Bollinger:


Not when it comes to marriages. It is the reason you must know your partner before marriage. It's their life and their decision to marry. Not yours.

Hmmm, I don't think I agree with you on the line above. Even people who are not married can sometimes give wise advice, wisdom is not bestowed automatically when a person gets married.

The rest of your comment, I fully agree about knowing who you are marrying.

goingape1:
90% of women hear are advising the man to tell his friend's wife are all foolish!

most of you here do this same thing (be sleeping with other people's husband but coming here and be forming self righteousness)


mind your svpid business and stop concerning yourself with other people business! it pays a lot.



self righteous hypothetical naija woman!

I don't know where you get the data that most girls here are sleeping with married men.

And how does that answer Op's question?

And if the man contracts HIV from all the unprotected sex he is having and passes it on to his wife, do you still think all this rubbish you wrote above will be relevant?

He will destroy his home and if care is not taken leave his two children orphans because he wanted to have some "few minutes of selfish pleasure". Keep encouraging nonsense. Kontinuuu

Amelian:




Gun for it when you are single as a lady.. Not when you are married... Smhhh

For your chronic lack of ambition as displayed by the jargons written in this your post
....take it!

SmartyPants:




Why are you putting words in my mouth?

You were the talking about the "nature of men" nah. How they cannot stay for 6 months without sex if not... what will happen?

nubian999:
These women blaming HER for His infidelity

Women I weep for us. Why do we hate each other so

The wife is working towards bettering their family while he tears it apart. She is also lonely and those women blame her for his sin.

@Op there's nothing you can do but learn from his mistake. It ain't your marriage or responsibility so mind your own business before people blame for his fvck up and say you broke them up.

The Hobbesian philosophical axiom says man is a wolf to man. I'd paraphrase that and say women are wolves to women.

dominique:


Where is the dislike button when you need one?
I don't think you're a female. You posted like the typical Nigerian man that will heap the blame of a failing marriage on the woman only.

She's out sourcing for brownie points to place her on the whitelist of male Nairalanders -- who does that anyway?

The more self-effacing her comments are, the more in her askewed judgement she thinks she comes across as appealing and likeable.

ephi123:


There is no contradiction there. I was following on from your comment of a man who has no self-control and integrity, if those two things are missing in a man's character, then he will cheat whether his wife is present or not.

yes, and thus it should follow that such a man would not need a convenient excuse to cheat, since according to you he is an inherent cheat and will cheat regardless? but the man in question has not been cheating on his wife all along which indicates that he is reacting to circumstance, as opposed to taking advantage of it. So he is an incidental cheat, not an inherent one, and his wife could manage his incidental weakness by eradicating any possibility of such incidence, simply by making herself available.

but if you still argue that an inherent cheat does need an opportunity to cheat, then a lady married to an inherent cheat should take steps to deprive him of the convenience to cheat. Thus he may remain a cheat at heart, but he would not be able to exercise his nature.

Either way, the woman has the power to control her husband, if a "convenient excuse" is the trigger for cheating.

darecool:


God bless you for this wonderful comment. It shows the kind of home you came from and how well you were brought up. There are hundreds of universities in Nigeria for her to have obtained degrees from and that would have saved the union from colllapse.

Thank you sir, honestly I wonder too.. A lot of universities in Nigeria she can study from.. But no, they prefer travelling abroad and doing all. Sorts all. In the name of getting higher degree.
When am married, I wont use my home and husband play kalo Kalo.. Some women here may say am. Old fashioned or call. Me names, I don't fucvking care.. Leave me and my old fashion.. I like it that way. And my husband and kids will appreciate and value me for it.
That's the way I was brought up. And the same values I will pass down to my children.

DarkRebel101:


What if she had only a Hobson's choice and Timbuktu was her only option? What if studying close to home wasn't a possibility?

Or what if she got a scholarship to study abroad?

DarkRebel101:


I am not a woman.

Second wife? You seem to have all the trappings of the archetypal African woman – small-minded and pitifully obsequious. You must also have been trained from childhood to kneel in servility at the foot of a man and to worship at his altar.

SMH. What you need is a mental lavation to blot out the slave mindset which society has wrongfully inflicted upon you.

Well said. Don't mind that lady[b]

DarkRebel101:


I am not a woman.

Second wife? You seem to have all the trappings of the archetypal African woman – small-minded and pitifully obsequious. You must also have been trained from childhood to kneel in servility at the foot of a man and to worship at his altar.

SMH. What you need is a mental lavation to blot out the slave mindset which society has wrongfully inflicted upon you.

Well said. Don't mind that lady[/b]

DarkRebel101:


I am not a woman.

Second wife? You seem to have all the trappings of the archetypal African woman – small-minded and pitifully obsequious. You must also have been trained from childhood to kneel in servility at the foot of a man and to worship at his altar.

SMH. What you need is a mental lavation to blot out the slave mindset which society has wrongfully inflicted upon you.

Well said. Don't mind that lady

We are here castigating the man, what if the wife is cheating over there too.

CecyAdrian:


It's not like she went off to study all by herself, it was an agreement btw the man and wife hence the decision for her to travel with the kids and am very sure he is the one footing their bills over there, so the olosho of a husband is in full support.

And she has traveled, hopefully keeping to her end of the bargain with her studies and being a good wife and mother to their kids, while he is here trying to start a III world war in his family

both of them are wrong. and please don't assume she's not also cheating over there. while I won't rule out the possibility of that being true it's better we leave that out.

We are here castigating the man, what if the wife is cheating over there too. so op mind your business

Bollinger:


I am not excusing infidelity. I have been married almost two decades so i know the value of it. You don't get involved in other people's marriages. You wouldn't understand till get married.

I understand but is everyone supposed to just cross their hands and look till the man contracts an incurable STI that he passes to his wife? Or should we intervene at their grave sides after they are both dead? Or maybe we should intervene when the children are shared among the family and friends? Pray tell when do you suggest an intervention?

Caracta:

Or what if she got a scholarship to study abroad?

Spot on. These blokes seem to be approaching the matter with a tunnel vision without brooking for other case scenarios that might have warranted her schooling far away from home.

Finally, someone whose brain is clicking on all cylinders.

OP should mind his business.

That is the reality of life.

You may think you're doing good but you can incur enmity of two people easily if you meddle.

People can be dangerous at times.

The equation might even be balanced. Who knows if the wife is collecting her share over there too? We have seen many such before.

1. Did the wife leave town for studies against her husband's wish?
2. Is there a close-by university that can offer her course?
3. Is there no way she can come spend some weekends with her husband?
These are just few of the thoughts going through my mind....

I'm sorry but your friend is a goat.

I agree totally with Amelian.

What foolish woman would abandon her family and kids and go for one yeye Masters outside the country.

Which kain rubbish be dis?

When her marriage packs up let her replace her marriage certificate with her Masters certificate now.

Nonsense.

Reminds me of a woman I used to know, somewhat a family friend.

Despite that the kids were all grown and some working, she got a visa to go work in one of these gulf countries. She got permission from her husband and she left.

She'd come home once in a year or once in two years or so.

The last time she came home, she was confronted with the sight of a very young girl carrying her husband's baby in her arms.

Those attacking Amelian for speaking the truth, I'm not so sure you guys have a working brain.

OP, just send an anonymous SMS to her that her husband has impregnated a girl who is expecting twins, put the name of the girl join, and watch her rush down with immediate alacrity.

Then distance yourself from that family until they put their house in order o.

DarkRebel101:


This probably qualifies as the dumbest comment I've seen since last week on all the social media platforms that I frequent.

According to Amelian, any woman who has been walked down the aisle ought to osculate her academic aspirations goodbye. And why? For a reason as tenuous as preventing her husband from diverting his gaze onto other women.

You might as well ask her to consign her life dreams to the incinerator because she now has a rock on her finger.
...

See, this is why I suggested that you be a MILF and consider dating younger guys.

Younger guys = Younger spërm = Sharper and more discerning mind.

Sounds dumb to you, but not totally dumb to me

What the heck is she doing abroad for 6 months?? Fvck Studies abroad!! What happened to schooling in Nigeria? Atleast she will remain 1st & Senior wife. Good luck to her.

MarieSucre:


I don't know where you get the data that most girls here are sleeping with married men.

And how does that answer Op's question?

And if the man contracts HIV from all the unprotected sex he is having and passes it on to his wife, do you still think all thus rubbish you wrote above will be relevant?

He will destroy his home and if care is not taken leave his two children orphans because he wanted to have some "few minutes of selfish pleasure". Keep encouraging nonsense. Kontinuuu

is it your home he is destroying

get this into your fragile skull! " his home"

"his home" and not your home!

why are you taking medicine for another's man problem!


the simple answer to the op question is to mind his business and keep his home in other not poking nose on another's man home!


for your first question, yes many nairaland women here are olushi and wife snatcher!

from experience

MarieSucre:


It's possible! Sex is not food! And this shows that he lacks discipline. For crying out loud many men go offshore for months, some are transferred to another state, some go outside the country for years, yet their wives stay faithful. If men and women are nit equal and men are superior to women. Then must be superior in fidelity and discipline.

because you women are able to abstain does that mean a man must be able to stay abstained?

people have different needs and yes sex is food. it's even sweeter that jollof rice. like it or not.

you pray against the devil but you must not give chance for temptations.

if you like when/if you get married travel out for a year or two OK? Mrs I too know.

SmartyPants:


yes, and thus it should follow that such a man would not need a convenient excuse to cheat, since according to you he is an inherent cheat and will cheat regardless? but the man in question has not been cheating on his wife all along which indicates that he is reacting to circumstance, as opposed to taking advantage of it. So he is an incidental cheat, not an inherent one, and his wife could manage his incidental weakness by eradicating any possibility of such incidence, simply by making herself available.

but if you still argue that an inherent cheat does need an opportunity to cheat, then a lady married to an inherent cheat should take steps to deprive him of the convenience to cheat. Thus he may remain a cheat at heart, but he would not be able to exercise his nature.

Either way, the woman has the power to control her husband, if a "convenient excuse" is the trigger for cheating.

That particular comment was not referring to this case but to your statement of a man who lacks self-control and integrity. And I maintain such a person will cheat regardless.

Why should a woman be the one responsible for her husband's decision to cheat or not cheat. It is very unfair that a man who should be leader and head of the house will need his wife to exercise control over him not to cheat! Is he a puppet? Is she a super power? In any case we can see that does not even work, cos if it did, we would have many more faithful married men in Nigeria. Ultimately, it is the man's decision.

ka0s:
By God's grace you will go quite far in life, you seem like the kind of girl that is in control of her life, plans and leaves the rest to God. Nips a problem in the bud before it gets bigger than you.
One shouldn't eat her cake and expect to have it back, if you abandon your marriage your marriage will abandon you.
@Amelian . May God bless your Mother.

Amen and amen... Thank you
May my mum's soul rest in perfect peace..
Love you mum

Benbisco:
Hmmm. Its stories like this that make me completely disagree with the issue of spouses staying apart for whatever reason. I have never liked it and do not think I ever will. Each time I hear of it I wonder how they intend to cope with their sexual lives.

Try to get his wife's number from his phone and put an anonymous call or text msg across to her. No details, just something that will make her take the next available flight back home.

Which kain book she dey read there? So she expect the man to just maintain dey form celibacy for this kain world wey we dey so.

do u know what the wife is doing over there? so u are sure the wife is faithful? u boys don't know what marriage is yet. look my friend not everything in marriage can be discussed or said in public. u better keep ur mouth shut and slowly distance ursef from the guy

I thought the OP asked for advice

DarkRebel101:


What if she had only a Hobson's choice and Timbuktu was her only option? What if studying close to home wasn't a possibility?

well for me, I am building a career already and won't halt because I read this story. There are so many wives who also studied far away from home and their husbands didn't cheat. Even if it was this guy in question that went to study he'll definitely cheat on his wife.

goingape1:

for your first question, yes many nairaland women here are olushi and wife snatcher!

from experience

Eeyah. Now I understand your condition.

And how can a woman be wife snatcher again? That's a 'strong' one.

RoadsAndGreen:
because you women are able to abstain does that mean a man must be able to stay abstained?

people have different needs and yes sex is food. it's even sweeter that jollof rice. like it or not.

you pray against the devil but you must not give chance for temptations.

if you like when/if you get married travel out for a year or two OK? Mrs I too know.

thank you ohh!

because she fit hold yansh no mean say men na the same!

sex is one of the driving force in marriage.

Amelian:




Thank you sir, honestly I wonder too.. A lot of universities in Nigeria she can study from.. But no, they prefer travelling abroad and doing all. Sorts all. In the name of getting higher degree.
When am married, I wont use my home and husband play kalo Kalo.. Some women here may say am. Old fashioned or call. Me names, I don't fucvking care.. Leave me and my old fashion.. I like it that way. And my husband and kids will appreciate and value me for it.
That's the way I was brought up. And the same values I will pass down to my children.

You really think being at home with your man will stop him from cheating on you? So there aren't women at home waiting for their husbands while he's in bed with a side chick

A man that cheats will cheat on you whether you are home or aboard. Why are you not understanding the fact that it's not her fault he cheated but his fault.

You are not old fashioned you're self hating. You would make an awful judge because you don't understand where the blame lays.

Her PHD from a university abroad will give her a step up in the job market. When she decides to leave that man she won't need to go back to her father's house.

Caracta:


Eeyah. Now I understand your condition.

And how can a woman be husband snatcher again? That's a 'strong' one.

don't you know mistake

ask your fellow olushi! don't ask me that

RoadsAndGreen:
because you women are able to abstain does that mean a man must be able to stay abstained?

people have different needs and yes sex is food. it's even sweeter that jollof rice. like it or not.

you pray against the devil but you must not give chance for temptations.

if you like when/if you get married travel out for a year or two OK? Mrs I too know.

I repeat men and women are not equal. Men are superior. Men are superior in discipline. If you cannot discipline yourself. Then speak for yourself alone. What is point of men being superior then if they are allowed to be weak in this way?

DarkRebel101:


If a man cannot hold out on sex for six months or for one year while his wife is away on studies, then maybe such a man shouldn't be married in the first place. If the worse meets the insufferable worse, couldn't he have wankëd his way out of his sexual conundrum?

...

I believe relationships are about sacrifices, not conveniences. And I'm certain that were the situation in inverse, and were the man the one absent due to his academic pursuits, there wouldn't be as much cöck-a-doodle-doo; and if the woman were to tumble beneath the sheets with another man while her husband was chasing his PhD and whatnot, he wouldn't be blamed for her fickleness. I guess that's where gender bias comes into the picture.

I just don't understand why marriages are made to look like concentration camps where one's life aspirations and dreams must be shunted aside to make allowances for the marriage.

If the two parties involved can reconcile their differences and make concessions and reach compromises, I believe the marriage would run 90 minutes without a red card being flashed by either one of the partners.

LIES LIES LIES

Exactly what most ladies feed on daily

They hate hearing the truth, till the truth becomes irrelevant, like the case study here

goingape1:
don't you know mistake

Take heart!

This your experience must have reduced your brain to nothing.