k2039:


GBAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



You should forgive him because the fact that he told you is important and you would never have found out if he didnt tell you.Sounds to me like he told you because he was sick of the guilt; not because he felt you deserved to know.He obviously cares enough to be honest with you.


Your husband has confessed because he love's you.I understand how you feel but trust me this man loves you give him a chance again,be better than him and forgive.

you guys should probably go on vacation just to bring back the spark like the old times,create more time for him,keep focusing on his good qualities,and also make yourself more seducing to him.

Shalom

Did you just say he confessed because He LOVES her? Seriously? All the while he was cheating, where was this enormous love? I mean he did this for a year! He never thought of this love. I Belive he was also professing his love for his cheating mate while they were dating. There is a difference between a one night stand and an AFFAIR! ...

However, It's true we should forgive when one errs but in this situation I think this relationship needs time. The lady need AIR to digest these things. It hurts when you truly love someone and they rub it on ur face like you didn't exist. It's evident that the Op is already losing interest in this r/ship. Like you all know, when people ask for forgiveness, they expect to forgive them right away! It really doesn't work that way. Someone was hurt and needs time digesting these things. Forgiveness will come but time is needed to heal and continue with the r/ship.

Op, give urself time to heal. Don't suffocate yourself trying to understand how you went wrong and at the same time acting the love part. They really can't work together. Do not leave him or stay away. Just ask for little time to get through it. I believe with time you will be fine but don't make it too long. Just get ur AIR first so you don't loose it.

Pass!

packman: [size=15pt]HOW DOES THIS AFFECT THE PRICE OF GARRI[/size]

IF U LIKE DNT FORGIVE IM NA UR MARRIAGE NA UR BELLE NA UR HAND

but sincerely, how will u feel if u are in d same shoe like dis person and smbody replied d way u just did now, be sincere, plsssss!!!!!!

freecocoa: I know who this OP is but ayam not telling.

Doesn't take a genius 2 decode ....I knw too.

@Poster,

a) You need to tell your parents at least -- as you can see, hiding the information(probably out of shame) is not helping you. You need the input of others, and family is the best place to start. If they choose to no longer respect him, it is not your fault but his. But you need to open up -- that bursting feeling you have their is because you are trying to carry his guilt for him. It is not yours to bear. Speak to your family please. Let them know what is going on with you so they can continue to provide you the support they have been doing all your life(even before this man showed up in the picture).
Another reason you need to tell them is should an issue like this arise again in the future, it is likely your family that will keep you from falling deeper down the hole than you need to.

b) You are doing the right thing by going to counseling and all. And I urge that you continue. At least for your own sake.

c) He confessed to you DOES NOT then imply that he realized he was wrong. There are so many reasons why he would do that so do not simply assume your man has suddenly had a change of heart or seen his wrong ways. It could be that he was dumped, and he needed someone to talk to about it, and you were it. Or that he felt it right to announce this just in case the other woman has something up her sleeves, like blackmail. Whatever the reason is, please do not take that as a sign that your man is done with this behaviour. Not saying you become paranoid either. But bear this in mind as you continue with therapy and counselling.

d) Even a man who gets sex 24 hours a day will still find a way to cheat if he wants to cheat. Men cheat for different reasons, so NO, it is not your fault that you are not SUPER WOMAN in bed, in the kitchen, in business etc. No woman is made that way and no sensible counselor or therapist will advice you to turn yourself into one of those either. Your husband cheated because he wanted to cheat, and that is that!! Even women who are acrobats in bed can still end up with men who cheat on them more than half of their marriage. There are so many examples of those sort of cases all over the place. Very beautiful women get cheated on too. Very Sexual women get cheated on too. Great housekeepers get cheated on too . . even those women who have it all in one package get cheated on too. So please, do not go changing yourself as a result of this. This man cheated on you, not you on him.

e) As to your main question, yes it is possible but it will depend on you. You will need to work on forgiving him(best done at your own pace though), and accepting him back into your life.

Adeolu60:
You'd think cooger, if that really makes men stay with their wives , my hubby wouldn't have done this, he have the best sex life ever!

that is what makes men stay with their wives - if a man is overfed @ home, there would be no empty space to accommodate a concubine. you think he's fully satisfied at home but he's not and some men won't talk about it cos they fear they might damage your self confidence!

I even used my bonus for b. implants to make things hotter, mehh ,

it's not only about the implants but the techniques the owner of the implants deploy in bed. you should borrow jennykadry's handout or consult busybody's tantra skills! women with low libido run the risk of losing their men to concubines. if a woman does not like sex, she is better off single!

Kobojunkie: @Poster,

a) You need to tell your parents at least -- as you can see, hiding the information(probably out of shame) is not helping you. You need the input of others, and family is the best place to start. If they choose to no longer respect him, it is not your fault but his. But you need to open up -- that bursting feeling you have their is because you are trying to carry his guilt for him. It is not yours to bear. Speak to your family please. Let them know what is going on with you so they can continue to provide you the support they have been doing all your life(even before this man showed up in the picture).
Another reason you need to tell them is should an issue like this arise again in the future, it is likely your family that will keep you from falling deeper down the hole than you need to.

b) You are doing the right thing by going to counseling and all. And I urge that you continue. At least for your own sake.

c) He confessed to you DOES NOT then imply that he realized he was wrong. There are so many reasons why he would do that so do not simply assume your man has suddenly had a change of heart or seen his wrong ways. It could be that he was dumped, and he needed someone to talk to about it, and you were it. Or that he felt it right to announce this just in case the other woman has something up her sleeves, like blackmail. Whatever the reason is, please do not take that as a sign that your man is done with this behaviour. Not saying you become paranoid either. But bear this in mind as you continue with therapy and counselling.

d) As to your main question, yes it is possible but it will depend on you. You will need to work on forgiving him(best done at your own pace though), and accepting him back into your life.

just Love ur comment!

packman:

I WONT FEEL THAT BAD LIVE GOES ON AND HERE IS A FORUM SO U RE SUPPOSE TO EXPECT ANYTIN

THAT'S Y NIGERIAN MENTALITY IS SO POOR WHATS A FORUM MEANT FOR ?? PLS AM NOT SENSELESS BUT WE TAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF THINGS DAT SHUD NOT B A BIG DEAL

THAT'S VERY SIMPLE ANSWER TO UR QUESTION

yes, teamgarri, u always want to show urself on every thread, o.k we don see u.

[quote author=debrief08]Let me borrow MrJaybrowns 3 Cs; You didn't Cause it, You don't have the power to control it and you can't change it.
It hurts a lot, but first step, realise that it wasn't your fault. You didn't fail in anyway and "push" him to cheat. Whatever problem you had could have been worked out.
Secondly recognise that you can't change or erase what happened, you have to live with it
Third step, you didn't catch him, he confessed because he knew he made a mistake and is willing to stop and focus on your marriage.its hard to forgive and I know people expect you to "just get over it" but trust betrayed is hard to get back.
My advice is first stop blaming yourself, stop seeking for answers, it happened, if you are willing to let go then start with his help to rebuild love and trust. See why I have a problem with women who do things solely for the benefit of the man, if you had gotten the implants because you felt like it and not because you wanted to please him you wouldn't feel as bad as you do now.
People make mistakes, but when they are mature enough to own up and seek for a way forward I say they deserve a chance, you also hurt God everyday but God still causes sun and rain to fall on you, don't be like the servant whose debt was forgiven yet put his own debtors in jail for less.
Where I would have had a problem was if he was an unrepentant cheat but he is not, please pray to God for Grace and a forgiving spirit, its hard but its possible, also don't suppress your emotions, if you need to lash out, go somewhere quiet and lash out, if you need to cry go and cry. What you are doing is avoiding your emotions, you are scared of reacting so you won't do something that will aggregative the issue.
But when you react, if you are like me then the issue is over and done with and you can start rebuilding your relationship.


Debrief, r u a counsellor? I must say I always look forward to see ur comment.
Pls do kip it up

freecocoa: I know who this OP is but ayam not telling.

Lyth:

Doesn't take a genius 2 decode ....I knw too.

Very immature comments.

Rhapsody!:

Very immature comments.

Amebor, who ask you? And quoting immature comments to say they are immature is very mature? Mstcheew, lubbish

Dear OP,
pls undstnd dt being ungrateful is void of class. He has been ungrateful by fuckin around and now you are ungrateful for not respecting his honesty. I'm sorry to tell u dt a lotta guys are like ds, but it takes maturity to come out and apologise!
As much as he's done a very wron thing, wow, he earned my respect. Pls, pls and pls, since june, let this go. Call him, explain to him how you've been down, sad and wished it all end, let him knw all you've done to pls him, even though u never knew he was cheating. Tell him you're ready to let this go now, allow him promise you and pls SMILE!
The danger in what you're doing is oblivious to you. As a yoruba(judging by your screen name), there's an adage dt says, 'a palm wine gourd with no neck will alwys tell the tapper which part of his body the rope will be tied to. It means, your actions will teach the person you're reacting to how best to treat you!
If u made him regret tellin you this, i hope you'll love him keeping secrets?

And why did he have to tell you? The husband should have moved on having ended the affair as if nothing happened. Now see what he has caused by telling you even when you were not suspecting. Some men sef, they like making issues complicated, then adding complication on the complication. Infact he deserve whatever you do to him.

My one and only Boss(May he live long) advised me thus "If your wife suspects you cheat, or she hears you cheat, even if she caught you red handed. Deny Deny Deny!!!! and finally Deny!"

@OP, vent your anger, in fact if he comes home tonight slap him severally until you start crying. If he is a real man he will take the slap, cuddle you and after your cry you wouldn't think about it much again. But if he is not a real man and you suspect he will beat you to pulp on your first slap, abeg keep going for counseling, double your therapy sef. or triple it.

Why do i have this feeling that the OP is no other than Mrs. Chima?

OP,You are Finding it hard to swallow the bitter pill that your man has been digging his rock in another hole,sorry dear its called adventure;i believe it might not be his fault 100%,he might have been seduced or he had to succumb to friend and peer pressure.am not absolving him of any blame but he is a man with conscience and has owned up to his illicit affair.Remember he could as well have told you he only had fling few times with Bleep and not telling you its been over a year,am sure thats another thing that hurts you real bad,i want you to realise him telling you means he is remorse and regretful of his misadventure.forgive him and move on,life is pretty short and do not give room to ill-advice.Protect your home and as we all know time heals almost everything,give it some good time. NB.MAKE SURE YOU GET MORE SKILLFUL AND GO EARN ANOTHER DEGREE IN BEDMATICS,YOU MIGHT THINK YOU ARE ARE SUPERB BUT ENHANCE IT SO HE COULD SEE ALL HE EVER WANTS IN YOU

packman:

I WONT FEEL THAT BAD LIVE GOES ON AND HERE IS A FORUM SO U RE SUPPOSE TO EXPECT ANYTIN

THAT'S Y NIGERIAN MENTALITY IS SO POOR WHATS A FORUM MEANT FOR ?? PLS AM NOT SENSELESS BUT WE TAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF THINGS DAT SHUD NOT B A BIG DEAL

THAT'S VERY SIMPLE ANSWER TO UR QUESTION

But therapists and life coaches are strangers and we trust their instincts and advice? I still feel closer to people here just so you know.

Talk about Nigerian mentality? And what's wrong in Nigerian mentality anyways, why do we like to bring ourselves down.

Decryptor: Why do i have this feeling that the OP is no other than Mrs. Chima?

she's tpia!

coogar:

she's tpia!

Tpia has a man? Talk more of husband?

Nah i don't think so

@OP! He only had an affair (& repented), & confessed to you, & you're reacting like this. I even read someone advise you inform your parent: So that what will happen? He has not told you he already has child from the affair o.
Look sis, pull yourself together & build your home. You didn't need to have done anything wrong to make him "go outside". Some other women out there will tell you you're making a mountain of a mole hill.
You're lucky he's not a serial womaniser; really.

Mowire: @OP! He only had an affair (& repented), & confessed to you, & you're reacting like this. I even read someone advise you inform your parent: So that what will happen? He has not told you he already has child from the affair o.
Look sis, pull yourself together & build your home. You didn't need to have done anything wrong to make him "go outside". Some other women out there will tell you you're making a mountain of a mole hill.
You're lucky he's not a serial womaniser; really.

How do you know he repented? How do you know he is not a serial womanizer? How do you know this is his first time? How do you know he has not found another woman since june?

Rhapsody!:

Very immature comments.

Gee! tanx sis ....so 4 u maturity begins wit quotin immature comments wit nofin 2 contribute huh? ...now dat u ve done dat, at least now u can grow up.

The easiest way to deal with this which some others may not agree with is, for you to get yourself laid by another guy (a younger guy preferrably cos I'm sure your hubby was screwing a younger chic).

When you've done this, you'll realize what sweet relief you'd feel.

And to be on same page as your hubby, confess it to him. Watch what his reaction will be. Then come back and tell us on NL.

That's my humble opinion. Peace.

freecocoa: I know who this OP is but ayam not telling.

LMAO! Abeg make I dey go wedding wey I wan go jare! Una no go suffocate me with laugh for NL!

Kobojunkie:

How do you know he repented? How do you know he is not a serial womanizer? How do you know this is his first time? How do you know he has not found another woman since june?

abeg help me ask am o! I don't know if the man told him he just had an affair with one woman.men will always be men.polygamous in nature.smh for my fellow women.we don see whiiinn for man matter!

Mowire: @OP! He only had an affair (& repented), & confessed to you, & you're reacting like this. I even read someone advise you inform your parent: So that what will happen? He has not told you he already has child from the affair o.
Look sis, pull yourself together & build your home. You didn't need to have done anything wrong to make him "go outside". Some other women out there will tell you you're making a mountain of a mole hill.
You're lucky he's not a serial womaniser; really.

People sha! SMH!! women and the low self esteem issues including me. It's about time we stop thinking as slaves and get a grip over our lives. If the table was turned, I really really wonder where the OP would be. That man would not have asked a second question before showing her the door! It's only women who forgive easily and take all the crap. Anyways, I really hope he protected himself, most women get infected for sins they didn't commit. My 2 cents.

bonysmile: The easiest way to deal with this which some others may not agree with is, for you to get yourself laid by another guy (a younger guy preferrably cos I'm sure your hubby was screwing a younger chic).

When you've done this, you'll realize what sweet relief you'd feel.

And to be on same page as your hubby, confess it to him. Watch what his reaction will be. Then come back and tell us on NL.

That's my humble opinion. Peace.

this your advice get K-leg o! So if you were to be in the man's shoes and your wife got laid by another man and she confesses to you,what would be your reaction? Na quesion I ask you o!

Have a mutual promise in place, not forced though, to tell each other everything without shame or guilt. Truth is all you need to enjoy your marriage.

berem: abeg help me ask am o! I don't know if the man told him he just had an affair with one woman.men will always be men.polygamous in nature.smh for my fellow women.we don see whiiinn for man matter!

@berem, continue castigating men while ur juniors get married every saturday. no be wedding u wan go attend? i'm sure d lady weddin in question was in primary sch when u were writing JAMB! And btw, y go by dis time 4 a wedding? u wan go wen dem dey share food 4 reception abi? **SMH**

Kobojunkie:

How do you know he repented?

Didn't the op infer that?

How do you know he is not a serial womanizer? How do you know this is his first time? How do you know he has not found another woman since june?

If he is, then this op may just die (God forbids) of high BP soon!
Seriously, if he is unrepentant then @OP has to weigh the options available to her: Her health's become critical consideration.

Are you happy now @kobo?