only he knew what that very badge would do to his youthful life maybe he wouldn't have brought it there or even took it from the stranger who said he knew his father.

“A friend of his, at least that's what he said. He also gave me the address to this place” Hunts had kept quiet for a moment before answering his questions.
........

I'm gonna delete this post after getting answers.

Cool

Hollywood-esque

Ebubu3:
Cool

Hollywood-esque

Thanks bro

It's not original
I wish u can get a style that witout writing your name, someone will know it's u

HRHQueenPhil:

It's not original
I wish u can get a style that witout writing your name, someone will know it's u

Sorry?

I didn't catch the last sentence and what do you mean by not original (does it look too good to be written by someone lyk me Or is it bad )

Just first paragraph only.

(1) The introductory question is not suspensive and strong enough. Such introduction is common or better off in copywriting. Should start with stuff like;
"Imagine a man with bullet scares more than..."
Or
"There he is... Sitting (or curled up) at the corner of the corridor, buried in his own agony; a man with bullet scares more than..."

(2) You started interrogatively, but there are no question marks.
(3) The sentences are a mixture of present and past tense with no uniformity.
(4) The following clause can replace the third and fourth clauses:
"whose pain has transcended the physical body, meandered its way into the waiting arms of his emotions... thereby giving birth to a worthless and irredeemable life (or so he thought); a grotesque of himself."

Noticed how I augmented both with a description, right ? Such introduction will not only give readers the desire to find out more, but will also instigate an aura of sympathy for the poor man.

Anyways,
Don't mind me, I am just passing by.

I'm not a professional writer but I've read alot and I've done some scribblings myself. So I have this to say;
1. You did not capture your audience in my own opinion, the beginning is weak.
2. Always proof read your write ups, even if you have posted nairaland gives us the opportunity to modify our posts.
For a professional writer your literary skill has to be close to top notch atleast, please work on that.
3. Avoid using paragraphs often (English people would explain this better).

All in all, you're doing great. All the best

Bluezy13:
Just first paragraph only.

(1) The introductory question is not suspensive and strong enough. Such introduction is common or better off in copywriting. Should start with stuff like;
"Imagine a man with bullet scares more than..."
Or
"There he is... Sitting (or curled up) at the corner of the corridor, buried in his own agony; a man with bullet scares more than..."

(2) You started interrogatively, but there are no question marks.
(3) The sentences are a mixture of present and past tense with no uniformity.
(4) The following clause can replace the third and fourth clauses:
"whose pain has transcended the physical body, meandered its way into the waiting arms of his emotions... thereby giving birth to a worthless and irredeemable life (or so he thought); a grotesque of himself."

Noticed how I augmented both with a description, right ? Such introduction will not only give readers the desire to find out more, but will also instigate an aura of sympathy for the poor man.

Anyways,
Don't mind me, I am just passing by.

Thank you sir, you're one in a million. What you said above was very helpful. I'll try to do better.

Fathersdesire:
I'm not a professional writer but I've read alot and I've done some scribblings myself. So I have this to say;
1. You did not capture your audience in my own opinion, the beginning is weak.
2. Always proof read your write ups, even if you have posted nairaland gives us the opportunity to modify our posts.
For a professional writer your literary skill has to be close to top notch atleast, please work on that.
3. Avoid using paragraphs often (English people would explain this better).

All in all, you're doing great. All the best

Thanks ma...